19. Logan

19

Logan

E verything had been bliss.

Being mad at Crew had proven to be harder than expected and I only lasted three days after he hit Tommy before I let him apologize. More than once. I can't judge him too harshly, I had hit Tommy and gotten myself into this damn mess. Faulting Crew for doing the same is just hypocritical. He refused to tell me what Tommy said, but I could only assume his venom matched the color of spray paint that stained my finger tips from cleaning the half written word whore off my trailer.

"Hey, pretty girl."

I feel him before I hear him and his arm wraps around my waist as he buries his nose in the crook of my neck. The black t-shirt he's wearing is covered in sand from working in the paddock with a temperamental foal and he smells sweaty and sweet.

"You're gonna scare Copper with that face," I mumble, ridiculing the bruises that have formed above the bridge of his nose, and run the brush down the horse pretending that I don't love that smell.

"He seems real bothered," Crew laughs and kisses the skin behind my ear. "You almost done here?"

"I need to shovel the last two stalls and then get my jailer to sign my hours," I say as his fingers dig into my hip playfully.

"You keep calling me that and I'll be forced to steal a set of restraints from Cammy's truck." His voice is husky and his breath is hot on my skin.

"Can we play a game of the cowboy and the criminal?" I tease and feel his body tense around mine and his lips find skin again.

"Are you asking to be tied up, Shepard?" He groans.

My response is silenced when the dirt from the road into the ranch kicks up.

It's Julie's car but we had made a plan to meet later, why was she here?

"She's moving fast," Crew notes, seeing the small car.

His hand loosens on my hip and leads us from the barn as Julie throws her car in park. My heart sinks into my stomach when I see the panicked look on her face.

"Slow down." Crew puts his hands up as she rushes from the car toward us. "What's going on?"

"Where's Ash?" I push in front of Crew.

"I went to get him from school like we planned on the schedule but—" she chokes up.

"Julie, where is my son?" I step closer and try to shake the answer loose from her.

"They said his dad already picked him up!" Julie whips her arms out and shrugs her shoulders. "He was gone, Logan. Tommy took him."

Tommy took him .

"The school knows better than to give him to Tommy! But those bitty old secretaries told me it's his dad and they couldn't do anything!"

My blood runs cold and my heart is thudding in my ears so loudly I can't even process what Crew is saying as he comes up behind me. I shove away his hands. I can't focus when he touches me. I hear him tell me to breathe and all I see is red. I don't want to calm down, I don't want anything but my son back.

"He was looking for an excuse! And you gave it to him!" I turn on him but he's like a brick wall and doesn't move. "You shouldn't have hit him!"

"Shepard," he says, hurt behind those stormy hazel eyes.

"It's my son." My voice breaks and I know it thunders down deep in his chest because he steps back away from me. "Tommy's only doing this to hurt me. He couldn't go through you so he went around you and now he has Ash!"

We were fine, he had been ignoring us.

So close to freedom only for the door to be slammed shut in my face.

"What are you going to do?" Crew calls after me as I turn on my heel and start to dig my keys from my back pocket.

"I'm getting my son back!" I whip open the door only for him to shove it closed on me. "Haven't you done enough?" I hiss at him and go to open the door again.

"You wanna rethink that statement?" He shuts it without effort and holds it closed. I slam my hands against him over and over again. "It might feel good now to make me the bad guy but it won't when you stop seeing red."

I push on his chest again, tears streaming down my face as the anger boils over and no matter how hard I hit him he doesn't budge. It only infuriates me further. So I do the only thing I know best and dig that knife in his chest as deep as it is in mine right now.

"I should have just done my time on this stupid ranch and left this god forsaken town the second I had the chance. It's never done a damn thing for me and Ash except rip us apart," I scream.

Even Julie pauses.

"Logan." Crew reaches out but I avoid his touch, backing away from him and doing everything I can to ignore the hurt brewing behind his eyes.

"This ranch is poison, it's taken everything from me! What did I do to deserve such a cruel life?" Tears stream as I break. "I just want my son back." My words come out strained and shattered. "He is the only constant in my life and he is too innocent to be infected the way I was, the way my father was."

Calming down isn't just a simple task when the emotions swirling around inside of my head are loud and violent. Anxiety, panic, anger, sadness. Crew watches wordlessly. Whether he's unsure of how to proceed or if he agrees with what I said, it stings all the same.

