14. How To Fend Off A Dinosaur

Blade was on his feet,shoving his legs into a pair of jeans. "Stay here."

"But Katie!"

"Go to her," Blade decided. "I'll handle the threat."

He grabbed his phone, sending his friends a message in case he needed backup.

Blade

Intruders on my property. I'm going to investigate.

He strode out of the bedroom, Joey hopping into the fireproof pants Blade had given him.

"What kind of intruders?" he asked Hong, who fell into step with him.

"Four heartbeats. Two louder, two softer. They've somehow climbed the gate."

Blade frowned, mystified. His home had been warded on all sides—anyone who harbored ill intent could not enter.

So how the hell did the intruders get over his gate?

It gave him a bad feeling. He took the detour to the fortified wing of his mansion, stopping in front of the iris scanner.

Hong sucked in a slow breath. "Oooh. You think they need the fancy sword?"

"I'd rather not risk it. Joey and Katie are both here."

"You should let Joey watch. I'm sure he'll be extremely impressed."

The moment he was in his hoard, Blade stalked to his arsenal next to the door, grabbing the scabbard that hung from a simple hook on the wall.

He turned to find Hong casually slipping a book under a pile of gold.

Blade narrowed his eyes. "What the hell are you doing?"

Hong beamed.

Blade didn't wait for an answer, grabbing the book out of Hong's hands.

699 Pickup Lines For Your Wriggly Heart Muffin

by Dicky Mems

P.S. Guaranteed to work!!!!

Hong gave a smug smile. "This book is worth its weight in gold. You should have a copy in your hoard."

Blade sighed exasperatedly and dropped the book, stalking out of the high-security wing. "Don't we have intruders?"

"Your relationship will improve if you give Joey one of those lines. They are spectacular."

"Maybe I'll look at it."

Annoyingly, Hong kept up with Blade's pace, hands tucked behind his back, a delighted grin on his face. "They're in the backyard now."

Blade turned, straining his ears. He could hear them. Low whispering, fast heartbeats. And more faintly, two other pulses.

Were the softer heartbeats being muffled, or... were they babies?

He took the turn for the back entrance and pinpointed the intruders' location by sound. He paused behind the door. "Protect Joey and Katie."

Hong nodded and slipped away.

With a slow inhale, Blade twisted the doorknob, stepping onto the back porch.

Two figures froze in the backyard, circled by Joey's shopping cart, and Hong's ancient shopping carts that had been around for ten years.

The yard itself wasn't much to look at. Blade had cleared out a space large enough for several dragons to land at the same time. The only shrubs were along the hedges, where it was less likely for anyone to crush them.

So the intruders really had nowhere to hide; why had they even chosen to stand out in the open? "Who are you?"

"Who are you?" the taller of the two retorted, straightening his shoulders.

They were both small, roughly Joey's size, thin and smudged with dirt. The man who had spoken had sharp eyes and a mop of curly hair, his fists clenched like he was about to fight.

The other man was shorter, cowering behind his friend looking extremely uncertain.

Something about their energies told Blade they weren't normal humans.

Shortie tugged on Taller Man's arm. "Are you sure you want to fight him? He's stronger than us."

"He kidnapped Joey!"

Blade blinked. "It's been a long time since I kidnapped anyone."

"See? See! He's a kidnapper!" Taller Man cried.

"You've kidnapped someone before?" Joey asked from somewhere behind Blade.

"Part of a bandit's job scope," Blade said dryly. "We fed them fresh fruit and they were reluctant to leave by the time the kidnapping was over."

"I want to be kidnapped, too," Joey said immediately.

"Joey!" Taller Man yelled. "He already kidnapped you!"

Joey gasped. "Quinlan? Wren?"

He eased himself around Blade and almost tripped down the stairs; Blade had to grab his arm to steady him.

Joey shot Blade a grateful, heart-warming smile. Then he hurried over to the intruders with Katie still in his arms. "What're you doing here? I never told you where I was going!"

