8. Who Needs Boys?

8

WHO NEEDS BOYS?

TERESA

A s soon as I enter the door, catcalls.

"Damn, Resa! Get it! First night out?!" Anelisa cheers from her spot on the couch.

Next to her, Zephyr and Dawn hover over the coffee table, staring at a bunch of papers and boxes spread out across. The mystery continues , I think, rolling my eyes. I am especially disinterested now. Especially since they were all there at the bar and no one thought to stop me from walking off with Mr. Hottie-With-the-Dog. Betrayers. Did anyone even text me to check in? Yeah, I didn't check my phone once when I was with him or since—not that I'm not about to check it now.

Taara is absent—likely in bed, considering it's almost three in the morning. That Anelisa is still awake at this hour is a surprise. Zephyr's a gremlin, their internal clock ruined after years of streaming and staring into computer screens. I'm assuming whatever is laid out across the table is fascinating enough to have kept Dawn up to this hour.

I wish something else had been up at this hour , I think to myself.

"You won't believe what we found in the attic!" Dawn says with excitement, which trails off as she sees my face.

With a sigh, I lie down on the floor next to the coffee table. I don't really care what they found. I'm so confused.

"What happened?" Dawn asks. "Did you go off with the hot dog guy?"

"Hot dog guy," Anelisa giggles.

"Oh, so you did see me with him. Did no one think to stop me?" I grumble.

"He didn't do anything to you, did he?" Zephyr pipes up, finally breaking their attention away from the coffee table.

"You ever have a guy give you the most mind-blowing oral of your life and then decide he's all done? What do you do with that?"

"He what?"

"Men," Anelisa huffs. "I tell you what, masquerading as one for years still didn't give me much insight into how they think. They're just dumb. "

"At least you got out with an orgasm, I take it?" Zephyr offers.

"Ugh, yes. It's insane, but I can still feel it," I groan.

"What did he say? Where did you go? Did you come back here alone?" Dawn asks.

Queen of the mystery, Dawn always has a million questions. I don't usually mind it, but right now I don't want to solve the problem, I want to mope.

"He took me to this cave—"

"You followed a dude to a cave to have sex?!" Zephyr screeches.

"Shh, you'll wake Taara," Anelisa scolds.

"Yeah, and if I do, Taara will momma bear in a split second. Let me be dad for a second, because what the heck, Teresa?!"

"Why did you follow a strange man to his sex cave?" Dawn asks. "I know I don't really get how normal people want sex but surely no one gets that horny."

Everyone gets quiet for a moment when I don't respond.

"You know," I start. "I really didn't even think too much about it until just now. I mean, yeah, it's fucking insane to follow a guy to a cave in the middle of the night for sex. But… this guy…"

"Oh man, you've got it bad," Dawn says.

I cover my face with my hands. "He's so hot! And everything was going so nice until I came and then he just got all sad or something or—I don't know!"

"Maybe he's getting over an ex," Anelisa offers.

"Or he realized he doesn't deserve you," Dawn grumbles.

"Maybe he's grieving. I dunno, it does weird stuff to you," Zephyr says.

I hear movement and I know Dawn & Anelisa went in for a Zephyr hug.

"Did he give you his number?" Anelisa asks.

"Nope!" I shout. "Just an orgasm and a little wave goodbye."

"A wave!" Anelisa.

"Not a kiss?" Dawn.

"A WAVE GOODBYE?" Zephyr.

They sound as incredulous as I feel. "I've never been this depressed after oral."

"Cryptic Cove is tiny," Zephyr says. "We'll hunt him down, hold him at finger-gunpoint until he gives us answers."

"Fuck that, I'll overnight ship a gun so he knows we're serious," Anelisa threatens.

"Aw, thanks for offering attempted murder on my behalf, bestie, but I don't want to scare him off more than I already did."

"No way you did."

"Whatever his problem is, it isn't you," Dawn adds.

