Chapter 18

T he beginning of December saw winter arrive in full force. The wind often roared through the trees, and the ground was covered in frost most of the day. Elizabeth loved winter, but her sisters were not so keen, so she had no partner for any outdoor activities. Inside the house, the preparation for the trip to London kept the family and the servants busy, and Mrs Bennet's friends called more often than usual, to enquire about the Bennets' extraordinary fortune.

Charlotte Lucas visited Elizabeth with her parents, but the joy of seeing her old friend was shadowed by the awkwardness of Charlotte's sudden engagement to Mr Collins. Charlotte was obviously changed, though Elizabeth could not say exactly in what way. Lady Lucas and Sir William were exceedingly pleased with their daughter's forthcoming marriage.

Mrs Bennet — feeling blessed by her happy circumstances — was generous enough to congratulate the Lucases. She did suggest privately to her daughters that they had come to Longbourn to examine Charlotte's future household, but having one daughter about to be so well settled, she did not care so much about that prospect.

"I know you do not approve of me, Eliza," Charlotte said. "And I know you considered Mr Collins unworthy of your attention."

"I do not even know Mr Collins's worthiness as I barely know him, and neither do you. And he barely knows either of us. I cannot approve of a marriage proposal made and accepted in haste. I only wish you to be happy and content with your choice, Charlotte."

"I am confident I shall be as happy as I can be, Lizzy. I am not romantic, you know. And I am realistic enough to realise I do not have Jane's beauty, nor your wit and charm. So I appreciate a marriage proposal from a decent man with a good living, whether it is hasty or not."

"I understand."

"I hear you will spend a month in London! And will stay at the earl's house on Park Lane. Such good luck is astonishing," Charlotte said, changing the subject.

"I see Mama has provided a full report!" Elizabeth laughed. "Yes, we shall, and yes, it is very good luck. We do not know whether it will be a month or just a fortnight. It all depends on Papa. You know he dislikes London."

"My parents dislike London too, except they have not been invited by an earl," Charlotte joked. "Who knows? Now that Jane is happily betrothed, you may find your own match among Lord Matlock's acquaintances."

"I shall allow you and Jane to enjoy your happiness for now. We cannot all marry at the same time," Elizabeth responded. However, she felt her cheeks flush and hoped her friend would not notice. If she did, she said nothing.

Charlotte's remark brought Mr Darcy's image back into Elizabeth's mind. Not that it had ever disappeared. Since he had left, she had thought of him more times than she liked to admit.

The hurtful revelation that she was in love with Mr Darcy had come at a moment when she had believed him bound to another woman. Thankfully, her turmoil had been brief, and the misunderstanding had been clarified quickly; however, it had helped her to look at his gestures and behaviour in a new light.

His attention towards her could not be misinterpreted. His dancing the first set with her was only one piece of evidence, added to many others, that his opinion of her since the evening of the assembly had not only changed but was now quite the opposite. The small hints, offered by him and by Lord Matlock, were clear enough indications of his intentions. He was not the sort of man to trifle with her or to imply more than there really was.

He was restrained and cautious with his gestures and his words, though. That was his true nature. To her, he indicated his admiration for her in his voice, his smiles, his gazes. To others, his manners revealed very little. In contrast, Mr Bingley's partiality to Jane had been visible to everybody from the day they met.

It was likely only Lord Matlock knew about Mr Darcy's preference for her, and he might have told her father. Miss Bingley was so rude to her, as if she was jealous; but how could that lady have known that Mr Darcy admired her? That was surely impossible.

Elizabeth counted the days until they would meet. He had expressed a desire for her to meet his sister and had offered his box at the theatre. That would be a clear public display of his relationship with her and her family.

Elizabeth did not allow herself to dream too much of a marriage proposal. The notion that she might be the mistress of his London house and of Pemberley was so far from anything she could imagine. But she could easily picture herself talking walks in Hyde Park, having dinners, attending a play — all in Mr Darcy's company, enjoying his attentions. She was eager, anxious, and nervous to see how much reality would resemble her imagination.

It was decided they would leave for London on December 15th. Until then, letters were exchanged with the Gardiners, as well as with Lord Matlock. Mrs Gardiner agreed that it would be more comfortable for the Bennets to stay with Lord Matlock; the house was probably much larger than the Gardiners' home, and it was situated in the most prestigious area of London. Lord Matlock was thrilled by the news and eager to welcome them.

Mr Bingley wrote to Mr Bennet every few days, but his letters were handed to Jane as she had the most interest in them.

Mr Darcy did not write — why would he? However, Lord Matlock always provided details about his nephew and included him in their plans.

