Chapter 42

42

Charlie

Charlie’s Revelation:

I love the vanilla bean.

When Darci snuck into my room, I damned near gave her a show.

“Christ Jaysus, whassat?” I gasped as the cold hand landed on my shoulder. I’d been in a dead sleep and almost jumped out of bed naked as the day I was born.

“It’s me,” Darci said. “Wake up. I can’t find Hudson.”

My heart almost leapt out of my throat. “How’d you lose him? You’ve only had him a few hours.”

“He went for a ride and was supposed to text me when he got back. He never did, and if he’s not here with you, that means maybe something happened.”

“What?” I asked, sitting up and rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. I shot Mama a look for not protecting my life from sneaky ex-girlfriends. “What kind of ride?” The minute the words were out of my mouth I realized she meant a horse ride. “What? Now? In the middle of the night?”

“Charlie, it’s ten o’clock. Get dressed. I’ll wait for you out there,” she said, gesturing to the main room.

I stumbled out of bed and found my jeans, a T-shirt, and one of Hudson’s big hoodies. After slipping on my trainers and running fingers through my hair, I wondered if I should wake up my dad.

Better not.

If I found Hudson… when I found Hudson, I wasn’t sure I should subject him to the full Murray straight off.

“I’m here,” I mumbled when Mama and I joined her. “Let’s go.”

When we exited the bunkhouse, she began talking a mile a minute. “I don’t even know where to start. Where would he go? The ranch is huge. He could be anywhere.”

I glanced at her. “No. I’m sure he’s at the creek.”

“How do you know that? What creek?”

I knew better than to try and saddle a horse myself, but I also knew Mama could help me find my way to the creek on foot.

I turned back to face Darci. “If you haven’t heard from me in twenty minutes, wake up the gents and tell them to come to the creek, yeah?”

She nodded and headed back toward the warmth of the little cabin. I whistled to Mama and took off in the direction of Hudson’s thinking spot.

It took me the full twenty minutes to find my way in the dark, but I could tell from the large horse-shaped shadow I’d found the right place.

“Psst.” I didn’t want to startle the man into an early grave. “Hudson.”

No answer. I wandered closer and pressed a palm over Kojack’s long nose. “You keeping him safe?” I whispered to the big animal, catching sight of Hudson’s form lying in the grass. For a split second I wondered if something was wrong with him, but then I noticed him shift and his sleep-hoarse voice drifted through the night.

“Irish? That you?”

After commanding Mama to lie down, I made my way over and dropped down next to him, leaning over to take his face in my hands.

“You scared me,” I whispered. “I can’t decide whether to beat you or kiss you.”

He yanked me down into a kiss that stole the breath from my lungs. Without taking my lips off his, I climbed on top of his warm body. He felt like home. Kissing him in the middle of the night on the ground in small-town Texas was quite bizarrely exactly where I was meant to be.

“Mpfh,” I grunted when he flipped me over onto my back. After pressing another hard kiss to my mouth, he pulled away and looked down at me.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Came to find you. Darci was worried. Said you’ve been out here a couple of hours.”

“What? Shit. Really? Do you have a phone with you?”

I pulled it out and handed it to him. After a quick text to her number, he handed it back.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “How’s things with your dad? He in the bunkhouse?”

I rubbed my hands up and down the back of his canvas jacket. “No, we had dinner at the farmhouse, and the gents insisted he stay in a proper guest room.”

“Oh good. Is he still mad?”

“No. Not at all. Though he’s single now. Long story.”

Hudson dropped down next to me and laid his head on my shoulder as if we were in bed. “Bruce said they were relocating me after the acquisition.”

My heart dropped to the floor. “Oh, Hudson. I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t imagine how disappointed he must be. I knew how much he loved being close to his family. “Where?”

Please say Dublin. Or London… hell, I’ll take Paris, Frankfurt, or even New York…

“Chicago.”

Fuck.

I moved my hands under his coat to the warmer surface of his button-up shirt and continued stroking the long muscles of his back.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Heartache was plain as day in his eyes. “I—”

I put my fingers on his lips, and tried to hide how much he’d just gutted me. “Shh. I know. It’s not your fault. We knew this was temporary, yeah? I’ll be heading back home too. It wasn’t like…”

I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence. Instead, I leaned in and kissed him, pouring my broken heart into him and trying my best to take his as well. I didn’t want to waste some of our last days together with heavy emotion.

“No, Charlie, you don’t understand. I don’t want to go. I want to find a way to—”

I interrupted him again. “I know, love. But we’re not going to solve it tonight. The pub opens tomorrow and we’re going to go back to the bunkhouse, make love, and then sleep. Yeah?”

My lips found his again for a good healthy snog.

When we finally pulled away to catch our breaths, Hudson’s hand smoothed down the jumper I wore. “You’re wearing my hoodie.”

“Yes. It’s cold as balls, Hudson. I was half-asleep when your girlfriend turned up in my bedroom.” I was taking the piss, but he didn’t realize it.

“I like it on you. And she’s not my girlfriend. You are. I mean… you know what I mean.”

Only the darkness around us could see what had to be a maniacal grin on my face. “No. Why don’t you tell me what you mean?”

