6. MATTHEWS

MATTHEWS

2024 One month before

"Mary," Bobbi's voice chirped over the barrier between our desks. "Boss called a meeting. What do you think it's about?"

Occasionally, I forgot that I went by Mary Matthews in the office, dropping the Clementine from my name for some semblance of privacy and safety.

"Probably nothing." It was always nothing. I ran my hands down the dress pants I had slipped into this morning after stumbling around in my loft like an idiot, still half-drunk from the night before. "If we're lucky, there’ll be coffee," I groaned.

"One of your buttons is undone." She laughed, wandering closer to me and fixing the mistake with her delicate, warm brown fingers. Bobbi was too pretty to be wasting away in a cubicle, but I wouldn't have survived all these years without her big smile and brilliant brain. Her bundle of thin, long, mixed blonde braids hung down between us as she focused on the buttons with a giggle. "You're a mess. Where did you end up last night?"

"A bar downtown." I shrugged.

"What about that guy… Did you take him home?"

He was tall, with ruddy hair and empty eyes. The complete opposite of the ghost that haunted me, his blue eyes like the brightest lights on the darkest of nights.

“Yeah,” I shake out of the daydream, “he was great.”

"That was enthusiastic."

“He wiggled his fingers around inside of me like some sick rendition of a cheer from Bring It On before he pretended to eat me out, and then sat there staring at me from between my legs for praise." I looked at her as we walked down through the office toward the boardroom. "I need to get a bag of treats for my side table drawer for all the men that act like dogs."

" Roll over, sit, good boy, " Bobbi giggles beside me.

“Who knew spirit fingers would haunt me into my twenties.” I wiggled my hands at her with an annoyed grin on my face. “I need one man to give a shit, just one.”

It was busy for a Friday morning—too busy. The office lights were making my head spin, so I blinked the sleep out of them and rolled out my neck in an attempt to center myself.

"Mary," Bobbi waved a hand full of rings in front of my face, "did you hear me?"

"Sorry." I blinked my eyes a few times to focus.

"You need more sleep." She shook her head, not bothering with her previous question, as she pushed backward through the office door and into the room.

The long table was full of other reporters and junior journalists just looking to get that one piece that might propel their careers, not realizing they were only there because their superiors needed someone to take meeting minutes.

"Did you hear Tony is sending Lacey to New York to cover the World Series?" Bobbi slid into the chair next to me with a coffee and smoothed out the collar of her tangerine-colored button-down.

Of course he was. "That's what happens when you grow up a nepo-baby," I groaned and sipped on the scalding coffee like it might save what few brain cells I had left from drinking so hard the night before.

I tried to pretend I was upset. It's not like that mattered to anyone anyway. I was trying to break into sports, but it seemed impossible to get my foot in the door when Lacey French had it out for me. I wasn't even sure she knew what a baseball was, but it didn't matter because she knew I did.

She paraded into the board room as if on cue, her perfect body draped in a tight yellow mini skirt and crisp white dress shirt she left untucked. She flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder and slammed her bright yellow leather purse to the tabletop as if she didn't have all the attention in the room before making an unnecessary amount of noise.

Bobbi stifled a snort and looked at me with wide eyes. “She's like some demonic version of Big Bird, and we're stuck in Sesame Street hell.”

I covered my mouth to stop the laughter that tumbled from it but still received more than one dirty look from the table. Tony French, of course, was late to his own meeting, and we sat in waiting, sipping on coffee when he slumped through the door half-dressed. The sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled to the elbow, and he looked like he hadn't seen sleep in three days.

At least that made two of us.

He poured himself a coffee despite his daughter holding out a fresh cup to him; he waved her off and ran his hands through his fluffy, salt and pepper hair. “I need someone in Rhode Island.” He looked around, skipping all formalities. “Matthews, you're up.”

Rhode Island.

My heart raced, and the nausea in my stomach built.

“No, anywhere else.”

Bobbi looked at me in shock. All the news I covered was local but the moment the location had left his lips, I felt my heart clenching in my chest for the first time in nearly seven years. “I won't go there,” I said again, louder when he didn't respond.

“You will,” he insisted..

Lacey narrowed her eyes at me from beside him, her head cocking to the side in suspicion.

“What's it for?” Bobbi asked when I didn't.

“College baseball. The team that won after a three-year losing streak.”

There was that unfamiliar thumping in my chest again.

This was not how I wanted to get my foot in the door.

“I don't want it,” I said as the bile climbed in my throat and my hands became clammy.

“You don't want it.” Tony leaned over the table on his hands and stared at me with venom. "Miss Matthews, I will remind you that you are not in charge here."

"Give me grunt work for a month. I don't care."

"This is grunt work." His jaw ticked. "You go cover this or go home for good ."

We sat there for a moment longer, the tension in the air ticking like a clock as everyone waited to see what we would do. I swallowed the pride that threatened to destroy my career. I ate the fear and the pain I felt clawing at my chest at the thought of what awaited me in Rhode Island. I would not let him take this from me like he took everything else.

