Chapter 8

RED

"R ed, this isn't helpful," Octavia says as she catches up to me.

I managed to march quite a distance from Octavia before she caught up.

"Did you check the desiccating bodies for evidence?" I say, unable to keep the shittiness out of my tone.

"Yes, nothing, unfortunately. They were clean. We need to talk this out because we still have to work with each other to win the trials."

"You think I don't know that?" I say.

"Look, it changes things, you knowing who you are. But we're bound now. As far as I can tell, we're not going to be able to exist that far away from each other."

"Biggest regret of my life, knowing I'll have to spend the rest of it in the same fucking city as you. At least I know I'll be moving to the other side of it."

Her features harden, but she chooses to ignore that comment.

"I can still protect you, but we need to put it behind us."

"Put it behind us? Protect me?" I scoff. "Are you even sorry?" I say, scanning her face for a sign of regret.

I find nothing. "Oh my gods, you're not, are you?"

"If you're asking me whether I'd make the same choice again…" She falls silent, her mouth making fish shapes in the air.

I throw my hands up. Still, she doesn't answer.

"How could you hurt me like this?" I whisper, my voice cracking on the words.

I storm off, leaving her in the tunnel behind me, knowing full well that she's more than capable of catching up. But I'm dizzy. My arm is killing me where he tried to yank it out of its socket, and my head is fuzzy with a thirst no normal human should feel. I hate that I'm going to need to dose in order to get home. We tried withdrawals, lower doses but more consistent, and I hoped it would work. It hasn't. I'm worse than I have been in a long time, and I don't think it's just that I'm an entire day out from having had any blood.

I cough once, twice.

Everything goes dark.

I'm on the floor.

Octavia leans over me.

"Mother of Blood," she says, leaning down to give me a hand.

I smack it away and get up. "I'm fine."

"You collapsed."

"I'M FINE."

She kneads her temples like I'm the problem stressing her out.

"You're not even close to fine," she says, only this time it comes out through gritted teeth. She stabs her finger into her carotid. I lunge forward and pin her hand in place.

"Do not even think about pulling that nail out," I say.

"Red, you collapsed. Your skin is grey, you're sweating. If you don't dose, we're not getting out of this fucking tunnel let alone back to Sangui City."

"And if I do drink your blood? Then what? We fuck? Why would I fuck someone I hate?"

She snorts at me. "You've never had a problem doing that before."

I huff at her, release my grip, and wobble on my feet.

"For the love of my patience, take the dose before I have to carry you back to Sangui City unconscious…" she pauses, straightens up and then adds. "Please."

A sick curl of pleasure twists around my gut hearing her say please. I could make her beg me to take her blood.

"I'll take it if you answer one question."

"Anything," she says, keeping her finger wedged firmly in her neck.

"With the exception of the rooftop a day ago and the night Amelia was turned…" I start.

Octavia swallows hard, but she doesn't look away.

I take a step closer to her. I need to see her expression, read the micro movements, make sure she doesn't go vampire still and protect her truth from me. "Aside from those instances, have you ever taken my memories?"

She swallows once. Twice.

I shake my head.

"You fucking have. I knew it."

I spin on my heel and storm off. "We're done."

She chases after me, and I can sense the instant she pulls her finger off her neck. My mouth waters automatically. I wish it wouldn't, but I'd give just about anything to feast on her blood. The thought sickens me. How can I despise her so much and yet need a piece of her body so dearly? She must pat it dry because the exquisite scent of her blood dissipates in the air so fast, I barely taste the saliva buildup in my mouth.

"Red, wait."

"You don't get to ‘Red wait' me anything. Give them back."

"What?" she says as she catches up.

"Give back the memories you stole," I bark and wipe my brow. I'm sweating harder now. My vision is dizzy. I lean against the tunnel. They're familiar now. We must be nearing home at last.

"I can't," she says.

"The fuck do you mean you can't? They're mine. GIVE. THEM. BACK."

Her jaw clenches, her eyes watery as she stands a little taller, steadying herself for whatever I can throw at her.

"No," she says. "I won't."

I scream and shove her back against the wall. "I FUCKING HATE YOU." I shout, and take a step but stumble, my vision smattered with grey.

"WELL, I FUCKING LOVE YOU," she bellows back.

"But you don't, because if you did, you'd give back what doesn't belong to you." Tears are falling. My hands ball into fists. I thump them against her chest with a weak rhythmic thudding. I don't want to hurt her, not really, not in this moment. But the movement eases the ache in my heart.

