Chapter 8

MATTHEW SWALLOWEDhard. He had always known that Lucas was not going to be a permanent addition to his life. He had a career in Hollywood that he was going to have to return to, and Matthew's life—and the kids—were here. They all had friends and went to school here. This small town and the area around it was home, his and theirs. It was where he, Eden, and Jack had grown up. But he hadn't expected how empty he was going to feel once Lucas was gone.

"Can we watch TV?" Brianna asked. The kids seemed done with lunch, so Matthew got them settled in the living room and found a program they would all watch without fighting. Then he sat on the comfortable leather sofa out of sheer exhaustion and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"Sweetheart," Lucas said, "I have your lunch."

Matthew opened his eyes and realized he'd fallen asleep. "Sorry."

Lucas set the bowl down on the table and left, then returned with one of his own before sitting next to him. "I figured you'd like something lighter for lunch. I found some ranch dressing, and I know you always liked that."

"Thanks," Matthew said, suddenly hungry. He ate the hearty salad and did his best to relax. Lucas leaned against him, and they ate together, watching the kids, until Lucas took their empty dishes back to the kitchen.

A buzzing cut through the quiet of the afternoon. Rachel sprang into action. "Your assistant has arrived," she told Lucas, who went out to meet her.

Karen was a little older than Matthew expected, with bright eyes and a smile that shone like the sun. He liked her on sight, and so did the kids, especially when she showed them the bags of games and toys she had brought.

"I hope it's okay. I got one of those big Lego sets. I figured it might be a way for all of you to spend an evening."

"It's a great idea," Lucas told her. "Did you have any problems?"

She shook her head. "Not that I noticed. No one seemed to be interested in me in particular. I drove right here and parked out in front of the garage as you instructed. I need to bring in my bags and stuff."

"I already have them," Rachel said. "I'll take them to your room."

Karen sat at the snack bar with Lucas next to her, and Matthew joined them. "What is it you need me to do?"

"It seems that my being here has stirred things up." He took Matthew's hand, and Karen pointedly noticed.

"I see. Good for you. I've worried about you working so danged hard all the time."

"The thing is, the stalker from last year is back, and he's made an appearance here in town. We're getting local posts under his handle, and we've had people planting fake stories and reporting where I am. It's been a little difficult. Matthew needs to go to work on Monday, and I was hoping you'd help with the kids. I have things I need to do to prep for my next role, and I can't exactly take them out to the movies or be seen in public right now."

Karen nodded. "Don't worry. I can get what you need, keep a low profile because no one knows me from Adam, and help keep them busy. Whatever is necessary." She leaned close to both of them. "You guys look exhausted."

"We had a visit from reporters yesterday after I attended a hospital benefit, and since then everyone has been on edge. My security people found this place, and I moved Matthew and his family here with us so they would be safe. We're all tired except the kids, who seem to have gotten a good night's sleep and are all energy."

"No problem." Karen left the room and returned with a cloth bag. "I brought lots of craft and art projects with me." She took the stuff to the table and started setting up. Brianna and Gregory joined her, and she got them started.

"She is a godsend," Matthew whispered. "I was coming to the end of my rope. I always promised that I would do my best not to yell at them, but…." He closed his eyes and finally allowed himself to relax once more. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at least for a little while.

Carl hurried over to the table with the others.

"I draw too," he declared, and Karen included him. Will was the only one not joining, and he turned off the television and climbed into the chair with a book.

Matthew leaned against Lucas's shoulder. "What are we going to do about your stalker?" he asked softly. "Things can't go on this way. We can stay here awhile, but not forever. The kids need to go out, and I'm going to need to get them ready for school." He took Lucas's hand. "And you need to get this guy off your back. You can't go back to Hollywood and have this jerk tailing you." He needed to be found out, exposed, and dealt with.

"I'm not sure."

Rachel came into the room and perched herself on the edge of the chair across the way. "I have an idea."

Lucas tensed. "If it involves using Matthew as bait, forget it."

"The same goes for Lucas," Matthew added.

Rachel narrowed her eyes, and Matthew knew he had hit the nail on the head. "What we do is create a situation that's too good for our stalker to pass up. Then we put security people in the area to watch for him."

