29. Matt

Blood burns my veins, my leg muscles tensing with every step. I catch a glimpse of Anna's long blonde hair as she rushes down a hallway. I pick up the pace, closing the distance between us.

"Anna," I rasp. "Wait. We need to talk."

She stops suddenly, her back stiff, shoulders squared. When she turns around, I fully expect her face to be twisted into a mask of hatred and disgust. After what she just saw in that coat room…shit. I can't imagine how pissed she must be.

I recoil when I see her eyes wet with tears, her eye makeup streaked. Her expression of defeat and disappointment makes my throat clench.

She's not angry.

She's sad.

Shit.

I did that.

Zak's right. She didn't deserve it.

And I didn't deserve her.

"I'm so sorry." I reach for her. She just looks at my hand, shaking her head.

"You should have been honest with me," she whispers. With a sniffle, she swipes at the tears under her eyes. "I mean, I started to suspect it when Zak came into the picture, but I tried to convince myself I was wrong. That you really did care about me. That there wasn't anything between you two." She raises her pained gaze at me, and it cuts sharp and hard like the serrated edge of a knife.

"I did care. I still do. You're everything a guy could ever want."

A straight guy.

Those words, though unspoken, hang in the air between us.

"How long have you known?"

I let out a breath. "A long time. College."

"And Zak?"

I nod. "He was my first. My only, actually."

"So, when he came back here, you started up with him again," she muses. "I totally saw it, too. I was so stupid for believing that you'd ever feel about me the way I felt about you."

"Anna, I love you," I blurt. This time I put my hands on her shoulders, noting the goosebumps pebbling her skin.

Her lips lift into a sad smile. "But as a friend."

"The best friend."

"Yeah. Great." A tear spills from her eye. "It's my fault. I violated the ‘friends with benefits' agreement. I got too involved when we agreed it was no strings."

"No, stop. This is all on me. It wasn't fair of me to hide it from you. I just…" I hang my head. "I didn't know what to do. How to be after Zak showed up. He and I… it's dumb. Never gonna happen, especially now. But with us, things were always so easy and chill. I love that. I guess I didn't want to lose you. And I never meant to hurt you. It wasn't fair to string you along like I did. I lied to you, and I'm sorry. I lied to everyone because I… I'm afraid of what it all means for me personally, for my football career. I hid it for so long and hurt so many people because I wasn't strong enough to be upfront and honest about who I really am."

I ramble, the words rushing from my mouth like they've been held captive for way too long and needed to be spoken.

It's kind of a relief to finally have them out there, I won't lie.

"I'm not going to out you, if that's what you're worried about."

I look up. "Really?"

Anna's lips tremble, her cheeks spotted with bright pink spots.

"It's not my story to tell," she says with a little shrug. "You should tell it when it's right for you. Don't pressure yourself to be out when you're not ready."

My shoulders slump.

"But don't wait too long, either." She wrings her hands together. "Zak cares about you. It's obvious. Don't miss out on that." Her sad smile makes my stomach wrench. "Maybe one day some guy will look at me the way he does you."

"You're amazing. Any guy in his right mind would give his left nut to have you."

She gives me a little shove and pushes me away. "Go find him. Be happy. You know you want to."

"You're the best. I mean it, Anna. You're fucking incredible." I pull her in for a tight hug and squeeze when her assistant Melanie's panicked voice barges in on our goodbye. She rushes toward us, her iPad in hand.

"Thank God I found you," she says to Anna, her eyes wide. "I was so worried. There's a huge accident outside, and when you didn't show up for your speech, I freaked out that you might have been out there."

"What happened?" I ask.

"People say a car ran a red light at the corner and got nailed by an oncoming SUV. There are cops and ambulances everywhere. I don't know how bad it is, but it definitely doesn't sound good."

People spill out of the dining room as we walk toward the front of the venue.

Sirens blare, flashes of red light up the night sky.

"I hope everyone is okay," Anna murmurs, biting down on her lower lip.

They walk toward the door, and I follow behind. Someone grabs me by the shoulder and pulls me backward.

I jerk away and turn, my eyes narrowing when I see Brett seething.

"If you think you're gonna get away with what you pulled today before the game, you're wrong, Harrison." He leans in close, his eyes spitting fire. "I've kept your secret for a long time, dick. And you have the nerve to make an ass out of me like that? You're gonna pay royally for that."

A rush of anger surges through me. "You've kept my secret because I kept yours, you prick. I let everything happen, and I've fucking regretted it ever since. If I don't deserve my spot, then neither do you."

"You've got no proof, Harrison," he sneers. "Not like I do. It'll be your word against mine if it comes out."

"Then why the fuck do you look so panicked right now?"

Brett smiles, a slow, demonic smile that makes my blood curdle in my veins. "You've got too much to lose. You're not gonna do a goddamn thing. And after I show the proof I have, nobody will believe anything you have to say."

"You'll look like you're trying to blame the loss on some bullshit reason instead of taking it like a man and being better next time around. You wanna blame anyone, blame yourself. You're the captain, yeah? You're the one who's supposed to set an example for the team. Think about that before you walk around making threats you can't deliver on."

I turn back to the door and step back into the crowd when Anna runs inside, her eyes wide with fear.

"Matt," she cries out. "The car that was hit… it was Zak's. You need to get out here."

The din of the crowd mutes the noise in my head. Anna pulls me through the throng of people until we're standing at the curb.

"You need to stand back. Nobody gets closer." A cop stands in front of the crowd, his thick arms folded over his chest.

Blood rushes between my ears, my temples pounding like my head is a gong. The area is blocked off by bright yellow caution tape. I scour the scene for any glimpse of Zak. My eyes land on the crumpled mess that used to be Zak's car.

"I need to get in there," I choke out.

The cop lifts an eyebrow. "I don't give special treatment, even to football stars."

"Please," I say. "He's my…he's my family."

Anna squeezes my hand tight. "Please, Officer."

He looks at her and his grimace melts away. He lets out a deep sigh and calls over another cop.

"Take Mr. Harrison back there," he mumbles to the other cop. "Says one of the victims is family. Make sure he gets to the person he's looking for."

Anna drops my hand, and I follow the cop through the barricade. I swallow hard as we pass his mess of a car.

But then I see a couple of people sitting up on stretchers, and my heart jumps.

"Who did you say you were looking for again?"

"Zak Kacey," I say, my throat so tight I can barely choke out his name.

The cop's jaw tenses. He blows out a sharp breath and turns toward the ambulances, rubbing the back of his head as one peels away from the scene.

He points. "He's in that one. On the way to St. Michael's."

I double over, my stomach damn near close to revolting. I press my fingers against the sides of my head, my vision blurred with tears.

I let him go. I let him believe that he wasn't important enough, that he wasn't worth the risk to my career. I'm the reason why he was in such a rush to get out of here and away from me.

I'm the reason he may be?—

No. Fucking no. I'm not even going to think that.

He has to be okay.

He has to hear that I need him.

That I love him.

That I can't live without him.

But I don't know if I'm going to have that chance.