Chapter Twelve

Holy-fucking-hell. "Two years?" I repeat, my hand still on his…our arm. "Is that how long we'll be in the pod?"

"Possibly longer depending on what's closest. I can't go straight home. We'll need to go visit the pod tomorrow and assess–"

"What if we need medical attention?" Cold fear fills my gut as memories of my last stint in a hospital flood my mind.

"I have extensive first aid training. Additionally, the pod's AI can perform most necessary surgeries."

"Most?" I can hear the panic in my own voice. What can't it perform? I want a list.

"Our doctors don't allow it to operate on brain matter unsupervised. Nor is it used during childbirth without supervision."

I mull over that for a while. Kai, thankfully, says nothing. Finally, I speak. No point in hiding from the elephant in the room. "Kai, I know that the only way this ends is having a child, but I cannot…" I can't finish the thought and panic overtakes me.

"We do not have to have a child on the trip. We do not have to have a child, ever, if you do not wish it. Some mates don't."

He slowly releases my arm, the exposed skin pebbling with goosebumps as I lose the heat of his arm covering mine. The last of his "extension" is absorbed back into his body and we are left holding hands. He doesn't let go.

"Because they can't or because they don't want to?" I ask.

Kai says nothing for a long while. "I don't want to upset you, Araceli."

"I'll be fine."

"The mate bond is literally just an indicator that we are genetically compatible and fertile–that everything is lined up to have a child. Children are always born as a result of the mate bond unless precautions are taken."

The panic in my chest tightens its grip, and I try to breathe through it.

"Araceli, your heart rate and breathing are extremely accelerated."

"I cannot do that again, Kai."

He tightens his grip on my hand. "Do what, Araceli?"

"I cannot go through all that again just to lose–" my voice breaks on the word "lose" and the tears push to the surface. They stream down my face silently in the dark.

Kai says nothing for a long moment. "It is for you to choose, Araceli. Our medical technology is such that I do not think you would lose another child. But I will follow your lead on this."

"Even if it means you're stuck with me forever?"

"It is an honor to find one's mate. Not everyone does. It would not be a burden."

I don't know if I believe that entirely, but I'm too emotional to say anything else. I let the tears fall until I'm too tired to hold my eyes open any longer.

I wake to find the pillow barricade broken. Kai's arm is wrapped around me, my hand still clutching his. He is warm and thankfully, fully clothed, or else my brain would fully be in other places it has no business being–mate or not. For an alien made of rubber, he's incredibly solid and muscular. The weight of his body against mine is like a sentient weighted blanket. I shift a little too much and he wakes, an apology on his lips.

"I'm sorry for destroying your nest. You did not want to let go of my hand."

I smile at the word "nest." "It's a habit from when I was little. I couldn't sleep if I wasn't clutching a toy tight. I thought I'd broken the habit, but I guess it comes back when I'm stressed."

Kai doesn't move and I don't move either, hoping he'll stay put and let me rest this close to him. I haven't been starved of touch for two years like he has, but it has been a long while since I had a man in my bed. Not that Kai is in my bed like that. Though I guess he would be if I asked him to.

A million embarrassing questions fill my mind.

What would that be like to be with Kai? Is he like human men down there? Is there something special or terrifying going on down there that he has yet to mention? What if my bits are terrifying to him? He appears human-ish on the outside, but what if our parts don't match up? But he said he'd studied humans, surely in all that info is sex organ information. Especially if those creepy Grays were selling it. My mind gets lost on this tangent, and so I nearly jump when Kai's concerned voice says in my ear, "Araceli, are you well? Your heart rate is accelerating."

"I'm fine." I extract myself from his embrace and sit up quickly. "We should get dressed, we don't want to be late for work." My voice is a little too high, my words spill out a little too fast. If Kai notices, he doesn't say a word.

The day passes excruciatingly slowly. Every time I check the clock only a minute or two has passed since the last time I checked. If Kai is anxious about heading back to his pod, you wouldn't know it from all the laughing and joking around coming from his side of the bay.

Brandon hasn't given Kai a formal schedule yet, so when my shift ends at three, I drag Kai off with me, feeling like I'll explode soon if I don't know whether getting off the planet is even a possibility.

"Are you okay? Kai asks me in the car.