“You’re not a woman,” he said stubbornly.

“I realize that, thank you,” I said. I almost couldn’t hold back my laughter at hearing him so out of sorts.

“But you’re my… my… I mean, you’re the guy who… you and I…”

His stammering brought to mind how utterly adorable he was when we first met.

“Jesusfuckingchrist, Charlie. You’re my person.”

I closed my eyes to savor it. Even though I’d sworn off the heavy emotion, I couldn’t deny the euphoria his words caused. My laugh broke the quiet night and startled Mama out of her balled-up sleeping position.

My lips pressed against the skin of Hudson’s forehead because that was the only skin I could reach.

“How red is your face right now?” I asked through my laughter.

“I hate you.”

“You don’t. You really don’t.”

He leaned up and looked me square in the eyes. There was just enough ambient light to make out his serious expression. It was enough to make my throat close up.

“No, I don’t,” he whispered. “I actually think I might lo—”

I lurched forward and crushed my mouth to his before he could say the words. I wasn’t ready. Neither of us was ready. There was too much going on in our lives to make the kind of declaration that would make this whole situation even harder.

The pub was set to open the following day regardless of what happened with Ames’s future, and my father and I had decided to go into work early to prepare Max for Dad’s interference in the kitchen. I had much more confidence in the success of opening night with Dad in the kitchen alongside Max. With all of those things on my mind, I couldn’t give Hudson and our relationship, if that’s what it was turning out to be, my full attention.

He was leaving, anyway. His future was in Chicago. He had more exciting things to focus on than whatever this was between us.

And I could hardly blame him. What future was there for a Texas boy and an Irish bloke? We didn’t belong together long-term. There was too much against us.

Hudson pulled back from the kiss. “Charlie, I—”

“No, please,” I whispered. “Can we go back and get in bed? I’m cold.” It was a lie. We both knew it was a lie.

“Of course. Here, sweetheart, take my coat.”

I loved him. Oh fuck, fuck. He was such a good man. I loved him so much. So very much, I ached with it.

The minute he’d almost said the words, I’d known for certain. I didn’t think I loved him. I knew it. With everything I had and my whole heart. I was a bloody idiot. Why did I always fall for the wrong man? Even if he’d have me, I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t be the one to make him give up the pretty picture he’d always dreamed of, the wife and kids, the perfect family. The life someone like sweet Darci fit in a thousand times better than I did.

I couldn’t speak to refuse the coat, so I allowed him to put it around my shoulders. He lifted me into the saddle and hopped up behind me. The ride back was quick, but every step felt like it was toward a hangman’s noose. There was nothing for it but to rip the bloody bandage off and fly home with my father. Back to the original Fig and Bramble, to my family and my history, back to the land of green pastures full of sheep waiting to be bossed around, back to my bratty sister and the niece or nephew she carried in her belly. I would be all right. When I pictured myself back home, it was exactly what was always meant to be for my life. And when I pictured Hudson and a nameless, faceless woman standing in front of a lovely home with a couple of lovely children, I knew it was exactly what was always meant to be for his life.

When we returned to the barn, I helped Hudson put away the saddle and blanket while he gave Kojack a quick brushing. Neither of us spoke as we went through the motions of filling water pails, closing stall doors, and making our way back to the bunkhouse.

He reached for my hand and pulled me into the tiny bathroom, pulling off each stitch of my clothing while the water in the shower warmed up. Once we were both naked, he nudged me ahead of him into the stall and closed the door, wrapping his arms around me from behind and simply standing with me under the warm spray.

After a minute, I realized he was whispering into my ear so low I almost missed it in the noise of the water.

“I know you’re not ready. Maybe you’re scared, and I get it. But please don’t give up on me. Please give us more time before you decide I’m not the right one for you. I’m going to fix this. I’m going to find a way for us to be together.”

I felt the sting in my eyes and the lump in my throat grow stronger. I turned around in his arms and buried my nose in his neck before the tears came against my will. Thank god for the shower water and the noise.

His arms held me tight, and I wound up lifting my legs to wrap around him.

“Baby, it’s okay,” he said in a hoarse voice. “You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know… I can’t… Charlie, honey, I can’t not tell you that I love you. I love you so much I feel like my heart is going to break.”

“I love you too,” I breathed into his skin, letting go of my stupid urge to protect myself. What the hell did it matter? It wasn’t like keeping the truth from him was going to keep me from getting hurt when it ended.

I could tell by the way his arms pulled tighter that he’d heard me. “But Hudson…”

“No. No buts. No buts tonight. Just you and me and this right here. Please.”

We shared tender, wet kisses with our naked bodies pressed so tightly together not even the shower water could get between us. I finally pulled away and sniffled.

His beautiful blue-green eyes held everything I’d ever wanted from a lover, and seeing them locked on me right then pushed me over into stupid love territory. I had to scramble back to lighten the mood.

“Can there be some butts? The good kind of butts?” I asked with a smile. “I don’t mind which. Your butt or my butt. Any butt will do.”

Hudson set me down and swatted my arse. “First butt in the bed gets to choose.”

For once, being smaller and faster had its benefits.