9. Zara

Panic attacks didn't seem to care what planet I was on or solar system I was in. What they did seem to notice was the way this strange alien man's lips felt like on mine.

My entire body had been vibrating with the need to put some kind of sense to everything. Make sense of why this was happening. A sense of why I felt grounded on an alien planet. And maybe it was that I needed to understand why suddenly there was an overwhelming feeling in my chest. It almost felt like a too full balloon, and if I breathed in one more breath, I would explode. Was this what it was to have someone that connected to your soul? Warmth swam through me, and the unease of my soul seemed to disappear with the touch of his lips.

The issue was, what if I gave into it? What if I let him in, and I lost him too?

My brain was catching up, but my body? I was pressing myself into him, and he didn't stop me. The fear of losing something or someone that could destroy me all over again tried to take me over. What seemed to push out the darkness was the desire to feel all of this. All the warmth of his hands as they cupped my cheeks. The way he held my face to his, as if he feared that I might pull away and run.

I should have. I'd had a fiancé once. Weeks ago now, I would guess. He wasn't my choice. He was merely an end to a lonely existence, and now? Well, maybe I wasn't crying to go back home because I was escaping a life of complacency. The death of all my dreams.

I reached up on tiptoes as I noticed a space trying to grow between us. He was so much taller though, and he won the silent war I'd waged.

"What? Why did you stop?"

I didn't even have the sense to be embarrassed at such a forward response because the moment he smiled at me, there was no room to feel anything but, well, wanted.

"I am pleased that you aren't offended by my lack of manners. I was powerless to fight my dragon. Are you okay now, mate? Your eyes, they appear to be less dilated. Less sad."

I swallowed. Okay?

"I don't know why, but yes. I'm much better, actually."

Why did I feel all the strange vibrating energy that I always called my anxiety finally calm for the first time in my life? Is this what normal people felt like? Like their skin didn't itch, and they didn't need to claw their way out of their own bodies?

"What is going through your mind, mate?"

I shrugged.

"A lot."

He nodded at me, and I flinched before I realized he was reaching for my hand. He paused and narrowed his eyes in concern. I held still, waiting for something. Waiting for him to try again, I guess.

"Come with me?" Tarek's voice was calming, patient, like if I said no, that would be the end of the request. Strange how the safety of being able to say no made me want to do all the things even more. Maybe that was just what I believed. Maybe it's how he made me feel.

This time I didn't flinch, and I let him take my hand and guide me away from the store and away from the other humans I'd bonded with out of the trauma.

"Will they be okay?"

He glanced back, his brow furrowed.

"Of course. They are with their mates, my brothers. No one will hurt a dragon's mate. It is the highest of sins and unforgivable. The ball to welcome the new human lord. This entire presentation is in necessity of the very sin that I speak of."

My steps faltered.

"Someone hurt a mate?"

He grunted.

"No. They tried."

The heat of his hand seeped into my body, warming my soul, and for the first time, I was actually taking the time to look at the world around me.

"There are really two suns?"

Tarek looked up to where I had glanced as I tried to make sense of what I could see. They were bright, but not so bright that I had been blinded.

"Yes. They are beautiful beyond the dome. Not at all like your Earth's sun or even what you see here. The dome protects the humans and with that, it filters out some of the beauty of our planet."

Strange. Smart? Who was I kidding? This was just crazy.

"So the humans here call this home and all, but they can't actually live on the planet?"

He shook his head and turned down another street, still with strange and yet beautiful white stone. If I squinted ahead of us, opposite where he was taking me, the white seemed to fade and disappear. I wondered what that meant.

"They cannot. Even with the new generations, they have not gained much tolerance to our environment. However, we help them to advance and grow. They flourish here, far better than on your planet."

No love lost here. My planet was damn near hopeless from the human race.

"Yeah. That's not something I miss. People destroying the planet and themselves."

I sighed, not meaning too, but it was impossible to contain all the things in my head. Not that sighing literally let off the steam that was metaphorically brewing in my mind.

"What bothers you, mate?"

That word. It had scared me a bit not long ago, but the more he said it, the less it made me want to run. The holes in my swiss cheese heart almost hurt less with every word he spoke. Every touch.

I could get used to this.

"I don't know that you can say any one thing bothers me. Maybe it's worrying that I'm not more bothered?"

My freaking body heated at the slight brush of his thumb as it stroked my hand.

"Why should you be bothered? The human mind is one of the most advanced, if only the humans could harness its strength. Sadly, so many cannot. I sense so much with you though. Perhaps you are capable of more than the average."

Oddly, I stood a little taller as we strolled. He thought I was smart.

"Well, where are we going, big guy?"

He pointed with his free hand.

"I believe you would call it a bar? Or perhaps a pub is less foreign to you. You seemed in need of some escape, and Emberhaven mead would be helpful for your nerves. I thought you would feel the same relief I feel from finding you, my mate. But I failed to realize just how much else you have to embrace."

Mead? Alcohol?

"Oh my god. You guys drink? Heck yes! I could use whatever the hell you sell."

The relief in my soul for something so familiar had me looking up into my massive rescuer's eyes as he watched me.

"I do not sell anything. But I don't think that is what you mean. Strange you speak the same words as our colonies, but still the meanings seem different. I am glad, however, that the joy in your words was brought on by my decision."

I smiled a real and true smile. Something I'd almost forgotten how to do, even back home. Nothing had been going right. Nothing had been what I wanted, but I'd been so tired. So bone weary that I learned to pretend to the world around me.

Here? Now? I felt no need to pretend. I felt no reason to pray for something I'd never known existed. I was getting a re-do. A start to a new life. Maybe my pain would never go away, but here? With him?

Maybe I wanted to pretend and let it all go away.