She folds her hands around my mine, pulling them off her chest. Then she brushes my shaggy locks behind my ear.

"It's because I love you that I took them." Her voice is soft now, patience ebbing through her tone.

I scoff against her chest. "If you really believe that, then you're more deluded than I imagined." I sway on my feet. The need to dose burns through me. I hate that it's true, but if I don't take some blood, I'm going to collapse.

"I know it, Red. I also know that if you don't feed, you're going to be unconscious within minutes."

"Feed? Don't call it that. I'm a human. An addict, perhaps, and I'm fucking dosing ." I don't care that I made the same slip earlier, which makes me a hypocrite. I refuse to lose my humanity. It's dosing. I am not a vampire. I will never be a vampire.

"Okay, okay," she says, but she doesn't meet my eyes and that irritates me even more. Like she knows best? I am not the same as her. She looks away and tilts her head, her long, dark hair falling off her shoulder as she bares her neck to me.

"I don't… I don't want to take it like that. I'm not like you…" I say.

Octavia's lips purse. I'm being spiteful, but I don't give a shit. I don't want to be doing this.

"Listen, you can stand on your laurels later. Right now, you need to get as much of my blood in your system as you can, or you won't make the trip home. I've never seen you struggle like this."

This time, it's my molars grinding against each other. I open my mouth, run my tongue along the bottoms of my upper teeth. I swear they're sharpening. It's impossible. I am not a fucking vampire and I'm not a bloody dhampir either. Not yet, anyway. And maybe there's still a way I can stop this shit. Pass it to one of the other hunters. I don't want it.

I lean into her neck. Her smooth skin, despite being cold, sends heat radiating through my system. Her blood smells like iron and ice, like fires in winter and spices that warm your belly. I run my incisors along her artery, and Octavia shivers against me. I resent the fact that my pussy responds to her shiver.

"Is that disgust?" I ask, though I'm certain it's not.

"It's lust. I want you to take it." She pushes her neck down toward me and my body responds of its own accord. My eyes close, but cool tears roll down my cheeks. She might not find what I have to do disgusting, but I do. I hate myself. I hate her more for being here and coming after me instead of letting the bond sever so I could die in peace in these godsforsaken tunnels.

I lower my lips to her neck. I breathe deep, praying my stomach holds strong and the bile clawing at my throat doesn't make an appearance, and then I plunge into her skin. There's no resistance. I expected to struggle against her skin. But my teeth must be sharper because they sink into her flesh like a knife through cake.

Blood bubbles up into my mouth, smothering my tongue in the most delicious tasting substance I've ever had. Thick and warm. Sweet tones mixed with the tang of iron and beneath that an aged essence like rich wine that has me sucking on her neck like a kid with a milkshake.

The liquid heat warms me as it slides down my throat, yet its cool spiciness flows through my system. Then it drops, drops, drops and settles in my cunt.

My fingers grip Octavia's shoulders harder as a throbbing in tune with her heartbeat pulses in my pussy. My clit swells and vibrates against the fabric of my trousers, responding to the ingestion of her blood. This is the bit I was dreading.

My nails dig into her shoulders as I bite deep, pulling and sucking on her neck like it's my life force.

"Red," Octavia says.

But I'm not listening anymore. I am only consumption and blood and the raw rage bubbling in my chest. The tunnel has quietened to the sucking of my lips against her throat.

"RED," she says, louder this time.

I don't care. I need to drink it all. Drown in it.

Everything hazes over. A crimson veil drops over my vision. My throat is like liquid gold, my whole body alight with the electric bliss that is her life force. The more I take, the more connected I am to her. It's like I'm inside her, part of her, and it's intoxicating.

My entire system is eager, glowing, golden and glistening with power, energy and fury.

I am everywhere.

And then I'm not.

I blink up at Octavia from the damp tunnel floor.

"What the fuck was that?" Octavia says. "You were taking too much."

It starts with a tiny melodic tinkle. But it grows and blooms into a booming laugh. From laughter to hysterics. Huge wracking cackles spill from my chest. Tears streak my cheeks, only I'm not sure if they're of laughter or devastation. I smear them away, smudging her blood across my face with the moisture.

"What the hell was that?" she says, helping me to my feet.

