50. Zendaya

Chapter 50

Zendaya

I stand from the carmine seat I've been occupying since the stars faded and dawn ignited the sky.

My knees click from how long they've been folded and my thighs shake as movement rids them of numbness. I come to stand in front of Cathal and cross my arms in front of the dress Asha went to fetch me earlier so I could freshen up as she put it.

"Is she a shifter?" I ask Cathal as he strokes one large palm down Cruaih's spine.

"No."

I frown. "So you're mated with a…cat?"

His hand freezes mid-caress. " Mated ? I may be an animal myself at times, but I'm not some deviant, Príona." He shudders. "Why the Cauldron would you assume such a vile thing?"

I gape at him, not in shock. Oh no. I'm not shook; I'm deeply and thoroughly maddened. "Are you fucking kidding me, Cathal Báeinach?"

His pupils contract at my robust tone, while Cruaih shrinks back and burrows behind the bulge of his forearm, peaked ears flat against her head.

"You told me you'd met someone! You told me that she was the reason you had no time to have tea with me!" My tone is far shriller than probably becomes a queen, but I cannot seem to give a single fuck.

"She's a kitten." He lifts his arm, carrying the tiny ball of black fur to his cheek. "She needs a lot of attention."

If I didn't feel so duped, I may have melted at the sight of such tenderness. But I'm currently not melting; I'm vibrating. "Well, silly me assumed she was a Crow," I say, tamping down the volume of my anger for Cruaih's sake. "And not the non-shifting kind."

The kitten blinks wide, shiny eyes at me, one ear perking while the other still lays flat, but that has more to do with the pressure of her caregiver's cheek.

"Why lead me to think she was a woman, Cathal? Why didn't you just tell me she was a cat?"

He lowers his arm. "I owed you no explanation." His gaze slices toward the closed doors of the throne room that he stepped past mere minutes ago. Is he considering flocking out? "I still don't," he grumbles.

I unbind my arms. "If we're to work together, I expect complete honesty from this point on."

"Honesty is a two-way avenue."

I cast my stare off the spooked creature and onto the seething one. "I've never been dishonest with you."

He snorts, which snares his pet's attention.

"What secrets are you accusing me of keeping, Cathal?" When the hollows beneath his cheekbones turn concave, I realize that he thinks I'm lying. "What secrets?"

He snorts.

I tilt my chin up. "Ask me anything."

"I'm here to advise you, not to trial you."

"Perhaps, but you're obviously begrudging me something. Out with it."

When he smooshes his lips, I understand that the stubborn male will not give voice to what's on his heart.

I whirl back toward the files stacked haphazardly on the sunstone table, which Asha was helping me sort through. "No wonder Fallon seemed so reticent about us working together."

He remains quiet.

"This won't work, Cathal. I cannot collaborate with someone who resents me for something I've no?—"

"I'm not holding a fucking grudge, Daya."

I crinkle the corner of one of the papers. "Really? Then why didn't you tell me the someone you'd met was a cat ?"

"Because I was?—"

When a minute ticks by and he hasn't added any words, I turn back toward him. "You were what ?"

The whites of his eyes, still pink from too many sleepless nights, flush redder. "I was jealous that you'd moved on with the Green One!" His raised voice steals every beat of my heart. He drops his chin into his neck and gazes at Cruaih. "Perhaps for Serpents, mating bonds are different than they are for Crows, but?—"

"Enzo's my den mate, Cathal, not my love mate."

His jaw begins to tick.

"I can hear Agrippina, too." I try to catch his stare, but he keeps it on his pet. "I thought you knew that my connection to them was like Lore's to?—"

"I do know."

"Then why in the world do you think that Enzo and I are more?—"

"Because I saw you together, Daya!"

"Again, he is my denmate. You will often see us together, Cathal."

His searing gaze finally lifts off his kitten. "I'm not fucking talking about seeing the two of you swimming."

A dull buzzing resounds in my ears. "You saw him kiss me."

"You were right. This was a mistake. I don't know why I thought we could work together." He eyes my door, then eyes Cruaih, probably calculating the best and quickest method to escape with a creature that cannot dematerialize to smoke.

I move across the room and position myself right in their path. And then I take blocking their exit a step further, because I don't want him leaving here thinking that Enzo's kiss meant anything to me—I lock the lattice doors and create a veil that hinders any wandering eyes from peering through the decorative openings.

"What are you doing?" he growls.

I walk back toward him. "I want to explain?—"

"I don't want your explanation. We aren't mates. You owe me nothing."

"What you saw was Enzo trying to prove to me that my connection to him was stronger than my connection to Agrippina." I stop an arm's length from him, sensing that if I get any closer, it will send him surging back, for wild creatures do not like to be cornered. I'd know. I once was wild. "What you saw was a boy acting on some misplaced crush."

"What I saw was a woman declaring her love to another man! What I saw was her kissing that fucking man!"

Cruaih ducks once more behind his forearm. I'm tempted to tell him to set her down before he crushes her, but I doubt he'd welcome my advice.

Still, I keep my gaze on her in case she needs rescuing. "I do love him, but I love him like I love Fallon."

