The Cat and The Artist Fret The Details

Rafe insisted we measure my sacred space before we went for supplies. I'm glad we did. He thought it might not be big enough for a true Beltane ceremony. He also pointed out that bringing those people into my space might leave residue or access issues I'd have to cleanse. I hadn't thought of that, either, and I sure as fuck didn't want others to know what I get up to there.

I cleared an area just south of our house that would be big enough to hold our ritual. At home, we protect my space, keep it cleansed, and it has everything we need. A new area needed more preparation to be viable. Together, we hopped the portal to buy the accouterments for performing a Beltane ceremony. I picked up extra items that newbies might not have, so they wouldn't need to touch my tools. A witch's tools are sacred and keyed to her essence. I only let my family touch them. Since we returned, I've been busy sanctifying. The space will be ready for the ceremony even if the participants aren't.

That, my friends, is the challenge. Except for Lily and Calista, none of these people are actually Wiccans. I don't have a clue what they're expecting. However, I guarantee that even the experienced ones won't expect the display once I let my magick free.

Hell, I'm not sure what to expect.

Rafe looks at me from where he's cleared the last corner and calls, "Again, I ask. Are you sure about this?"

"Nope, but it's worth a try."

"What will happen if people get disappointed by the mate they call?"

"I don't know. None of us know who our Goddess' will call, despite their claims to the contrary."

"That could be dangerous."

I sigh and walk over, looking into his eyes. "I know that, especially with people who have powers they can't control. If it goes well and they call down a Goddess, it will get intense."

He nods, his eyes dark with worry. "It could be dangerous for all involved."

I know that he's worried about me as much as I am about him. That's reasonable, honestly. "I have to do something, Rafe. You know I can't go on like this. We're headed to a complete disentanglement with our mates. The stories about unmating are all fraught with warnings about how dangerous it is. There's no way for me to control the beast inside, deal with them, and stay upright if I don't accept my full potential."

His eyes flicker, and his sadness hits me in waves. He doesn't have an escape like I do. Burying himself in the studio—painting or drawing in a multi-day frenzy—can only help him work through so much of the pain. I see his grief naked on his face before he shakes his head. "It's plain to see there's no coming back from a second set of betrayals. Who knows what—or whom—they're doing behind our backs? Who knows what other voids we're not enough to fill?"

I thought I was careful to make sure that he had never found out about what Rhea had said to Taurus. Wilde must have told him. Anger flows through me like lava and I grit my teeth to hold the beast in as she rattles the cage. The only reason Wilde would tell him that is to punish and hurt him—probably during a vulnerable moment. That son of a bitch. "Neither of us is enough for anyone, it seems. We're destined to be wanted but not loved like some clothing fad."

His nod is silent and I feel the pain again. Between his short-lived Victor fiasco, Wilde, and now Alistair, men have hurt him as much as women. Sari and Rhea are no small part of his damage, but oh, the men. They have broken him. That gender reversal might be unusual, but given the people involved, I know how it happened. The women want him to love and validate them, which he does as best he can. The males have far fewer self-esteem issues; therefore, they emote more outwardly, good and the bad. I don't know how he handles it. He's got the patience of a saint and the heart of a lion, I swear.

I take his hand and kiss his bruised knuckles. I'm tragically unsure whether it's from an art project or something more awful. He won't tell me if I ask. Neither of us discusses the things that happen behind closed doors. As close as we are, we have our silent shame, trapped in cages of our own making with no way to get out alive. We don't want anyone to know.

I feel my shame when Victor looks at me because he found me after one of the worst times. No one else knows about that night. I made him swear on his fangs that he would never speak of it with anyone, even Rafe. I'm no one's victim in public. I cannot be that weak and lead my people.

"Let's go inside, baby," I say softly, pushing one of his long locks off of his face. "We've got a sizable hole in our calendar without the blonde mates. It's not our day for the uglies, either."

"Speak for yourself. I've got a few hours left to myself, but I made a deal with the devil for a week in hell."

I look at him in shock, taking his hands and squeezing them. "No. You can't. Why?"

He shrugs. "You need space. I agreed to get it for you. Distraction works best, you know that. You're not ready to be outed. It'll be fine because the coyote will be there. It's not the same when he's not alone."

I swallow hard, instinctively reaching up to touch the tiger lily Taurus left on the porch for me this morning. I pinned it in my hair because I felt so giddy. "This is a bad idea. I don't trust him, and I don't want you hurt. We've gotten punished enough, love, but they will never believe that."

"That's true, but it'll be fine. We're on the outs with the other two and without her making it primal, there shouldn't be anything to wreck vengeance for. He'll probably be all bad poetry and that rot. I'll be fine."

I give him a serious look. "I need you to think about this. I can come if you need me, but we both know you're too stubborn to ask for help. We're too ashamed to even talk about these things with one another. We just dance around it like Fred and Ginger. Are you sure you want to be there with him without backup?"

"Stop worrying, my night bloom. You need a few days to answer your electronic dog collar without interruption." He smirks, handing me the basket of leftovers from the sacred space. "The rest of the crew have planned outings to keep them busy."

My fear tempers the excitement of being unfettered. He's offered to spend a week in the lion's den. Is he self-punishing over Rhea's comment? We do that and it's screwed up, but we hold guilt differently than most people. Our damage is very compatible; it's why we work so well together. "Are you absolutely sure? I mean, I like the idea of being free, but I'm concerned about the fallout."

"I'm a big boy, woman. Let me know if you get stuck by yourself, but otherwise, breathe easy."

Turning towards him, I push up on my toes and kiss him lightly. "You, my love, are the sunshine after the rain, you know that?"

He chuckles and ruffles my hair. "Remember that the next time I get charcoal all over the bathroom, eh?"

"It"s not me you should fear, then; it's Hex." I grin and open the back door, waiting for him to follow me inside so I can make plans.