Chapter 8

W ith the ball approaching, the Bennet family became more agitated every day. Even Mr Collins claimed he had not been invited to a ball in a long time, and he found that sort of entertainment perfectly suitable for a clergyman.

Mr Bennet decidedly disregarded all those discussions and had already decided he would spend most of the night in Bingley's library.

Elizabeth was agitated too, not so much for the ball as she was puzzled and disconcerted by Mr Darcy's unusual behaviour. Since they met, he had exhibited the bad habit of staring at her. However, in the last few days, his staring had seemed different. They had often argued in the past, but their last discussion, whilst still somehow in disagreement, gave her a distinct feeling. Every interaction with him caused her a strange, peculiar sentiment that she did not recognise.

At the beginning of their acquaintance, she had accepted that he despised her, and she was ready to despise him too. Then recently, suddenly, he had claimed he had never disapproved of her and that he admired many of her traits. Furthermore, he had insisted his improved manners were not due to his uncle's presence. Could that be true? But what reason could induce him to lie? He did not seem the sort of man to disguise his feelings to win something. He surely did not need to struggle for anything, as he already had everything he wished for or needed. It was easier for her to accept that such a man — exceedingly rich, arrogant, and proud — disliked her and her family rather than to believe he liked and admired her. She was also angry with herself because she realised that his changed manners had caused some changes within her and given her a nervousness and distress she had never felt in the presence of any other man. That was a silly weakness of hers.

Elizabeth was also torn regarding her knowledge of Mr Wickham. Lord Matlock's warning was disconcerting because it accused the officer of possessing a lack of honour and responsibility as well as depraved behaviour towards young girls. It was such an improper statement that the earl would not have mentioned it at dinner if it was not true. Mr Darcy's reluctance to discuss the subject could be proof either against or in favour of Mr Wickham's claims of injustice.

Mr Bennet had requested that Lydia and Kitty never be alone with Mr Wickham or other officers, but Elizabeth did not trust her sisters to obey. She struggled as to whether she should warn Charlotte Lucas against trusting Mr Wickham utterly and completely. But why would Charlotte take her seriously if there was no proof?

Nervous and too irritated to listen to another of Mr Collins' sermons, Elizabeth escaped the house for another walk. The weather was cold, and the wind spread the scent of winter. She chose a path through the grove, parallel to the road. For a moment it crossed her mind that, if Mr Darcy took a ride from Netherfield, she would likely meet him. The next moment, she berated herself for such ridiculous thoughts. Had she lost her mind that she thought of Mr Darcy so often?

She continued to walk towards Oakham Mount, which was not yet in sight. From there, she would have a clear view of the grounds of Netherfield, as well as Longbourn and Meryton. She found herself wondering about Pemberley, then reprimanded herself for her curiosity.

She took an alternate path and climbed a little, remembering how shocked Mr Darcy had been when she had appeared at Netherfield after walking three miles. Mr Darcy again! She must have lost her mind; there was no other reasonable explanation for her obsession.

As she grabbed a tree to support herself, the sound of voices startled her. With amazement, she recognised Mr Darcy and Mr Wickham. They were talking in harsh tones, and loudly. She knew she must leave immediately; her reason demanded that. Her curiosity, however, was stronger, and she crouched down, trying to hide behind the tree. Mr Darcy looked concerned, and he kept glancing to either side of him, but neither of the men looked in her direction.

"I see no reason why I should talk to you or Lord Matlock. I have not seen him since my godfather died. I am sure your cousin spread all sorts of falsehoods about me, especially to his father."

"You are ridiculous and laughable, Wickham. You, of all people, dare talk about spreading falsehoods, which is your way of living?"

"The colonel always hated me, even when we were all children. He was jealous of me because your father loved me more and because everyone who met us loved me more. Including all young women."

"You are despicable and low, Wickham. And an idiot. Richard is six years older than you — he never cared about you enough to be jealous, and he was surely in no competition with you."

"I know what I know."

"You know nothing. If Richard despised you, it was not for my father's love but for your own behaviour. Just as I did. Now, why did you ask me to meet you here secretly?"

"I want to know what you and your uncle want from me. I have found a comfortable place in the regiment, and I would do anything to keep it."

"I wish you to keep it, Wickham. It would make me very happy indeed. But for this, you must prove yourself worthy of it, not pretend in order to cover your character."

"If my character was as faulty as you claim, I would have already spread the rumour that I almost eloped with Georgiana. That she loved me and you were opposed to our marriage. But that was almost four months ago, and I have been discreet. You should be grateful for that."

Elizabeth held her breath while cold shivers ran down her spine. What was the man saying?

