2. MATTHEWS

MATTHEWS

I stared in surprise for a long moment at the freckles on his nose before finally closing my eyes and sinking weightlessly into the soft feeling of his mouth. My hands came up around his waist and gripped tightly into his shirt, my fingers tugging at the fabric. He pulled back, and a slow whimper dripped from my lips, following his path as he peppered more delicate kisses along the corners of my mouth and up my jaw to my ear.

“Your daddy’s definitely gonna shoot me now,” he chuckled, nibbling at my ear lobe.

“Wait,” I said, pushing him back. My head was dizzy from his kiss, and my heart was beating faster than I had ever felt it move, “are you only doing this because I’m sad, Cael, because—”

“Clem, for once in your life, please be quiet .” He hushed me with another long kiss that felt like flying.

He gripped the back of my neck as his hand raked down my side and cupped my thigh, lifting my leg until it was wrapped around his waist, and he rolled his hips against mine. I could feel every inch of him through my pajama shorts, and suddenly, everything felt too natural and too warm.

“Hey,” Cael tugged back without me even opening my mouth and moving his hands to cup my face as he looked at me. “What’s wrong? Was the kiss that bad?”

He laughed, and I felt the shift in my anxiety from the sound.

“No, no,” I shook my head in his hands. “Of course not.”

“It’s too fast,” he said, rolling his tongue over his bottom lip. I could see him jumping to conclusions, cursing himself quietly that he was no better than …

“I’m sorry.” He severed through my thoughts.

He took a whole step back, and before I could even think about what I was doing, I followed him, linking our fingers together in the soft light that peered from my bedroom lamp. “I’m not…” I stopped, looking away from him, trying to collect myself when he hooked a finger around my chin and pulled me back. “Experienced like the other girls.”

Cael’s pouty lips curled at the corners, “Clem,” he laughed, his nose scrunching up and his eyes catching the moonlight, “do you think I slept with all those girls?”

“Well, you—” I started and then realized how horrible I sounded, “I just thought—”

“I’m never opposed to a little heavy petting, but Plum, I’ve never slept with any of them.” His finger slipped absentmindedly between the strap of my tank top and skin as he talked, his eyes drifting down to my shoulders and collarbones.

“That seems like a secret, Cael,” I said, not trying to start a fight, just wanting to shift the embarrassment away from my jealousy.

“You never asked.”

I gave him a sharp look that only made him laugh, but he roped his fingers through my hair again, moving slower. This time, he kissed my bottom lip, tugging it into his mouth. My hand tangled into the collar of his shirt, brushing against the buttons and pulling him closer as he took his time kissing me.

“How come you never told me you wanted to kiss me?” Cael asked, his breath hot on my neck.

“You never asked.” I smiled against his mouth as his tongue slid between my lips and tangled with my own, sending all my senses haywire. I felt his fingers play at the hem of my shirt, tickling a line across my stomach to my hips before he wrapped them tight and tugged me closer.

“I’m asking now,” he said in such a sober tone that all the thoughts in my head went fuzzy, and all I could focus on was how nice it felt to have his hands all over me and his lips on mine. “Clem, don’t make me beg,” Cael whined against me as his hands moved further under my shirt, tickling my ribs slowly as he worked his way up.

“I think you should,” I giggled, skirting away from his touch to steady my pounding heart.

I pushed back and sat down on my bed, staring up at him with stars in my vision and butterflies in my chest. I had forgotten how tall he had grown over the summer, towering over me with built-in waves of slim muscles from farm work and horse riding.

I watched him roll the blue button down over his shoulders, dropping it to the floor and showing his toned muscles beneath. I had been around him more naked than he was now a thousand times, but the sight of him made my breath catch in my throat. He flicked the heavy metal latch of his belt buckle and slipped the leather from its loops, the sound echoing through my room. Without a second to breathe, he shucked from the jeans and stood in front of me in nothing but a pair of loose boxers, his white tank, and the golden pendant necklace I had given him for his birthday. I dug my fingers into the sheets beside me to balance myself as he dropped to his knees before me.