Elizabeth anticipated the journey as much as her sisters, and they all counted the days until their departure.

The sisters walked to Meryton several times to make purchases for their trip. In doing so, they met the officers, including Mr Wickham. Lydia and Kitty were still enchanted with the man, their loud and improper responses proving that very clearly. Mr Wickham was always smiling, always friendly, though he was rather restrained towards the younger girls in the presence of Elizabeth and Jane.

Elizabeth only exchanged a few brief remarks with him, and every time, she was tempted to throw in his face that she had heard his discussion with Mr Darcy and had discovered his true character. She never did so though, loyal to her promise to Mr Darcy.

Three days before their departure, all their plans were fixed and their luggage prepared. It was a calm, bright day, though very cold; perfect for a walk. Mrs Bennet insisted her daughters join her to visit Mrs Phillips — an excellent opportunity to brag again about her good luck. Elizabeth would have preferred to go for a solitary walk in that lovely weather, but it would have been impolite not to take her farewell from their relatives and friends. Mr Bennet did not have such scruples, and he remained at home, sending his best regards through his wife.

At the Phillipses', they found Lady Lucas and Sir William, who had come to discuss their daughter's forthcoming wedding to Mr Collins.

"Is Charlotte at home?" Elizabeth enquired.

"No, my dear Miss Eliza. She went for a walk a while ago. I believe she caught the habit from you," Sir William said.

"Mr Collins said Lady Catherine de Bourgh approves of a young woman with a strong constitution, capable of making the required effort in her household," Lady Lucas added.

"I am happy Jane did not catch that bad habit from Lizzy," Mrs Bennet interjected. "Besides, she will have enough servants and will not have to make any effort!"

The remark was rude, causing embarrassment, and Jane replied immediately.

"Mama, I do enjoy walking as much as Lizzy and Charlotte. And it is a habit that even Mr Bingley approves of very much."

Mrs Bennet was silenced for a moment, but then she rolled her eyes and began talking about London.

The Bennet ladies made their farewells an hour later, and as the carriage left Meryton, Elizabeth said, "Mama, I shall walk home from here. I need a little bit of exercise."

"Walk home? This is absurd!"

"Yes, Mama. I have done it a hundred times. It is no more than a mile. Do any of you wish to come with me?"

"I shall come with you if you need company, Lizzy," Jane offered.

"I do not need company, dearest, unless you wish to come." Elizabeth smiled. "I am sure I shall meet Charlotte if she has not returned yet."

"Take care, Lizzy."

"I shall, Mama. You go home. I shall be there soon."

With that, the carriage departed, and Elizabeth waved to them. She breathed deeply, closing her eyes to enjoy the soft breeze and the sunshine on her face, then took a small path through a grove. Her steps took her towards Oakham Mount, and all the sights and all the sounds reminded her of Mr Darcy. From a higher point, she gazed around, towards Longbourn, Meryton, and even Netherfield in the distance.

Farther down the path was a stream and a pond, where she used to fish with her father when she was a child. Her uncle Gardiner had joined them too when he visited. Jane had watched from a distance, never wanting to touch the fish or the rods.

She remembered Mr Darcy had said there were some excellent places to fish at Pemberley, and, with a smile, she wondered whether that estate lacked anything at all.

She walked on and was surprised to find a horse tied to a tree. Puzzled, she looked around, but there was no one in sight. She walked a little farther, when she heard some strange sounds, then whispered voices. A few steps more and she finally spotted something on the ground, hidden behind a tree: a blanket placed upon a bed of leaves. A form was lying on it, covered with something, and Elizabeth assumed somebody was hurt. She hurried forwards, calling out to ask whether they required aid.

A small cry and some frantic movement were the reply. Under the blanket, not one but two bodies struggled; there were some inarticulate whispers, then finally Elizabeth understood what was happening. The shock was so powerful that she stepped back, her foot slid, and she barely manage to grasp a branch to prevent herself from falling. From under the blanket, with terrified, panicked eyes, Charlotte Lucas was staring at her. Next to her, with his shirt unbuttoned, lay Mr Wickham. The sort of activities the two were engaged in was obvious, though Elizabeth still refused to accept it.

Struggling to keep her composure, she said, "I am sorry…I apologise," then turned away and hurried her steps, her head spinning in disbelief.

"Eliza! Eliza, wait! Wait! Please wait!"

She finally stopped, and Charlotte caught her. She was wearing all her clothes, except for her bonnet, and her boots were untied. Fortunately, Mr Wickham was somewhere behind, and Elizabeth was not forced to face him too.

"Eliza, wait…I can explain…"

"Dear Lord, no, please do not explain anything! I do not want to hear. I do not want to know. I want to forget this meeting ever happened."