"It was me, hungrier than I've ever been," I say, my eyes falling to her cleavage. Believe me when I say I want to drag my eyes away, but her blood is in my system now, a lot of it, and I can't tear them away.

"And now you're hungry for something else?" she says, wiping her thumb across my lips. She licks up the drop of her blood. My lips tingle at her touch, my body is hot with desire. Want. Lust.

I crave her.

Need her.

I try to push the desire away, fight to control my mind. There's a part of me deep down that loathes the fact I allowed myself to get like this. To succumb to an addiction that controls me when I've fought so hard against those who seek to control. It's pathetic. My mouth salivates at the thought of her pussy.

I want to spend the rest of the night wrapped in her. This desire is more intense than before. The fucking bond. As if it wants us to be near, to be one and united.

My body trembles, but not from thirst anymore, from an entirely different hunger. I can barely stand to stay dressed; I want to tear her out of her clothes and all the while, I fucking hate myself for it. I want to scour her out of my mind and soul and rid all my memories of her. And yet, that would make me just as bad as her.

The fucking irony.

Finally, I look up at her. "Yes, I want something else." Heat simmers in my eyes. Somewhere deep down, I'm aware of how pissed off I am.

"But you still hate me?" she purrs.

"With every cell in my body."

She leans against the tunnel wall. The ivy vines are overgrown here. She licks her lips and holds my gaze. "Then I suppose you need to punish me, don't you? Will that make you feel better?"

She's practically electric with anticipation. I swear I can detect her sweet scent in the air. The faintest hint of lust between her legs. But how could I? I don't have her vampire senses. Was I too hasty in wanting to be rid of this dhampir fate? Maybe there are upsides.

Her eyes glow a sultry crimson, and finally, I get it. "You want to be punished for what you've done," I say.

She sucks in her bottom lip and stares up at me from between her bangs. Her eyelashes practically flutter.

"Punishing you won't make it go away."

"But it might make you feel better because that is what you want to do, isn't it? Punish me?"

I shake my head, knowing she's right. "You're some kind of fucked up."

"Coming from the human who just drank my blood straight from my neck? I think we make a fine pair. And we're bonded now. So I know exactly how much you want me. Exactly how much you hate me, and exactly how much you want to punish me. Why don't we stop fucking lying and give each other what we need?" She grips my crotch.

My entire body flexes, urging me to back away. To do the sensible thing.

Sadly, I don't. "Turn around. I don't want to look at you while I punish you."

She sucks in a breath, her mouth dropping open as her eyes glimmer. I lower my tone. Thread command through it.

"Take your trousers off. Now."

She acquiesces and drops them next to her.

"Underwear too," I say.

She slides her lace underwear off.

"Hands on the wall. Tell me how many memories you took?" I say, my voice scathing.

"Wh—"

"How many?"

"A lot."

"Fine. If you can't quantify it, then how many times. Let's start there."

"I… I don't know. Five? Six? Seven, ten times?" she says, her voice hitching up a notch.

"We'll start with seven. One smack for every time you stole from me. Now. What is your safe word?" I say.

"Villain."

"Good. Now bend forward."

She does, pushing her arse out as she's bent in half, her head level with her arms.

"Are you ready?" I ask. "Because this will be a punishment."

"Y—" she starts as I land a slap in the centre of her arse cheek.

"Count."

"One," she says, already panting.

I pull my hand back and swing again, harder this time, and collide with her soft flesh.

She gasps, "Two."

I slap again. And again, it's harder than the last.

"Three," she whimpers. I slide my hand over the reddening skin and then I slip between her legs. She's wet and soaking her thighs.

"If you take the punishment like a good girl, then I'm going to take care of this," I say and draw a finger through her excitement. Her legs shake, her breathing hitches faster.

But I also increase the ferocity of the smacks. She's right, a part of me needs this. Needs to make her pay for what she's done to me. And with each smack, I'm a little less furious, a little less vindictive.

"Four," I say as I bring my hand down on her arse. This time it hurts enough to sting my palm. But there's something in the stinging sensation that threads through my body and wipes every emotion away.

I don't know how we're going to continue when this is over, because I'm never drinking her blood again. Never touching her, fucking her or being near her unless it's under duress.

She can break the bond. This was a terrible mistake.

How can I ever be with someone who has lied and betrayed me? Who took a piece of me without my permission?

"More," Octavia says. "Harder."

"Did I tell you to speak?" I snap, and I pull my hand back and slap harder still. The sound rings around the tunnel, echoing off the walls. "Five."

