Chapter 14: Maia

As it turned out,Killian Todd was a cuddler.

And though she wouldn't admit it, even under oath, Maia liked it. She wasn't the type of girl people went out of their way to comfort but there was something inherently comfortable about being wrapped in someone's arms.

But if she said it out loud, would people—people like Killian—come to expect it of her? Yes, she could deal with a cuddle here or there but she didn't think she could survive being constantly touched. And even if it wasn't constant, per se, she didn't ultimately believe that there was someone out there whose touch she wouldn't mind in the long term. Sooner than later, she'd want to escape them. Like every other relationship she'd endured. Like her parents. Like her sister.

"Is this alright?" Killian asked her, snaking his arm around her waist once the lights shut off.

Honestly, how dare he make her answer that?

"Yeah," she clipped. "Fine."

He pulled back, inviting the cool air of the bedroom to slip between them. Maia tried to shoo away the pinch in her chest because it didn't belong.

"You're different," he said, tugging her hip until she lay on her back.

"Different…" she repeated, hoping to whoever was out there that he wasn't about to give the ‘not like other girls' speech. She really didn't feel like administering a lecture.

"Yeah, you're acting different."

"Different to what? We've only known each other for like three days. It's not like you have a lot to compare it to."

"Fair enough," Killian conceded with a laugh. A good-natured one that wasn't otherwise easy for Maia to categorize. "Just seems like you've been in one mindset the past few days and you're in a different one now."

She really wasn't interested in validating that observation so she just asked, "And what mindset would you prefer?"

"Whatever you're feeling is how you're feeling. Mood swings pretty much come with the territory."

"Of what? Being a woman?"

"No, Maia," he corrected patiently. "Being human. I'm not trying to date a robot. I don't expect you to be the same all the time. I don't expect you to never get sad or angry. But I guess it's important to me that my partner feels they can both be those things and talk about why they are."

His outlook was healthy. Maia wasn't so far gone down Anti-Relationship Road that she'd deny him that. But she felt that he was on the precipice of taking it too far. Hell, he'd already implied he wanted to date her. That he wanted to be partners.

But how was she supposed to walk it back without ripping apart everything he'd said? Maybe she didn't want the same things he did but that didn't mean she wanted to hurt him.

It didn't mean she didn't want to be friends.

So Maia did the friendliest thing she could think of to get him to stop talking.

She kissed him.

And it wasn't graceful or cute. She lurched up, grabbing hold of his neck so that when she fell back against the mattress, he'd come with her. He did, but the pressure he provided wasn't the same as the comfort of a hug. His body pinned hers to the mattress and her mouth and her grip pinned him to her.

Killian responded to the kiss without question until Maia felt she wasn't really in control of it anymore. He began to devour her, rather than the other way around. Right then, that suited Maia. Let him be obsessed with her body or her tongue so he wouldn't waste any more brain power on what she was thinking.

She squeezed him between her legs, latching her ankles together behind him. And when she rolled her hips against him, she couldn't stop herself from asking, "Is this mindset more to your liking?"

Killian took the opportunity of the broken contact of their mouths to trail hot kisses down her jaw, to her neck. He had the audacity to laugh against her when he rolled a bit of the flesh between his teeth, biting down. "Don't be a smartass, Maia."

"I didn't think you'd mind."

"I really—" he licked at the spot he'd bitten, soothing the hurt she hadn't really felt "—really don't."

"So you just like telling me what to do?"

"Someone needs to."

"Because I'm a woman?" she teased, flexing her thighs so he could be reminded of exactly the kind of woman she was.

Killian shook his head. "You seem determined to catch me in some sort of sexist crime."

"It'd make it easier."

"What?"

"Being just friends with you."

"Do you often go on honeymoons with just friends?"

She shrugged as best she could with her hands still wound behind his neck. "If they're not sexist assholes."

"And do these friends also get to feel your wet pussy?"

She was wet. Embarrassingly so. Over fucking kissing, like she was still in high school. But Maia wasn't about to give it the gravity it deserved. Definitely not out loud.

"If they're lucky."

"I always knew that four-leaf clover tattoo was a good investment."

