Chapter 34

Ada called a car the moment they stepped onto the pavement.

"I feel like we need to get out of here," Ada said, rocking back and forth on her heels, arms crossed in an attempt to stay warm. It was unseasonably cold for mid-August, but especially so after weeks spent in Cypriot sun. "I keep thinking they're going to bust out this door any second and drag us back into the studio."

"I wouldn't be surprised." Cas pulled off her leather jacket and draped it across Ada's shoulders, and Ada smiled gratefully at her.

"Aren't you cold?"

"No," Cas lied, and she immediately shivered, giving herself away.

Ada rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips, and though she didn't return Cas's jacket, she did step into Cas's side, let her share a bit of body heat.

They stood there, the silence genuinely awkward for the first time since they'd met. A car horn beeped a few streets away, there was an ambulance off in the distance, and it was strange, seeing Ada in this context, out in the real world.

"Can you believe they brought Brad out?" Ada said. She was scowling at the office building opposite them, the traffic signal lights reflected in the glass. "What the fuck were they expecting?"

"You to forgive him, I guess."

"Right." Ada kicked a pebble with her shoe and they both watched as it bounced into the road. "He called me a fucking whore on national television. He can choke."

A black sedan pulled up outside the studio, the red lights flashing bright against the pavement. Ada stepped forward to check the number plate before opening the back door.

"Who are you here for?"

"Ada?"

"Okay, cool." Ada stepped back and held the door, gesturing for Cas to go in first. "That's us."

Neither of them spoke as they drove. The traffic of Central London was stop-and-go until they hit about Whitechapel, then it thinned out, albeit slightly, as they continued east. Ada's flat was in Mile End, just off Regent's Canal, and she added a tip to her drive request as they stepped out onto the pavement.

Ada was carrying a small bag, little more than the size of her palm, but she just managed to stuff her phone inside after removing her key.

"We're upstairs," Ada said quietly, bending to grab the mail out of the basket inside the door. She stuffed it under her arm as she unlocked her flat door and they made their way upstairs.

"My flatmates are out," Ada said. She grabbed the banister at the top of the stairs, using it to balance as she took off her heels.

"What are your flatmates' names?" Cas asked. She set her shoes along the wall near the piles of trainers just inside the door.

"Shan and Elsie." Ada tossed the mail onto the small side table before sliding out of Cas's jacket. She half extended her arm like she was going to hand it back to Cas before she froze. "Do you... Are you cold?"

When Cas shook her head, Ada hung the jacket on the hooks over the shoe rack.

It was so awkward, almost unbearably so. Even in the best of circumstances, Cas knew that it would likely be a bit weird, being in each other's actual houses after so long in the villa together. Getting used to all the idiosyncrasies of each other's actual lives. Cas and Ada had the added bonus of not even knowing what they were to each other at this point.

Cas didn't know if things were okay or if she needed to brace herself for another emotional sucker punch.

"I'm going to run to my room and put my shoes away," Ada said, breaking the silence. "You can take a seat. Make yourself comfortable."

Ada switched on a lamp in the living room as she disappeared farther into the flat, the creak of a door the only thing announcing that she'd reached her destination. Cas hesitated for a moment longer before she took a deep breath.

"You're fine," she whispered to herself. "Just go sit down."

Ada's living room was small, but about what Cas would have expected for a flat in Central London, and certainly no smaller than her own. They had a gray L-shaped sofa and a collection of furniture that was just mix-match enough to feel intentionally eclectic. They had a white-tiled end table with a wavy iron lamp on the side closest to the door, the pink shade diffusing the light so it gave a soft glow to the room. The coffee table was reclaimed wood and iron, and in the center, there was a plant in a mirrorball planter that reflected the lamplight around the room so tiny rainbows shot across the walls. They had a small shelf with some art hanging above the sofa, a few more plants and a smaller cement lamp on the window ledge over the radiator. There were stacks of books and board games in the corner, a pile of Switch games under the television stand. It was the kind of place that Cas would have gladly spent hours of her life.

She'd just sat down on the edge of the sofa when Ada walked back out of her bedroom, and Cas immediately hopped to her feet again.

