Chapter 21

I droppedmy hold from his arm, my chest tight. Was I seeing through the man who said he’d follow rules, to the one bent on revenge whatever losses there might be. He looked wild-eyed and out of control in a second.

I thought he’d keep control for me.

I assumed he would.

Hell, I thought we’d come to mean something to each other, fuck buddies for sure, but friends maybe, and yes, I’d vouched for him. He ignored my current crisis of trust, of not knowing him at all, and sat on the bed, cross-legged, pulling out his SIG Sauer P226 and turning it over in his hands, then adding the two boxes of ammo to the pile.

“Thank you,” he murmured after a moment, so softly I thought I’d misheard.

“Huh?”

He glanced up at me. “Thank you for vouching for me. I won’t go off-book. I won’t put the team in danger by going vigilante. I won’t…”

I sat on the other end of the bed, watching him line up the ammo boxes and his weapon, his lips pressed together.

After a few moments, I prompted him. “Won’t what?”

Only then did he lift his gaze to mine. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I know you’ll have my back, Navy.” It was what comrades in arms did—they kept their team safe.

“No, I don’t mean that.”

“Okay?”

“I need you to understand something,” August began, his voice soft and almost vulnerable. “If anything were to happen to you because of something I did…” He inhaled sharply; his gaze locked on mine. “It would destroy me.”

My mouth fell open, and he sighed as he shuffled his Sig to a small bedside cabinet and placed the ammo next to it. Then, he removed the snub-nosed Ruger from his ankle holster, a knife from the other, and unbuckled his shoulder holster as well, each movement deliberate and careful, and with only one wince. He was hurting, but it might just be me who noticed the fine lines of pain bracketing his mouth. He glanced back at me, held my gaze, then reached out a hand. I grasped it on instinct, and he tugged me close until I toppled and ended up flat on my back next to him. His fingers laced with mine, we stared up at the vaulted ceiling of the converted barn, and I felt as if he were about to make some earth-shattering statement.

“I mean it. After losing James, I was broken, and I know he didn’t die because of me, I get that, but I wasn’t there to protect him. An entire nation can rely on my skills, but the one man I loved, nah, I couldn’t keep him safe.”

“Shit, Navy?—”

“August.” He turned his head on the pillow to face me. “Please, can you please call me August.”

“Sure.” I didn’t like the expression he had—as if he considered this to be our last night, or his last night, or… shit, what was he thinking? “August, losing people is part of the job.”

“Yeah, I know, but this isn’t about the job, is it.”

He was still watching me, and we were so close we could be kissing. I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted something after tomorrow and that scared me.

“You’re helping me make sense of it all. You’re pulling those broken pieces of me together and making me feel like maybe, just maybe, there’s a point to all of this.”

“I am?”

He sighed. “You know you are.” I grinned at him and got a quirk of a smile in return. “Despite the fact he shot you in the back and wrecked your knee, I won’t let your team down, and I’ll help to bring Amos in as peacefully as we can.”

“Okay then.”

“There’s something else.” He rolled onto his side, situating himself and seemed almost reluctant to let go of my hand, only to cradle my face with the other. “You make me feel things I’d forgotten, like wanting something for myself, and more importantly, wanting things for Annie, like maybe when I’m done, Annie and I could be something y’know? Not be her daddy if she didn’t want it, but I could look out for her, or get the house next door to wherever she was happy and…”

“Why wouldn’t she want you to be her new daddy?”

“I’ve done things…” he said in a low tone. “I’m not a good man.”

“For her or for me or for yourself?”

He frowned, thumbed my cheekbone, then leaned down and kissed me—deep, searching kisses that could get out of control if we weren’t a thin wall away from the rest of the team, and they weren’t due to move out in a little less than four hours under the cover of darkness.

When he pulled back, he smiled, and this time, it wasn’t a quirky offhand thing, it was full and wide and beautiful.

Dimples. Full-on dimples.

I was so lost.