In case these weren't friends they could trust, Blade kept his hand on Joey's shoulder, squeezing tightly enough that hopefully Joey would know to be wary.

Taller Man—Quinlan?—scowled. "You went missing! You stopped answering our calls. When we went to your apartment, your landlord said you'd stopped paying rent, so he trashed your stuff."

Joey sagged. Blade made a mental note to find out what exactly Joey had lost from his old apartment.

"Oh," Joey said quietly. "I was on the run."

"He was busy being extremely brave," Blade said.

Joey flushed a pretty pink.

Taller Man scowled harder. "Did he give you that baby?"

Joey turned bright red. "No! Blade didn't give her to me. This is Katie. And—Oh! Guys, this is Blade." Joey waved awkwardly at Blade. He turned toward Taller Man. "Blade, this is Quinlan." And at Shortie," This is Wren."

"And me!" Hong cut in. "I am Cop Master's very own butler."

Blade scowled at Hong. "Quit being friendly with the intruders."

"You're not the boss of me," Hong declared.

"Actually, I am."

Hong scoffed, handing out more copies of the book he'd left in Blade's hoard. "If you see a handsome man you like, don't be afraid to use these pickup lines on them," Hong said, shoving one at Joey, too. "Here's the book I was telling you about."

Joey eyed it warily, which only made Blade suspicious.

"Wait," Wren said, still frowning worriedly. "If Blade didn't give you Katie, then how did you get her?"

Joey winced. "I stole her."

"You stole her?!" Quinlan and Wren both cried.

"I thought you were past the stealing," Wren added reproachfully.

"He had a good reason," Blade told them. "Joey stole her from her kidnappers."

Joey peeked up at him and blushed. How could he be this humble about what he'd done? Blade leaned in and kissed his forehead. That made Joey blush even harder.

He looked so good.

Quinlan and Wren made sounds of horror.

"It's a long story," Joey sighed. "Can we sit down? My arms are tired."

"I don't trust them not to hurt you," Blade said.

"We don't trust him not to hurt you," Quinlan said to Joey. Wren nodded seriously.

Blade's eyelid twitched. "Why don't we sit out here for a chat, then? Hong, prepare a table and some chairs. Have Marion make drinks and some finger sandwiches."

Hong saluted with a flourish and left.

Quinlan eyed Blade. "Are you going to poison those sandwiches?"

Joey stood in front of Blade like he was trying to... protect Blade? "No! Blade is good people. I'll lick all the sandwiches if you're worried."

Blade snorted. "You'll be the only one eating them."

Joey grinned. "Wouldn't you?"

"Well, I would after you've licked them, but that still defeats the purpose of feeding your friends." Blade cupped Joey's nape and squeezed; Joey's eyelids fluttered shut with pleasure.

"He's gone over to the dark side," Wren whispered.

"This is so not the dark side." Joey turned, eyeing the scabbard secured to Blade's waist. "Is that your sword? Can I touch it?"

Quinlan choked.

Blade grinned. "You may touch every single inch."

Joey turned bright red. But he handed Katie over to Blade, wrapping his hands around the worn scabbard.

"It's so pretty," Joey breathed, caressing the burned-in swirls on the leather. He touched the sturdy stitches and trailed his fingertips to the end of the sword, his face lit with wonder.

"Don't look at his sword like that," Quinlan grumbled.

"He wasn't even this amazed by my other sword," Blade said dryly.

Joey looked horrified. "You didn't just say that!"

Blade raised an eyebrow. "This sword can't make you feel good in bed."

"This killed things! People!" Joey spluttered.

"You've slept with him?" Quinlan squawked.

"They smell like each other," Wren said awkwardly. "Like a lot of sex."

"Shut it," Joey mumbled, wrapping his hands around the sword handle.

"You like that?" Blade murmured. "Is it big enough for you?"

To his delight, Joey choked and spluttered.

Quinlan squawked, "Don't say that in front of the babies!"

"Babies?" Plural? Blade cursed himself for forgetting about the other two heartbeats, so soft next to all the loud voices around him.