"My sister loved you, as my father and my entire family did. You deceived her, as you deceived my father and my entire family. You took advantage of her kind heart as you took advantage of my father's generosity. Richard said many times that I should have you killed for your betrayal, and I have never agreed with him more than now."

Mr Darcy's voice was so cold that Elizabeth shivered again, and she took hold of a branch as her knees were already numb.

"You have no reason to be angry, Darcy! I said I kept the secret, and I shall continue to do so. You should appreciate I have not applied to you for money."

"Appreciate? Appreciate? I wonder why I do not rip you apart! How many times have you applied to me for money in the last five years? Can you recall?"

"But I have not done it this time," Mr Wickham replied, his voice lower and trembling slightly. "It was my bad luck that we happened to be in the same place. But as long as I am happy with the militia, I believe it is to the advantage of all of us."

"As long as you behave with some decency and honour, you may be happy with the militia, Wickham. Your first breach of honour will be the last."

"I cannot understand why you would care what I am doing! I heard you will leave Hertfordshire soon. And why would Lord Matlock care? I might not see him again for the rest of his life — if it depends on me."

"Do you expect any decent man would forget your shameless seductions of young girls? Maids, daughters of shop owners in Lambton — should I count them?"

"I have done nothing that most men of your circle or acquaintance are not doing."

"You have done what I or my father never did! I care not about others! The moment you tried to seduce my sister, you should have died!"

"I did not harm Georgiana! I would have loved her if you had allowed me to marry her."

"You should be happy she told me about the elopement, Wickham, or else she might have been a widow already! I have wasted enough time with you. I have nothing more to tell you, nor do I wish to listen to you a moment longer."

"But Darcy…"

"I shall repeat what I said before. As long as your behaviour does not require admonition, you may continue with your duties in the regiment. You are responsible for how you will end your life."

"Darcy, wait! Does Lord Matlock know about the elopement? I must know in case he insists on talking to me."

"If he knew, Wickham, we would not be speaking here now. No one else knows other than the five you are aware of. You should pray it remains so."

With that, Mr Darcy mounted and turned his horse towards Netherfield. Mr Wickham remained longer, and Elizabeth's heart was now beating wildly. She feared she might be discovered and accused of eaves-dropping. Who knew what that man was capable of doing to protect his secret. Eventually, Mr Wickham left too, and Elizabeth remained there, hiding for a few more minutes. When she felt it was safe, she stood up, stretched her legs, and brushed her hands over her dress. Her gloves were dirty, and so was the edge of her gown and her boots.

She began to walk back to Longbourn, distressed by what she had heard. The gravity of the secrets she had discovered — willingly or not — weighed on her shoulders like a burden, which made her slow her pace.

She walked for a while, looking ahead absently while trying to understand the information. So that shameless man had attempted to elope with Miss Darcy four months ago. Elizabeth knew little of Miss Darcy except that she was Lydia's age and very accomplished. How did that man convince such a girl to elope? How was the elopement stopped?

That Wickham appeared to be a master of deception made her nauseous. She had not spoken enough to him to form a clear opinion, but the notion that he had already charmed and deceived everyone with his appearance of goodness enraged her. Undoubtedly, she would warn Charlotte as soon as she decided what she could reveal about what she had heard.

Her reflections were interrupted by the sound of hoofs, and she was startled, wondering whether Mr Wickham had returned. She stepped aside from the road, and, as the rider approached, her heart still raced, but for a different reason.

It was not Mr Wickham but the other subject of her reflections.

"Mr Darcy!"

"Miss Bennet!"

He dismounted and walked by her side, and she struggled to catch her breath.

"Are you alone? Are you well?"

"I am well, thank you…only dirty. I went for a walk. And you, sir?"

"I took a ride… Are you returning home?"

"Yes…"

"May I keep you company?"

"Of course…if you wish…"

She felt restless, cold shivers running over her skin, sweating and shivering at the same time, suddenly overwhelmed by his closeness. They were alone, far from any other people, and she had just made the discovery of a painful secret that he had tried to hide.

They walked side by side for a few minutes, then, in a moment of despair, still uncertain whether she was making the correct decision or a huge mistake, she stopped and said, "Mr Darcy, I cannot go any longer without confessing something of much gravity and importance. I hope you know that you may count on my complete secrecy, but I must apologise for causing this situation…"

"Miss Bennet, what happened? You look very ill indeed. Disturbed…"

She could hardly hold his gaze; he seemed worried for her, but his good opinion of her — if it truly existed — might change forever in an instant.

"I am… Mr Darcy, a little earlier I was walking towards Oakham Mount…and I heard you talking to Mr Wickham."

She ended her hurtful admission, and he seemed unable to breathe; he only stared at her in complete silence, broken only by the wind blowing.