13. Crew

13

Crew

" Y ou look like death," Ford says as I approach.

He's hung over the bars of the paddock, his dark eyes watching the horses as Bode runs through the back end's open gate. He doesn't turn to look at me as I wander up beside him, unable to tiptoe around whatever bad mood he may be in.

"Nice of you to join us," he huffs.

"And that's supposed to mean what, Ford?"

He shifts his hat and steps down from his perch on the railing to look at me. "It means that you're forgetting the point of this program."

"I set up the program, I know exactly how it works."

"Bode shouldn't be running it for you while you're off galivanting with that head-case in town." Ford shakes his head. "You set up this program to rehabilitate criminals."

"The program is to offer second chances to people that otherwise aren't given one."

"She doesn't deserve a second chance."

"She isn't her father." I counter and push down the low thrum of anger in my gut.

He steps closer and lowers his voice. "Tell me, Crew, is threatening people in town part of the program?"

My brows furrow at his question. I should have known that handling Carl the way I did would get me in trouble eventually but I just couldn't help myself when the opportunity presented itself. I had been so careful not to let that hardened military version of myself slip for so long and it was like Logan had unlocked the cage.

"He wasn't just harassing her." I defend, knowing that it would work on anyone but Ford.

"Now I know you like working here Cassidy," he sighs. "You came home from Afghanistan more fucked up than anyone. You were more spooked then any fawn that's walked onto this ranch, couldn't even slam a damn door around you."

"Ford…" I try to stop him.

"Stepping out for her is going to create a mess and we have enough of those already. There's one rule on this ranch, Whiskey River comes first. We protect our family and she ain't it."

I wanted to say that maybe she is, to me. But Ford isn't ready to listen, I can see it in his expression as he shifts in his boots. I may have gotten out of the military but here I am, still following the orders of cranky old men who only see one path in life.

"There's no mess," I say and shift in my boots as her car rolls up on the ranch creating a massive dust storm.

"She's a goddamn hurricane," Ford says loudly as she climbs from her car, "just like her daddy was."

"Yeah because you're all sunshine and rainbows, hey Lawson?" Logan snarls as I put myself between them, hand in the air to get her to stop before she says something she can't take back. Her jaw is clenched and with one quick glance I can see the crescent moon shapes she's pierced into the palms of her hands from clenching her fists.

Something happened.

"This ranch won't survive another storm Cassidy," Ford warns, "you'd do best to figure that out before she rips all the soil up from beneath your feet."

I can hear the anger ripping through her body when I turn back to her, the sun licking at her stern features and making her look like a stone sculpture.

"Take a breath," I order, but it's no use, I've lost her to whatever may have happened before she showed up. "You gonna tell me what's going on or rip a hole in Ford's back with your stare?"

"Doesn't concern you," Logan snaps at me and like a thousand tiny blades it cuts away at what I thought was a sturdy foundation. Her eyes finally flicker to mine and they're so cold compared to the usual warm, almost dangerous blue she looks at me with. I miss the fire.

"Logan—" I say as she turns to walk away from me toward the barn. I wrap a hand around her bicep and pull her to the side away from listening ears. "What the hell is going on with you?"

"Aside from Ford being an ass?" Logan snaps.

My brow raises because we both know Ford isn't the only reason she's a powder keg begging for a spark.

She inhales so sharply that it sounds painful. "The social worker said that if I don't pull in my hours that I'll lose Ash on the account that I'm not making enough to support him."

"What?" I shake my head.

I had hunkered down in my bunk at night more than once in the weeks since her arrival on the ranch, trying to learn about the court system and how it worked in terms of child custody. Cam had done everything he could for her from his end, in the eyes of the law she shouldn't even have Ash as it stands. She was a committed felon but Tommy was a low life criminal who didn't want the kid and that was the problem. If Logan ends up in jail, Ash at best goes to Tommy, at worst he ends up in the system. Knowing that Logan is begging for scrap pay at the diner only means Julie does too and the idea of Ash going to someone other than Logan sends an ache through me that shouldn't be there.

