40. MATTHEWS

MATTHEWS

2016

“You stink.” I laughed as Kiefer came off the ice. He had invited me down to watch practice but I’d spent most of my time with my nose in my journal. It was fun to watch them play but hockey had never been my favorite sport.

“Yeah, I do.” He smiled and kissed my cheek.

“Did you have fun?” I asked.

“Uh, yeah… There were a lot of drills today, I’m just kind of exhausted now,” he said, running his fingers through damp hair.

I nodded, not really sure what to say. I had barely even watched practice.

“I’m going to go shower, and then I’ll drive you home, yeah?” He said after a beat of awkward silence, backing up from me on his skates.

Sometimes there was this flutter in my chest that reminded me just how lucky I was that a guy like Kiefer Hart had even given me the time of day. And when he smiled at me, the way he was now, with his sweaty hair and flushed cheeks, that feeling ran rampant.

I nodded. “Go!” I shooed him off and went back to collect my things from the empty stands. There were a few parents around, and a girlfriend or two but, for the most part, the arena was quiet.

“Looks like Cael Cody’s shadow got a boyfriend.” Andrea sauntered up behind me with one of her many plastic-looking lackeys and smiled. “Surprising, I figured you would follow him around until you died. Do you like…have a chair you sit in to watch him make out with other girls or… ”

She was bitter because things hadn’t worked out between her and Cael. He’d said something like, ‘she’s probably the most vapid person I’ve ever spoken to,’ which had ended with us laughing so hard we were crying.

But Cael wasn’t here now to protect me from her petty wrath.

“Did you need something, Andrea?” I politely asked her.

“Oh, I just came over to tell you that you're still pathetic, even with Kiefer Hart on your arm. It’s a giant cry for help. He just got out of a relationship with someone and is clearly heartbroken enough to date the likes of… well you.” Andrea giggled and looked me over. “Have a good day, Clemmy.”

I stared at her back as she wandered away with her friends, pushing down the bile that rose as I battled the insecurities swirling around in the pit of my stomach. I sat on the bench for another twenty minutes, waiting for Kiefer and, when he finally appeared, laughing with his teammates, I was more than ready to go home.

Andrea was right. Who did I think I was? Dating a hockey player? Acting like I was one of those girls who could get away with that. I didn’t even know he had an ex-girlfriend. She was probably gorgeous and tall. My mind tangled with negative thoughts.

“Earth to Clementine…” Kiefer’s voice floated down around me and broke me from my existential thoughts. “Are you alright?” He asked as I stood up. He took my bag from me and slung it over his shoulder, tangling his hand into mine. When I didn’t answer he just tugged me along slowly.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

The drive home was quiet; I wasn’t really sure what to say to fill the silence that had settled between us. It wasn’t his fault my insecurities were eating me alive. His interest in me seemed genuine but now, with Andrea chirping in the back of my mind…

“You’ve been quiet,” he said as he pulled up the driveway. My parents had gone to the city for the weekend and I was just looking forward to curling up on the couch alone and writing. “You sure everything is alright?” Kiefer asked again.

“Yeah.”

“I know your parents are gone. Do you want me to stay and keep you company?” He asked, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear as I looked over to the empty car park. “No funny business, I promise. We can watch a movie.”

I was going to say no but he smiled at me and all my resolve melted away. “That would be nice.”

“We can order pizza?” He asked.

I nodded even though pizza was my least favorite of all the takeout spots in our small town. But he wouldn’t know that because I never told him. Afraid to seem picky, so I would eat pizza with a smile on my face. Just for him.

He shut off the engine and helped me from the car, waiting patiently for me to unlock the front door before I led him inside. Kiefer ordered the pizza right away while I picked a movie. He complained when I grabbed Thirteen Ghosts and asked if we could watch something a little more interesting with less gore, so I conceded and grabbed George of the Jungle before I pulled out some blankets. It wasn’t long before we were sitting side by side beneath one, full of our pizza and almost finished the movie.

“I don’t see how you could hate this movie; Brendan Fraser’s physique should be studied.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed gently. “I don’t hate him. George of the Jungle just isn’t my favorite.”

”You definitely hated every second of this,” Kiefer teased.

“Not every second.” I shook my head and leaned into him playfully. He looked down at me, his expression softening as he leaned closer. I opened my mouth to tell him I wasn’t really ready for that, but he collided with me before I could protest.

Kiefer’s lips were so soft it distracted me from his hand raking into my hair and his arm wrapping around my waist. He continued to kiss me as he lifted me from the sofa and laid me back. He pulled back momentarily, hovering over me before crashing down again and sliding his tongue into my mouth.

His hands were everywhere all at once and I was overwhelmed with excitement and—guilty? I pulled back from Kiefer and tried to catch my breath but he just came back for more. My hands were trapped awkwardly beneath his giant body and anytime I wiggled he took it as enjoyment .

“Kie—” He silenced my next plea with another kiss. “Kiefer stop!” I pulled back and shouted, prying my arms free and pushing on his chest.

“Oh come on, Clem, it's just making out.” He laughed, dipping back against me. His frame was too heavy and wide for me to fight back against the full weight of his body.

“I don’t—” I turned my face away from him and he caught it in his hand roughly bringing me back to his lips. The more he forced it the more panicked I became and the more I fought against him.

“Just lay back and enjoy it, Clementine,” Kiefer snapped at me and shoved me back against the couch. “You should be grateful.” He smirked but that warm feeling was gone and it was replaced with nausea that rolled violently up my throat.

He gripped my hands tightly and lowered again. “Kiefer stop!” I pleaded and shut my eyes tightly to block out what was happening. My throat was so tight I didn’t think I could beg him again no matter how hard I tried. His other hand pressed to my stomach beneath my sweater, his palm sticky and hot on my skin as his tongue slipped into my mouth again, silencing my pleas.

“Stop,” I cried. “Please.”

The weight on my chest felt like a thousand stones and then it was just gone.

“Get the hell out of here.” Cael’s voice echoed through the living room as my eyes blinked open and adjusted to my surroundings.

I scrambled up from the couch, tumbling back over the side and wrapping my arms around myself as Cael shoved Kiefer back again.

“She invited me in, man. Back the fuck off!” Kiefer pushed back.

Adrenaline and shame coursed through my veins as Cael laughed in disbelief. “I could hear her telling you to stop!” Cael stepped forward, matching size for size, but Kiefer wasn’t ready to give in.

“She was all over me, she was enjoying it, man. Wait your fucking turn—” Kiefer’s next insult was silenced with a simple, deafening crack. Cael’s hand crossed through the air and collided with his face, instantly causing the skin to flush with color .

Kiefer swung back, hitting Cael hard. He stumbled for a second but went back for more with a snarl only for Kiefer to step back and put his hands out to grab his shirt.

“Fuck you, Cody, she’s not worth breaking my stick hand for.” He shoved him back as Cael regained his balance and swung the front door open.

"Pussy," Cael growled and kicked it shut behind Kiefer before he turned to look at me. When he stepped forward I flinched and he stopped instantly. “Clem—” his voice was soft, too soft, and the sound of it made my eyes well.

I couldn’t breathe and, as he stepped closer, the room came crashing down on me. Cael followed me down as I sank to the floor, sitting on his knees across from me he reached his hand out and wiggled his fingers.

“I’m here Clementine,” he said quietly as I cried, “I’m here as long as you need me.”