"No, no, sit down," Ada said, waving her down. "Can I get you some tea? Water?"

"You don't have to do that," Cas said automatically, but Ada just shot her a look.

"I'm having tea. So if you want some, it's really no trouble."

"Well, if you're having some." A cup of tea would actually be nice right now. Would give her something to do with her hands.

Ada returned a few minutes later, perfectly prepared cups of tea in hand. She passed one to Cas before taking a seat, her own mug cradled in her lap.

"Thanks," Cas said, wrapping her hands around the mug. The tea was warm against her palms, and the first sip soothed the nerves jangling about in her chest.

Neither of them said anything for a few long moments. Cas kept her gaze trained on the coffee table, keen to avoid staring at Ada, but all the time, she could feel Ada's gaze on her.

After a long minute, Ada cleared her throat. "So that was a surprise."

Cas exhaled a laugh, another huge chunk of tension falling off her shoulders.

"They weren't going to let me come to the reunion at first," she said. She took another sip of tea before setting it on her knee, the heat against her skin a reminder to stay focused.

"I can't imagine they were keen to have you there given what you said tonight," Ada said. She let that sit there for a second before she added, "I'm glad you were there, though."

The relief in Cas's chest was immediate. Overwhelming. Like she'd just come to the surface after a long time underwater and was taking her first deep breath.

"I hated that I couldn't tell you," Cas said. "There were so many times that it was on the tip of my tongue and I had to stop myself at the last second."

"Would you have told me if we weren't on camera all the time?"

"I thought about telling you in the retreat," Cas admitted. "But I'd signed an NDA. I didn't even know what I was allowed to say at that point."

Ada hummed, didn't say anything. Took a sip of her tea.

"In a way," Cas said, turning the mug around in her hands, "it was for the best that the news broke online. That I wasn't the one to reveal it. I spent a lot of time rereading that agreement when I got home—since it became public knowledge at no fault of my own, it's really freed up how much I can talk about."

"So what exactly was the goal, then? I haven't been reading any of it online."

"Some of this is still technically covered by the NDA," Cas said, "so I can tell you, but—"

"If it'll get you into trouble, I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me," Ada said, but Cas was already shaking her head.

"No, I want to be completely honest with you," she said. "I just wanted you to know that not everything is public knowledge, so it just has to stay between us."

Ada nodded, and Cas took a deep breath.

Where to begin?

She took Ada back to the very beginning—her first meeting with Robert, the division Friday was planning on opening, her tragic years spent in pub basements getting sweated on by strangers.

"I'd been applying to every single internal opportunity that came up for the last, like, four years, but every single time I was passed up for someone with less experience because Robert ‘couldn't bear' to lose me in events. When this opportunity dropped into my lap, I think I would've done just about anything to make it a reality."

"I can see that," Ada said, and then her cheeks went pink. "Sorry. I didn't mean that in, like, a shitty way. I just meant that I can imagine. I probably would've, too."

"I was so obsessed with how I appeared that first week," Cas said. "I was constantly thinking about how they were filming shots, what I was saying, what I was doing... It was overwhelming. And then we got the rankings and I was in last place, and it was like someone had punched me right in the chest."

"Everything you'd done hadn't worked. People didn't like you."

"Exactly," Cas said. "But then you came to find me that night and you told me that it didn't matter what they thought. That you all, well, loved me anyway." The word was heavy on Cas's tongue, weighted with all the potential they'd probably lost. "And, I don't know. I still wanted the job and to make it to the finale to get it, but over time, I cared more about you guys. I wanted my friends in the villa to actually like me for me. To care about me because of who I was, rather than some social strategy."

"It wasn't about the job anymore."

Cas nodded. "Sometimes, I genuinely forgot why I was on the show. And it wasn't until the rankings after our night together that I realized what I'd gotten myself into," Cas said. "When I got third, I panicked. I knew we'd have to talk about Friday and the partnership eventually, and I was certain you'd think I was just using you to get ahead. My feelings were never anything but genuine, but I don't know..." She pressed her palms into her mug, let the heat sear into her skin. "I thought I'd at least be able to tell you on my own terms. I was terrified of what you might think."

