Chapter 23: Silas

There was,quite literally, no way in hell Silas was going to submit for a swap. He may not have necessarily won Eloise over yet. In fact, he was pretty sure that every time he opened his mouth he was inadvertently pushing her further away. But despite it all, he was happy.

He never didn't enjoy speaking with her, even if they were fighting. She was compassionate and hopeful and bright and put a little light inside of Silas's chest that he'd never had before. And when she stood up for herself? When she got a little angry and a little loud and rolled those pretty eyes back into her head? Well, it made his dick hard.

Thus, his resounding absolutely not when asked if he wanted to swap this week made it a little hard to swallow when Lainey announced that someone had. The host had clapped her hands in front of her, rocking back and forth like she'd just been given a gift and wasn't presiding over what was sure to be a bloodbath.

As far as Silas could tell, all the couples in the manor were happy. Or, at the very least, happy enough to not swap. Willow and Leith had essentially sewn themselves together and Danica and Maxon were at least quite handsy. Sure, Cora and Foster had probably the same levels of chemistry as Silas had with his own dad…but they wouldn't have more with anyone else, he didn't think. And, maybe Maia was giving Killian the cold shoulder but the man was clearly obsessed with her—there'd be no way he'd submit for a swap.

Or so Silas thought.

"Since only one of you boys was brave enough to shake up the manor, we'll kick this ceremony off with them," Lainey announced.

Silas wanted to swipe at a bead of sweat on his forehead—was he sweating, or was the night just squelching and humid?—while he tried to work out who may have been the catalyst and what they might do.

If Maxon submitted, he might go for Willow or Maia. Maia was unhappy and might be willing to pay him more attention than he was currently getting, and Willow had an energy that Silas had noticed Maxon panting after. Eloise was probably safe, so long as Maxon paid no heed to that fucking lap dance she'd given the other night.

If it were Foster, he couldn't imagine the surfer returning to Eloise if he were unhappy with Cora. He'd seek something new, surely.

There was really no worry with Leith but…Killian? If Killian had submitted, Silas did not like where this was going at all. Yes, the only way this night could go wrong would be if Killian had submitted for the swap.

"Killian," Lainey purred, breaking Silas's heart. And maybe Maia's, too, if the way she froze on the other side of the roof was any indication. "Tell us how we got here. Why did you submit to swap?"

Killian's throat bobbed, betraying his discomfort in a way that the rest of his body didn't. Was Killian sweating, too? Maybe it was just the evening air and not Silas suffering his first-ever anxiety attack.

"Well, the girl I'm with now has made it clear she thinks we'd be better off as friends so?—"

"You disagree?" Lainey interrupted.

Killian flitted his eyes to Maia before responding. "Doesn't really matter what I think. If she wants to be friends, we'll be friends. But I'm not going to give up on the reason I came into this manor."

Lainey spun towards the girl, a certain giddiness to her movements that Silas found to be wildly inappropriate. "And how do you feel about this, Maia?"

"Fine."

Per usual, that was about all there was to get out of Maia.

"Seems you got the green light," Lainey laughed. "So did you have any of the other girls in particular in mind?"

"As a matter of fact, I did."

Should they call this off? Silas felt they should call this whole ceremony off. It was too hot. Surely, the weather was not conducive to clear minds. Although, maybe it was the exact sort of inferno-y weather that was called for at a time like this.

When Silas was about to have his heart ripped out of his chest and his very own shot at happiness ripped right out from under him.

Because, if he were being honest, there would be no way Eloise would come back to him. He couldn't imagine that he inspired that same warmness in her that she inspired in him and—goddammit—he wanted to change that. He wanted the time and the opportunity to show her that he could be so fucking good to her.

And now he would never get that opportunity because she was about to ride off into the sunset with the man she'd been pining over since she got here. And that man wasn't a grouchy asshole and probably wouldn't accidentally insult her all the time. And as much as Silas might like to think that he wouldn't worship her like Silas would, that was fucking stupid because Killian would have to be a sack of stupid bricks to not see what she was and what she deserved.

Because as pissed as he was that this was happening, Silas couldn't deny that Killian wasn't that man. Killian was intelligent and kind and whatever other bullshit Eloise had said about him and that was just the root of all this heartache, wasn't it? That Killian was a better man than Silas was. Better suited. Probably so well-suited, Eloise would forget Silas ever existed.

She wouldn't remember the way he kissed her while Silas would never be able to fucking forget.

"Well don't keep us waiting," Lainey urged Killian, though Silas was inclined to tell her to shut up. Let him keep them waiting. Let Silas live in a world where Eloise still had the chance of being his.

"The girl I'd like to honeymoon with is…Eloise."

Aaand, there it was.

Eloise started like she hadn't been prepared to hear her name and the surprise on her face made Silas want to drop to his knees and whimper like a pathetic little dog. People want you, he wanted to tell her. He wanted to remind her what a fucking prize she was and that she shouldn't be surprised by someone calling her name.

Mostly, though, he wanted to apologize for their time together. Tell her that she never had to change or be anything other than herself to get to this point and that it had all been pretense on his part because he wanted to be close to her. Because he wanted her.

"And how are you feeling about this change, Eloise?" Lainey asked.