“I think I like you best on your knees,” I found the courage to say, watching him with hungry eyes. He laughed, his head dropping to look at the floor and then back to me with a smirk.

“Clementine,” he stepped forward on his knees, slipping from his undershirt and chucking it into the pile of his clothes. “Mary,” he crawled forward a little more until his fingers were within reach to brush a line up my calf. “Matthews,” he whispered, and his breath hitched, causing his stomach to flex as his fingers roved over my thighs and dug into the meaty outer muscles.

“Yes, Cael Cody?” I answered with tight, sticky words that I barely got out.

“If you’ll let me,” he kissed the inside of my knee before positioning himself between us carefully, his hands daring to rake up under my shorts to my upper thighs. “I will spend whatever time we have left kissing every inch of your skin until the feeling of my lips is burned so brightly into your memory that you never kiss another boy again without thinking about me.”

I had never been talked to like that, and I had certainly never heard Cael speak to anyone like that, so I must have turned the color of a ripe tomato because Cael just smirked at me.

“Is that a yes, Plum?” He asked, kissing my thigh, “You have to say it out loud for me.”

“Yes.” For such a tiny word, I managed to stumble over it as I said it, but Cael didn’t seem to mind as his fingers found the band of my shorts and began to pull them down over my thighs.

I felt warm, but I loved the way his eyes traced over all my bare skin as he exposed it slowly. He set the pajamas next to me, and as I went to remove my tank top, he stopped me.

“Just wait,” he said, “I want to do it.”

I felt giddy at his authority; I had never seen him so serious. The light-hearted, playful boy I had grown up with had receded behind the walls of a grown man. I dared to touch him again and realized I could, lifting my hand to brush it through his dirty blonde hair. I momentarily raked them back through the soft locks and tangled them there when I realized he was staring at me in awe.

“What?” I huffed lightly.

“You’re beautiful,” he said so quietly that if the wind had wanted to steal the sound, it could have.

There was no stopping him once he had declared what was on his mind. I had seen that look in his eyes a few times before. It was determination and want, and Cael never stopped until he had what wasn’t his. The problem was that I had been his from the beginning, and I was worried he might get bored without the chase.

“Why’d you get sad?” He pushed up onto his knees, brushed his nose against my jaw, and kissed a soft, wet line down my neck to the swell of my breasts in my tank top.

“No reason,” I whispered, wrapping my hand around his neck and leaning back onto the bed.

Cael followed my touch, crawling over me until his legs framed my thighs. With so little fabric between us now, I could feel the hardened length of him against my thigh. A fire burned in the pit of my stomach like I had never experienced before as he pressed a hand between us and brushed against the damp fabric of my underwear .

He looked up at me, blue eyes shining in the moonlight, and smiled. “If you need to stop, want to stop,” he paused and kissed me, tugging my bottom lip between his teeth as gently as he could. “We stop, no questions.”

“I thought you said you had never done this before,” I pressed my hands against his chest. It was so warm beneath my palms that I nearly got distracted from my worry.

“Clem, this is still second base,” he kissed me, and I could feel his boyish smile on my mouth. “Do you want to stop?” He asked me.

I shook my head no and stole another long, much-awaited kiss from his lips. He smelled like fresh grass and the fruity cologne he swore he hated but wore because he loved his momma, and it was a gift from her. I loved that smell. It reminded me of home, safety, Cael, and everything I had been lucky enough to love about him over the years. It was a smell that I would hold on to after he was taken from me. Soon, it would be the only thing I had left of him. It was bittersweet to be consumed by it only to know how quickly that moment would end.

He held his promise and kissed me until he could no longer, smiling against my skin like he savored the taste of it. For the longest time, I had felt awkward in my skin, like it was too tight and worn in for someone who had only lived for seventeen years. But Cael proved every thought that swirled around my head wrong with every kiss of his lips, every pinch of his fingers around my thighs and tummy. He honored me for who I was, not who the world told me I should be.