"I imagine you are appalled because you are always quick to judge everybody. Things are not always as they seem," Charlotte said, lowering her voice and her eyes.

"Charlotte, do not believe me a fool, and do not make me out to be the guilty party! You were alone with Mr Wickham, your clothing in disarray, and you have just become engaged to another man. That is the truth, not my judgment."

"Will you tell anyone what you saw? Will you betray me?"

Charlotte's voice was barely audible, and Elizabeth felt pity for her. The confident, wise woman who was her friend seemed to have disappeared. She continued, softening her voice.

"My dear friend, I know Mr Collins is not the best choice, but at least he has a decent living, he is honourable, and he will probably be an attentive husband. Mr Wickham is nothing but a scoundrel who only seeks his own gain with no consideration for those he might hurt. You might not have been happy with Mr Collins, but you surely will not be happy with Mr Wickham, if he agrees to marry you."

"Marry Mr Wickham? Eliza, what are you talking about? I have no intention of marrying Mr Wickham! I shall marry Mr Collins, as planned. Unless you betray me and use this knowledge to ruin my future."

Elizabeth was now utterly dumbfounded, incredulous, astounded.

"But…I do not understand…then why?"

"Why? Because I have never been the object of a man's admiration. Because I might never be. Because my life will not offer me the chance to enjoy the company of a man desired by other women!"

"Charlotte…Mr Wickham is not the man—"

"He is precisely the man who can provide me with some entertainment until I marry the most tiresome and infuriating of men and am forced to bear his company. Do not look at me that way, Eliza. And do not dare judge me! I am being honest with you, as I cannot be with anyone else. Will you betray me? If you tell your family, everyone will find out, and my life will be ruined. My future depends on you."

"Of course I shall not tell anyone, Charlotte. This meeting never happened. But if you want confidence, you must worry about Mr Wickham. From what I have heard, honour, loyalty, and discretion are not his strongest qualities."

"Do not worry about him, Eliza."

"I worry about you, Charlotte. I was worried when I heard of your engagement, and now I am truly frightened. I pray you will be happy."

"I have already told you that I plan to be as happy as I can, considering the circumstances."

"We shall leave for London in three days' time. We may not see each other again soon."

"I wish you a lovely time. I hope you will return before my wedding."

"I wish you all the best, Charlotte," Elizabeth responded, then sketched a poor smile and walked on.

In such a perturbed state of mind as she was, Elizabeth could hardly move her feet. What she had seen was quite unreal — something she would never have imagined or believed. As she quickened her pace, the wind seemed to blow harder and colder, and her bewilderment deepened.

That Charlotte had allowed herself to be seduced by a scoundrel was scarcely credible. That she had done so a fortnight after she became betrothed was incomprehensible. But the fact that Charlotte had not lost her mind to seduction, that she was well aware of her actions and their consequences, was confusing and alarming.

Of course, she would tell nobody; she had promised, and she would not dare to tell anyone in any case — not even Jane, not even her father. She was too ashamed of her friend, and even of herself for witnessing the scene.

Shockingly, she felt she might have gathered the courage to tell Mr Darcy; he would understand without too many details. Fortunately, Mr Darcy was not there, and she hoped — she prayed — she would have the strength to forget the entire dreadful event before she saw him. She was not so lucky, though. The scene remained clear in her mind, and even more so Charlotte's words — which were equally pitiful and appalling.

She tried not to judge, as her friend demanded; in truth, she did not know what was in Charlotte's heart and mind. Charlotte had always claimed she was not romantic, but still she seemed to have desired romantic interludes. After many hours of reflection, she gained a little bit of comfort in the notion that Charlotte was not a victim of Mr Wickham's deception and that he had not hurt her. How she would bear her marriage to Mr Collins was a painful question to which Elizabeth had no answer, so she forced herself to put it aside.

The journey to London began on a cold, cloudy morning, immediately after breakfast, and Elizabeth left Hertfordshire and the worries attached to it behind.

They arrived in town around five o'clock in the afternoon, and Elizabeth — as well as her sisters — was enchanted to see the animated streets, shops, and houses.

The carriage stopped in front of Lord Matlock's house. It was a large, impressive, elegant white building, situated among many similar ones, all lit by torches.

It was dark already, but there was much light and much bustle around. Unlike their small town, London was animated and lively, even at that hour.

"You are finally here! I am so glad to see you all! Come in!" Lord Matlock welcomed them with much enthusiasm. Behind him, Elizabeth spotted two young gentlemen, looking at them curiously, and Mr Darcy, who gazed at her with a little smile that twisted the corners of his lips and brought dimples to his cheeks.