He wasn't kidding about the tattoo, Maia knew. He'd show it to her, the little green blob at the very top of his ass, the other day when they'd been goofing off by the pool. The image of it now—particularly, the idea that it was about to get him laid—had Maia giggling.

It was a sound she'd never made before, at least not anytime within the past decade or two. Maybe when she was still in the single digits and still allowed humor to catch her off guard. Now, she was so used to tearing apart interactions as they happened, interpreting and predicting, that jokes simply didn't hit her like they had in her youth. Sure, she still found them funny. Would still laugh when the punchline landed just right.

But Killian, she thought, might have the tendency to genuinely tickle her. To hear something come from him for the first time and be struck with joy like a child would be.

She hoped he wouldn't notice the sound that escaped her. That he would just move on and they could pretend like it had never happened and that Maia was still fully in control of the situation.

Yet, when Killian stared down at her, his eyelids growing heavy, she knew she wouldn't be so lucky. So it was just easier to accept his lips when they pressed against hers.

"You're sweating on me, Todd."

Maia tried to shove the arm that was pinning her to the mattress, Killian's skin hot and sticky against hers. She'd woken up with it there, the rest of him plastered to her back in some way, as well. Before the sleep was fully gone, she'd even thought it was nice.

But then Maia had registered her surroundings. Had remembered the things she did with Killian the night before. Suddenly, spooning felt like dangerous territory.

His voice was muffled into her hair as he replied, "I don't think I should be held responsible for that, considering you're so hot."

Maia flipped herself so she was on her back looking up at him, not bothering to hide the judgment in her eyes. No one did a bitch-stare better than she did. "Did you steal that line from your dad?" she deadpanned.

"My dad better not be hitting you up," Killian warned. A look of horror streaked across his face, like he was only just then realizing the implications of what he'd said. "You'd tell me if my dad was feeding you lines, right?"

Maia smirked. "That's not the only thing he's feeding me."

"My god," he coughed, shaking his head. "He's going to have so much explaining to do to my mom."

"No, she was there, too."

"Damn, Maia. You trying to bang the whole fam?"

There he went again, redefining the banter she'd already played out in her head. Surprising her. Making her laugh. If he were being truthful, Killian would recall that she hadn't banged him, either. But she didn't mind in living in this world with him, for just a moment.

"You're so delightfully stupid," she pointed out.

"It's part of my charm."

"What isn't?"

"That's a?—

A familiar voice cut through the overhead speakers, reminding the Honeymooners it was time to get ready and head to the backyard. Life in the manor, despite not having endured it for even a full week, was quickly becoming routine for Maia.

She'd wake up in a bed with a guy she didn't really know. Get ready with approximately fifteen cameras trained on her. Stumble out to the backyard in half an outfit and chat with the girls until the guys brought them coffees and breakfast. By the time she was finished, Killian typically commandeered her attention until nightfall.

Rinse. Repeat.

Yet, despite the utter sameness of it all at this point, Maia didn't find herself tired of it yet. The girls were good people and didn't read too much into her moods. They included her in conversations and they stood up for one another. It was one of her favorite parts of the day, going down the line of them to debrief each other about what they'd experienced out of sight. That is, until it got to Maia's turn.

Maia didn't really know how to talk about Killian yet. And what was there to talk about, anyway? They flirted, but so what? She told herself she would flirt with any of the guys if she spent the same time with them as she did Killian. But she and Killain were together practically all the time, now. They were friends.

These girls didn't want to hear about friends.

Do these friends also get to feel your wet pussy?

Maybe she'd let them, just to prove a point to…someone.

God, she was deluding herself.

Maybe, today, she'd change up the routine. Step away from Killian a little bit so he couldn't get confused about what being her friend meant. So she couldn't get confused.

"Hey," she ventured while Killian was brushing his teeth. "So I was thinking we could maybe try talking to some other people today."

He quirked an eyebrow at her and spit. "What other people? Are there new contestants I don't know about?"

"No, just, like, other people in the manor."

"The same people we've been talking to since we got here?" Killian asked.

He slid past her to get to the wardrobe, pulling out a pair of white trunks that somehow matched the pastel blue of her bikini. Maia politely turned away, as if she hadn't been rubbing against everything he was about to show last night.