“I’m going to take this off,” he informed me, “you look so pretty in the moonlight, and I want to remember all of it.” He smirked, rolling the hem of my tank top up until he needed me to lift my arms. But he didn’t throw my shirt away. He wrapped the fabric carefully around my crossed wrists and left them above my head.

“Cael,” I huffed, wiggling a little as he did so. My mouth was so close to his chest that every time he shifted, his skin brushed against my lips, eventually tempting me to kiss him there over and over until he directed his attention back to my face. “I can’t move my hands now,” I whined .

“Good,” he said, “I don’t want you covering up,” he chuckled and kissed a hot line down my collarbone to my breast.

My hips lifted from the bed as his tongue licked a slow circle around my nipple. My body lit up in clusters of fireworks that only seemed to spread as he continued to work his tongue over all my most sensitive spots. His fingers hooked into the sheer fabric of my underwear and tugged them down over my thighs, sinking his head between them and kissing a pattern against my skin.

I wiggled against the ticklish feelings. “Do something,” I groaned impatiently, “anything.”

He didn’t respond with words as his tongue brushed against my thigh. “Cael, if you take any longer to make me feel good, I’ll let Daddy shoot you just for good measure.”

That produced a laugh from him, but it was short-lived and drowned in the sound of a sharp gasp that dripped from me as he licked a trail through me. The fire in my belly seemed to rage as his fingers dug into my thigh, and he worked his tongue deeper. The bit of stubble he had managed to grow rubbed against my skin and tickled me as he moved in light circles. I wanted to touch him, but he had tied my hands to the rungs above my head, so instead, I raised my hips to meet his face and curled my free leg up against his shoulder.

My back arched against the feeling of his fingers slipping into me. I was too tight and unready for the sensation. It burned at first but slowly faded to a dull heat as he moved them in and out of me.

“Cael,” I said, pressing my leg against his shoulder tighter in an attempt to control the cord that wound as tightly as it ever had within me. If he didn’t stop soon, it would snap before we even had sex. “I’m not going to last to third base if you don’t quit,” I warned.

“Oh.” His breath was warm and tickled against my sensitive clit as he spoke between nibbles and licks. “I don’t want you to last,” he said. “I want you to come for me now and then again when I finally get inside of you.”

“Cael Cody!” I gasped at how dirty he was talking to me. “I thought you were a gentleman.”

“You never thought that,” he laughed wildly, his blue eyes glimmering up at me like he had stars trapped behind them. “Besides, I am being a gentleman.” He kissed my clit. “Ladies first.”

His hands started to move faster, his tongue working in time, and he began to rub soft circles with his thumb against all the sensitive spots. I couldn’t form a thought to argue with him. Stars exploded across my vision, and heat rose through my neck and consumed everything around me. Shockwaves of pleasure rolled through my body in an overwhelming way I had never experienced before. Like flying and falling at once, his touch tingled every nerve ending in succession. The world seemed to be hazy except for Cael, who was in perfect focus as he kissed his way up my stomach to my breasts.

Cael’s thumb brushed over my nipple, followed by his tongue and a trail of soft kisses back to my mouth. I leaned into the taste, chasing the high that my body was coming down from as he pushed my legs apart with his knee.

“There she is,” Cael whispered as my eyes finally focused on him. His chain hung between us and slowly brushed against my hot skin.

“Again,” I pushed up to him, nipping his bottom lip, making him laugh excitedly as his hands came up to frame my face.

“Patience, Plum.” He kissed my nose gently and then worked carefully to untie my hands, kissing and licking the few spots that had imprints from my tank top. “It was too tight.” His pretty smile turned down at the corner.

“It was perfect,” I insisted, kissing the corners and, finally free of my bindings, able to touch him the way I wanted to. I pushed him back, ready for a sense of control, and flipped him onto my mattress with a giggle as his hands raked up my back. “Thank you,” I said, peering down at his dumb, pretty face and big idiot grin.

