9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Kissing Finn is a renewal, a return to hope. Equal give and take. His palms grip me tight as mine skate across his back.

My heart hammers and his breath knocks against his ribs.

Our lips flush together, the kiss deepens, taking my thoughts with it. I didn't lose my memory, but I don't remember it being this good. It's better than I imagined.

Finn pauses, tracing a kiss along my jawbone, to the soft spot behind my ear, pecking a trail that gently tugs at my heart and pinches in my belly. He pecks me on the lips and then I return the favor, my mouth sweeping along his chiseled jaw, sprinkled with stubble, to his chin, and along his throat, before I squeeze him in a hug, resting my cheek against his chest, listening to the rattling in his ribs.

Does Finn's heart beat for me? Mine belongs to him. Always has.

Our mouths meet again and this time it's like a dance, a samba. There's a certain rhythm we fall into. It's a swing and a swirl, a rise and a drop, a celebration and a connection so serious, nothing could break it.

When Finn slows, I follow and the kiss goes further, until I break and whisper, "This is mildly addictive."

"More than chocolate?" he asks, voice scratchy.

"I'll get back to you."

We kiss for a second longer.

I answer, "Yes, better than chocolate."

"That was fast."

I lose track of the placement of the moon in the night sky, of time, of my place in the space we inhabit. All I know is that Finn's lips on mine are the only navigational tools I need to find my way from the past to the future.

When we part, I see a flash in his eyes, a sparkle, something that wasn't there before, but it could simply be an afterglow of our kiss.

Glowing, I'm sure I can be seen from outer space, a shiny star amidst the murky darkness up here on the bluff. The kiss made me feel like I was swimming in the night sky.

But that isn't the end of it. We kiss again halfway along the path. We kiss when we clear the gate. Finn backs me toward the car, hands cupping my jaw, our footsteps tangling. We both laugh against each other's mouths and the kiss continues.

I'm not sure how much time passes, but eventually, we let go. My cheeks are warm from his slight stubble. He opens the door for me and kisses me once more, this time on top of my head.

When Finn gets behind the wheel, he falls quiet. We don't swap a playful kiss at the traffic light. Not so much as a word. Maybe driving is something he had to relearn after the accident, so he has to focus. I mention the movie and suggest we head back to the drive-in to catch the second one.

But he pulls up in front of my house. "I have to go."

"Oh," is all I can say because soda bubbles pop in my stomach.

He comes around, and as ever, opens the door. But this also means I have to get out of the vehicle, confirming that he's leaving again. I shuffle onto the sidewalk. For once, my usual nervous rambling remains trapped behind my breath which comes in spurts.

This is it. He's done.

A devastating thought shoves me hard. What if I'm a bad kisser? The only other time we kissed was the last time I saw him. My fingers rise to my lips. That must be it. I'm defective. Have moose lips. Bad breath. Am somehow doing it wrong?

He closes my door, leaving me on the sidewalk, and rounds to the other side of the car. I stand there feeling stark, alone.

But the corner of Finn's lip lifts. He still has the gleam in his eye that only appeared earlier.

"You're leaving," I whisper and start to turn away.

His face falls and before I know what's happening, he rushes toward me and plants a kiss on my lips. I'd been holding my breath and sharply inhale. The soda bubbles pop and fizz.

"No, Bea."

Finn kisses my mouth again, filling me with confusion.

"This time," he leans to the left and presses one to my cheek.

I lift my gaze to his, afraid yet hopeful for what I might see.

"This time, I'll be back."

He dips a kiss onto my other cheek.

I turn to ash, the last of me burned up when he kissed me and then said he had to leave. Almost as quickly as it started, it's all over. The last bits of hope blow away on the breeze.

"I promise." He leaves me with one more kiss on the lips.

The sensation leaves me chilled like I've been fooling myself. I'd been in love with a ghost.

I remain on the sidewalk until the Porsche's taillights disappear at the corner.

I'm a well of confusion, which I suppose is better than being empty. But the soda bubbles don't quit, making me feel restless too.

I hardly sleep that night and when I wander into Pinky's the next morning, it's well past the usual time for a coffee. No, I need chocolate.

Exhausted and emotionally spent, I order a chocolate soda.

Shelly goes still at my unusual request. "Root beer?"

"No, just regular soda with chocolate of some sort. Whatever you've got."

"Soda water?"

Shaking my head, I say, "I'm not sure which brand you carry, but the one that's caramel colored."

"Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?"

"Imperial Paradise. I'll be across the street if you get a break." I limply gesture toward the beach.

It's almost midday which means Pinky's will soon get even busier than it is right now, so I doubt Shelly will be able to meet me. Taking my cup filled with soda and a scoop of ice cream, I wander over to Golden Sands.