"Yeah," she went on. "I've only really gotten to know you and Leith. I thought it might be nice if we chatted to…everyone. Equal opportunity or whatever."

"Have I missed something?"

Maia turned back around, her hands on her hips for fortitude or whatever. "No?"

"Sure seems like it." She wouldn't call his tone angry, per se. In fact, Maia didn't think she could conjure an angry Killian if she tried. But she certainly heard the starting tendrils of frustration in his voice. "I haven't been, like, forcing you to only talk to me. If you wanted to talk to other people, talk to other people then."

She wasn't sure how to respond so she didn't while Killian tidied the bedsheets. He shrugged, a show of nonchalance she was suspicious he didn't really feel, and continued, "I thought we had an understanding, I guess."

It seemed Maia could always find her voice when there was something to challenge. "And what understanding would that be?"

"That we were into each other," he said simply. "That we wanted to try this out together."

"If by this you mean coupling up for the show, then yeah," Maia agreed, "I'm down to try it out. But if you thought this was heading towards a relationship, I don't think we're on the same page at all."

He stared at her for a beat. Or two or three. Maia really couldn't measure the length of time he studied her because she was too busy trying not to shrink or crack. What good would this discussion do them if she couldn't stand by her decisions?

Killian wagged his head like a dog shaking off water. "No, I think I'm definitely missing something."

"What?"

"See, when I signed up for this show, I went into it with the understanding that I'd be coupling with people I was interested in dating—if you want to get real technical, I'd really wanted to find someone I'd be interested in a future with but I feel like that would spook you so I'll leave that off." His read of her, in that moment, was impeccable. "But it's sounding to me like you're here because you want friends. Sure, maybe they're friends you make out with but you're not looking to go further."

Maia sniffed. "It doesn't sound like you're missing anything, actually."

"No, what I'm missing is why you're even here. Why you agreed to couple with me at all, considering I've made my thoughts and intentions pretty clear."

"It's not like I had an actual say in that, Killian."

"So you're saying I?—"

Another interruption from the speakers reminding contestants to make their way to the backyard stopped him in his tracks. Maia could see that he was grateful for it because he took the opportunity to center himself.

Killian started towards the door to their suite, clearly deciding this was more of a walk-and-talk kind of thing. Still, despite his frustration, he held the door for her. Walked beside her rather than in front or behind.

"If you want to talk to other people, Maia, please do, but I came on this show to find love." Killian barrelled on like he hadn't professed his loyalty to Maia's least favorite hoax. "You were my number one choice—you're still my number one choice. But if you're not in it like I am, then I'm gonna talk to other people, too. I'm not going to close myself off to other relationships when the person I want doesn't want me. I deserve better than that, I think."

Fuck blowing her cover, she had to ask. "So you're just gonna stop trying?"

He smirked like he caught her and, dammit, he really had. "I didn't say that."

"Then what are you saying?"

Killian held the door for her again when they stepped out into the open air. They were the last to arrive but Maia didn't really care if they all were all watching this…What was this? A breakup? They weren't together. Either way, she knew the onlookers would just be a tool to keep her accountable.

Clearly, he had different ideas about privacy because he lowered his voice to a volume only she could hear and relaxed his stance. "I'm saying I'm not going to give this my all without getting the same in return," Killian said.

Good—that would make it easier.

"Okay."

His jaw flexed. "Okay."

She nodded and broke off, heading over to the girls who were already gathered on the wraparound couch across the pool. She knew they'd ask her about what happened and she knew she really had no choice but to tell them. Her instincts beat against her ribs at the idea of telling all these beautiful women that Killian was available but she made herself announce it anyway.

She'd always been good at doing the hard things.

And she didn't regret it even when, hours later, she still hadn't chatted with any of the other boys but forced herself to watch Eloise practically skip over to Killian. Watched her lean in and him match her stance. Watched them smile and laugh together like Killian was usually doing with her, right about then. Watched a hand touching an arm or fingers tucking stray hairs.

She forced herself to watch Killian with someone who deserved him.

And she didn't regret it at all.