“Anything for you, Clem,” he said, the words hanging between us. “Now kiss me before your daddy comes home ’cause I ain’t looking to find the end of a shotgun between my legs tonight.”

“Shut it.” I kissed him a little longer that time, savoring every tiny twitch of his hands and legs as I pressed down against him, still separated by his boxers. His hands kneaded my ass and helped me find a rhythm as we made out until our lips were sore and we couldn’t breathe any longer .

“What do you need?” Cael asked as he buried his mouth into the curve of my neck. “Tell me so I can give it to you,” he begged. “Please, Plum.”

“You,” I huffed, dragging my hips along him until I felt him catch on my ass with a long groan, “I just need you.”

“That I can manage.” He smiled against my skin as he wiggled free of his boxers. I felt him bounce free against my ass, and I practically whimpered as he raked and handed me over in preparation. He hesitated just for a moment, the wet tip of his cock pressed at my entrance. “If it hurts, tell me.” He kissed my jaw. “We'll go slow.”

I nodded and buried my face against his neck to brace for it, and he was right. As he pressed deeper, stretching me around him, it burned for a moment, just like it had with his fingers, but over time, it faded, and all I could feel was the pulse of us moving together.

“That’s my girl.” He raked his hands over my hair, tangling into it and gripping my neck as he rocked deeper. I pressed my hand up around his back, curling my fingertips into his shoulders, and kissed my way across his neck as he pumped and brought us closer together than we would ever be.

“You okay?” He asked quietly when I paused, but the cord was rewinding, and my breath was caught sticky in my throat. “Clem, you gotta talk to me. I don’t wanna hurt you,” he whispered to me.

“Don’t stop,” I choked out as he pushed all the way in, bumping every sensitive spot within me. “Cael, I’m not gonna make it.” I could feel myself spiraling. Before I could beg further, he picked up his speed, and all the pain turned to an intense wave of pleasure that seemed to crash down over me.

His breathing became labored, and his grip around my body tightened as he pushed us both closer to the edge. “Almost there,” he kissed my sweaty temple, rocking into me as the cord snapped. It wasn’t at all what I had been expecting, it was a tricky combination of pain and intense vibrations that made my fingers and toes tingle.

Cael groaned and pulled from me, quickly shifting away as he finished, his warmth spreading over my stomach as he did so. “Sorry,” he whimpered breathlessly, sounding embarrassed.

“Don’t,” I said, brushing his sweaty hair away from his forehead.

I pushed from the bed on weak knees and padded to the bathroom to clean up. I stared at myself in the mirror and, even though nothing was different about my thick thighs, belly, or swollen breasts, I felt different. I felt alive, like every inch of my skin was sparkling, and for the first time, I felt seen.

I returned and handed him a clean cloth, tugging my shorts on and climbing into bed beside him. I felt him wrap me up in his arms, and his lips found home against my neck as he buried himself into me again. “I’m sorry if you’re sore,” he apologized, looking up at me.

“I’m not,” I lied.

“That feels like a secret.” He narrowed his eyes at me and kissed the corner of my mouth.

I was a little, but it wasn’t anything that would ruin all the good things about that night. “I am, a little, but you were gentle and perfect,” I kissed him, pressing our foreheads together when I pulled away. “And I will never kiss another boy without thinking about you.”

He stared at me with those sad, indigo eyes and whispered, “I wish you would have told me how you felt. Sooner, I guess. I’ve gone my entire pitiful seventeen years knowing one thing.” He brushed a piece of hair from my face and ran his thumb across my bottom lip.

“I could die a thousand times over loving you, Clementine Matthews, and it wouldn’t hurt for a second.”

I wanted to tell him it was true, but I was afraid to let the sadness creep back in. I tried to tell him how much I loved him, but I couldn’t without crying, so instead, I curled into his arms and closed my eyes, giving us a few spare moments to be Cael and Clementine one last time