33. CODY

CODY

2016

Sunday was quieter than usual. Clementine hadn’t come over to keep Dad busy with baseball, so he was grumbling outside, helping Mama with a project as I weeded the garden for her. She kept looking over at me like she had something to tell me, but always went back to bossing Dad around instead.

When I was good and done with all the weeds I chucked them in the compost and wiped my hands on my jeans. “I’m going to go shower for dinner.”

“Alright, Honeybug,” Mama smiled at me softly, cupping my face in her hand as I passed by to excuse myself. The T.V. wasn’t even on inside as I walked through the living room to the single bathroom in our house.

I checked my phone to see if Clementine had called from their house to bug me, but there were no missed calls, so I stripped my dirty garden clothes and climbed into the shower. The warm water did nothing to distract my thoughts from her. Where the hell was she? She always spent Sundays at our house.

When the water turned cold, I got out, running my fingers through my hair before changing into clean clothes and sitting on the edge of my bed. I stared at the wall covered in shitty horror movie posters and sighed. I couldn’t imagine she had anything better to do… Mama hadn’t said anything about the Matthews’ plans.

Maybe she was sick? Or slept in?

No , Clementine had never slept in a day in her life.

I clicked on the TV and pulled out my summer school binder to try and get some of my homework done to the soundtrack of Halloween 2. As the sun started to drop in the sky through my window, I turned on my laptop and continued to work, having the frustrating realization that the school work was actually keeping me well distracted as I started another movie.

“Cael?” Mama knocked on the door and opened it a crack. "Dinner is ready, Honeybug. Wash your hands.”

I nodded, closed my binder, and stretched out on the bed before standing up and doing what I was told. When Mrs. Matthews' laughter floated down the hallway, I picked up my sluggish pace and wandered into the kitchen to find only four of them. Mr. Matthews helped my Dad set the table as Mama set down a tray of her lasagna in the middle.

I helped her with the pitcher of iced tea and took my seat, staring across the table at Clementine’s empty spot with confusion. “Where’s Clem?” I finally asked, as Dad started to dish out salad onto his plate.

“She went to the movies.” Mrs. Matthews smiled at me and handed the salad bowl in my direction.

“She didn’t tell me she was going to the movies…” I said, taking the bowl slowly as Mr. Matthews chuckled.

“Clementine doesn’t have to run everything by you, Cael,” Mama said, scooping me a massive piece of steaming-hot lasagna. “She probably went with some friends.”

“I’m her friend.” It came out much angrier than I had wanted it to, but it was true. Where was Clementine if she wasn’t with me?

“It was a nice boy,” Mrs. Matthews said. “He came right down to the house to meet us before he took her out. What was his name again?”

“Kiefer,” I answered before Mr. Matthews could.

Clementine had been lost in that hockey asshole's eyes for weeks, ever since he’d transferred into her class. When she told me he invited her to that end-of-the-year party, I told her not to go. Mainly because the other sports teams weren’t allowed. It was hockey guys only, and those guys only ever had one thing on their minds.

“They went to the movies?” I asked, looking at her parents, who both nodded.

“The afternoon show,” Mr. Matthews confirmed .

“It’s seven. Shouldn’t she be home by now?” I grumbled and picked at my salad.

“Cael,” Dad hushed me from the end of the table, but my mind was swimming. I couldn’t believe that a kid like Kiefer had conned them so badly that they just didn’t give her curfew. Even if I took her out, we always had to be back by a certain time. It was stupid, and she didn’t even have a phone to check on her.

I stood from the table. “I’m not hungry.”

“Cael!” As I left the house through the back door with a huff, Mama's voice rang out.

I marched down to the creek and sat in the grass, staring at the farmland surrounding me. Clementine hadn’t even bothered to tell me she was going on a date. The worst part was I didn’t even know why it made me so angry. I should be happy for her, finding her footing. Flirting with guys? Did that make her happy?

Or was I jealous?

But of what? Kiefer got to take her to the movies, and we went to the movies all the time. No. It was the thought of him holding her hand, them sitting together, and him getting to wrap his arm around her. Kissing when the lights went down…

I ripped some grass out and inhaled slowly. Why did that make me so angry?

Those were more explosive feelings I wasn’t necessarily ready for just yet.

“Cael Cody,” Mama's voice called from behind me as she came down the hill. “What the hell was that all about?”

“I—” I opened my mouth only to shut it again. I was confused.

“Spit it out.” She sat down in the grass with me and nudged my side.

“I don’t like that Kiefer guy.” I shrugged.

“And why’s that, Honeybug?” She asked.

“He plays hockey. Those guys are all dicks.”

“Oh.” She paused, and a tiny sigh left her lips. I knew she could see right through me, and I hated it. If Mama could see through my lie, then she could see how much I was struggling with my realization. “Have you told Clementine how you feel? ”

“I don’t feel anything, Mama. I just don’t want her dating guys that won’t-” I stopped and picked at the grass some more as the sun started to sink in the sky over the hill.

“I don’t know when you started to lie to me, but I don’t like it when you do,” she scolded.

I grumbled and looked away from her, knowing she could tell from my face that I was jealous and upset.

“I know that it’s a scary thought. You’ve spent your entire life loving Clementine because she’s always been there, and if that love is deeper than your sixteen-year-old heart imagined, it’s okay. We all go through moments like that.”

It’s not a moment.

“You mean…” I turned to look at her. Her long dark hair was braided down, and she watched me with her soft blue eyes. Always so patient with me, even when I’m acting like a jerk.

“You have time to figure out what kind of way you want to love her,” Mama said with a smile as she ran her fingers through my hair. “But you can’t run around here with a sour mood blaming her when she explores other options waiting on you.”

“I don’t think Clementine likes me like that.” I shook my head. “I don’t even know if I like her like that…”

“Don’t rush. Just enjoy the time you have with her. You’re sixteen, Honeybug. You aren’t figuring out your feelings on your deathbed. You’ll get there.” Mama laughed, and I leaned into her for a hug.

“Look,” she pointed into the dusk at a set of headlights pulling up to the Matthews’ house. “She’s home.”