14. Riley

Chapter 14

Riley

I 'd thought I'd known silence before, but nothing came close to the heaviness that lingered in the room after I'd rasped his name.

His cock was still partially inside me, softening rapidly. His sweat was drying on my skin. His bruises lingered on my hips. His stubble rash was covering my neck.

Danny's. Not his. It was Danny.

It had always been Danny.

Initially I'd dismissed Matty and Sebastian's suggestion out of hand. Danny wasn't my anonymous man. He couldn't be. There was just no way.

But the more I'd thought about it, the more I couldn't shake the idea. Both times, I'd been reminded of my night with Danny. Hell, the second time, he'd been the one I'd pictured.

Not only that, but it felt like the kind of idiotic thing Danny would believe to be a good idea. He'd been furious about this whole plan from the start—was it really too much of a stretch to think he'd do this? That he'd give me what I wanted while protecting me at the same time?

No, that wasn't a stretch at all.

I knew asking him flat out wouldn't get me anywhere. Danny didn't know the first thing about owning up to things. However, if Matty and Sebastian's theory was correct, he wouldn't have let me have sex with a stranger. It might have been the one thing, aside from setting his house ablaze, that could get his attention.

I still stopped at the corner shop on my way home to grab a book of matches. One way or another, I was going to get the stubborn fucker to talk to me.

Perhaps I should have felt bad about tricking Danny into having sex with me again, but I didn't. This was no worse than him fucking me when I thought I was getting a stranger. Not that I held it against him. Not when he was likely doing it to protect me. I'd consented to be fucked by anyone, and that included Danny.

Others might have thought I was crazy for not being annoyed by it, but I didn't care about that. Mine and Danny's relationship had never fit inside a box that society would consider ‘normal.' He'd always been hyper-protective, and we'd both been codependant. Him being my anonymous hookup was just an extension of that.

What I did care about was the fact that it had clearly opened a can of worms for Danny, and instead of talking to me about it, he'd run. That was what made me angry. How dare he throw away five years of friendship without even discussing it with me first?

I'd wavered about how far to take this. Considered maybe stopping him before he could get inside me.

Everything had changed the instant he touched me. I knew it was him. Knew it as well as I knew my own name.

And I also knew I wanted him. I hadn't been lying when I'd begged him to fuck me. Suddenly I was aware that this could be the last time we'd have sex. The box my memories had been locked in had burst open, and I couldn't stuff them back inside. I didn't want to.

I wanted to feel him. One last time.

I'd known it was him with every caress. Every thrust. Every moan.

Yet when I'd heard that word on his lips, I'd frozen.

Princess.

He hadn't called me that since our night together. It was too sweet, too intimate for what we were.

It confirmed everything I'd been afraid of.

The nickname was like a death knell on our friendship. We couldn't be friends anymore, not if Danny had feelings for me.

So where did that leave us?

Frozen in silence, apparently.

"Danny, you need to pull out." I was amazed by how steady my voice sounded. "You're wearing a condom."

"Shit." His growl had goosebumps rising on my skin. "Forgot."

He pulled out, the sound of his zipper deafening in the quiet room. "Ah, I'll just…"

"Daniel Jameson Murray, stop right there!" I barked. My aching muscles protested, but I hauled myself around into a sitting position. "Don't you dare fucking move."

Even without my glasses on, I could make out enough. His back was to me, his tense shoulders rising and falling quickly. His hands were in fists at his sides, but I wasn't scared. He could have shifted into his wolf and snarled in my face and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Danny would never hurt me. Not physically, anyway.

"Turn around," I commanded, grabbing my glasses from the bedside table and putting them on. His blurry form solidified and anxiety I hadn't realised was there eased. I'd missed him more than I'd thought possible. "I swear to god, Danny, if you don't turn around and face me, I won't be responsible for my actions."

He exhaled before turning slowly. He didn't look at me, his gaze firmly fixed on the floor. I drank in every inch of him, from his unbuttoned jeans to his creased shirt. From the long stubble on his face to the bags under his eyes. "Well you look like shit."

"Cheers."

This wouldn't do. We wouldn't get anywhere if I couldn't get my friend to show his face. "Thought you'd be more relaxed considering you just got off."

