Chapter 40

OCTAVIA

S omething is wrong. Not an ‘I made an oopsie,' wrong. But fundamentally about-to-tear-everything-apart wrong. It starts in my chest, a needle-like pain that it blooms out, coursing through my system until I am buckled over and about to puke.

I glance up, scanning the Blood Woods for any sign of Red. She is my first thought. Now, yesterday and always.

I have to make sure she's okay. This lancing pain is deep, it has an almost detached quality to it. That's when I panic. It's not me feeling this, but her. I wondered how the bond would affect us, what would grow or fall away, and I've been sensing more and more of her as time has gone on. And this… It's not me. She's in trouble.

I don't spare a second look at the strength ring. I'm racing through the woods hunting for her. The bond between us is like a cord. An eternal thread connecting her to me and me to her. I will always be able to find her, always be able to help and support, and I hope stave off her hurts, her pain.

And that's what's happening right now. She's in pain. Not the sort of physical pain that would end her life. But until I see her, until I can hold her in my arms and see that she's okay, I won't be satisfied.

I skid to a halt; she's moving. I change course and bolt through the forest in a new direction. There I find her in a small clearing. I can see the strengths ring from here if I strain. I must have done a full circle in my haste.

I speed up to her, and then I stagger to a standstill.

Oh, fuck.

Her expression is like fire and stone and steel and death.

"What—" I start.

But she cuts me off. "You lied. Our entire relationship, all you have been doing is lying. You said you'd told me everything about the night Amelia was turned, and you hadn't. Once again, you've only given me part of a truth."

"It's not like?—"

"Don't try to fucking twist it. You've been lying. Did you or did you not compel Amelia that night too?"

I'm silent. Fuck. What the hell? How did this happen?

She shakes her head at me. "You fucking did. I knew it. Sadie is the only one who even bothered to tell me the truth. The only one who bothered to give me back what was rightfully mine."

I frown. "If she gave you back your memories, then why?—"

"Gods, Octavia. Stop. There's nothing you can say right now to make any of this better. Once again, you were controlling me. Controlling the narrative and removing what little fucking autonomy I had. And you thought by not giving back my memories you'd what? Keep screwing me? As if you can't get a thousand other vampires to shag. I'm just a fucking plaything to you, aren't I? A novelty."

I don't understand what's going on. Why doesn't she understand the truth of what happened? If Sadie gave her all her memories back, then she should appreciate why I did it.

"Verity, please."

"Don't fucking call me that. In fact, don't even say my name again. Mother of Blood, Octavia. Even Elysium. Oh yes, I know about that, too. All this fucking time and you never told me the real reason I picked that safe word. Who are you?"

She flings her hands at me; her eyes wild, dark, full of a thick potency that screams like nightmares.

I grit my teeth, my jaw threatening to crack against the pressure. What the fuck, Sadie? I thought she was on my team. That we shared some kind of bond that our other siblings didn't.

Red steps up to me, into my personal space. The scent of leather, warm skin and fresh forests drifts in the air between us. It's clear now that she's crying, that her rage is actually pain, and that realisation carves out a piece of my heart.

I want to fix this. I need to understand exactly what's happened so that I can make it better. Make her mine again.

"Verity, please…"

She sniffs and wipes her face, shaking her head, and then she leans into me, her head on my chest.

"I'm not doing this to hurt you, but to save me. Because I need to take back control. I need to be in control of something."

"I don't under?—"

Something cold and sharp and then burning hot clamps over my wrists.

"What the fuck?" I hiss, staggering back.

Her face is like cold, hard stone. There's no emotion. No remorse.

"What are you doing?" I mumble, my wrists burning as I shake the cuffs. But they're attached to a tree. I'm literally chained in place.

I tug at the cuffs, trying to yank them off, but they're made of silver. Every movement causes a white-hot lancing pain to shoot through my wrists and arms.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

The fights.

"Red, listen. You need to release me so I can fight Dahlia. Whatever you think you know, you don't."

She huffs. "So, you didn't take the first memories of us together? You didn't hide the fact that the only reason I'm addicted to blood is because you gave me my first taste?"

I open my mouth to say no, but I can't, can I? Because I did those things. That first time especially, I took her memories because she hurt me. I didn't appreciate what she would be to me. What she would mean.

I shut my mouth, and she laughs. It's a nasty sneer of a thing.

"I thought you were different." Her eyes well and I'm not sure if it's the bond or the fact that I understand her so well, but she throbs with pain and hurt, and I carry it in my chest like an anchor.

"Don't do this," I say, but the words are pathetic and limp. "If you fight alone, you'll lose."

"I'm not as weak as you assume, thanks to last night."

"Red, come on, that's not what I mean. You are still human. I need you for the final round. You're the only one who can open the door."

"You need me," she taunts, shaking her head at me. "Cool. Octavia. Cool. Cool. Cool. Good to know that's the only reason you keep me around."

My breathing hitches, my stomach flutters to life, dancing with panic. She's going to get herself killed, or she's going to lose.

"This round, of all of them, needs us both. Let me fight. I can't watch you get hurt."

"No," she says and then steps into my personal space. "You're going to watch me intentionally lose. From here."

"What?" I say, the word a whisper. My blood freezes. Gooseflesh ripples over my arms. Hot ice drips down my spine. "What the fuck do you mean you're going to lose intentionally?" I jerk forward, trying to catch hold of her. She steps back out of my reach.

"You heard me. That was the price for my memories. Sadie said she would give them back if I intentionally made us lose this round."

"You wouldn't dare. You WOULDN'T FUCKING DARE. After everything I've done for you."

I can't breathe. This is my one shot. This is the only chance I've had in a thousand years to make this city feel like home. To finally belong. She wouldn't do that to me. She can't take that from me.

She huffs a laugh. "Everything you've done ? What, like control me, manipulate me like everyone else? Steal memories and create a narrative that suits you?"

"YOU ASKED ME TO TAKE THEM," I shriek. My throat is thick, pins and needles scratch at my fingers. I have to do something. Stop this madness. I don't understand what's going on or why the hell she's doing this, but it will ruin everything.

"Verity—"

"You knew how much I hated being controlled. How much I hate that vampires have all the power, that those in charge took my parents away. And still you manipulated me."

I run the math through my head and determine if she does this and loses, there's no way to win. Not outright. Maybe we could draw, but if she does this, she takes away everything I've been working toward. She pisses away my one chance to change this city for the better.

She'll take away everything that means anything to me.

I get on my knees. I am not beneath begging, pleading. "We won't be able to win."

She throws her hands up. "Win? You figure that's the most important thing here? Fuck me, Octavia, I thought I knew you."

Something wet streaks my cheeks, but my hands are too heavy to lift and it's not just the silver that makes them ache, but a lance that bores through my body as well.

"This will ruin us. It will ruin me."

"It already has. You already have."

She shreds two strips of fabric from the bottom of her top. She balls the first and shoves the fabric in my mouth. Then she uses the other strip to wrap around my face tying it in place, leaving me voiceless. Then she leaves, marching off into the trees towards the ring as I stare after her, watching my world fall apart. How could she do this to me?

She was the one person who understood, the one who saw me for me. But I'm a monster to her, like I was to that girl's father when I was little. Like I am to every human I've ever met.

Well, fuck her.

If they think I'm a monster, if she wants me to play her villain… then I will.

And Mother of Blood help anyone who stands in my way.