61. CODY

CODY

NEW YEARS DAY 2025

C hristmas came and went, and with it went the stinging feeling in my chest and the regret that chewed away at the back of my mind. The locker room hummed with anticipation and enthusiasm as they prepared for the game, but my thoughts were lost somewhere in the mad rush, and they had taken my raw joy for the game with them.

It wasn’t even a real game, there were no stakes here, and yet…

I was terrified to let them all down, head barely above the water, I’m treading water in the deep end while everyone waited and watched with life preservers for my head to slip beneath the surface.

“Brave face you got there, handsome.” Ella sat on the bench beside me as I tied my shoes.

With a tiny nod to my head, I pressed my lips into a tight line and looked up at her.

“Are you sure you want to do this today?” She asked me.

“And disappoint everyone out there?” I dropped my head and finished tying my shoes but my gaze lingered on the floor. My thoughts were far away from where I was. “We’ve been preparing for this for months. If I don’t go out there today…”

“No one would blame you,” Ella finished the thought a little differently than I would have. “Misery.” She reached out and pushed my chin up to look at her. “Make the call, I’ll take the blame. It’s as easy as me saying you aren’t ready. But don’t force yourself, it’s not worth it. ”

Her fingers never left my chin as she held my eyes. It didn’t feel as simple as just deciding . It had been nearly five weeks since I spoke to Clementine. I’d stood in the airport for so long staring at that departures board that Arlo bought a second ticket just to come to find me.

I had been arguing with myself over buying a ticket to Texas or just letting her go.

It ended with me silent in the passenger seat.

The article was posted two weeks later, exactly how she had written it, and everyone at Harbor had a field day. Dad had framed the front page and hung it up in his office next to the photo of us and Mama. The only other memory he had ever hung. Silas’ father went nuclear, storming the halls of Harbor like it might solve a problem or fix the damage the article had caused. I wasn’t sure why it was a big deal, it wasn’t as if it slandered them in a way that the sports community hadn’t seen before. It was common knowledge that the owners and committee members didn’t care about anything but money.

Silas explained that it had nothing to do with the article. Apparently, a dinner had been held with his Grandfather that involved a two-hour berating about the meaning of baseball and how Silas’s father had destroyed what Hornet’s Baseball was intended to be. There was internal grief in the family and, given Silas’s recent mood, it was about more than just business.

The television piece that aired was clearly pieced together by an outside source. It was professional and almost cold. Watching all the guys give sound bites from the couch at the Nest. No footage of me to be seen, we had never finished our interview. The lack of emotion in the TV interviews made my mind wander to Clementine; whether or not she had kept her job or was still with Julien . I had almost gotten on a plane for the second time in a month just to know, but I couldn’t clear my head long enough to make a choice.

Decisions had never been my strong suit. Everything good in my life up to that point had always been chosen for me. All of the bad things that shaped me had been my own. But when I asked Arlo what I should do he told me that he couldn’t make the choice for me.

So I stayed. I didn’t call, I didn’t bug her. Out of habit, I wrote five more letters. They never saw the mailbox; instead, I tucked them into the drawer in my room and pretended that I wasn’t completely devastated without her.

But I could do this.

My focus shifted to helping Silas and much to my dismay, organizing the exhibition event had actually been interesting. I had learned a lot about what it took to throw such an extravagant game. It was more than just showing up in a fancy suit and flirting with old ladies to stuff the pockets of the owners. It was booking hotels, deciding on themes, creating schedules, and calling vendors.

Today was important.

It was a game that packed the seats no matter how bad the previous season had gone, a game that set the tone for spring training camp and the season ahead. Weaponizing spectators' needs for drama and giving back to the community. Every year all the ticket sales from the rival exhibition game went to a different foundation.

My only job was to step foot on the field; we had worked too hard for me to chicken out now.

It was also the first time I had played in a professional setting since the accident. Ella was nervous, but my shoulder had passed every test she put it through. I was physically ready. There was no pain, not even after a full team practice. Sure, I was sore, but it was the normal kind of sore—the good kind that made me feel accomplished when I finally rolled into bed at night.

Ella was waiting for an answer, so I tapped two fingers to her wrist, letting them hang lightly against her skin. “I can do it,” I said.

“Say the word out there, and I’ll pull you.” She winked.