Neither of them needed to say what happened next. All of Cas's worst nightmares had come true. Her relationship with Ada looked like nothing more than a game play. And Ada believed it.

Cas had opened up to someone for the first time in years and the entire thing blew up in her face.

"So the agreement was that you get to the finale?" Ada asked.

Cas nodded. "Finalists always have their pick of brand endorsements. My boss wasn't na?ve enough to think I could win, but making it that far would open a lot of doors we could then leverage for the new division he was setting up."

"Hmm, okay." Ada took a slow, considered sip of her tea before leaning forward and setting the mug on the coffee table. "So you up there tonight," Ada said thoughtfully. "Was that some sort of... grand gesture?"

"More or less."

They were quiet for a beat, and then, slowly, Ada slid a few inches across the sofa. She wasn't anywhere near to touching Cas, but she was almost as close as they had been in the back of the car.

"I think it was really brave of you, you know. Coming on to the reunion when you knew the audience would probably be against you."

"I just needed to tell you the truth. I didn't want you to feel like I was trying to pressure you into saying anything to me because we were on camera, but I didn't think there was another opportunity I would get to tell you."

"I didn't feel like that. I was glad that you said something," Ada said. She stared down at her lap for a long beat. "I'd been thinking about reaching out to you, actually."

"Were you?"

Ada nodded. "I don't know if they ended up putting it on air, but Femi talked to me."

"Did he?"

"I don't know if I was in the place to hear it at the time. I just said that you could have been honest with me, no matter what, was still stomping my foot, frustrated, you know." She waved her hand. "But it really settled over me as the week wore on. I was barely sleeping by the time we got to the end."

Cas almost wished she had watched the rest of the show now. If only because she'd driven herself mad thinking that Ada hadn't been missing her at all.

"Really?"

"I should have left with you," Ada said quietly. "I hate that I let you walk out that door alone."

"I thought you'd given up on me," Cas admitted. She was staring at her distorted reflection in the mirrorball, begging the tears in the corners of her eyes not to fall. "You're... you're the first person I've let in in a really long time. I wasn't lying when I said that you made me feel safe being vulnerable again. I know why you didn't leave with me, but it was really awful, walking out of there on my own."

Ada reached over then and threaded her fingers through Cas's. It was a simple gesture, nothing they hadn't done a thousand times before, but it felt like everything was finally clicking into place.

"I'm sorry," Ada said quietly, and Cas squeezed her hand.

"I'm sorry, too."

They sat there for a long minute, just holding hands, listening to the muffled sounds of the cars on the road outside.

"Do you think we'll be able to move on?" Cas asked finally. She was still staring at the mirrorball, as though it would make the words any easier to say. "I'll be nothing but honest. If we can forgive each other and want to start again or pick up where we left off. Or even just figure out what our relationship looks like now. No more keeping anything from each other, I promise."

"I can forgive you," Ada whispered. "I already had, really."

Cas looked up and met Ada's gaze. The pink light softened her features, but the intensity in her eyes still felt dark. Tantalizing.

"I really, really like you," Cas said. She was laying her heart bare, setting it out there, ready for the taking, and just crossing her fingers that Ada didn't leave her out to dry.

Tentatively, Ada moved one hand to Cas's thigh, and the heat of her palm seemed to sear through the fabric of Cas's dress. "I really, really like you, too."

And without a moment's hesitation, Cas leaned forward and kissed her.

Ada's response was immediate. Her free hand slid to the back of Cas's neck, crushing her closer, and it was heady, the way that Ada wanted her. How she wore it so plainly on her sleeve, didn't try to hide it or disguise it or pretend it was anything other than the raw, intense feeling that it was.

It felt like no time had passed at all, like nothing had ever come between them. It was as easy as it always was kissing Ada, but now, without a dozen cameras watching them?

It was going to be way too easy for Cas to lose herself here.

"Do you..." Ada's breath caught as Cas pressed a kiss to her jaw, her throat. "Do you want to go to my room?"

Oh, thank god.