Then he realized that Wren and Quinlan were both carrying some kind of backpack, hooded and bulky as though...

"Those are spelled carriers," Blade said. "No one can see their true contents but their owners."

Quinlan looked at him sharply. "You're not kidnapping anyone."

Blade snorted. Joey laughed.

At his friends' incredulous stares, Joey said, "Blade and his friends let me and Katie stay in a safe house when we were being chased. They've been fighting off the bad guys."

In Blade's arms, Katie babbled and kicked. She seemed to love being held by Blade—could she sense what he was? That they were the same?

Blade lifted her to his face and blew a small stream of fire at her. Katie squealed.

When he'd stopped breathing fire, Katie opened her mouth, coughing like she was trying to show him some of her own fire.

Blade's heart swelled. "You're adorable."

Katie kicked her little feet, and two tiny purple wings sprouted from her back. Blade cradled her even more carefully.

"See, he's not a bad guy," Joey said.

"He might just be pretending," Quinlan muttered.

Blade glanced at their backpacks. "Has anyone harassed you about your children?"

Cagily, Quinlan said, "Yes."

"Then you probably have a rare breed, or a child with two species' abilities."

Wren froze. "How did you know?"

"Because that's what the kidnappers have been focusing on." Blade sighed. "If you need a safe place to stay while you're here—"

He didn't have the chance to finish his sentence.

A dark spot appeared in the sky, growing larger by the second. Large wings flapped around a small shape.

Blade heaved a sigh. "Really?"

"It's coming for us," Quinlan yelped.

"No, it's not. Get over to the house."

Blade handed Katie back to Joey, ambling over to the middle of the landing space. At the last second, when the shape burst through the protective shield around his home, Blade flung himself sideways, so the pterodactyl had no time to change its course.

There was a curse. The dinosaur shimmered and morphed into a tiny yellow sponge, bouncing hard off the ground.

The moment it was airborne again, it changed back into a pterodactyl.

Blade gave it a flat stare. "Dinosaurs are out of fashion, Telos."

"Fuck you and your dino-hating guts," the pterodactyl said, lunging at him.

Blade twisted to the side and grabbed Telos by the neck. "I have my sword on me. You don't want to be painfully stabbed."

"Ah, the hot rod."

"Don't call it a hot rod."

"You started it," Telos crowed.

"You invaded my home!"

"Because you said you had intruders!"

"Oh, right. Apparently they're Joey's friends." Blade jerked his chin toward the house, where Joey, Quinlan, and Wren were watching them wide-eyed.

Telos must've seen a chance to flex, because he shoved Blade off and spread his leathery wings. "How about this? Looking good?"

None of the men seemed remotely impressed. The shopping carts circled Telos excitedly, though.

"I feel sorry for you," Blade said. "Truly, I do."

Telos sniffed haughtily. "Yeah, well. Dinosaur erotica exists on the internet. Someone likes me."

"And not because your short arms arouse them."

Telos glowered. It wasn't very intimidating.

"Why are you friends with a talking dinosaur?" Quinlan whispered.

Telos scowled. "One day, I will find someone who appreciates every inch of my hot bod."

That person might well be closer than he thought, but Blade wasn't about to mention it.

Speaking of the devil...

The iron gates swung open. A sleek black motorcycle revved and wove up the driveway.

The closer it got, the harder Telos scowled.

When Mav parked and strode into the backyard, Telos had his wings fully extended, like he was trying to look bigger.

"Why're you here?" Telos grumbled.

Mav slid him a sideways look. "Blade wanted backup."

"Clearly he doesn't need you," Telos said.

"I think he needs saving from you," Mav shot back.

"Like you can deal with my fabulous self."

"I'll suffer on behalf of our friends."

"You're just jealous my cock is bigger."

Mav raised an eyebrow.

Telos snapped his beak.

Before they could argue further, Blade plucked Katie out of Joey's arms and stepped between them, holding Katie up in the air. Katie squealed excitedly and belched smoke.

