21. Logan

21

Logan

" W hat do you mean, you're going after Tommy?" I stare at him completely taken aback.

Ford, Bode, and Cam stand behind him in a line like some sort of drill team; dressed in dark clothing and laden with tactical gear I had never seen before. It scares the shit out of me. I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest but there is a calm fire behind Crew's eyes.

"We know where he is. We're going to take the truck and go get Ash," he says in a low tone.

I open my mouth to speak and Crew sighs, putting his hands up.

"Stop," he says, knowing full well I'm about to argue. He wasn't going to get my son without me. "You can come, Logan, but you need to understand something. I cannot protect you from anything that happens tonight and bring Ash home. It's one or the other. You need to choose."

He's giving me the option. It feels like a trap . You need to trust me.

" Stay here and wait, or come and pray something doesn't go wrong."

I want to argue, to demand he does both but I know if he's being honest with me then those are truly the only options he has to offer.

"I won't know what's happening—" I inhale and force down the cry that threatens to rip from me. "If anything bad happens to Ash, to—"

Crew battles with something silently before he speaks again, "I need you to trust me, Logan."

"I do." I don't hesitate in my response. "It's Tommy I don't trust."

If anyone knows what Tommy is capable of, it's me.

His hands wrap around my face and bring my gaze up from the ground to look at him.

"Let me do this," he says, his jaw tight with worry. "Please."

"We're wasting time," Ford barks from behind Crew's massive back.

"Fine," I snap back. "Go but do not come home without Ash."

I know Crew senses the pause as I say Ash instead of my son. The implication hangs on my lips but the look in his eyes tells me that Ash isn't just mine anymore. It's at that moment I realize that Crew would follow wherever we ran, we're his now, just as much as he is ours.

"Crew." I tug on his hand as he pulls away and turns toward the other guys. "Without either of you."

"It's gonna be okay, pretty girl," he says, squeezing my hand and bringing it to his lips quickly.

When Crew lets go it sucks all the air from my lungs and rips my heart from my chest. I just have to trust that he's going to bring it home in one piece.

"Here." Cam interrupts my anxious thoughts and extends a radio out in his hand. "Channel three," he says as I wrap my hand around it. "It's for emergencies, Logan."

"It's for emergencies," I repeat back and grasp it in my fingers a little tighter.

"Julie," Cam calls to her and her head props up from between her hands, "go home."

She nods without arguing.

"Call me please," she says to me before climbing into her car and leaving the ranch moments before the engine of Crew's truck rumbles to life.

Bode whispers something to Crew and, for a moment, he looks back at me, nodding, and then climbs into the driver's seat. Bode jogs over to where I stand white-knuckling the radio.

"Hey," he says trying to hide the sympathy in his voice, "go up to the house. Don't wait out here, Shepard."

The walkie crackles in my hand, "I don't…"

"Go. Dot would love the company and it'll take your mind off-"

"Nothing is going to take my mind off of this," I snap and instantly regret it when his brows knit.

"We've got you and Ash, Logan." He squeezes my arm. "Go, before you wear a path in the driveway with your pacing."

"They're all I have," I say carefully.

"Look around you." Bode waves a finger in the air. "This is your home now, Logan, you have more than you think."

My first instinct is to argue with him but I can't bring myself to do it. I glance back at the truck where Crew and Ford are waiting for Bode. All three of them ready to go to war for me and my son at the drop of a hat. Ford hates me and even he seems hellbent on getting Ash back.

I worry my bottom lip between my teeth and look back at Bode.

"Took you long enough." He grins like he can read my mind and the realization written on my face.

"Bode!" Ford hollers from the truck window.

"Shit," he mutters. "Go through the back door. If I know Dottie she'll be sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea."

Before I can tell him it would be better for me to wait in the barn he jogs back to the truck. I meet Crew's eyes through the windshield. He offers me a single nod as Bode shuts his door before they peel out of the driveway.

The further they get down the drive the faster my heart starts to race and my stomach sinks to the cold ground. I trust him. I trust him with Ash. I trust him to get him back. I tell myself over and over and over again as Crew's tail lights disappear into the horizon.

The walk up to the main house feels like a lifetime while I swallow down every worst case scenario that threatens my trust.

"Darlin', you gonna stand outside this door all night or are you gonna come in?" The sweetest voice I've ever heard cut's through the noise and I blink a few times. I hadn't realized I'd reached the door or that I've been standing outside like some sort of weirdo.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I probably should have knocked."

"Maybe in the first few moments you stood out here." She smiles and holds the door open for me. "Come on in."

She's not frail or small like I remember from my childhood. Her sandy blonde graying hair is tied up in a bun and her watchful eyes are framed by a pair of tortoiseshell glasses.

I scoot past her with a weak smile. "Did—"

"Bode already texted me," she says rounding the small island after closing the door. Dot slides a steaming cup of tea across the counter towards me. "The boy knows I don't know how texts work."

I can't help the small laugh that escapes me. "That sounds like Bode."

Dot regards me for a moment, gray eyes watchful as I wrap my hands around the cup.

"He's a good kid," she says when the silence stretches on and the only sounds between us are that of sips and sighs. "They all are."

"Mm." I want to add to the conversation but my mind is in a hundred different directions and my heart aches for what I don't have within arms reach.

"You know when Crew Cassidy came to this ranch he was an angry kid fresh from war without a purpose. He fought everyone," she says, pulling out a box of cookies from the cupboard above her. "No one was safe from his temper."

"That doesn't sound like Crew," I finally say as she hands me a cookie.

"Whiskey River has a way of seeping into your tired, angry muscles and replacing that exhaustion with a sense of security. A sense of home, family. I only ever see that angry kid anymore when he's defending what belongs to him."

I look up from my cup at her and meet her gaze.

"I know that this ranch hasn't always meant that to you, that in fact it means quite the opposite after all that's happened. You were just a girl born into the middle of an unfortunate situation. But I hope that over time you and the ranch can come to terms and you can find the solace the rest of us have."

Mulling over her words she leaves me in the kitchen alone.

For so long Whiskey River has symbolized everything I hate.

But lately the lines have been blurred by my feelings for Crew and—I couldn't be sure—but maybe the ranch had started to feel like home somewhere along the way.

Static cracks over the radio making me jump but no voices come through.

The waiting is going to make me sick.