Chapter 24

"NERO?" STARTLED BYthe wild fear in his son's eyes, Beritz drew himself to a standing position when the prince burst into his room.

"Have you seen March? Do you know where he is?"

"I haven't seen him today." Unnerved, he crossed the room to put his hands on Nero's shoulders. "Just calm down. He slept in your room last night, didn't he?"

"Yes! He got up before me and he was supposed to be right back, but it's been hours. I've looked all over the castle and he's just not here at all."

"Don't panic, Nero. Could he have gone into town, to try and replace some of the things that were burnt up last night? Did you check-"

"I checked everywhere," he snapped, pressing fingers to his eyes. "I proposed to him last night. We were supposed to tell everyone today. There's no way he would have gone off without me. I know something's wrong."

"You…" Beritz trailed off, blinking in surprise before deciding he wasn't all that surprised after all. The joy he wanted to feel for his son was eclipsed by the panic pouring off him in waves. "Are you concerned because you think his disappearance is related to the fire?"

Awareness dawned. Bitter, choking awareness. "I need to check with someone else. I need to go." He whirled toward the door, curled his fingers around it as he stopped and turned to the king again. "I know you're probably still pissed at me about Duke Terin, but I need you to trust me right now. I need you to believe me that I know something's wrong."

They stared at each other for the span of three heartbeats before Beritz gave a nod, and barked out an order to a stationed guard. "I'll start a search party. Where are you going?"

Clenching his fists at his sides, he inhaled a ragged breath before he could answer. "I can't say. Will you just trust me?"

"Don't do anything rash, Nero. We'll find him."

SPRINTING THROUGH THEstone doors that led into the bordered enclosure, Nero had barely made it inside before Perrin's massive form dove down to him, sending woodland creatures scattering in all directions.

I can hear your thoughts clearly enough, young Nero. There is no need to explain.

"Will you take me to him, Perrin?"

There is nothing that could prevent me from aiding you in protecting March Cesari.

When the dragon lowered his body, Nero swung his leg over, gripping the scaly muscles between his thighs. He was an expert rider, he'd been doing it since childhood, but the joyous abandon and freedom he usually felt at Perrin's wings beating on either side of him was nowhere to be found. Leaning forward, he laid his forehead on the back of Perrin's dark neck for a moment, needing the comfort.

"Do you know where to go?" Nero asked, as they rose high into the sky.

I can interpret the directions from your thoughts. Please anchor yourself tightly to me.

"I won't fall. You don't have to worry." Shuddering, he prayed that March was okay. Squinting against the wind that whipped into his eyes and sent his wavy tendrils of hair into frantic spirals, he tried to swallow down the harsh mixture of fear and fury inside him.

They soared over streets and homes, the people below goggling at the sleek beast. It was rare for a dragon to venture out from the large expanse of land procured for them. Most people, even those that lived in the city just outside the castle, would never see one in their life.

Perrin landed beside a large, lovely house comprised of brick and stone. The meticulously tended flowerbeds and fairy-tale gazebo betrayed nothing of the inner turmoil of one of its inhabitants. The sweetness of the house didn't give any hints that the promising young sorcerer who lived inside had been emotionally tormented into a self-destructive powder keg, waiting to explode.

Hopping off his dragon, Nero banged on the door, wishing he could break through the thick wood with his fists. When no one came, he opened it himself, relieved to find it wasn't locked.

He'd been here before, many times, and knew the way to the bedroom by muscle memory alone. Deeply relieved that Laurel's father or vatra didn't seem to be home, he turned the knob, shoving the bedroom door with enough force that it smacked the wall beside it.

Laurel, looking somewhat haunted by dark circles under his eyes, didn't jump or look remotely startled. He'd known very well that Nero would come. He'd been waiting.

Nero was all too familiar with the expression, the weary posture. The final phase of Laurel's tantrums. The temper had been spent, the force of his magic had consumed him, and he'd destroyed something or someone. Now he was just a broken, exhausted young victim. Until the next time he spiraled out of control.

The fury inside Nero erupted, flames rooted in ice. "Where is he?" He asked deliberately, through gritted teeth.

Confused, Laurel tilted his head. "Who?"

"March!" Nero snapped. The word cracked in the air like a whip. "What did you do to him?"

"Why would I have any idea where March is?"

Vision hazing with red, Nero found himself charging into the room, hands fisted as if pummeling something could fix his problem.

Scrambling up from his seated position, Laurel flattened himself into the corner. "Just arrest me, or whatever you came here to do."

"I'm going to do a hell of a lot more than that to you if you don't tell me where he is."

"I said I don't know."

"You could have killed him last night. Do you honestly expect me to ever fucking forgive you for that? I should have you thrown in jail, or executed."

"You should. You can. But I knew he wasn't in his room when it happened. I didn't even mean to start it."

"You expect me to believe that? You hate him. We both know it."

"I don't hate him. I did," Laurel admitted, when Nero's eyes narrowed into slits. "And I'm sorry for what I did. It doesn't fix anything, I know. But I'm sorry."

He knew Laurel well enough to know when he was lying to protect his own ass. The resigned guilt in his voice broke through the sheet of ice in Nero's veins. "You really don't know where he is?"

"No, I don't." Eyeing the prince cautiously, he crawled to the edge of his bed, moving across the room like a rat, staying close to the wall. "I tried to apologize to you, you know. The day after we all drank together, after I confronted you the night before." He didn't mention how broken he'd felt, how he'd needed someone, anyone, to talk to him like a real human being.

Nero didn't want to hear this. He needed to find March. But he had no other leads, nowhere else to check. He could only stare, waiting. "And?"