"Aww, isn't she adorable?" Telos said, strutting up to Blade. He peered at Quinlan and Wren. "So are these your intruders? Four of them."

Quinlan scowled and held his arms behind him, like he was trying to protect his precious cargo. "None of your business."

"They're Joey's friends. I'm still not sure if I should trust them," Blade said, returning to Joey's side. "They managed to climb the gate."

"How did you know we climbed the gate?" Wren peeked around Quinlan.

"Hong hears everything that happens around my property," Blade said dryly. "You should've known you'd be caught by a shapeshifter. He heard you even before you reached the gate."

Quinlan and Wren both cringed.

"I didn't know we were that obvious," Wren mumbled. "I thought we were being sneaky."

Blade snorted and gestured to the long table Hong had dragged over. "Refreshments?"

Wren eyed the lemonade doubtfully.

Blade poured him a glass; Wren blushed.

"Hey! No stealing him," Joey said, inserting himself into the space between Wren and Blade.

Wren made a face. "I wasn't!"

"How could you, Wren?" Quinlan puffed out his chest.

Wren wrung his hands, opening and closing his mouth like he was stunned by the accusations.

Joey backed up against Blade. It warmed Blade's heart, how possessive he was being.

So he slid his hand up Joey's chest, just to show their guests who Joey belonged to. Joey sucked in a sharp breath.

"I don't think Wren meant it in a bad way," Blade said, holding Joey against himself.

"Thought you were just providing Joey with some shelter, Blade," Telos said slyly, waggling his eyebrows. "Or are you exchanging services?"

"Joey's mine," Blade growled.

Joey shivered deliciously against him.

"Do either of you need a place to stay?" Mav asked Quinlan and Wren.

"We'll get a motel room," Quinlan said defensively.

"I don't mean the cheapest motel," Mav added. "You don't know who's lurking around those places."

Quinlan shut his mouth.

"We have a safe house you can stay in for now," Blade said. "Not the one Joey and Samsen just left—that had its location compromised. Another one."

"About that," Mav said. "We think the kidnappers might've found it with a tracking device."

That was new. "How?"

"They followed Samsen and Joey to Valor's too fast for it to be anything but a tracker," Mav said. "And I know Valor did a perimeter sweep at the safe house before bringing them to his place. They weren't followed by a lurker."

The pieces clicked together in Blade's mind. "Do you think the tracker is still at Valor's, or..."

Or is it here now?

Mav shot him a look. "I acquired a debugging scanner right before I got your message. If you want, I can do a sweep."

"Yes," Blade said.

"Private rooms, too?"

"Yes, please."

Joey squirmed. "D'you think I could've brought it along with me somehow?"

The truth was that Blade didn't know. "I'm not sure how, but we can't rule out the possibility. There's a lot riding on this."

They watched as Mav returned to his motorcycle and pulled out a device from its trunk. Then he strode up to the mansion and disappeared through the front doors.

Joey fidgeted nervously. Blade sat on a chair and pulled Joey onto his lap, returning Katie back to him.

Joey gazed at her cheerful babbling and sighed.

"If we find her parents... maybe you'd still be allowed to visit," Blade said softly.

Joey smiled half-heartedly. "Maybe."

Blade rubbed Joey's back and kissed his temple, grabbing one of the finger sandwiches—cucumber and mayo, with the crusts sliced off. He nudged it against Joey's lips; Joey blushed and took a bite.

Katie grabbed at it with her little hands. Blade pulled it away before she could.

"That's not for you," Joey murmured, smiling softly.

"Aww!" She reached for the sandwich again.

Blade separated the bread from the rest of the sandwich, handing it to Katie.

Katie immediately shoved the corner of the bread into her mouth, gnawing on it.

Blade completely understood why Joey wanted to keep her.

"You could've had a family before now," Joey said quietly. "Why didn't you?"

It didn't matter that there were people listening in. If Joey wanted an answer, he would get it immediately.

Blade looked into Joey's eyes. "I've always wanted someone to raise a family with me. Someone by my side, someone I can trust."

"And... you think I'm that capable?"