After kissing Finn, I should be walking on clouds. Instead, I'm plodding through tar.

I apply some sunblock, but it's all goopy. I lay on my blanket, but people walking by kick sand on it. When I sit up, a seagull squawks past, and something damp lands on my back. I try to wipe it off but can't reach it.

This is a hot girl summer hashtag fail.

I'm going home to bake a cake. This chocovert needs time to process Mr. High School Heartbreaker.

But even that doesn't alleviate the sting of Finn leaving right after we kissed...again. I write down everything that transpired on the bluff in my diary. But my pen goes still.

Finn said, This time I'll be back .

Hope rises like the cake in the oven. Does that mean he remembers last time?

Squeezing my eyes closed, I let my expectations drop. If his memory had been restored, he would've done something, said something...then again, when he first came into the bridal shop with Fifi, I didn't acknowledge him.

My thoughts scramble then rewind. Wait. We kissed, and he said he'll be back. I battle with myself because this is the kind of thing that could cut my heart in half.

The summer of my senior year started with me arriving in Struggle City and I haven't yet found my way out.

This summer began with Finn returning to my life, but maybe the blip is a reminder that it's up to me to find the balance between the shop, being able to support myself, eventually finding love, and truly living rather than simply faking a good time.

Perhaps revisiting senior year with Finn is meant to show me how far I've come and the work I still need to do.

While the cake cools, I shower, and all I can think about is his handsome face.

While I spread on the frosting, my thoughts wander to his handsome brain, how smart and insightful he is.

While I fester and shed a few tears about the Finn-sized fracture in my heart, all I can hear is his handsome laugh. Yep. The joke is on me. Fool me twice and all that jazz.

Then it comes again. "Okay, I get it."

When it comes a third time, I peer from side to side, wondering if I'm going mad. But no, the laughter comes from outside.

The doorbell rings, startling me. I jump like I was stomping on bubble wrap with boots on.

Through the window, Finn stands on the stoop, wearing a tuxedo and with a small white cardboard box in his hands. Hesitantly, I open the door, wondering if the joke really is on me.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Hi." He gazes at the ground and shuffles his feet in a boyish way. "I'm here to pick up Bea for prom."

"Oh, um?—"

Inclining his head and wearing that secret smolder, he says, "Play along."

"Okay, should I—?" I turn in a circle while also gesturing to my general attire, which presently consists of cream-colored crocheted shorts and a banana leaf spaghetti strap tank top. I have Aunt Valerina to thank for the retro and eclectic wardrobe.

"You'd probably be more comfortable in something a bit fancier."

My breath isn't sure what to do so I invite him inside and rush to my bedroom. Tearing through my closet, when I get to the back, I find the dress I would've worn had Finn asked me to prom. It's a vintage-style tea-length dress with a satin sea foam green skirt that flares and spins because Aunt Valerina said, You always have to be ready to samba . The fitted lacy top is a few shades lighter than the bottom. The only reason I didn't sell it was because it was a gift from her.

But I never wore it because I went to prom with Eugene Glendall who, in my teenage mind, didn't deserve to see me in such an exquisite creation.

To my surprise, it still fits, though it's a little snug around the fluffy parts. Eating on a budget for almost a decade is a good way to stay relatively trim. Well, except for chocolate treats. I'd sooner deny myself cell service than skip the chocolate.

I summon my beauty school days and style my hair, apply light makeup, and put on a pair of drop pearl earrings. Drawing a deep breath, I exit the bedroom.

"You look—" Finn makes some nonsensical sounds that remind me of the "Summer Nights" lyrics from Grease then adds, "Fetching, stunning, bea-utiful."

My knees are wobbly because part of me is afraid this is too good to be true. "I didn't shave my legs. I was at the beach earlier, so they're not atrocious, but just so you know." The rambling comes full steam as I explain that during the lead-up to our actual high school prom, I'd spent days preparing—hours at the spa, exfoliation, waxing, manis and pedis, the whole deal.

"I like you just the way you are." Finn kisses me on the cheek and then slides the corsage around my wrist. "And I only didn't ask you to prom all those years ago because I was scared of the Fletcher and Barton family faceoff if we fully went public. I'm sorry."

My throat is still thick because I'd mostly let go of the past, but I'm clinging to the present. "I thought you'd left."

"I had to talk to my father. Get some things straight."

I recall what he'd said in a flurry when we were on the bluff. "Does that mean Imperial Enterprises isn't going to plow down our town?"

"The library, bridal boutique, and everything in between are safe."

"Does that mean when you picked me up last night for the drive-in and looked wrecked like you'd sunk into the briny deep and spent all night wrestling an octopus, you were gathering the courage to face him?" I ask in one breath.