"But we don't know what he looks like," Matthew said. "How are we going to know who he is? If Lucas is going to be out in public, anyone could come up to him." He shook his head. "There has to be a way to catch this guy without putting Lucas in danger." He wasn't going to back down from this. No way in hell. "Wait," Matthew said. "We could stage something and trick them."

"How?" Rachel asked.

"On the south side of the river, toward the highway, is Pioneer Village. It's one of those recreated early settler places. We go there and take some pictures on the sly. We'd have to make sure we aren't recognized. We take the pictures, and then we get them posted the following day… as long as the weather is the same… saying that Lucas is there and that the pictures are live. We even get them to schedule a guest appearance of some sort. Maybe get them to go along in exchange for a donation. Get this guy to show himself."

"But how will we know it's him?" Rachel asked. "We've had multiple chances to identify this guy and have yet to do it."

"I know. But this time it isn't like we'll be taken by surprise." Matthew continued thinking. "Maybe you're right and we will need some bait. But we can use both of us together. Before, we were always trying to figure out who it was afterward. Something would happen, and we'd try to see if we could figure out what was behind it. This time we'll be the ones pulling the strings. You can have multiple people in the crowd watching, see who's taking pictures." Matthew grinned. "I bet if Lucas were to do something attention-worthy, it would be too good for them not to post a photo. We'd need someone watching the feeds in real time to see if a picture gets published or when something is said."

Rachel sat back. "I get it. You and Lucas make a show of it. When we get a post on social media, we'll know where he is."

"Exactly. Then we can nail this guy down. Or better yet, someone can snap a picture of him."

"True. An identity would put us halfway to our goal." Rachel seemed excited, but Lucas's expression darkened.

"You can't put yourself in danger. Not for this."

Matthew shrugged. "Rachel and her team will be there, and I'll watch your back and you'll look after mine. Karen will be here with the kids, so they'll be safe and out of sight." It seemed like it was worth a shot. "It would also be a way for people to see their local celebrity. The Village, which runs on donations, will benefit."

Lucas growled. "I don't like this."

"Then we can all sit here behind gates and wait for someone to figure out where we are." He drew Lucas closer. "We have to try, if for no other reason than you need to feel safe and like your every move isn't being watched."

"True." Lucas sighed softly. "I'm getting really tired of being hounded. I just wish I knew what the hell they wanted."

"So you want to give this a try?" Rachel asked. "I know there are some risks, but we aren't getting any closer to bringing this to an end."

"Okay, we can try it. But I want enough people out there to make sure that Matthew is safe, and I'm going to need someone to stay here with Karen and the kids. I won't leave them alone… just in case." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't like this idea, but I also don't see any alternative at the moment other than doing nothing, and that sucks."

Matthew didn't like it either. The thought of putting Lucas in the line of fire made his stomach roil, but as far as he could see, if they wanted a chance to catch this guy, this was the only way to do it.

"ARE THEkids asleep?" Lucas asked that evening as Matthew returned to the living room after finally getting all four of them into bed. They were still wound up, but when he checked, even Will and Brianna were now sound asleep upstairs.

"Yes. For now," he said as he sat on the sofa. A flash of light illuminated the trees across the lake. "But I can't guarantee how long it's going to last. Carl will sleep through most anything, but Brianna hates storms, and it looks like we're in for one."

"Which means…?" Lucas prompted.

"That if she wakes up, it won't be pretty, and she'll probably have at least one of the others up as well." Matthew closed his eyes and sighed. Sometimes things just didn't work in his favor.

"I'm checking the radar," he said and pulled out his phone. "Oh crap," he said softly as more lightning flashed, this time brighter. "It's a line of storms heading our way from across the lake." He showed Matthew the image. At least the screen wasn't filled with red and yellow, which meant it wasn't going to be severe. Still, sometimes all it took was that first low rumble before Brianna was up and in bed with him.

The trees outside the window began to sway in the wind, and more lightning flashed, followed by the deep rumble of thunder. Lucas held him as they sat together watching nature's light show. As the storm drew closer, Matthew reluctantly got up and quietly went back upstairs.