Eloise's eyes sought Silas's while she recovered and he didn't know what she found there. He didn't know if he was wearing the pain of it all right on his face or if he was doing that thing where he went blank and everyone thought he didn't care.

"Um, good," Eloise started, tearing her eyes away from Silas. "Yeah, this is exciting."

Was it wishful thinking to imagine she wasn't enthused? That her steps were slow when she crossed the roof to stand next to Killian?

Lainey stopped herself mid-eyeroll as if she'd forgotten for a moment that she was on television. "Well, even though we only had one?—"

"Wait!" Maxon stepped forward. "I wanna swap, too."

"Like I was saying," Lainey bit out politely. "Even though only one of you submitted, you all still have the opportunity to switch things up. Would you like to go next, Maxon?"

"Yes."

Her smile was tight. "Tell us why."

"I didn't submit for a swap because I didn't want to leave her hanging but me and Dani have agreed that we're better as friends, too. I've had my eye on this other girl, though, since we got here and we've been able to spend some time together this past week. Shared a few kisses," he added with a practiced and perfectly lopsided grin.

It surprised Silas very little to hear the other man spin this as if he were really just doing everyone else in the manor a favor rather than acting as a horny opportunist. And those kisses he mentioned had been in the midst of challenges so Silas wasn't really sure if that counted.

Although, that lap dance had been a part of a challenge. Did that mean it didn't count, either?

"If she'll have me, I'd really like to honeymoon with Maia."

"Maia?" Lainey nudged the girl for an answer as if she really had a choice, though Maia was already halfway to her new spot beside Maxon.

"That's…fine."

"Insightful, Maia. Thanks." Lainey gestured back at the remaining boys. "I suppose we'll go right on down the line then, yeah? Foster, any urges to change up your sleeping arrangements?"

"Are you on the table yet?"

"No."

"Then I'm good."

Lainey put a hand over her heart and pretended to swoon. "I can really see how much you like Cora."

Cora stomped her foot but the impact was reduced by her good-natured smile. "I'm very likable."

"Why do you think I stick around?" Foster asked.

"Leith," Lainey began, moving on from the flirt. "Are you happy with Willow?"

Leith beamed towards his partner. "The happiest."

His arms wrapped entirely around Willow when she met him and she leaned up to give him a quick kiss. That could have been Silas, if he'd just gotten to go first. He could have picked Eloise, shown her that he was all-in for her. Could have had her lips on his again.

But now he was staring across the roof at Danica, who'd been abandoned by her friends and her partner. And what was he really supposed to say? Much as he wanted to rail against Killian and call him a couple names, how was that fair to Danica? It wasn't a love match between the two of them but he had no desire to hurt the girl or make her feel as shitty as Silas felt right then.

So he beat Lainey to the punch and called Danica over to his side. They'd shared a bed before. It wouldn't be the biggest deal to do it again. But it felt like stepping backwards into the experience in a way that made him question if he should have ever tried at all.

And then he was forced to stand there, on that muggy little roof, next to Killian and Eloise, and watch Leith and Willow and Foster and Cora compete in a challenge they should be competing in.

Lainey's voice carried, despite the distance. "As many of you know, you all got the opportunity when you arrived to receive ten thousand extra dollars if you remained with your initial honeymoon partner. Since none of you took that route, we've decided to add it back into the pot.

"For this challenge, each couple will have a chance to answer questions about things that have happened in the manor so far. Questions will be worth one thousand each and our goal is to get back to that ten-k, so each couple will only have to get five questions correct. If you can't reach five, you and your partner might be in danger of leaving the manor. Everyone got it?"

From what Silas could tell, they'd repurposed their kissing booth from the previous week to make a divider between the two couples. They'd given them each a little paddles with letters on either side corresponding to their choices.

"Let's start with an easy one. Who is the oldest Honeymooner in the manor? Is it, A—Danica. B—Silas. C—Killian. Or, D—Maxon."

Both paddles swung to reveal a "B" and, well, Silas felt targeted. It wasn't like twenty-eight was ancient. And he was almost certain that the others weren't far behind him. He resolved to tune out the rest of the asinine questions when he heard Lainey begin to ask who'd appeared on television before—Danica and Foster—and who had the largest following—that one had been a toss-up, considering Maia's online presence, Willow's camming history, and Danica's socialite status.

Silas really only tuned back in when he heard Lainey ask, "And who had their first kiss inside the manor?"

Hadn't they already been over this? Hadn't he heard Eloise agonize over this just days ago? Fuck them for bringing it up again, when she was so clearly embarrassed about it. Eloise squeaked from somewhere beside him, having made her way over sometime between question one and four.

She canted into his side like she sought him for comfort, for warmth or protection or some other shit that Silas would give his left nut to provide for her. But before he could wrap an arm around her shoulder, before he could tell her to ignore them and that it would be alright, she was jumping from him. Staring up into his eyes and muttering some bullshit apologies about touching him when she shouldn't anymore.

She didn't, he noted, lean into her new partner for that same comfort. Only leaned on the railing with her head hung down and making Silas's stomach tie itself in knots. Killian said nothing.

Well, fuck him.

Fuck him and fuck this show and fuck this situation and fuck every single fucking thing that had Eloise thinking she couldn't rely on him.

He wasn't going to take this shit sitting down.