"Is that what you were worried about?"

I hedge. "Well, I was more worried about us."

He slowly shakes his head and then kisses the top of mine. "Everything I said on the bluff was building to me realizing what's important. Recognizing my values, not my father's. After the accident, when he was priming me to replace him at Imperial, he told me to be strong and steely to outlast them all. It took me a while to understand that is not what I want. Not the kind of man I want to be. It had been a barrier in my mind. Come on. I have something to show you this time."

Instead of the Porsche, a classic Dodge Wayfarer convertible sits at the curb.

"Is that your car?"

"It was my grandfather's, 1949 original cherry red and everything. It's what I would've picked you up in for prom had I had the courage to ask you."

I stumble slightly, not used to wearing high heels as often as I'd used to. Finn catches my elbow and then slides his hand in mine. He whisks me into the Dodge and hits the coastal highway.

We stop at Ivy's Little Italy and park. "This is where I would've taken you for dinner."

"And risk me getting pomodoro sauce on my dress?" I joke.

We go inside where a table is set for two. I'm shaky and uncertain, but after we browse the menu and place our orders, I remember this is exactly what I'd wanted. Still want.

"If this is a dream, I'd like to wake up," I whisper.

Finn asks, "Want me to pinch you?"

Only, he clasps my hand, sending a warm thrill through me. I lean in as we fall into easy conversation as he catches me up on the conversation he had with Iver and his siblings.

"If this is a dream, it's better than I imagined," I say when we get back in the car and arrive at Prism Point, where the prom was held, and where so much of my childhood was spent.

Strangely, it doesn't feel like home as we stroll the grounds.

I'm relieved to find out Finn did not rent the place out for us, however, when we get to the gazebo strung with twinkle lights, we take a few selfies. The first is of us laughing because we're two grown adults reconstructing the prom night that never happened. Then we take a silly one with our tongues out. The third is serious though, well, as serious as two people can get when they're smiling at each other's reflections in the phone camera with such adoration.

Finn texts them to me, and then he loads a song and holds up his hands for me to take. We sway to the music. It's a slow tune and my head fits nicely by his shoulder. Our hands clasped together, we step, slide, step as if we've been dancing together all these years.

As the sun disappears into the Pacific, we return to the old car and drive south, back the way we came.

"If this is a dream, I don't want it to end," I say.

"It doesn't have to." Finn brings us back to the headlands.

Once more, he helps me over the fence, not an easy feat in a dress, but I manage without any snags.

With bare feet, we trek to the bluff and stare into the inky darkness. We're both quiet. Last time, I was filled with so much uncertainty that tremors ran through me like tension in the earth below had to find an outlet.

But this time, I'm steady, content with whatever comes.

Finn cups my cheek and gazes into my eyes. "The kiss last night unlocked my memories."

"Seriously? Like in a fairytale?"

"I'm not sure which one you mean, but yes, something like that. With them came a sharp sense of regret, culminating in graduation day. When my father found out that I liked you, he warned me because of our families' rivalry. Of course, I mostly disregarded what he said, but that was why I was so, well, careful around you. I didn't know how to navigate going against his wishes, but I wanted to."

"What changed?"

"You."

I tell my heart to remain buoyant, not to crater. Is this why he left after that kiss all those years ago? He knew what was coming with my parents? Losing our money and status would mean I was too different and no longer fit into his life. "I guess I have changed a lot. I'm no longer the Sand Dollar Strand princess snob."

"And I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for not remembering. Amnesia is no joke."

"I mean I'm sorry for not being braver back then because of our family's rivalry. I liked you when we were teenagers and I like you now. I more than like you, Bea." He tenderly rubs my chin with his thumb.

Tingles run through me. "I more than like you too."

"What I mean is you showed forgiveness by rescuing me when the library mob chased me. You helped show me who I was, who I wanted to be."

"You're welcome?" I'm trying to process everything he's saying.

"Bea, don't you see? You helped me remember so much of the past but also how to have fun now. That it isn't contingent on what happened long ago or how much wealth and power a man has. I'm not the steel cutout of my father. I can choose to be happy now. You make me happy." He stares deeply into my eyes.

Recalling his back disappearing into the crowd on graduation day, I say, "Happiness can be fleeting."

"But what we have is not. I promise."

It's then that I know the truth deep down, but I ask him all the same, "Will we always be together?"

"I would love that. I love you." I receive his secret smolder smile.

"Will this be more than a memory?" I ask to be sure.

"You're my then and now. My always."

I lift onto my toes as Finn holds me tight. He meets me with a kiss and at last, I have my happy ending.