18. Koa

Koa

The loud siren piercing the air made me jerk upright and look around. It was so loud, it made my eyesight pulse. The sound didn't come from inside the house, but from somewhere outside. Not even nearby necessarily, but intended to be heard throughout the compound.

"What the hell is that?" Rue asked.

Around me, my husbands and wife sat up too, and we all stared around the room as if we'd get answers from the walls or the ceiling.

"Fire?" Bryn suggested, rubbing his eyes.

A phone rang and Javan got up to answer it. Calix left the bed and pulled the curtain aside to look out the window. Another phone rang and Bryn answered. Then a third and all my husbands were on their phones.

Part of me wanted to get to my phone. I could probably figure it out. There was a lot I could do with my phone. Many places I could access. But my monster was already twitching in irritation at the sound. No. Not a good idea.

"Someone installed the damn thing," Javan said. "And someone pulled the alarm."

My hands fisted on my thighs. The siren was making me sick. It felt like I had animal ears that just funneled that shit into my brain. An IV straight into my monster that was slowly making him snarl.

Rue sidled up next to me and linked her arm through mine. "Loud, isn't it?"

I nodded. Looking up, I found all three of my husbands off their phones. Each of them was looking at us. Then Calix stopped at the end of the bed and leaned over, his fingers lightly brushing my face.

"If I brought you your phone, could you figure it out?"

I pressed my lips together, hesitating before nodding.

"You don't want your phone," he guessed.

My shoulders tensed because they needed to know what the sound was. We all did. Clearly something was happening. Someone was shortsighted and, while they thought to install an alarm, no one informed everyone what the noise meant or how to find that information.

I could figure it out easily enough. Technology was my job. No one was better at it than me.

But my monster dug his claws in, and I shuddered, shaking my head. The siren was making him angry.

"That's okay, Koa. I'm really proud of you for knowing when you need to step away," Calix praised.

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

Rue's arm flexed around mine.

"Don't be. This is exactly what we needed from you. Someone pulled the alarm, and we'll find out who and why."

When Javan's phone rang again, we all turned to watch him answer it. At first, there was no difference in his expression. But then his eyes went wide. I swear, I saw fear in them. He looked around the room, as if something were going to pop out. He stared toward the window and then up at the ceiling.

We followed his movements as if we were watching a badminton match, tracking the birdie.

Then he hung up. For a solid minute, he stared at nothing, looking absolutely horrified. Disbelieving. It frightened me more than maybe anything because I've never seen Javan look that way before.

"Javan?" Calix prompted.

Javan jumped, his attention turning to us. "We need to leave."

My heart began to race. I gripped Rue's leg tightly, unsure when I reached for her. Her grip on my arm tightened as well.

"Where are we going?" Bryn asked. "What happened?"

"Taikas'. We're… biochemical warfare," he whispered. With the blaring of the alarm, I could barely hear him. "It hasn't reached the compound yet but…"

Silence. Okay, not silence. Fucking alarm!

"Come on, baby. Let's get dressed," Calix said, offering me his hand.

A shudder ran through me, but I took his hand and let him guide me off the bed and out of the room, down the hall and into the bedroom we shared. The one where all my Little clothes and toys were.

"What do you want to wear today?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

Calix nodded and opened the drawer. He pulled out different articles of clothing from the dresser and set them on the edge of the bed. Then he kissed my temple. "Get dressed like a big boy, okay? Can you do that for Daddy?"

Inhaling deeply, I tried to push away the angry energy inside me and nodded.

"I'll be right here getting dressed too. Try to hurry."

I wasn't Little right now, but I wasn't necessarily Big either. I hovered somewhere in the middle, needing to be both. One for my sanity and one because I could probably help. But the siren was making me nuts. With every pulse, my vision narrowed. My monster began to thrash violently, driven by the shrill sound of the alarm. Angry. So damn angry.

My heart raced as I tried to keep him inside. I squeezed my eyes shut. It's going to be fine. Daddy is right here. We're going to be okay.

But we weren't okay. The frequency of the alarm was enough to make him nuts. Absolutely insane.

Cool hands on my face made me jump. I was hunkered down on the floor, trying to put my sock on, though I didn't remember crouching down. Or even getting out of my jammies. Did I put the fresh undies on?

He pulled me into his chest and held me tightly. I tried to bury my face, but it did nothing to dampen the sounds. It continued to pulse. My monster continued to flail violently. Bringing up a hand, I tried to cover my ear, pressing the other one to Daddy.

"What do you need right now?" Daddy asked.

"I ca—I can't think. It's making me so angry," I said, struggling to get the words out.

He brought both my hands up and covered my ears with them. "Hold on a minute." His words were muffled, and while I could still hear the alarm, it wasn't nearly so awful right now. It was still bad. I could feel it in my blood with every beat of my heart. But I wasn't drowning.

Daddy Calix came back with a pair of headphones. They were black with cat ears on top. I wore them when I was watching shows on a tablet while we were traveling sometimes. He put them on my head, adjusting them to sit comfortably over my ears.

A sense of relief slowly fell over me. The dull thrum of the alarm continued but no longer felt like an injection.

"Better?" Daddy Calix asked. His voice was muffled, but because he was right in front of me and talking normally, he wasn't background noise. The headphones were best at blocking background noise, so I could focus on something in front of me.

I nodded. "Yes. Thank you."

"Sit on your bum. Let me help you with your socks."

I sat back and watched as Daddy Calix pushed my socks into place. Then he helped me stand and step into my pants. Apparently, I had changed into new undies. He pulled a shirt over my head, straightened it out, and sat me on the edge of the bed.

He moved around the room, filling my backpack with toys from my corner and a couple stuffies. He handed me one of them, my newest one. The deer Rue brought me the day we met. I hugged it to my chest.