"He's got Ash." My shoulders wobble and my fists slow to a stop against Crew's chest as my legs give out from underneath me and I sink to the ground on my knees.

Crew follows keeping the space between us to a minimum but not touching me as he squats and stares at me. His hazel eyes find me and there's a storm there I've never seen before. A long moment of quiet passes over us as Julie paces back and forth beside the car. The muscles in his jaw ticks and it ripples down through him as he digs out his cell phone.

"Cam," he says into the receiver. "I need your help."

Within the hour Sheriff Cassidy is ripping down the ranch's main road and hops from his truck as the tires skid to a stop. He throws his hat into the driver's seat and his messy blonde hair blows around in the dust cloud that his tires have kicked up from the sand on the ranch. I'm still slumped against the car trying to process what's happening as my brain wracks through all the places Tommy might have taken him. Even the mere sight of patrol cars seizes up all the willpower I have and I'm paralyzed at the mercy of my memories as they flicker between past and present.

We have been here before.

It takes everything in me not to lose my mind.

Crew only leaves my side to talk to his brother. His giant frame stalking over to meet him, the tension rolls down through his broad back and all the muscles flex tightly when he asks, "did you find him?"

"We have to do this through the proper channels," Cam warns, his hand on his hips.

"Don't use that law enforcement bullshit on me," Crew barks in a tone I've never heard him use before .

"He came into the station yesterday." Cam shakes his head. "He's got a real nice broken nose and his lip looks like he ran into a moving truck."

"Good."

"You fucked this up real good with your cowboy bullshit, Crew, and I'll be lucky if I can pull it back without stepping on toes." Cam fights.

"Do this, just this once, for me." Crew lowers his voice. "For her. It's her kid, Cam."

The way Crew's voice breaks has Cam's eyes flickering back and forth between us and his expression softens from anger to understanding. Cam takes a moment and his gaze lowers to the ground as he thinks through it.

"Logan," he calls to me.

I scramble to my feet and even though it feels like my muscles are made of rubber the adrenaline fills me as soon as he acknowledges me.

"Did Tommy ever show interest in Ash outside the court case?" Cam asks.

"No." I shake my head. "Tommy has never wanted Ash around, before he was even born he was trying to get rid of him."

Crew flinches but I can feel his heavy gaze raking over me.

"So Tommy taking Ash from school is an act of aggression toward you?" Cam waits for my answer.

"It can't be anything else," I respond with certainty as my hands shake at my sides.

I could blame Crew. I could blame the fact that he punched him but deep down this shit between Tommy and I goes deeper than whatever this relationship is with Crew.

"Stay." He points to me. "Both of you."

Crew rolls his eyes and turns away from us, walking toward the barn. I feel the need to follow him. To seek the only person who can comfort me. The realization that I've become dependent on him for that has me following Cam back toward his truck where he pulls out his laptop and starts quickly inputting things on the keyboard. He looks over at me periodically and I know that look.

"Save the speech for after we get my son back," I say to him. "Once I have him, I'll pack up and leave. I won't cause any more trouble."

Cam stares at me with his brows furrowed, his face so similar to Crew's when they're frustrated. He sighs and says something muffled into the radio on his shoulder. I can tell he wants to say something but he turns back to his laptop and enters a few more things before nodding and shutting the truck door.

He wanders around it and stares down at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Listen to me and listen good, Logan Shepard. If you pick up that kid and disappear, you'll be taking my brother's heart with you." His head tilts to the side and those similar bluish green eyes hold mine.

"He can find a new charity case. He'll be better off for it." Even as the words leave my lips I know they aren't true. They're Logan from six months ago and I hate how easily she's clawed her way back.

"If you think you're just some charity case to him, you aren't as smart as I believed you were. I've watched you struggle for years, tripping over your own feet as the people in town laugh when you fall. But somehow you managed to stumble your way onto this ranch, into him. He's never laughed, it pains him when you fall, it's written all over his stupid, angry bruised face."

Cam's gaze flickers over my shoulder to where Crew is trying to calm Julie down off a ledge and hardens when it turns back on me.

"Believe what you want, that you're a burden or a plague. Cursed, whatever." He throws a hand in the air. "But please, for the love of god, do not run." He warns. "You can be happy Logan."

"People like me don't get to be happy." No, we get brief respites that drag us into a false sense of happiness until more bad shit happens.

"Crew!" Cam calls to him instead of responding and feeding that monster on my back. "I can track Tommy's cellphone."