I'd hoped a joke might lighten the tension, but it had the opposite effect. Danny's skin blanched, his nostrils flaring. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—I'm going to go."

I tensed. "Don't you dare. Daniel!"

He didn't listen, stumbling out the door and heading for the stairs. I leapt up, ignoring the ache in my arse as I chased him down.

Normally I wouldn't have had a hope in hell of catching him, but Danny was moving slowly, like something was holding him back. His bones were cracking loudly, his skin rolling as he fought his way to the front door. He was two steps away when I caught up to him.

"No you don't." I jumped and hung off his neck, using it to haul my legs up and around his waist. If he'd been a human, the move probably would've floored him. I locked my ankles in the front, keeping my hold tight on his neck. "If you drop me, I'll get hurt. Hurt me, and one of our friends will pay you back in kind."

"Of course I'm not going to hurt you." Danny sighed, reaching behind me to support my rear. He hissed. "Jesus, Riley. You're still naked."

"You didn't exactly give me time to get dressed," I said archly. "And seeing as I can't trust you to not do a runner, I guess I'll be remaining this way for the duration."

Danny turned to head for the stairs. "If we're going to talk about this, you're going to need clothes."

I huffed, insecurities raising their ugly heads, which was ridiculous. I was fucking fabulous and I knew that. Deep down, I did. But those insecurities sometimes swam in shallower waters. "Why? Don't you like the sight of my naked body? You didn't find it off-putting when you were fucking me."

He dropped me on my bed before twisting to tower over me. I gaped up at him, the dark, heated gaze one I hadn't seen aimed in my direction in a very long time. "No, Riley. I like it too fucking much. You naked is the opposite of off-putting, so put some damned clothes on before this situation gets any worse."

I gaped at him some more before swallowing hard. Why was my mouth so dry? "Fine. But no leaving the room. I don't trust you right now."

The heat in his eyes turned to ice. "I deserve that."

I shoved my arms into a T-shirt before pulling on a pair of joggers. With everything covered, I approached Danny. "Hey."

He wouldn't look at me, so I touched his chin, steering his head up until his gaze met mine. "The trust thing has nothing to do with the sex. I don't trust you not to leave, because you're a fucking moron who's been running when he should've talked. I don't trust you to be honest with me about what's going on, because ever since I've known you, you don't talk about the important shit. You bury it deep and hope no one goes digging for it. But this? Us? You can't bury that, Danny. And if you try, I'll be getting out my shovel and going fucking looking."

His throat bobbed. "But…the sex? Riley, you thought it was strangers, and the whole time it was me."

"Meh." I gave a half shrug. "I'm not upset about that. To be fair, you have just as much right to be mad at me."

"How so?"

I rubbed my hand through my hair. "I knew it was you before we did this today. Well, I highly suspected it was you, anyway. I thought if I asked you flat out you'd deny it, so I decided to catch you in the act, as it were."

"Fair play. I deserved that. It's not like you coerced me or anything, I knew where I was sticking my dick. Difference is, you didn't know who was sticking it into you."

"Because I didn't want to," I reminded him. "I wanted to get off, and I did. You wanted to keep me safe, and you did. If nothing else had happened as a result, we both would've carried on none the wiser, both perfectly happy."

"Who's saying something else has happened?"

I smiled gently, trying to pretend this wasn't hurting me. Whatever came next, it was going to change us. We'd never be able to go back to how we were before. Not now we both remembered what it felt like to be together. It wasn't like the first time—we knew each other now. We knew each other better than anyone else. "Are you telling me nothing's happened? That you've been avoiding me out of guilt and nothing more?"

His silence told me everything I needed to know.

"Come on, something tells me I'm going to need a cuppa for this discussion."

" O kay, start with the date with Will and the needy guy."

Danny's lips twitched. "The needy guy? Sure that's not you?"

I distracted myself from the strange tug in my stomach by taking a sip of my tea. When it had receded, I stuck my tongue out at Danny across the table. "No, George. The one who couldn't read a signal even if it was written in neon paint. What happened that night?"

Danny didn't speak at first, but after a swift kick under the table, he finally got on with it. "Fine…I saw you with Will and I was…jealous."

There was no way he meant of Will. "Jealous? Why didn't you just say? We could've swapped dates. I mean, George was a twat, but I'm not fussy when it comes to sex."