She dropped her hands and helped me off the bench, wrapping me up in a quick hug before fixing my jersey and checking the buttons.

“These are nice.” She admired the new, rich navy, special edition jerseys, which had a championship patch on the shoulder. Ella straightened out the tiny lavender flower pin over my heart and smiled softly. “I wish I could have met her,” she cooed, stepping back so I could tuck the hem of my jersey into my pants.

“Mama would have adored you, Peachy.” I smiled. “It would have made her so happy to see Arlo go toe to toe with someone, but even more to find someone who loves him. She was always so worried he’d end up like Arthur.”

“Luckily she left you to look after him until I showed up.” Ella laughed, scooping up her medical bag from the bench and leading the way out of the locker room.

The hallway was packed with bodies, players, reporters, and parents. Dad stood at the head of it all locked in a conversation with Silas. He looked good. He had cut down the sides of his long hair and finally trimmed his beard. Who knew a shower would do him some good? He shifted in his dark Hornets’ polo and flipped a hat up and over his head as Silas patted him on the back and took off down the hallway.

I slipped in front of Ella, feeling her fingers tangle into the jersey at my lower back as I pushed through the crowd and brought her to Arlo.

“He’s got the green light,” Ella hummed and tucked into Arlo’s side. His dark hair was brushed off his face and he looked really happy for once as his arm wrapped around her, clinging to his clipboard with the other. His eyes narrowed on me.

“Does he want the green light?” Arlo cocked his head at me.

“Yeah,” I hiccuped.

“Convincing.”

“I’m ready.”

The words came out, and I knew I could do it, but I don’t think either of us was ready for the feelings that lingered below the surface. Tonight's game was the first that I would play without Arlo, ever . Since joining the team, Arlo had been to my left, always guarding and protecting the pitcher's mound. Protecting my stupid oversized heart too. Everything felt so exposed. Tonight we will introduce the new captain.

“I might actually puke this time.” The words came out of me in a blunt projectile confession. “Can the light be yellow?” I suddenly felt itchy in the uniform and wiggled around.

“No, all or nothing.” Arlo shook his head and put one hand on my shoulder, the clipboard digging into my skin as the other hand moved over my racing heart. “Two steps at a time.”

“Except you aren’t out there with me anymore. So that’s irrelevant, and I’m walking alone.” I stared at him.

“I’m out there, just not where you’re used to having me. You’ll just have to put in a little work, Kitten.” He laughed and little lines formed around his eyes. “When you need me, you’ll find me. I’m not going anywhere.”

The next breath I took was long and shaky but I tapped the back of his hand over my heart with two fingers. I’m ready .

“Alright boys you know how this goes, every year you go out there, and you get your asses handed to you by the Lorrettes,” Dad started loudly over my shoulder and I turned to scowl at him, inspiring. “This year you’re regional champions. If you lose, you’ll only be embarrassing yourself.”

Arlo covered his mouth to stifle the laugh that left him.

But Dad smiled, a surprising chuckle echoing over the silence in the packed hallway. He was fumbling through the entire happy situation, but at least he was trying. We were a team just trying to heal from the last few years, but it felt like we were all ready to try. Everyone listened to Dad speak with bright eyes and concentrated faces.

“Remember that today is supposed to be fun, so have it. Get the crowd fired up, make good plays, and don’t stress, there will be plenty of time for that at spring camp. Win or lose, dinner tonight at the Nest.” He clapped and the rest of us followed suit as his eyes landed on me with a tight nod.

The huddle formed and, for the first time in months, my heart rate slowed to a normal pace as the guys started their chant. Wrapped in each other shoulder to shoulder, the huddle rocked side to side like a wave on the ocean. Electricity charged through all of us as we broke free and jogged to the entrance of the stadium. The sound of fans and music boomed into the air, echoing off the steel roof and vibrating down through the concrete.

“Cody.” Silas wandered forward. I had half expected him to be in a suit and tie, but he was in his normal uniform. He patted me on the back, his fingers digging into my shoulder just to see if I would react. "You’re with me,” he said .

“Ella said I could play.” I tensed and looked around for her to support my claims, but I had lost her in the crowd. “ I can play . My shoulder is fine!”

Panic, raw and overwhelming, flooded my body.

“And you’re going to.” He shook his head at me as the announcer started to call player names. “I need you for something else,” Silas said.