I shake my head. "I'm nervous about what we'll find. What if we can't find fuel for it here on Earth? What if you can't get it to leave the planet? What if they find us and trace us back to Earth and this was all for nothing? What if?–"

"What if none of that happens?" he says calmly.

I give him a side-eye. "But it could."

He just smiles and shakes his head. He pulls out a small device that looks like a watch and wraps it around his wrist. "Turn right."

He looks at it occasionally, but I have no idea how he's getting directions out of it. We take several turns until I lose my bearings and just trust that whatever is on his arm is leading us in the right direction. After thirty minutes of this, we are in the middle of nowhere.

"Here," he says at a spot indistinguishable from any other on the road. I pull off the road and park the car on the shoulder. I lock the car and we head into the nothingness along the road. With a sigh, I search the horizon. There is absolutely nothing that looks remotely like an alien space pod. This may end up turning into an hours-long hike.

Suddenly, Kai's arm shoots out like a mom trying to block a kid from slamming their head on the dashboard. "Araceli you're going to run into it."

I stop, but there is absolutely nothing there. He touches the wristband on his arm and it appears–a real-life, honest to god, flying saucer straight out of an old-time sci-fi movie. It's silver and reflects the light of the sun, blinding me for a moment until I avert my eyes.

"Oh, my God, this is the pod?"

"Yes. Hurry, we need to get in before someone spots us."

I hurry up the ramp and into the pod. Everything inside is a dull metallic gray. To my left and right are hallways that sharply curve around what must be the perimeter of the saucer. Directly in front of us is a short hallway leading to a room. I can't see into it, but the light from it streams down the hall toward me. The soft hum of machinery is underneath everything. I can feel it through my shoes as I wait for Kai to climb onboard.

He taps his wristband again and turns to me. "Come on, I'll show you around."

He leads me down the hall towards the light, into the center of the pod and we step into a room with an overwhelming number of buttons and blinking lights. They're all set into panels like dozens of touch screens. Each one is backlit in various colors. Some flash, and some blink slowly, though fortunately most stay a solid color. In the center of the room, are two large chairs with what looks like harnesses built in. They face each other across a table made entirely of more screens.

I hover at the door, afraid to touch anything until Kai motions me over. "This will be your station. I'll teach you to operate the pod."

Reluctantly, I move toward the chair. "I think we'll be at our destination by the time I figure that out."

He shakes his head. "I had never put a tire on a vehicle a few days ago. I'm sure you will pick it up just as easily. "

I step toward the table and run my hand along the edge of the cool glass. "I think this might be a tad more complicated."

"Come on, I'll show you around."

I follow him back into the hall, and he takes a right.

"You know when you said pod, I imagined we'd be lying side by side for two years," I tell him. There is just barely enough room for us to walk side by side. Our hands brush as we walk, and I resist the temptation to grab his hand. This is not the place, nor the time. Not when we're here to plan my disappearance from Earth.

"I would have not survived that," he says grimly.

And here I thought I was the only morbid one. The first door on the right slides open noiselessly. "These are the shower facilities." Kai steps into the room and I follow him. The room we've entered is similar to the others–gray, metallic, barren.

I run a hand over the cool, smooth wall. "You'll definitely have to show me how to use this."

He huffs a laugh and leads me to the next room. "This is where you can work out."

Thankfully, this room looks more like something you'd see in a gym on Earth. A rack of weights is built into one wall and what looks like a treadmill is built into the floor.

"All the walls will display various terrain or programming as you work out."

"Programming? Alien movies?" The idea of an alien Hollywood is amusing. Do alien movie stars walk the red carpet? Are paparazzi following them everywhere? My brain is still on that tangent as Kai continues his tour.

The next room is empty. "This is where a second crew member would live," Kai tells me as we move to the next room–the kitchen. It has a rectangular sink, panels on the walls for food storage, and heating boxes.

"You have a full kitchen for one meal a day?"

He nods. "These pods are mass-made by a species that has been selling them for hundreds of years. The design hardly changes, but they're sturdy and do the job. They're used for all sorts of missions. For shorter missions, they'll stuff six people into one."

The idea of constantly running into five other people while flying through space in a ship hardly bigger than a three-bedroom ranch home pokes at claustrophobia I didn't know I even had.

Kai continues his tour, stepping out into the hall and moving to the next room. A final door opens and Kai steps inside. "And the last room. Our sleeping quarters."