She shunts forward this time, almost slipping off the wall. She makes a strangled sound, something between a gasp and a moan.

"I need…" she starts.

"What do you need?"

"To… to touch myself," she pants.

"No. Now spread your legs." I reach up and break a thick branch of ivy off the bush. I tug all the leaves off and then brandish it. Flicking this way and that. The swish of the branch cuts through the air, making a whipping sound that has Octavia jerking around to see what it is.

"I said face the wall or I'll make it eight."

She does, and I bend to slide my head between her open thighs, inhaling the sweet scent of her soaked pussy. I inch toward her clit. I can practically taste her sweetness.

"You don't get to come, you don't get to touch yourself, until I decide you can." My words brush against her folds.

She whimpers, the heat from my face pooling around her pussy. Then I'm gone and standing up again. It's cruel. But this is a punishment for a reason.

Her fingers grip the tunnel wall harder. She's electric. The worse the punishment gets, the more her mind is slipping from reality into total submission.

I stand up against her bare arse, wishing I had a strap-on to fuck the punishment into her. Later, I decide.

Wait, no. Never. I shake my head, trying to steady my own grip on reality.

While this is helping, one fucking scene and one punishment does not rectify what she's done. There won't be any ‘love making' ever again.

I step away from her arse, pull the vine branch back and whip it down on her red skin.

"Six!" She screams it this time.

She's gasping as a red line blooms across her skin. I rub her cheeks, moving my hand in slow circles, changing the pressure to ease the soreness.

"Do you need to use your safe word?" I ask.

She shakes her head and pushes her arse out towards me, offering herself.

"More," she breathes.

But her legs are shaking, and her shoulders move in a more erratic motion. She's had enough, and the sight of that makes all the heat in me bleed away. I didn't mean to push so hard; seeing her this close to breaking fucks up my head. I step back and drop the branch.

"What are you doing? Finish this," Octavia says.

I can't do it anymore.

"Red…"

I'm dissolving.

"What do you need, Red?" She cups my jaw, her fingers tender, and draws me close, brushing her lips against mine. I close my eyes as she leans her forehead against me.

"It still hurts," I say, rubbing my chest, and then I'm crying. Nothing makes sense. How can all of me and none of me want her at the same time?

She pulls me in tight, kissing everywhere. My hand finds its way between our embrace to her pussy, slipping through her slick centre. I know this, her, her body. It's a comfort because it feels like home. I just wish it didn't make my chest tight and the air hard to breathe. I guess even dosing can't remove heartache.

My fingers glide between her folds.

She's drenched.

Good.

I shove two rough fingers right into her.

"Fuck," she says.

This isn't healthy. I should stop, but how can I when there's a part of her that still makes everything feel better? I pull myself together and lean into her ear.

"You're going to take what I give you, and you're not going to make a fucking sound. Do you understand?"

She nods. I thrust, slow and deep at first. She whimpers beneath her hair. She's breathing through her nose, the heavy, strained chest movements a sign she's pressed her lips together. Good. At least she can take these instructions.

I speed up, thrusting faster and harder. Her back rocks against the tunnel wall as I drive inside her and stroke her clit.

"Fuck," she gasps as I draw circles over her nub. I release her.

"I told you not a sound. Do you need to be punished again?" I say and withdraw my fingers, hovering at her entrance, circling and only slipping the tip inside. She wriggles and pants against me.

"Something you want to say?" I ask.

"I can't hold it in anymore," she says.

"The only thing on your lips better be my fucking name, Octavia, or I swear to gods, your next punishment will be so much worse."

I drive into her, thrusting hard as I return to circling her clit and winding her body tighter.

I crouch between her legs. My fingers push up into her as I slide my tongue over her cunt. I drive harder.

Harder.

Harder.

"Fuck, Red," she pants, her head tilting back against the tunnel's stone. Her hips grind against my mouth as I lap at her pussy. I thrust soft, hard, soft. Over and over, my tongue mimicking the pace until she's panting and breathless. Her fingers wind through my hair, gripping tight as she rams her cunt into my mouth.

I keep pumping into her until she twitches, her body jerking and wild where it was rhythmic. "Shit, I'm going to… oh gods."

And then she spills over the edge with a blissful, wordless moan. Her pussy clenches, and a rushing liquid pours out, squirting all over my face as her body comes undone.