"Yes."

Joey looked down, smiling.

Blade gave in to the urge to nuzzle him. When he felt Joey's friends staring at them, he said, "If either of you need formula, you just have to ask. We have plenty."

Quinlan eyed Blade for a long moment, before his wariness finally faded. "Thanks."

Wren looked relieved. "I might need some."

"Hong," Blade began.

"I have it!" Hong bounced out of the mansion, a tin of formula held triumphantly above his head like a trophy. He reached the table and presented it to Wren, who unbuckled his carrier to pull out a bottle.

Scarcely had Wren prepared some formula, when Mav showed up at the table wearing a frown.

Blade had a bad feeling about this.

"I found something." Mav set Joey's backpack on the table.

Joey paled. "Oh, no. B-but how?"

He handed Katie to Blade shakily, pulling the supplies from his bag one by one. Diapers, disposable wipes, containers for formula... Mav scanned each and every one, but it wasn't until Joey had gotten to the bottom of the bag, that he fished out a small, fingernail-sized device.

"That," Blade growled.

"I swear I didn't know it was there!" Joey looked and smelled panicked. Then he glanced around, like someone might launch an attack on the mansion that very moment.

Blade wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. It felt awful, like something slimy had crawled under his skin.

But he knew Joey hadn't brought the tracker here on purpose.

"It's not your fault," Blade murmured.

"That's my backpack! It's my fault!" Joey said tearfully.

"Did you leave the bag somewhere unattended over the last few days?" Blade asked gently.

Joey bit his lip, blinking as he thought back. "Y-yeah. At Ess-Mart. I left it in the cart when I had to run and hide. I don't know how long it was there."

"You didn't know they'd drop a tracker in the bag," Blade pointed out. "Besides, your safety comes first. It's okay to abandon the bag, especially if your life is at stake."

"When was that incident?" Mav pulled out his phone and began scrolling. "That's the same day someone went sniffing around the safe house, isn't it?"

Joey groaned and buried his face in his hands. "It's all my fault."

"No, it's not," Blade growled. "You were caught in that situation unprepared. You're safe now."

"But the bad guys might come here!"

"I'll deal with them."

Joey peeked up at him with wet eyes. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'll try my best not to."

"You have me, too," Telos said, looking up from—that book. In the time Blade had been distracted, Telos had shifted back into a man and wrapped a towel around his hips. "You have us on speed dial."

Quinlan straightened his shoulders. "We can help, too."

Mav took the tracking device from Joey. "I'll lead them on a bit of a wild goose chase. It'll buy you some time."

"Show off," Telos muttered.

"Is that the only tracker in the mansion?" Blade asked.

"None in your car, and no others in all the rooms I looked. I didn't search the locked area," Mav said.

That would be Blade's hoard, which no one but him and Hong had accessed so far. "So it's just the one tracker, then."

Mav nodded. "Looks like it. Now's a good time for me to head off. Get Fang or Doc or one of the others if you need backup."

"Will do. Thanks." Blade stood with Joey to clap Mav on the shoulder.

When Mav turned, Telos trailed after him.

"Hey, bonehead. I bet no one's ever given you this pickup line before," Telos sang. "Because you date the most boring-ass people."

Mav turned, cocking an eyebrow.

Telos held up 699 Pickup Lines For Your Wriggly Heart Muffin and read from it. "Your eyes are like UFOs. One day they will beam me up and suck me into your body and we will become one."

Mav made a face. "What the hell was that?"

Telos wriggled his eyebrows and leered. "A pickup line so unique, you have failed to understand it."

"I wouldn't want to understand it." With that, Mav turned and headed for his motorcycle.

Telos scowled. "‘Course, nothing ever pleases him," he muttered.

"Maybe if you tried being less... odd?" Blade suggested.

Telos scoffed. "Anything less, and I wouldn't be me."

"Truth."

"One day," Telos murmured. "Perhaps."

"I hope you'll find the love of your life," Blade said.

"Me, too." Telos' gaze followed the motorcycle out through the iron gates.