"You were with him, out in the forest behind the castle. I thought about approaching the two of you, because I really wanted to tell you that I was sorry, but I couldn't. You looked so happy."

"You didn't watch us, did you?" Nero asked, remembering how they'd been wrapped up together, laying in the grass of the little clearing just before March's parents had come.

"Don't flatter yourself," Laurel answered in a flat tone, curling his lip. "Watching you defile your blushing little angel doesn't appeal to me in the slightest."

"Sorry. I know that," Nero said, slightly guilty to have even suggested it.

"I left. But I was so angry." Hurt, he remembered, but couldn't say that.

"You can't be angry with me for being with someone else. You know there can't be anything between us like that."

"You're so fucking conceited," Laurel mused, shaking his head. "You think I was angry because of you? I don't want you, Nero. I didn't even want you when we were together. I'd think you could figure that out on your own."

"Then why were you so upset?"

Moving to his desk, Laurel took a seat, pulling one leg up to himself. There was little point in lying now. Either Nero would believe what he had to say, and spare him, or he'd be punished for what he'd done. "Because I wanted it to be me."

Growling in frustration, Nero dragged his hands over his face. "Can't you ever just say what you mean? You never make any sense. You don't want me, but you were upset that you're not the one I was with?"

"It's not because of you. I just stood there, watching your sickening little tryst in that stupid field, and I knew that I'd never have that with anyone. Nobody is ever going to look at me the way you look at him."

Shocked by the words, recognizing the pain in them, Nero's hands went limp at his side. The anger in him was softening, though not the fear for March's safety. "Laurel…" But there was another part of him, a part he almost didn't want to acknowledge, that was beginning to formulate a plan.

"Stop," Laurel ordered. "Keep your pity. I don't want it. You asked me why I was upset, and I told you. That's all."

More familiar with the acrid tone than the wounded one from before, Nero relaxed a bit. "It wasn't pity. But keep going."

"I stopped hating him, then. Obviously I can't blame him for my poor circumstances. It's just that it's difficult for me to watch someone float through life on their dainty little feet, wide-eyed behind their fluttery lashes, getting everything I should have."

"His life hasn't been perfect, Laurel."

"Shut up," the blonde snapped, but without much heat. "You don't need to defend him to me. And here, you can take this, too." He opened a drawer, dipped his hand inside, and pulled out an ornately carved bow of gleaming rosewood. "It looked important, so I felt bad leaving it in there."

Blinking, Nero took it in his hands, unsure of what to say. Whose brain could work like that? "Is this your way of trying to justify what you did?"

"I already told you it was an accident. I was having a really bad night." His mind had betrayed him again, twisting him in circles until he didn't know which way was up. "I knew the two of you were gone to some council meeting. I don't know why I went into his room, but I did. Everything was organized. Alphabetized. Neat little labeled stacks. Even the bathroom."

"So you picked up his bow and burned everything to the ground."

"No. I'm not really sure what happened. I just lost it. I blacked out for a little while, and when I came to, everything was already on fire." He pulled a sleeve of his sweater up to the elbow, showing a series of shiny, red welts. Then standing, he pulled the hem up past his navel, showing another. They looked angry, and excruciating. "There was a lot of smoke, and I couldn't remember exactly where I'd seen the bow, so I got a few burns while I was looking for it."

"God," Nero groaned, wincing. "You didn't have to hurt yourself like that."

"And for the record, since we're getting everything out in the open, I'm the one that scared him in the forest."

"I figured that out on my own," Nero admitted, though he hadn't figured it out until today. "I remember how you used to use your magic to sneak past the guards to my room to wait for me there."

"It wasn't my intention to terrorize him," Laurel said, looking a little puzzled. "I'm not sure how he could even see me. No one else ever has when I use that ability."

"It's his eyes," Nero explained. "A perk of his bloodline. Enhanced vision."

Laurel tilted his head, looking mildly impressed at the explanation. "Well, in any case, I didn't mean to scare him."

Understanding completely, and recognizing the honesty in the blonde male's voice, Nero exhaled. He'd had his issues with Laurel, too many to count. But still, this was someone he'd known since childhood. Someone he'd grown up with, shared secrets with. Someone he'd had feelings for, once upon a time. Seeing him so defeated, so irreparably destroyed was painful.

Cedar was right, he realized hopelessly. He should never have slept with Laurel. He'd taken advantage of a mental and emotional wreck, then abandoned him when his instability got to be too much to bear. Contempt for what he'd done, and what he was about to do, filled him to bursting.

"Laurel. I've been a shitty friend to you. I'm so sorry."

The blonde male's eyes flickered with something for a moment, before he tilted his head again. "We've been shitty to each other. I put you through a lot, I know."

"I was worse," Nero argued firmly. "No matter what you tell me right now, I promise I'm going to get you help." When he moved suddenly, putting a hand on Laurel's shoulder, the way the blonde flinched nearly undid him. "We'll find someone to help you work through everything, and help fix what's going on with your magic. I swear, I'm going to help you. Do you believe me?"

"You don't owe me anything, so-"

"You're my friend. You deserve better than how I've treated you. You're going to accept my help whether you want it or not. But right now, I need you to help me. Please."

"You want my help finding him."

"I know what I'm asking you, and I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Laurel. I know what it's going to do to you, but I don't have any other options. I love him."

Taking a deep breath, Laurel leaned his head back to stare up at the ceiling. "It's weird hearing you say that."

"It feels weird. But it's true. We're getting married."

"Give me the bow. I can use it to locate his energy."

Handing it over without hesitation, relief crashed over Nero in such powerful waves he nearly collapsed to his knees. "Thank you, Laurel. Thank you so much. I'm so sorry."

"Turn out the lights. Close the drapes and the door. And don't touch me again."