Chapter 22

22

Charlie

Charlie’s Words To Live By:

Gay men are the same all over the world. Horny and handsy. God love ’em.

When I’d heard the woman call out to Hudson from what I could only figure had been the bedroom, I was gutted. It was a complete shock, but more than that, it was a visceral reminder the man was attracted to women. Nico was the one who’d mentioned on the way to the car that the woman was Darci, and I’d remembered seeing a picture of her on Bruce’s phone when he’d shown me some photographs of reclaimed wood he’d thought would look good in the pub. The blond woman was lovely, and I could picture her and Hudson together like some kind of perfect couple on the cover of a magazine. Whether they were together or not, I had to admit it was yet another sign things with Hudson weren’t progressing the way I’d hoped for.

He’d never been for me. What had I been thinking dreaming of such a thing with Hudson Wilde?

The drive to the city was long enough for me to talk myself into the right frame of mind though, and by the time we arrived at Saint’s apartment downtown, I was ready to get some drink in my belly and some man hands on my bum. Anything to wipe the memory of Hudson’s mouth on mine and his hands on my bare skin.

“Let’s go,” I said after we’d had beer and pizza at the apartment. “I’m ready to shake my arse.” I stood up and shimmied a little to prove it.

West laughed. “Dude, it’s eight o’clock. No one’s there yet. Have another beer.”

“I’ll dance with you,” Saint suggested with a teasing twinkle in his eyes. “Better yet, let me keep watching you dance.”

I had an internal debate on whether or not to encourage Saint’s attention. He’d definitely raised an interested eyebrow when we’d greeted each other a couple of hours earlier, but it was hard to tell if he was planning on acting on that interest. Did I want him to? If I hooked up with one of Hudson’s brothers, wouldn’t that be crossing some kind of line?

But I’d come on to Hudson in his truck the other night, and he’d stopped me. If Mr. Plays-by-the-Rules didn’t want me, maybe that freed me up to kiss and sleep with whoever the hell I wanted to. And I really fucking wanted to. It had been a dry three months since I’d last come with someone else in the room, and that had been with Hudson in Cork. At the very least, I could use a blow job in a dark corner to let out a little tension.

But it didn’t happen. As soon as I drank enough to loosen up on the dance floor later that night, men had their hands all over me. I loved the attention and took every opportunity to grind and dance my little heart out. But when the first guy asked me for more, I got a sick twist in my gut and convinced myself it was a fear of strangers in a strange land that was holding me back.

By the time we returned to Saint’s apartment, I was half-langered, full horny, and overwhelmingly angry.

“Your brother is an arsehole,” I grumbled in the direction of my three companions when we collapsed in the sitting room of Saint’s apartment.

“Not gonna argue with you there,” Saint said with a chuckle. “But which one are we talking about?”

“Why do you say that?” Nico asked, eyeing me like I was a mystery waiting to be solved.

I was just drunk enough, I’d decided, that I was going to tell them all about it.

“He,” I began, leaning forward and poking my finger in the air in preparation for making all my points.

“Woah, I’m gonna stop you right there,” West said with a penetrating stare. “I think it’s time for us to get some sleep before any of us say something we’ll regret.”

Fuck that. “But I—”

“Bup-bup,” Nico said with his own pointed look at me. “Honeybear is right. Let’s table this discussion for breakfast. If you still want to pontificate on Hudson’s shortcomings at that time, I’m sure his brothers will commiserate with you.”

“Honeybear?” West asked his husband as he pulled him up and led him toward the guest room. “Seriously? What about Thor or Adonis? Maybe…” His voice trailed off as they closed the door behind them.

Saint looked at me with a grin. “Ahh, now that it’s just us mice, can I get you a drink?”

I noticed how easy and open his face was. For all his big muscles, the man had a bit of a baby face. It was hard to take him seriously as the Navy SEAL-turned-bodyguard Hudson had told me he was. He was pretty easygoing and fun-loving as far as I could tell. Quite different from his oldest brother, the guy who panicked when the salt shaker was separated from the pepper.

I thought about how amazing a tumble with that big easy man would be. I could get him naked and explore miles of smooth muscle before sucking him off or demanding he suck me off.