"Not. Of. You." His blazing eyes met mine and the pieces fell into place.

"Oh. Oh. " I took another sip of tea, praying my face wasn't as red as it felt. "Why though? You've never been jealous before."

His gaze slid away from me and fixed on a cupboard over my head. "You connected with him. All this time, I never considered what might happen if you found someone. You've always been so adamant you don't want a relationship."

"I don't."

Danny closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "I know."

Panic began to rise in me. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Danny, but I also couldn't lie to him.

I went to speak, but Danny opened his eyes and continued as if nothing had happened. "But watching you with Will, it really hit me. You could connect with someone. If not him, then someone else. You're a catch, Riley. It won't be long before someone realises it and makes winning you over his life's mission."

"But I don't want to be won over," I said fiercely, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. "I was happy with exactly how things were. You as my best friend, and strangers for sex. It was the ideal situation."

He smiled sadly. "Why do you think that is?"

"Because neither of us want relationships…right?"

"Right…" Danny said slowly. "And also because we fill that emotional need that comes with relationships with each other."

"What's wrong with that?" I said desperately. I couldn't lose this with Danny, it would kill me. We were friends; he wasn't supposed to have the power to break my heart. "I don't care if it's not healthy or if people judge us for it. I don't care what they think. Do you?"

"I don't. And if I were just a normal man, we could carry on as we are." Now he was the one squeezing my hand. Tethering me. "But I'm not, Riley. And like it or not, my wolf thinks you're his. Ours."

"Well, he can stop it," I said, yanking my hand back as the panic built. This was all happening so fast. Spiralling out of my control. "Neither of us want us to be mates."

Danny took a long time to answer, his beautiful blue eyes swirling with an emotion I couldn't name. "I can't take a mate, Riley."

"That's what I'm saying, neither of us want it."

"No, you're not listening. I can't take a mate."

I licked my lips, trying desperately to find some moisture. "So…if you could…you'd want me to be your mate?"

"I'm saying I'd be open to the idea of exploring a relationship," he said quietly, tucking his hands into his lap. "But it's not what you want, and it's not something I can offer. It's pointless to even discuss it."

We both winced as a loud crack echoed through the kitchen. Danny shuddered, but stayed human. Neither of us spoke for a long time, the silence broken only by the occasional snap of Danny's bones.

"Why, Danny?" Something hot dripped onto my hand. I glanced down, surprised to see a tear there. "Why now? Why did you have to complicate things? We were perfect. Now it's all messed up."

His chair screeched on the linoleum as he shoved it back. Before I could blink, he was kneeling beside me. One of his big hands, the one that had touched me so reverently not long ago, came up to wipe away my tears. "I'm sorry, Riley. I've tried to fight this. Really, I have. It's why I stayed away. I thought that maybe, if there was some distance between us, I'd be able to stop feeling like this."

"Your wolf, you mean. Stop your wolf feeling like this."

Danny cupped my face, gazing at me with a solemnity I rarely saw from him. "No. To stop me feeling like this. My wolf isn't the only one who wants you, Riley."

"You can't." My voice cracked. "It's going to change everything between us."

"It's already changed, princess." The endearment shot me in the heart. "And I'm so fucking sorry. I'm sorry for that. I don't want to lose you."

The tears were falling thick and fast now. "I'm not ready for a relationship."

"And I can't offer you one." He pulled my forehead down to rest against his, holding the back of my neck tight. "You can't be my mate, Riley. No one can be that for me."

A shuddering ache was ripping through my chest. I was so stupid. I'd thought Danny didn't have the power to break my heart. That our friendship meant it would stay whole forever.

I was wrong. So very, very wrong.

God, it hurt so bad. How had my mum willingly put herself through this so many times?

Danny held me as I cried, his own tears joining mine. Our foreheads touched as we breathed each other in. We knew that this fragile thing between us was about to shatter. That neither of us would pick up the pieces. We wouldn't put it back together.

Why would we, when the picture was of something neither of us wanted?

Eventually, I found the courage to ask the question. The one I knew we were both thinking. "So, what now? What happens with us?"

Danny's answer was less than comforting. "I don't know, princess. I really don't."

For once, I knew he was being entirely honest with me.

I wished he'd lied instead.