"It doesn't matter Crew," she bites, "you can't fix this, it's not a bullet hole or a wiggly table."

"It mattered yesterday, it matters today," I say to her. I reach out to touch her face but she shoves my hand away. Ouch .

"Yesterday was a daydream." Her bottom lip quivers and before I can stop her she's wandering toward the barn to get started on her chores.

I want to go after her. I should go after her but I can feel Ford's eyes on me and I don't want to fight both Logan and him right now. I don't want to have to choose between them because, right now, it scares me how fast I would choose the storm that's taken over my life.

As the day continues she seems to grow even more restless and irritated with those around her. She only speaks to Bode and the conversation is clipped and involves more than one eye roll before he stomps over to me on the other side of the barn from where she's piling bales.

"What the hell did you do?" He removes his hat and all the curly dark hair on his head ruffles around in the wind that rolls through the open door.

"I didn't do anything!" I growl and toss the pitchfork in my hand against the wall before leaving the barn, a big enough outburst for Bode to stop in his tracks as he follows me.

"You're pissing Ford off, you're pissing Logan off. You need to pick one, big guy, ‘cause it's a war zone."

"Why am I responsible for managing their emotions?" I strip from my top shirt because it's too hot and every second this conversation continues I grow warmer.

"Because you're losing control of yours and you put them in the situation. Ford isn't equipped with empathy, Crew, it's not him and… Logan—" he pauses, "she's a goddamn live wire."

"You think I don't know that?" I throw the shirt over the fence closest to me and stretch out all my tight muscles.

"The problem is Ford can sense you leaning into her and it's setting him on edge." He tilts his head to catch my eyeline.

"You gonna tell me how much you hate her too? How worried you are?" I ask him, quite aware that I'm walking a tightrope.

"No." Bode shrugs in his riding shirt. "I've known her a long time and there's nothing about that woman that's dangerous unless she's backed into a corner."

"I'm not the one backing her into a corner."

"You sure about that?" Bode raises a brow. "She's got the legal system coming at her from one side, her job from another, and having to be here on top of it all. You and I both know this ain't an easy place for her to be."

"What are you trying to say, Bode?"

"All I'm saying is don't be the one to pile onto her shit. Piss Ford off all you want but I see the way you look at her Cassidy." He gives me a pointed look. "You like her and, somewhere beneath that stubborn head of hers, is just a scared little girl who's afraid of losing someone else she loves."

"She doesn't love me." I glare at him peeling my work gloves off my hands.

"It's funny how that's the only thing you picked up on out of that." Bode watches me for a moment. "Do you love her?"

"No." The word comes out too fast to be believable even to myself.

His head tilts back as he barks a laugh out. "Right."

"Is there another reason you're here or is it just to bug the shit out of me?" I ask, getting frustrated with the conversation.

Trying to navigate around Ford and Logan's emotions has had me more on edge than I have been in a long time. Bode telling me to pick one doesn't make any of this any easier.

"I'm trying to help you understand."

"Understand what?"

We both turn to see her standing in the middle of the doorway. Those storming blue eyes flicking between the two of us.

"That it makes more sense to move the herd in field nine down to four." Bode recovers quickly with a shrug before turning back to me. "Think about it." It's vague enough that she just nods but I know what he truly means. He backs away from me before turning and leaving me with her.

The tension in the barn grows as we stare at one another. "You okay?"

Logan's brows knit together and, after a moment, she shakes her head. I want so badly to go to her. To pull her into my arms and hold her until everything is better, but that's not how Logan works.

"I need to leave early today." My lips drop open to ask her if her chores are done but she beats me to it. "I'm done with everything you needed me to do. Carl said I could pick up the afternoon shift and–"

"I'll drive you."

The words are out of my mouth faster than I can stop them.

"No."

I glance at the clock. "We have four more hours today."

"Hence why I asked to leave early." I can see her jaw twitch from here even with the ten feet between us. "I need this, Crew."

