32. CHAPTER 32

32

VALERIA

“I despise my hideous visage, but not as much as I despise that half blood child.”

Orys Kelakian - Fae Sorcerer - 14 AV

T he next two mornings, I wake up tired. Lately, I’ve been spending half the night thinking of Bastien outside my door, and the other half lost in dreams that seem to be getting increasingly disruptive and more vivid.

I’ve also been eating breakfast with Don Justo, as our engagement ball is organized. Every meeting with him is just as unpleasant as the first one. However, since I’m a quick learner, I haven’t allowed him to come too close and assail me with unwanted advances. The only allowance I’ve made is to let him caress my hand and squeeze my fingers between his clammy ones. The reason: to gauge Bastien’s reaction. The result: his corpse-like expression doesn’t twitch even a bit, yet he’s unable to control the telltale flush that climbs to his cheeks, a clear sign that Guardia Bastien Mora is very much alive.

Seeing him stew gives me pleasure, but it leaves me terribly unsatisfied. Moreover, I suspect my behavior isn’t helping, as my strange, feverish dreams now feature him .

Each night follows the same pattern, from start to finish. It all begins with Bastien and me sparring, clashing our swords and moving around each other just as we did that evening. As the dream progresses, I find myself lost within Nido, frantically racing in search of Amira. I navigate through the labyrinthine rooms, acutely aware that if I don’t find her, she will die.

When I finally locate her, she’s in a broken pile, her gaze vacant as it fixates on the ceiling. She bears no wounds, no signs of physical harm whatsoever. Yet, no matter how much I shake her and beg her not to leave me all alone, she remains in an unbroken slumber, never stirring.

I wake up panting, and my nerves only settle when I see Amira in passing, if I see her at all. She seems bent on avoiding me. Otherwise, I remain in a constant state of anxiety, worried that I will lose my big sister, my confidant, my playmate, my shelter when things get tough, my advocate, my only connection to the family we once shared. My friend.

During the day, I sneak around the palace, searching for Orys in people’s faces, trying to find any hints that will alert me to his presence. I mingle among the servants, guards, courtiers, and council members, hoping to uncover the truth, but it’s all in vain.

“Everything all right?” I startle at the sound of Bastien’s deep voice.

I’m in one of the small, seldom-visited libraries, feigning interest in a book while my mind endlessly cycles through the same questions, grappling with the same lack of answers that has plagued me from the beginning.

I glance up and notice that I’m tapping my foot at the same time that I bite on my thumbnail, all my energy finding an escape through restless fidgeting.

“ Sure, everything’s all right, ” I want to say but what comes out is, “What do you care?” Angry at myself, I press my lips together into a severe line .

So far, I’ve managed to treat him with the same cold indifference that he uses on everyone else. I don’t want him to know that his aloof attitude even after what happened between us hurts me.

He glances toward the door as if concerned someone will come in. Reluctantly, he comes closer, pulls the chair across from me closer, and sits.

I set the book on my lap and close it, intrigued by this uncharacteristic behavior.

“I do care,” he says, his expression looking conflicted as if he’s lying or he’s finding it hard to admit.

My gut tells me it’s the former, but another part of me—my heart, I assume—wants to believe it’s the latter. Father always told me to listen to my instincts, so I do. Besides, why should I believe him when he’s only made my life harder since the first moment I met him?

“I’ll believe that when rapiers learn to wield themselves,” I say.

“I’m not supposed to be here,” he says.

I frown and shake my head, confused. “What do you—?”

He puts a hand up. “Let me explain.”

It goes against all my instincts to make this concession, but my heart wins this time, and I nod.

“The queen did… relieve me of my post.” He looks mortified at this.

“What do you mean?”

“She’s angry at me because I failed to keep you in Alsur. She ordered me to fix it and sent me to get you after the Romani woman gave you away. But I failed there, too. So she demoted me. I’m supposed to be mucking the stables.”

My mouth is hanging open. “Uh… h-how are you here then?”

“The chain of command is long and Nido is a big place,” he says by way of explanation.

He means that there is an excessive number of intermediaries between my sister and the individuals who issue direct orders to ordinary soldiers. Those at the pinnacle of the hierarchy are aware that Bastien has been relegated to the stables, but somewhere in the chain of command, communication has broken down, and no one in the lower rungs either knows or cares about my detail. In addition, Nido’s vast size compounds the problem. Anyone who might recognize that something is amiss is unlikely to cross paths with us, which also explains why Bastien consistently lags far behind me. It gives him ample time to hide or pretend he’s doing something else should a superior possessing full knowledge of the situation happen to come along.

I sit stunned into silence for a long moment, then finally ask, “Why are you doing this? If they find out, you’ll be in a heap of trouble.” Is he really risking his military career for me? No. Why would he do that?

