Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Eli

With football officially over and basketball not starting yet, all the free time I have on my hands is killing me, especially since I can't spend it with Liza.

I'm trying to keep my focus on baseball and the possibility of being drafted, but it hasn't been easy. My agent has been working hard behind the scenes, and the more time that goes by, the more I'm hearing about teams who might be interested.

I try not to get my hopes up and just stay locked in, but it's hard, not being able to focus on anything else.

Over the summer, when all these conversations started, I was able to push it out when I was with Liza. She was my center, my calm, and without her, it's all too much in my head.

I don't like to talk about it, even with her, so for now, I'm just here, wondering where my future leads, and if I'm being honest, I'm not too crazy about how little say I have in it. If I get drafted, I don't get to pick what team I go to or what level I start at. I just do and go where I'm told to.

Either way, I still need to sign to a college before I get drafted.

I've narrowed my college choices down to four, but I can't bring myself to commit to any particular one.

All I can think about is how far each one is from Liza, and though I know that shouldn't be my deciding factor, that's all I'm basing my decisions on.

It literally takes everything in my power to not go directly to Liza's classroom as I enter the school building. The need to touch her is doing some crazy shit to my body that's starting to make me feel like a crack addict, where the only cure is another taste of her.

I close my eyes and force myself to walk to the couches, where I sit down with a huff, not giving two shits if my friends notice the foul mood I'm in.

Dalton and Natalie are already sitting there while Ben and Maya walk up to join us. Ben sits and instantly grabs Maya, bringing her to his lap. Them sitting like this is something they've done for years, but today, looking at them eats me alive. Ben has no idea what he has right in front of him.

There's nothing I want more than to be able to have Liza sit on my lap here with all my friends. Jealousy is a cruel bitch that I never thought I would experience in this way, especially with my best friends.

"Natalie, guess what," Maya singsongs, her voice a notch higher than normal.

"What?" She matches her enthusiasm.

"We're officially boyfriend and girlfriend!" she bounces with excitement.

She must be talking about that guy I saw her speaking to after our last football game. Things make sense now that she didn't hang out last time we were at Ben's.

"Are you as happy as she is about this news?" Dalton asks Ben, who immediately flips him off, but doesn't respond.

"He's fine with the news," Maya answers for him, then turns back to Natalie. "He told me, ‘This is official. You're mine from here on out,'" she squeals with more joy.

"I'm so happy for you." Natalie wraps her arms around Maya.

Ben looks annoyed as he asks, "Girls actually like that shit? Being claimed like an object and not a human being?"

"You would know this if you ever watched those girlie movies with me. An alpha male is hot," Maya responds.

"An alpha male and an alpha asshole are two different things. Be careful he doesn't change from one into the other," Ben deadpans.

"Oh, stop." Maya slaps his chest.

All I can think about is how happy I am for Maya. Every one of us deserves to have a relationship with the person who brings us joy.

Though I never speak up like this, something inside me wants her to know. "I'm happy for you, Maya."

She turns to me, obviously surprised I said something at all. "Thank you, Eli." She looks back at Ben. "See? He's happy for me."

Ben tilts his head to see me better. "Whose side are you on?"

I laugh, shaking my head, but don't respond. Ben will get it eventually.

"Whatever. Change of subject." Ben looks at Dalton, then at me. "Have you guys seen the new Econ teacher? What's her name? Miss Hernandez? Goddamn! Why did I have to have Government this semester and not Econ first?"

My happiness for Maya exits like opening a vacuum seal, and I stand with a jolt, turning to walk away, leaving Ben's question in the air, willing myself to pretend like I didn't just hear him say that because I was one second away from punching my best friend in the face with him having no clue why.

Liza

I'm packing up my room after school when my teacher friend Sarah peeks her head in my doorway.

"A few of us are going out for drinks. Want to come?"

I think about it for a second. Ever since school started, my only social life has been at the football games, which I can barely call a social life, and talking on the phone with Eli the small chances we get. Besides that, I'm either chatting with my mom about my sister's drama or hanging out with my aunt.

"You know you want to …" she singsongs, making me laugh.

"Okay, yeah. Why not?"

"Great! I'll text you the address, and you can meet us there."

"Sounds good."

She heads back into the hallway, and I pick up my phone to text Eli.

Heading out of the school now. Are you able to talk?

Yep, just sitting here, waiting on you, beautiful.

I smile, tuck my phone back into my purse, and head out to my car. As I walk to where the teachers park, I see Eli's truck still in the parking lot. After putting my stuff in, I start the car and call him.

