14. Cat

Chapter 14

Cat

A week with Saint is a life-changer. I didn’t think I’d ever open up to anyone or feel so safe with someone like I am with Saint. He isn’t perfect; in fact, he’s a little overprotective. He doesn’t want me to work at the bar anymore, but I told him too bad. So now, when he gets off work at the garage, he comes home, showers, and then sits downstairs staring down every man that talks to me. The other thing about him is he’s not a morning person. I mean at all. But those aren’t deal breakers, as far as I’m concerned.

A part of me had hoped after telling Saint about the Outlaws, it would be over but it doesn’t seem that was the case. Saint went to Troy and Gage to talk to them about me and everything I went through there. Saint and a few of the other crew left last night and were gone for hours. It was really hush, hush what they were doing, which I’ve come to learn when they say it’s club business, it’s club business. You don’t ask questions.

When he came back, I was in bed and I lifted up on my elbows and watched as Saint walked down the hallway. The single light that was on showed him covered in blood, but the way he was walking I knew it wasn’t his. He wasn’t hurt.

I wanted to go to him, but I didn’t. His face was hard and filled with anger. I heard the water turn on and later shut off.

I just laid there quietly until he slid under the covers and I turned, rolling into him.

His hands went around me and I rested my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

“Are you okay?” I muttered.

He took a deep breath. “Yea.”

He cupped the back of my neck and tilted my head to look up a him. “You’ll never have to worry about Roach again.”

I wanted to ask him what he did, but I didn’t. I knew he wouldn’t – he couldn’t – answer me. He made love to me after that. And I say that just because the way he makes me feel, I’ve never experienced it before, but I’m pretty sure this is what love feels like.

This morning I got up and I left him sleeping in our bed to go to the bar and work on inventory and update the computer system.

While I’m in the thick of it, Barbie comes in and sits down at the bar. I get a little nervous and I feel a little guilty because I know that Barbie really liked Saint. And I know that she’s been with some of the other guys since Saint told her to give him room. But this is the first time I’ve been around Barbie alone since I took up with Saint.

“Sweet tea?” I ask her.

She nods her head at me, not smiling at me like she usually does.

I pour the drink and set it down in front of her. “Look, I’m sorry, Barbie. I know you like Saint, but well, everything, it just happened so fast –”

She interrupts me. “I’m happy for you, Cat. And really I was hoping you would get over your fear and would take the plunge with someone.”

I nod my head at her because I feel the same way. I never dreamed I would let my guard down like I have with Saint.

I pour myself a sweet tea and sit down next to her. “Thank you, Barbie. That means a lot and I hope you know I never meant to hurt you. And I have to admit, I was a little surprised myself, but Saint is so easy to lo- like.” I almost said love, but even though that’s what I feel for Saint, I don’t want to say it for the first time to Barbie.

Barbie just nods her head. “You are so much braver than you give yourself credit for, you really are. I’m so proud of you.”

Confused, I look at Barbie strangely. I mean, I know I’ve been through a lot, but Barbie acts like me being with Saint is some grand phenomenon. “What do you mean? Saint is an amazing man.”

Barbie’s nodding her head, agreeing with me. At first I thought she meant something snide, but maybe I’m just being paranoid. I get up. “Want some pretzels?”

I go behind the bar and grab the bag for us and as I’m walking back to her, she breaks it down for me. “I just didn’t think that you would get into a relationship with a guy who went to prison for murder, you know, given your sensitivity to violent men and all.”

I freeze in my tracks. “Murder? What are you talking about?”

She bats her lashes at me, trying to look innocent, but I know she’s enjoying this.

“Are you telling me that Saint has been gone these past four years because he was in prison?” I stammer. “That he murdered someone?”

Barbie just shrugs her shoulders. “I figured you knew.”

The room starts to spin. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me. And after I told him everything about me and what happened to me and he held out on me. He didn’t tell me a thing about it.

I stumble through the bar, running up the stairs to my apartment. My apartment that Saint is still asleep in.

I grab a bag and throw my clothes in it. I can’t hold back the crying, but I’m trying to do it quietly. I get to the doorway when I hear him calling my name. Ignoring him, I slam the door and run down the steps. Roxanne is just walking in for her shift. I know I’m acting like a crazy person, but I don’t care. “Roxy, can you please give me a ride?”

Even though she’s about to start her shift, she agrees anyway. I give her directions and I jump on the back of her bike. It’s only five minutes down the road. I’m only five minutes from Saint. Fuck, even when I’m mad at him, I’m still thinking about him.

I get off the bike and start to walk away, but Roxy stops me. “What happened?” When I don’t answer she follows me. “You know I’m going to get shit for driving you away from Saint and from the club. You owe me something.”

I stop and turn around quickly. “Did you know that Saint has been in prison?”

She just shrugs her shoulder like it’s no big deal. “Yeah, didn’t you know that already?”

I throw my hands up. “No, of course I didn’t know that. You know me, Roxy. You know I wouldn’t be with someone like—like that!”

She shakes her head, still not understanding. “Like what?”

“Someone that’s violent, someone that has killed someone. Did no one think I should’ve known? Saint didn’t tell me. He lied to me. He played me.” I walk into the hotel lobby and get a room. When I walk back out, Roxy’s still there.

She follows me down the sidewalk. “Think about this, Cat, really think about this. You know Saint. You know what he’s capable of. You don’t think he has a reason for not telling you?”

I shove the key into the door and unlock it. “Yes, I’m sure it’s because he knew I wouldn’t stay with him.”

“Look, just think about it, okay? Think about everything you do know about Saint. Can you see him killing someone for no reason?”

I just shrug my shoulders. “I guess I don’t know him like you think I do because I can’t imagine him killing anyone.”

I plop down on the bed and put my head in my hands. My heart is bursting in two. “Please, just leave me alone, Roxy. Thank you for the ride, but I need to be alone. Figure out my next step.”

“Promise me you’ll think about this, Cat. Don’t do anything crazy. Not until you’ve talked to Saint.”

I raise my head and stare at her. The thought of talking to Saint right now is too much for me to handle. But I know if I don’t promise her, she won’t leave. “Yeah, I promise.”

She turns to the door, opening it. She takes one more look at me and I can see the pity on her face. “Do you have your phone?”

I nod my head, pulling it out of my pocket and showing her.

She crosses her arms across her chest. “I’ll leave if you promise me you’ll answer the phone if I call you. I can’t just leave you without knowing I can call and check on you.”

I agree. Heck, I’d agree to anything about now.

She starts to walk out the door, but I stop her. “Don’t tell Saint where I’m at.”

She nods her head at me. “Sure.”

It’s obvious she’s fighting with herself about leaving. She really is like a mama hen to all of us, and she’s only twenty-three years old. With her hand on the door, she takes a deep breath. “These guys, the Heartlands, most of them are something special. You have a guy that you seem to love and he definitely loves you. Fuck, Cat, he’d do anything to be with you. I would give anything to have that. I’m just saying, don’t throw it away until you get his side of the story.”

I can tell she’s hurting. The usually upbeat Roxy has a story that I don’t know anything about. I almost ask her about it, but she shuts the door quickly.

When she leaves, I lock the door and fall to the ground, big wracking sobs filling my body. I can’t stop the tears from pouring down my face. I trusted him. Hell, I put all my trust in him and he’s broken my heart. I’ve survived so much in my life, but I don’t know if I can survive this.