"I know." I take a step towards her and stop. Her back straightens like a ramrod and I know she's tense. I'm already pushing it with her but I can't let her leave here today, not like this. The urge to fix everything for her sits in my stomach like a weight I can't get rid of. "Let me take you to work." I try. "I need something to eat anyway."

"You aren't going to let me go, are you?" She asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

"All you have to say is yes." I shrug, matching her stance.

We stare at each other for what feels like ages before she finally drops her arms. I bite back the smile growing on my face as she moves past me. "You aren't staying at the diner."

"We'll see." I mutter, turning to follow her to my truck and grabbing my overshirt on the way.

The minute we walk into the diner, I instantly regret letting her leave the ranch. Almost every booth and table is full and Nancy looks overwhelmed with a tray full of food as she navigates between families and the regulars. Even Carl is standing behind the front counter taking orders instead of hiding in the kitchen where he usually is.

Logan doesn't say anything to me as she passes by to head into the back. I really wasn't expecting her to; she didn't speak the whole ride over here and once again the truck cab was filled with silent tension I was hesitant to break.

I take my spot at my normal booth and give Carl a curt nod when our eyes meet. He dips his chin and goes back to the kitchen. A sense of pride fills me that he seems to have gotten my message. Lord knows Cammy would be pissed if he had to cover for me…again.

"You want your usual?" Her voice sends chills down my spine as she clears a booth behind me.

I glance back and can tell she's already in work mode. Arms full of dirty plates and cups, her long hair is pulled back into a loose pony and I have to stop myself from tucking the strands that frame her face, behind her ear.

"Yes please," I say and she shoots me a glare.

"Don't be a dick."

"I'm not."

"You never say please," she points out before walking away from me for the fourth time today.

It occurs to me that no matter which way I go with Logan, I won't win. Tough love isn't an option. I have to let her come to me and be that space that she feels like she can land in when shit gets rough; but I won't stop trying.

A few hours pass and I don't move from my spot. I've read the menu on the wall so many times I know it by heart now. I know when Logan gets frustrated with a customer, or Carl, and I know when her smile is genuine. I've seen that smile only once before. Neither time has been for me and the pang of jealousy I feel isn't natural.

I order another burger and eat only half of it. I know it's getting close to her break but she hasn't stopped since she got here. I swear the woman does more walking in this diner than she does working on the ranch. Logan finally takes ten minutes to herself and walks over to me. Despite the glow around her, I can see in her eyes that she's exhausted.

"You should eat."

She slides into the booth without acknowledging me, leaning her head against the cracked pleather and closing her eyes for a minute.

"Logan." I try again, softer this time. She lifts her head to look at me, our eyes meeting in a silent conversation that confuses me even more.

"Crew," she retorts with a raised brow.

Without a word I push my plate towards her. The other half of the burger sitting between us like a fucked up olive branch. "Please," I whisper.

Logan glares at me. "Our four hours is up ya know," she says, reaching for the plate and picking up the burger. She takes a bite and her eyes close like it's the first bite of food she's had all day and I have a sneaking suspicion that it is.

"I know," I say, sinking further in the booth, my knees bumping hers under the table.

She holds up the burger with a hint of a grin on her face. "This would be better with tomatoes."

That makes me chuckle because for the first time today she isn't fighting me on something. The ice wall that had formed around her this morning feels like it's finally melting and I can't help but smile when she takes another bite.

"Ford's gonna be pissed that you spent all day here," she mutters, food still stuffed in her cheek like a chipmunk. Logan picks up the soda I haven't touched and downs half of it.

"He'll get over it."

"Will he? Or will he blame me again?"

Her perfectly arched brow raises as she takes a third bite of the burger. She chases it with a cold fry and frowns at the plate like it's offended her before glancing back up at me. Those blue eyes holding me hostage.

"I'll handle Ford." I make the promise knowing I have a shitstorm to deal with back home and for once the center of it isn't the woman sitting across from me.