56. CODY

CODY

“ Y ou’re on my list.”

I found Dad in his office exactly where he said he would be hours later.

“You’re going to have to elaborate, Cael,” he said without looking up at me.

“Not until you look at me,” I demanded.

“Curse your Mama for whatever she said in that letter. It only made your attitude worse,” he huffed but pushed up from his seat and raised his eyes to meet mine.

“My sponsor made me put you there. It’s for my recovery. I’m supposed to apologize to all of the people that I hurt. You’re on it and, until now, I didn’t actually understand what I had to apologize for. I was pissed off at you. For everything. For taking me away from Clem and then for not being there when Mama died. The anger overtook the logical reasoning in the back of my mind. You said loving her through the grief would have broken me.”

I stepped forward, my fingers flicking against the envelope in my pocket as I worked on slowing my breathing and calming my racing heart.

“It took me a moment to get back to myself, Dad. Back to that kid, you wished I was. I’m sorry that the man I am today isn’t what you expected. Most of all, I’m sorry that you never got to say goodbye to her, and I’m sorry that I expected you to love me through the grief.” I towered over Dad but not intimidating him in any way.

“Cael.” He put his hands on his hips and stared at me.

I took a moment and searched for the man that Mama had described. Digging for that love she talked about and behind the sadness, hidden safely beneath all that guilt and anger. The gold flecks danced across his evergreen gaze and Mama crept into the back of my mind.

The anger dissipated, slipping from me like it was never even there, and I could breathe again. I wrapped my arms around him and tucked against his chest like a little kid. When his arms tangled around me and squeezed, it was like a wrecking ball had been smashed through every wall we had built between one another. A shaky breath filled my chest as he sank into the hug and buried his face atop my head, his cheeks damp against my hair.

“I love you, Dad,” I said, pushing off his chest. “She loved you too.”

I dug out the letter and held it out to him.

“You should read this.”

“No, she wrote that for you.” He paused for a second, a scowl on his face, before he grabbed the back of my head and pulled our foreheads together. “I’m sorry that I fucked up the last few years. You should have never had to remember her like that, not on your own. I just couldn’t figure out how to be there for you and myself at the same time.”

“It’s okay, we can figure it out now. Together.” I said with a small hiccup. “I need you to know I’m letting her go. Clementine.”

On the drive from the cabin back to Harbor, I had done nothing but listen to the silence as my brain tumbled around with itself. I had to choose, just as much as Clementine did. I couldn’t fix everything, and I realized that. I needed to focus on repairing my life here and invest in myself and in my Dad. My career, Dean. There was so much in my present to be looked after. I had spent too much time living in the past and the Clementine I had loved wasn’t even there anymore. Different bracelet, different girl.

I bothered the bracelet on my wrist and swallowed the second round of tears that threatened to fall. I would let her fly the way I had intended her to, train my own wings, and maybe, over time, find her again in the clouds. I swallowed the need to cry and sniffled back what remained from before as I shoved the letter into my pocket.

“Son of a bitch. You two have been love-sick idiots since you could walk. I swear you came out of that hospital tied together by a string,” he grumbled, clearly conflicted about something. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” Dad swore under his breath. “It’s my fault she left, but…she gave me something, and I think you should see it before you give up. ”

“What?” My brows furrowed as he reached into his drawer beside him and handed me what looked like an essay. “Did you just admit you were… you know what nevermind,” I said gently and reached out.

“It’s her piece on the team.” Dad looked down at it. “You should read it, but you should do it fast because her flight leaves and she thinks you’ve given up. Again .”

“I never gave up the first time,” I said, taking the paper from him.

“There are things I have to apologize for, but there’s no time for it. Go.” He waved me off.

I shouldn’t do this. She was happy. She was living her dream in Texas. She would be okay without me, and I couldn’t ask her to risk all of that. I wouldn’t.

She was going to thrive.

No longer in my shadow, but free to fly.

But I gripped the paper in my hand, staring at the title.

The Heart of the Hornets

I swear the world tipped off balance, and every small thing I loved about her came rushing back in, every memory, every fight. It was all there. Would she even want me to chase her? After everything that’s happened, would Clementine even want me?

“ Fuck it ,” I swore.

My heart pounded in my chest with each step toward the hallway.

“Cael,” he said as I rounded the door to leave on anxious feet. I paused, my head turning up to look at him still standing behind his desk. “I love you too.”

I didn’t look down at the paper again until I pushed through the front doors of the stadium into the parking lot. It felt so heavy in my hands as if it weighed more than three pages. I would have assumed she’d use a picture of us from the winning game. The one with the streamers and confetti, I could see it in my mind…

Instead, she had attached a photo of the dining table from the Nest. Empty except for one place setting in front of Mama’s chair. The tear that left me was singular and salty as it hit my lips .

“Hey, Kitten,” Arlo’s voice called to me, and I lifted my head. “I heard you needed a ride to the airport.” He leaned against the fastback with his arms across his chest.

“Shouldn’t you be halfway to Dallas?” I asked him.

“A little Blondie told me that you needed me.” Arlo smiled. Of course, Ella had sent him.

“Last time I was in that car, you punched me.” I laughed, letting my head fall to the side as I walked toward him.

“Wasn’t the first time, won’t be the last.” He shrugged and opened the passenger-side door for me. “Move your ass, we have a flight to catch.”

He slammed the door behind me and, before I could even read the first line of the article, the fastback was peeling from the parking lot.

“What’s that?” He asked as he turned down the music and gripped the wheel.

“The piece that Clementine wrote.” My brows scrunched up.

“Why do you look like you’re going to puke?” His fingers tightened around the wheel, “I swear to god, Cael, if you puke in my car…” Arlo took his eyes off the road to give me a dirty look.

“I’m not going to puke.” I laughed. Well, when I thought about it, I might. “It's just not what I expected.” The more I read, the more my heart swelled and the less I doubted my insane decision to chase her to Texas.

“The suspense is killing me.” Arlo took a corner fast, and the fastback fishtailed with an overwhelming roar before straightening out on the highway toward the city. “If I get a ticket, you’re paying for it,” he grumbled, picking up his speed.

He’d never make me pay for the ticket, but the threat was adorable.

“I arrived at Harbor with the intent of interviewing each player on their specific position within the Hornet’s Baseball team and how that led to their first championship in three seasons. A team that was previously record-breaking, in a slump, and in desperate need of a win. My expectations were set the moment I landed in Rhode Island. I was ushered to the main offices to speak with managers and owners. Suit after suit, I was given a rehearsed set of sound bites that some poor intern must have spent hours grueling over in her tiny office. While the quotes are exceptional and will be used in uplifting personality pieces that will air on the local news, they felt empty and disconnected from the sport and from the players.”

“Fuck, she tore them apart,” Arlo huffed and took a glance at me.

Smiling like an idiot