"I think I know that," I groan. "Intellectually. But my stupid fee-fees are hurt, and they don't care how many years I've worked on not blaming myself when things go wrong, I still do. FUCK MEN. Ugh, I never go after men anymore because they're always like this!"

"You're not about to say women are simpler," Zephyr laughs.

"They sure fucking are! At least women will tell you what's going on in their heads when they have a problem."

"We do not date the same type of women," Zephyr cedes.

"I'm sorry that my type is emotionally available people," I huff. "Which—again—WHY am I so into this guy?"

"Limerence is a bitch," Dawn offers.

"I don't need your vocabulary words right now," I mourn. "Let me wallow in uneducated despair."

"You're not uneducated. I just have an overabundance of useless words in my brain. It's an obsessive attachment to someone—honestly, it's just a fancy word for a crush. Besides, I don't know what any of those fancy dance words mean that you do."

"Ugh. It does sound cooler than crush, though. Much more adult, I guess. Crush makes me feel like the dumb little girl who didn't know why she had a crush on her best friend AND the annoying jock in middle school. "

"She was just getting bi," Anelisa soothes.

"Don't you pun at me, missy! I'm mourning!"

Everyone, including me, breaks into laughter. I'm being ridiculous and I know it. Having feelings like this in your thirties is weird . It's overwhelming and complicated by all the tragedies of past relationships. Being swept up by a complete stranger like this feels so intoxicating and unusual that it sends you straight back to being a teenager. Most people I've dated have been through work—other dancers, or on the rare occasion, a techie—or people I hooked up with via an app and somehow things kind of worked out—until they didn't.

Before I know it, everyone cuddles around me in a dogpile sort of hug. Friends . Even when you're being ridiculous, they can see right under the defense mechanisms and know you just need some love.

"Who needs boys?" I sigh.

"Man, it would be so cool if we could just cut out the part of us that liked guys. What good is being bi or pan if you can't pick and choose?" Zephyr consoles.

"Guess that's one of the upsides to being demi," Dawn says, trailing off. "It takes so much for me to even try to like someone, so usually they're not nearly as frustrating. Though my problem is they're either taken or already in love with someone else—when the rare occasion does pop up! "

"Love is so hard!" Anelisa groans. "At least we have each other."

"I am not in love with the hottie with the dog. I'm just in—limerence."

"Oooh, look at you, using your new vocab word already!" Dawn squeals happily.

"Do I get a gold star?"

"As soon as I steal a sheet from Taara."

I lean into each of them as much as I can, my own internal strife over how this night has gone mostly dissipated. Now I'm just sleepy.

"Thanks guys. I'm so cozy—can we fall asleep like this?"

"Girl, I'm pushing forty, hell no am I falling asleep on low-pile carpet," Anelisa cackles.

"Ew, thanks for the reminder," Dawn grumbles. "Can't you let me forget I'm forty-five just once?"

"Our ancient bones just can't take it," Zephyr sighs.

Dawn reaches for a pillow and wallops Zephyr with it. "Don't make me put baby in a corner."

Zephyr's face sours. "Don't call me baby!"

"You are a baby! I was a sophomore when you were born!"

"Alright, grandma, settle down. You're telling one of your crazy stories again," Zephyr says, patting Dawn in the most patronizing way.

I get up, feeling Anelisa at my side .

"Oh no, you didn't!" her voice dropping in horror.

She grabs at another pillow and the two of them beat Zephyr with the pillows until the baby of our friend group is choking with laughter, begging for mercy. As soon as my giggling dies down, I'm suddenly overcome with utter exhaustion.

"I'll see you guys in the morning. Thank you again," I murmur, dragging myself to my feet.

"Bed seems like such a good idea!" Zephyr says, popping up to their feet, even though they don't look the least bit tired.

"Run while you can," Dawn threatens. "After I get my beauty sleep, I'll seek my revenge."

"You're so funny, old lady," Zephyr teases, darting straight for their room as soon as the words are out.

"It's wrong to suffocate your best friend in their sleep, isn't it?" Dawn sighs.

"Yeah, but it would be fun," Anelisa laughs.