"Why are you sitting in your truck, still at school?" I ask with a laugh without saying hello. I didn't think he was being so literal when he responded to my text.

"I stayed to work on a project for English. Really, I was just waiting for you, but you got me brownie points for sure with Mrs. Anderson."

I close my eyes, chuckling under my breath. I know Sarah is good friends with Mrs. Anderson—or Tara, as I call her—so she's probably meeting me for drinks right now.

I put my car in reverse and back out of the spot. Eli is parked next to the exit so I make my way toward him.

"How was the rest of your day?"

"Second period was amazing. After that, it sucked."

I laugh out loud. "Glad it was so amazing for you."

"What about you? How was your day?"

"Fine. Nothing special." I drive by his truck, and our eyes lock for a brief moment, making my insides curl in need.

"Nothing special?" he says breathlessly, showing me he's just as affected by this moment as I am.

What I would give to jump in his truck so we could run away together right now. I finally get why addicts have such a hard time quitting their addiction. How do you quit something that literally gives you the life you want, the life you need to survive, and it's staring you directly in the face, but you can't have it?

Temptation is more than a cruel bitch. It's a Mount Everest climb while carrying the oxygen, but not being able to breathe it.

"I miss being with you so much," I say under my breath, not able to hold it back.

He drops his head to his chest, breaking our spell and making me remember that I am driving through a parking lot—our school parking lot.

I shake my head and force myself to change the subject. "Sarah invited me for drinks."

"That should be fun." He tries to sound genuine, as we both act like we weren't just crushed, looking at each other, and push on with our conversation.

"Yeah. I thought so too."

We talk for a few more minutes about nothing, the pain evident in both of our voices, but we try to work through it together by ignoring it completely. Right now, that's all we can do.

I park at the address she sent me and sit back in my seat. "They should already be here, so I have to let you go."

"Okay. I'm glad you're going to hang out with them. Have fun."

"Thanks. I will. I'll text you later."

"Sounds good. Love you, Liza."

"I love you too."

We hang up, and I inhale a deep breath, thinking a drink is exactly what I need right now.

I walk in and see Sarah, Tara, and Janie, the PE teacher, already sitting at a table beside the bar. I've never been in here, so I look around at the dark walls lined in wood with dining tables on both sides and a massive bar sitting in the middle of the restaurant.

"There you are!" Sarah says, waving me over.

I force a smile and head their way.

"I'd ask if you got lost, but it's two blocks away …" Sarah questions why I took so long.

"Sorry, I was talking on the phone."

I guess I'm not faking it as well as I hoped because Tara is quick to ask, "Everything okay?"

I close my eyes, fighting back the tears.

"Uh-oh. We got boy problems," Tara says. "Spill it, girl."

I drop my head back, staring up at the ceiling, hoping gravity makes my tears stay inside. I really need to talk to someone about how hard all of this is. Both my aunt and my mom think I'm not dating Eli anymore, so I can't mention a word to them. I'm embarrassed to talk to my friends about it back home because then I'd have to admit to them that I'm in love with one of my students.

I literally walk around with a fake happy grin when I'm dying inside.

It's just getting to be too much. The only thing I know for sure is, I can't not have Eli in my life. Beyond that, I'm a mess.

Sarah places her hand on mine. "Did you have a guy back home?"

It pops in my head that I can say that, and they would never know the difference …

I nod, looking at all of them. "Yeah. It's just hard, being here and not being able to be with him."

"So, why did you move here then?" Sarah asks.

"I didn't know we would be like this when we started dating."

"Will he come to visit?" Tara chimes in.

"He's still in school. Last year though. So, we'll see what happens after he graduates," I respond truthfully, knowing they are thinking college, just like I did at first.

"I was long-distance with my husband for nine months," Janie says with a sigh. "It's not easy. We made it through though."

"Really?" I raise my eyebrows with hope.

"Girl … I wouldn't go back to my twenties if you paid me." She laughs. "I feel for you. Navigating life with what you want and what he wants is tough. We figured it out though. Been married five years now."

By my guess, these three are in their mid-thirties, all married, and I know Sarah has a little girl. I feel like that's so far away, but really, I know my life will get there soon. I just pray Eli is in it still.

"Come on. Let's get you a drink," Sarah says, waving her hand to get the attention of the waitress.

"Just have faith," Janie says. "If it's meant to be, it will be." She gives me a heartfelt smile that I return with a small nod.

"You're right. I need a drink," I respond with finality.

If I can't have Eli wrap me in his arms, I'll take the liquid replacement instead.