But despite the vast difference in their looks, I could not get Hudson’s image out of my mind. I knew I’d superimpose it over Saint’s face the entire time. I’d compare one brother’s attributes to the other’s and one, namely Saint, would come up seriously lacking every time.

“No, thanks. It’s best if I call it a night,” I said with a regretful smile. “Big workweek ahead. We’re hiring all the kitchen and waitstaff. That means long nights, and I can’t stand it when Hudson has more stamina than I do.”

Saint’s eyes widened slightly, and I bit back a wince at my words. I actually would love it if Hudson had more stamina than I did in some ways. But not when it came to playing a game of “how late can we work” chicken. Or, at least, that’s what Sassy had called it one night when she brought us dinner after nine at night.

Saint stood up and then did something unexpected. He smoothed my hair down before leaning over to drop a kiss on the top of my head. “I’m assuming an offer to share my bed wouldn’t be welcome?”

I kept my eyes down and shook my head.

“You’re a good man, Charlie,” he said. “I’m sorry you’ve set your eyes on the straight one. I know how hard that is, man. I’ll grab you a pillow and blanket.”

And then he disappeared into the back of the apartment while I closed my eyes and let out a massive sigh of self-pity. He was right. It was hard as fuck in more ways than one.

I fell asleep wondering if there was a gay man on earth who hadn’t felt this shitty feeling of hopelessness. Who hadn’t in the dark of night admitted he’d fallen for the unattainable straight man. The man who, but for one pesky exception, seemed his perfect match.

* * *

It wasn’tuntil the ride home the following day that West brought up the subject of Darci again.

“Why was Darci at Hudson’s cabin?” Nico asked his husband.

My ears perked up. I knew Darci was the woman Hudson had dated before accidentally proposing to her with some doohickey that wasn’t really a ring. Even if Cait hadn’t told me about it back home, I would have overheard enough bits and pieces of local gossip in Hobie to piece it together.

“I don’t know,” West said. “Sassy mentioned Hudson going to pick her up from somewhere, but didn’t give me any details. I’m sorry.”

“Are they back together?” Nico asked.

My stomach dropped so quickly at the idea I thought I might be sick. I’d assumed they were back together, but hearing West and Nico speculate about it made it more real.

“I don’t know,” West said, flicking his eyes up to me in the rearview mirror before answering Nico. “You have as much information as I do.”

I looked out the window, pretending to be too bored to listen to their conversation. In reality, I hung on every word as if I were a spy overhearing secret plans for a nuclear strike.

Nico continued. “I really like her, but I’m not so sure about the two of them together long-term.”

“Agreed,” West said. “She’s a wonderful nurse. The patients love her. But I always thought she was a little too sweet for Hudson. Doc said they reminded him of that couple from Pride and Prejudice. The sister and the friend.”

“Hm,” Nico said with a chuckle. “Can’t remember their names, but the ones so nice their servants will steal from them. Doc’s right. Anyway, I think your brother is a closet sub. He needs someone who can boss him around and get firm with him.”

I almost choked on my saliva while West’s deep laugh cut through the SUV.

“Can you imagine Hudson with a collar? We should tell him about that club King mentioned. What’s it called?”

“The Sanctuary?” Nico’s laugh had turned into a giggle. “The germs alone would keep him out of the place.”

“We could get him a little leather holster for his hand sanitizer,” West added.

I tried to bite back a smirk because they were so right. Hudson was a freak about germs, and he was way too clean-cut and prim to be caught dead in a BDSM club.

But the conversation had put images in my head that certainly made the rest of the ride home more pleasant. Thinking of Hudson kneeling at my feet, of his bare arse on the receiving end of a paddle, of his deadly gorgeous eyes pleading me for mercy… well, let’s just say I could get on board with some more intense fantasies than I’d ever want to actually pursue in real life. Imagining taking out my Darci jealousy on the man’s virgin arse was pretty damned satisfying if I did say so myself.

Since those thoughts were immeasurably more satisfying than the speculation of Hudson reuniting with his girlfriend, I enjoyed the filthy mental stimulation until we pulled into the ranch’s gravel drive and I heard the high-pitched screech of what had to be a banshee.