His mouth twists in revulsion and he falls back a step. "That makes it all so much more revolting."

"It does. And it was."

"Yeah." He snorts. "You looked so revolted, Daya."

"You might've borne witness to the scene, but you didn't bear witness to my thoughts." Anger sours my palate. "I didn't want the kiss."

"Then why didn't you bloody push him back! Why did you just…" His Adam's apple jostles twice before he manages to blow out the end of his sentence. "Why did you just stand there? Why? Fucking why ?"

"At first, because I was shocked."

He snorts.

"I was. You don't have to believe me, but I've never lied to you and don't intend to start today. I should've put an end to it immediately." Enzo's face suddenly layers itself over Cathal's. I close my eyes to whisk him away. "But I didn't, because…"

"Because why ?" Pain bleeds through his anger.

"I was almost certain he wasn't my mate before he kissed me, but it was the kiss—the lack of… spark that erased all my doubts. I imagined he'd feel it and pull away. Naively, I also imagined that he'd only get closure if he was the one to put an end to it."

Though I don't voice my next thoughts out loud, they must be written all over my face because Cathal mutters, "Clearly, he didn't get closure."

On a sigh, I pry my lids apart. "No, but he did fall into Taytah's bed."

Cathal's crooked nose wrinkles. I presume he knew about my Serpent and my grandmother for his face isn't marred with surprise, only disgust.

"He might not like it, but he's understood that I can never be his." I stare at the crown I set down on the cushion that still bears the indent of the former queen's body. "How I envy Lore. How I envy that the day the Mahananda made him other, it gave him a whole tribe." My chest lifts with a deep breath that causes the braided cords of my gown to dig into my rib cage. "Though I feel incredibly blessed to have the power to make others, I wish that the path to understanding it all had been smoother. I wish…" I lift my gaze off the crown and sweep it over Cathal, over the cords of his throat and the cliffs of his cheekbones, before daring to meet his guarded stare and confessing, "I wish I hadn't lost you along the way, Cathal Báeinach."

I want him to say that I haven't.

I want him to set down Cruaih and take me in his arms.

But the Crow doesn't speak and he doesn't choose Serpent over cat.

I back up toward the doors. "Forgive me for locking you in, but I wanted to speak my piece before you flew off." I palm the wood, recalling my blood, then open the door to free him.

Every guard stands to attention outside.

"Do you need anything, Sumaca?" Asha asks.

"Yes. I need you to stop calling me Your Highness and go rest."

She rolls her eyes. "Should I send for some food?"

I shake my head just as a gruff voice behind me says, "Yes. I'd love some food, and Cruaih would appreciate a bowl of milk."

"Milk isn't very good for…" When Asha's recommendation fades, I fathom that Cathal is firing a look her way about his desire for her nutritional input. She presses her lips together before muttering, "We will bring sustenance for all, immediately."

After dispatching some guards to the kitchen, she hunts my expression in the hopes of gleaning my mood.

I give my steadfast guard and friend a warm smile before murmuring, "All's well."

But is it? He's staying for a meal , I remind myself. He may depart soon after, but at least, he isn't departing immediately. I lower my hand from the door, leaving it ajar so he doesn't feel trapped, and turn back toward the Crow.

As our gazes twine, my stomach swishes, and not from hunger. I don't ask if he forgives me for kissing another, the same way I don't ask for how long he'll be staying.

Instead, I wander back his way, giving his companion my full attention. "Hello, Cruaih. I'm Zendaya. I'm sorry for frightening you earlier with my shouting. I'm not usually prone to raising my voice."

I reach one finger toward her muzzle. "May I?"

"You can try, but she can be quite?—"

I stroke up the bridge of her tiny nose, my finger sliding through her feather-soft black fur.

"—aloof," he finishes.

I smile. "I'd expect nothing less with a master like yourself."

She tilts her head to sniff my finger, then wraps her coarse tongue around my nail. My heart holds still because, although it's scabbed, there was a smear of dried blood that's now gone.

"What?" Cathal asks.

"She licked some of my blood." I look up at him, then back at her. "It won't poison her, will it?"

"Fallon's blood doesn't harm her, so I don't see why yours would."

"Because I'm part-Serpent."

"And our daughter is part-Crow."

Still, my pulse whooshes as hard as my stomach.

He crouches and sets Cruaih down, then strides over to the red velvet circle. "Shall we get started?" When I don't move or say a word, he glances over his shoulder at me. "Daya, she will be fine."

I nod.

He sits, muttering that my first order of business should be updating the throne room with armchairs instead of floor cushions with stunted backrests.

Cruaih twines her little body around my ankles, startling me out of my daze. My surprise surprises her in turn and she skips toward Cathal and skitters onto his lap.

When I've still made no move to follow, Cathal cants his head. "Shall we get started, Sumaca?"

"You're staying?"

"Unless you prefer I leave, then yes."

"All right." I make my way toward him, choosing to kneel on the floor cushion instead of sitting cross-legged like he is. Cruaih scales his muscled thigh, teeters there a moment, before hopping off and moseying on over to me.

My hand sinks into her fur. "What about after you eat?"

"Zendaya"—my name on his lips has never sounded so gentle—"I'm staying."