“When do I leave?” I asked because all of the other details could wait.

“As soon as you can, they only offered this to a handful of outlets. We were lucky to get our horse in the race. Do not screw this up, Matthews.” He looked at me, and I could feel how serious he was, but I had been waiting for a job like that my entire life and I hated that it would be attached to him.

“Lacey,” he barked, and she jumped from beside him at the sound.

Her heels clicked against the stone floor as she rounded the table with a folder, slapping it onto the table beside me. She stared at me for a moment longer. Whether or not she was trying to be intimidating, it didn't matter. My heart was in my throat. I couldn't speak even if I wanted to.

Bobbi pushed her chair back, hitting Lacey in the stomach with the back. "Oh shit!" She faked surprise as Lacey groaned and stumbled back dramatically. "I'm so sorry I didn't see you there."

I pressed my lips into a thin line to keep from laughing as Lacey smoothed out her skirt and wandered back to her spot at the table. Tony went on with the rest of his meeting as the noise faded out, and I flipped open the folder of information. Bobbi snuggled closer to look as I flipped through the profiles of each team member.

"There you are," I whispered as I found his photo.

His bleach-blond hair was shaved close to his scalp, and his skin was paler than I had ever seen. His face had slimmed out and became sharp without baby fat. He wore a bright smile that pushed up to his eyes and showed off his pretty, white teeth. It didn't hide how worn out he looked. New lines around his eyes made them look hollow and distant.

He was exhausted .

That was not the boy I remembered, the sun-kissed lover with ocean-blue eyes, but I could see him hiding behind whoever was in that picture.

"Is that?" Bobbi's voice dropped as she slid the folder closer to herself. “Mar.” She looked up at me after taking the time to read over the information. “Are you sure?”

She was the only person that had ever heard about him. Drunken, crying fits that happened in moments of weakness. She knew exactly what I was doing. I nodded.

I had never been so unsure about anything.

I locked the door to my loft behind me as I wandered through and tossed all of my belongings on the island in the large industrial kitchen. A massive bouquet of flowers sat on my island, and I plucked the card from within the roses, pricking my finger on a stray thorn.

“Ow,” I sucked on the pad of my finger as I flipped the card open.

I miss you

Of course, they were from Julien.

“How the hell did you get in my house?” I said out loud to no one but the roses before hauling them off the counter and chucking them into the garbage. “I don't miss you, Julien.”

He had been what I thought I wanted for a long time; tall, with dark hair and big brown eyes. He was a lawyer who worked under some big political names here in Austin. He was sweet and attentive, and the ring he proposed with still sat on my nightstand. But…

He could never erase how Cael had made me feel, which wasn't fair to him. It wasn't fair to anyone. So, in the three weeks I had asked for space from Julien, I had slept my way through the rougher population of Austin and still didn't feel anything.

Or at least I hadn't until I saw Cael's photo in that folder.

Bobbi had proclaimed loudly how bad of an idea it was to go to Rhode Island with the hopes and dreams that Cael might still harbor feelings for me after all these years, but I had to know for myself, and I'd earned a viable reason to go.

My phone rang on the counter and, despite seeing his dumb, pretty face, I answered. “Hello, Julien.”

“God, I love it when you say my name like that,” he mumbled on the other end.

“I thought we were taking a break?” I flicked the card from him across the wood top island and watched it fly in the air.

“It's our third anniversary, Clemmy,” he said with a sad whine in his voice. “I know you asked for space, and I'm willing to give it to you, but that felt special. We should still celebrate it-celebrate us.”

I tried to remember the list I made of all the things that made me want to be with Julien, but when I closed my eyes, Cael was staring back at me. His sweet, lopsided smile and big blue eyes knelt over me in my bed, hands all over my body. You will never kiss another boy again without thinking about me, he whispered.

Fuck Cael Cody.

“It was a nice sentiment, Julien,” I forced.

“How about I come over and cook you dinner?” He said, I could hear him shuffling around, preparing for my inevitable cave-in, but I couldn’t be bothered this time. I needed this break, I needed the time alone to get my thoughts straight.

“No, I don't think so. I need to pack.”

“Pack?” His tone dropped. “Where are you going?”

“Rhode Island. It's a placement piece for work. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone.” I offered, just trying to get him to drop the issue.

“That's vague, Clemmy,” he groaned. “I don't like it.”

I don't like when you call me Clemmy, but here we are.

“It doesn't matter what you like, Julien. We're on a break, remember?”

There was a long pause, but finally, he spoke again. “Yeah, I remember. I'm sorry, Babe, I just miss you so much.”

“I'll call you when I get home and maybe we can meet for lunch.” I need to bring you the blood diamond sitting on my dresser, I said in my head as I rolled my eyes.

“Do you need a ride to the airport? When do you leave?” He asked.

“No,” I said. “I'll call you.”

I hung up before he could say anything else that would embarrass him.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes with the heels of my palm and sighed.