"Let's get you a sippy and some snacks. We'll meet everyone downstairs."

Daddy Calix took my hand and led me from the room. I still hovered somewhere between Little and Big, feeling the pull of both. The promise of calm, carefree play of Little space was beckoning, but everything inside me said I needed to help.

He filled a couple sippy cups and then a few food containers with the spill-resistant lids with different snacks. Everything went into my backpack, and he slung it on his back as the others stepped into the kitchen.

Daddy Calix stopped in front of me. He pinched my chin, holding my attention on him. "You can be Little right now, Koa."

I chewed the inside of my lip as I stared into his eyes.

"I can see how much you're struggling right now. Trust Daddy to take care of you. Be my little boy, okay?"

"Are you sure?" I asked, already moving into Little space. "What if you need something?"

"If it's dire, then I'll ask. But I'm sure it'll be fine. We're together. We're safe in the compound. We're going to the Taikas' because they have a really big house and a whole lot of magic."

I nodded. While I knew my body didn't physically change, it felt as though I shrunk down by three feet and I was suddenly looking up at Daddy.

"That's better," he cooed, cupping the side of my face. "Such a good boy when you listen to your Daddy. I need you to be brave today, okay?"

I nodded again. "Yes, Daddy. "

"Keep your headphones on and take my hand. Want to take Rue's too, and you can walk between us?"

Rue grinned at me from where she stood in the doorway. I looked down at the stuffie in my hand.

"Papa?" I asked, offering my stuffie to him.

Papa took it, winking at me. "I've been waiting for my turn."

Giving him a smile in return, I took Rue's proffered hand and I walked between two of my very favorite people in the whole wide world.

Outside, the siren got louder. I stopped in the door and shuddered.

Daddy leaned into me. "It's a quick walk and then it'll quiet down again. Can you be brave for me?"

"Yes," I answered, though I wasn't confident that I could. My monster was getting wild. He didn't like the sound. I could feel his frustration and fury as it made my whole body jittery.

Thankfully, Daddy was right. It was no time at all before we got to the Taikas'. We weren't the first ones there. Lots of our friends were already there. Obry was sitting on the floor and she waved at me. I could see her bracelet that matched the one she gave me. I wore it a lot, but I didn't have it on today. Still, I waved back.

The Taikas' youngest kid wasn't magic like his family; he didn't like that. His name was Casper. He stopped in front of me and smiled. "Want to play, Koa?"

I leaned into Daddy, hiding behind his arm and shook my head. "No, thank you."

"Okay," he said. "Maybe we can play later."

I nodded and he turned away. Daddy leaned in to whisper, "Good boy using your manners. It's okay to say you don't want to play, but I'm really happy you were so nice to your friend."

"Good boys are nice," I said, looking at Daddy shyly.

He grinned. "Yes, they are. What would you like to do?"

"Can I stay with you, Daddy?"

"Of course. Let's go find a seat. "

We moved into the room with lots of our adult friends. Rue had to let go of my hand, but she placed it on my back to let me know she was still there. Daddy found a chair and I climbed into his lap. Dada handed me a sippy of juice and Papa gave me back the stuffie from Rue.

"Drink your juice," Rue instructed as she bent down to kiss my head. "Little boys need to stay hydrated."

Obediently, I took several large swallows before setting it back in my lap. Daddy kissed my head after, too. I tucked into him, pressing my face into his chest and trying to ignore the dull throbbing of the siren that was just barely there. Every wail made my monster twitch, so I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to tune it out.

"He okay?"

"The siren is making his monster wild," Daddy answered.

A hand rested gently on my head. "What does he need?"

"Ideally for the alarm to turn off. His struggle is enough without it, but the headphones are helping," Daddy explained.

"I think the alarm could definitely be turned off," someone else said. "It's already woken the dead."

Conversation dissolved into what was happening outside the house. The front door kept opening and more of our friends stepped inside. With them came a momentary increase in the volume of the siren. Each time, my monster snarled.

"What news do we have?"

"It's… ugly. From what we can see, it's still just targeting humans, but the occasional monster is going down, too."

"The facts are minimal at this point—it's airborne. We don't know where it came from or how it was set off. Or even when, for that matter. We think it's moving with the wind currents."

"It's not visible. It doesn't have odor or taste until it's too late and has already invaded the lungs. It's… an ugly, painful death. Without getting close, we've witnessed via television that it presents kind of like rabies in a visual sense, with foaming at the mouth, confusion, anxiety, partial paralysis, fever. Unlike rabies, it moves very quickly. From the onset of symptoms, we're talking hours."

"And it's stupidly contagious."

"Not hitting monsters yet?"

"What's keeping it out of the compound?"

"From what we've seen, it's not hitting a lot of monsters yet but that might be because of the lack of monster population left in the world. With Silence systematically killing humans, they seem to have fled. It may just be access at this point."

"As for the compound… I'm not sure anything is."

"This house has filtered oxygen."

"Oh? How does that work? Have you already magicked a filter to catch this shit?"

"Cute. But no. I'm just making sure the right amount of oxygen is moving through the house. Magically, I'm already removing anything that's not oxygen or nitrogen; trying to keep it as close to normal."

The door opened again, and I winced, turning my face into Daddy a little further. He kissed my forehead. Then there was soft music playing in my ears and it drowned out the siren completely. I sighed in relief.

The voices were muted more now too, but that was okay. It sounded scary. People dying and stuff. Like a scary movie. I'm not allowed to watch scary movies. So instead, I turned my attention to the music and my monster.

With a continuous internal chant of Daddy will keep us safe , I forgot about what was going on outside of me as much as I could. At least, for now.