Chapter 15

Chapter

Fifteen

ATHENA

Back in my room, I look through my mother’s dresser and vanity again to find more of her diaries. The ones I’ve found have all had just ramblings of a bored woman. Nothing with any meat to them. But something tells me if I keep digging, I’ll find more. Under her bed, nothing. Then I search the closets. Nothing but clothes in the first. I open the second to find it isn’t a closet. It’s another room entirely, with a desk and some bookshelves filled with beautiful leather-bound journals. I grab the first one. It is dated the day after she abandoned me. The day she left her entire family. The day we all believed she jumped off a cliff because she could no longer face life.

Dear Diary,

Today, I left my family. Forever.

I know that they’ll be better off without me. I can’t take the constant questions, the expectations, and the pressure of being the perfect wife and mother anymore. I’ve been suffocating for years, and I can’t do it anymore.

I don’t have what it takes to be a Godwin.

I know it’s selfish, but I had to do it. And now here I am, alone in this new house... alone.

Someday my journals will be found. I think that’s why I write them. Maybe someday my daughter or my sons will stumble upon them, and something in my words will ease the pain I caused them .

Or maybe not.

Maybe it will only hurt them more.

Troy got me set up in this house. It’s large. Too large. It’s outside of Seattle. I asked to be further away. So far that maybe I won’t think about them. But he refused. He still wants his strangle on my neck.

I think I may have made a mistake. But it’s too late. I’m dead. Troy told me he’s going to make it look like I jumped off the cliff. Such a tragic way to die.

I don’t want to read anymore. Something about it feels as if I’m invading her privacy. But at the same time… fuck her. And fuck her privacy.

Dear Diary,

I’ve been thinking a lot about Athena. I left her with a house full of men. Powerful, ruthless, and even dangerous men. Yes, she can hold her own. Maybe even more so than my sons. But that is what scares me. There’s no one there to teach her how to be soft. To teach her how to be feminine. There’s no one to teach her that she doesn’t need a constant shield, ready for battle.

Or maybe she does. Maybe her life will be nothing but a war.

She is a Godwin after all.

When the butler fell down the stairs, I knew it was her that killed him. I could see the look of murder in her eyes. My daughter was now a killer. She wasn’t the first Godwin to be one and wouldn’t be the last.

But I should have been there for her.

Phoenix told me what happened. He revealed the butler had tried to molest Athena. She was just a child. A little girl! He got what was coming to him.

I should have been there for her.

I should have been the one to push the man to his death who dared to touch her.

It should have been me to have the courage. But I didn’t.

It was Athena. The brave one. My brave daughter.

I didn’t even have the courage to approach her and comfort her. To let her know that I knew, and she wasn’t alone.

No. I allowed her to form a dark secret in her heart.

I allowed the Godwin curse to set in .

I knew it wouldn’t be her only secret, and it wouldn’t be the last darkness to enter her heart.

It’s probably good that I left her with the ruthless men in her life. She’ll learn from them rather than me.

She’ll become the goddess of war, and that’s a good thing.

She knew?

I thought only Phoenix knew what happened. My mother was right. I did form a dark secret at such a young age, but it wasn’t a bad thing. It made me the woman I am today. I know that. Don’t fuck with me. Don’t fuck with Athena Godwin.

Did I kill a man?

I sure as fuck did, and I’d do it again. He touched me. He made me feel dirty. Wrong. And for that, he had to pay.

I didn’t tell anyone besides Phoenix. Not because I was scared of going to jail or anything like that, but because I was embarrassed I let the man make me feel that way. I was ashamed of my momentary weakness. So, I regained my strength and pushed the fucker down the stairs, happy to hear his neck snap.

Can’t touch me again, motherfucker. Can you?

I don’t even try to stop the tears flowing down my face as I continue to read. Page after page of words all about how she was sorry she had to run. Apologies for how she failed us.

She spoke about me, Phoenix, Apollo, and Ares. But she also spoke of her new boys—Perseus, Heph, Eros, and Paris. She found these boys, raised them, loved them as her own. They didn’t have Godwin blood, and for that she was grateful. These boys would someday serve a purpose, however. With the kindness and support only a mother could give, she created an army meant for only one purpose. To protect her only daughter once she got me out of my father’s clutches.

The sun has set before I leave the study for the night with a heavy weight on my heart. My head aches, and my soul has been torn to shreds, but I realize a few important things. I don’t hate my mother. I don’t resent her for leaving any longer. That wasn’t what was fueling this mission. I missed her. When she left, there was a hole carved into my heart, and it had never scarred over.

I sit on my bed, and for the first time in a long while, I cry everything out.

I don’t know how long it’s been when the tears fade. All I know is my head is pounding, my throat feels thick, and I need to know more. She wrote that she sacrificed being my mother to keep me from a much darker life. What could have possibly been worse than believing that she chose to abandon me by killing herself?

I have all these questions in my head. They demand answers, but right now I just don’t have the strength to find them.