He shrugs. “I highly doubt it. Your sister seems too preoccupied with other matters. I don’t know what, but after what she did to the king, I just…” He shakes his head, unable to find the words. “I’m supposed to follow orders,” he continues, “and I did that to keep you safe, even in Alsur. I thought you would be out of harm’s way since your father wanted you there, then I met Don Justo and realized I was wrong. Now, I’m disobeying Amira’s orders for the same reason. That sorcerer is out there still or maybe here in Nido. But of course, no one is going to find him if your sister is in league with him. She … I don’t know. I’m sorry. It’s not my place.”

Wow, I never knew he could speak so many words at once!

“Please,” I say, “keep going. My sister what?”

His dark gaze roves around the room. “It’s nothing specific. It’s just she’s up to something. Emerito as well. He searched your luggage before it was loaded onto the carriage the day we departed to Alsur.”

Yes, Amira is definitely up to something, whether of her own accord or not. And of course, Emerito, her loyal pet, is doing all he can to help her. I know that. What I don’t know is how much he knows. Has Amira revealed we’re dealing with The Eldrystone? Would she risk sharing that knowledge with him? I suspect she hasn’t—not when he could decide to keep the amulet to himself if he finds it.

My eyes rove Bastien’s handsome face. “So you’re saying you’re risking everything you worked so hard to accomplish to protect me?”

He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, his expression grows tense. It takes him a long moment, but at last, he nods.

“Then why don’t I believe you?” My gut is still squirming, festering with distrust. What if Amira put him up to this?

She’s been waiting for me to do something stupid. She’s watching me closely, and no one has been closer than Bastien? Do they think I’m that na?ve? Maybe they do. Maybe there’s a way I can use this to my advantage.

“So… what do you think I should do?” I ask with an edge of innocence to my words.

“I don’t know.” He appears bewildered that I would ask such a thing from him. “I don’t really know your sister. I have no idea what any of this is all about. I thought you might.”

Either he’s a good performer, or he really knows nothing.

What and how much can I say without risking my position? Does he know of The Eldrystone? Would Amira have told him? No! All I can do is play the victim. I don’t know if that can help, but at least it won’t risk my safety.

“Oh, Bastien,” I blink rapidly, trying to conjure tears, “I wish I did know something, but I’m so confused. I feel like all Amira wants to do is get rid of me. Before Father died, she at least understood me. Now, she barely talks to me and wants to force me to marry that awful man. I thought she loved me, but…” I trail off and place a hand over my eyes.

“Have you—sorry for what I’m about to say—but have you considered that she might not be under the sorcerer’s spell? That she acted this way to become queen? ”

I let out a huge exhalation as if someone punched me in the stomach. I wasn’t expecting to hear this from him. “She… she would never,” I protest, finding that my defense of her is unequivocal. “She’s not that kind of person. She loved our father.” Now real tears are pooling in my eyes.

“I’m sorry, princess. It’s just the entire situation is… very strange. There is secrecy surrounding your sister at the moment. In case you don’t know, everyone is talking about it.”

“They are?”

“Yes. There’s even talk that she may not be fit to be queen.”

This is why all the council members were acting so strangely around me. Backstabbers!

“Oh, gods.” I shake my head, and without a preamble, my thoughts force themselves past my lips. “If the council proposes a vote against her, and it passes unanimously, they could declare her unfit to rule.”

I look up from my lap, and my gaze locks with Bastien’s. He nods, appearing less tense now than when he first took a seat, as if this is what he had wanted me to know all along, and now that he has gotten it off his chest, he can finally breathe easily.

Seeing him like this, I find myself undone. “You still haven’t answered my question. Why are you doing all of this? Why risk yourself for someone you barely know?”

There’s conflict in his eyes, and I can’t even begin to understand why, but when he leans forward and puts his hand on top of mine, nothing else seems to matter but that touch.

“Because I…” Again, there is hesitation, but he seems to find the strength he needs to go on. “Because I like you.”

The words have a definite ring of truth, yet his eyes tell me he’s lying. I pull my hand away.

“I don’t believe you, Guardia Bastien Mora. ”

He swallows thickly and lowers his head, but when he looks at me again, I see something I didn’t expect: resolve.

“I don’t blame you,” he says. “If I were you, I wouldn’t believe me either. This nest is full of vipers hiding around every corner. It’s smart of you to be careful, to distrust. It’s a trait I think your sister would have found useful before getting tangled with Orys.”

What? I feel like there’s something I should be able to grasp from this strange response, a light that would illuminate all the secrets he seems to keep, but all I can do is wonder why he sounds like an entirely different person.

After a brief bow, he resumes his position near the door. As he stands there, his expression stoic, his gaze fixed upon a sconce on the wall, I sense myself plummeting even faster and farther than before. Ever since the day Father died, I’ve been sinking deeper and deeper into the depths of an unforgiving sea, and despite my miraculous survival so far, the pressure has become overwhelming, and my chest hurts.

I’m definitely drowning.