The boys were still asleep, but as predicted, Brianna was awake and scared. What he hadn't expected was Rachel in the room with her. Brianna sat on her lap with Rachel rocking her slowly, telling her that everything was going to be all right.

"Uncle Daddy," Brianna said when she saw him.

"It's going to be okay. God is just going to make it rain, and he's being noisy." He stroked her hair, and Rachel continued her story. Brianna leaned against her, and Matthew silently thanked her. He got a smile in return and went to check on the others. Thankfully, they stayed asleep, and he went back to join Lucas in the living room and watch as the storm rolled in. Rain pelted the wall of windows, running down the glass for a few minutes until the wind died away. More lightning and thunder followed, but it was already growing quieter.

"It's just rain now," Lucas said.

Rachel came down the stairs. "She's back in bed and probably asleep again," she reported, pouring a mug of coffee.

"Thank you," Matthew told her. "What did you say to her? She's usually awake for hours."

Rachel sipped as she came to where they were sitting. "I just told her what a storm really was and how it worked. That the noise was just from the lightning making the air really hot until it makes a sound. Once she understood, she seemed to accept it and calmed right down. You have a really smart girl there." She nodded and left the room, leaving the two of them alone in the darkness.

"What are we going to do?" Matthew asked. "We're going to find your stalker and put that asshole out of business, or at least we're going to try. But what then?" His throat ached like it had been scrubbed with steel wool.

Lucas looked toward the floor. "What do you want to happen?" He shifted on the sofa, pulling his legs up, facing Matthew. "Don't tell me what you think is going to happen, but what you really hope will happen."

Matthew closed his eyes, not knowing if he dared put words to that. "I wish Eden and Jack were back here and that they could see their family and get to know the amazing kids they had. But we don't get those kinds of wishes." He felt tears welling in his eyes but refused to let them fall. "So I suppose that if I could get what I really wanted, it would be for you to stay with us. It's that simple. You'd come here to live, stay with us, and we'd all build a life together. I know you'd have to leave sometimes, but when you were done making movies, you'd come home to me." He sighed and kept his eyes closed, because if he opened them, the spell he was weaving would pop and reality would crash back in.

Lucas squeezed his hand. "You know that isn't practical."

"Yeah, of course. Nothing I want is ever practical," he snapped. "It never has been." He kept his voice low. "I always seem to want what I can't have." He turned toward the stairs. "Not that I'd give up the kids for anything, but…."

Lucas tugged him forward until he held him tight. "I know. When your sister and her husband died, your life stopped being your own. You gave up being Matthew and became Uncle Daddy."

"I did. Is it awful of me to admit that part of me resents that whole damn thing? They should be here to love and experience their children, and I should be free to go off and do whatever the hell I want. Maybe see the world, ride a camel in Egypt, or take a boat down a river in Europe to see all the castles. Maybe I could just take a night to get myself stinking drunk and forget about everything for a while, but I can't." Anger and resentment rose inside, and Matthew wished he could stop it, but it was too big and had been too long coming. He didn't want to feel this way. "I have to be there for them, and…." He swallowed hard as shit he'd kept bottled up for way too damned long burst out of him like the storm breaking all over again.

Matthew hated acting like this. He had to be strong for the kids. They didn't need to see him like this. They deserved so much more than him blubbering like an idiot. He was only grateful that they were upstairs asleep.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not," Matthew said, inhaling Lucas's amazingly earthy scent. "I have to make sure they get through high school and college. They deserve the best life I can give them, and I intend to see they get it." There was so much pressure. He pulled away and wiped his eyes. "That's enough of the that pity party." He sniffed and blinked. He hadn't meant to break down like that.

"We all need someone to hold our hand every now and then."

Matthew held a deep breath, trying to clear his head. He closed his eyes, determined to get himself under control. "What is it you want?" Maybe if they switched subjects and got off the subject of him, Matthew could control himself. "What do you hope for?"

"Well, most people would think I have everything I could want. I have plenty of money, I'm famous, and I get to do the job I love most in the world. And to a large extent, they'd be right. But you've seen some of the darker side to what I do. I suppose if I could ask for one thing, it would be privacy."

Matthew tilted his head to the side. "Really?"

"Yes. I think if I could have some sort of life outside the public eye, then I might have a chance at what I want most." He held Matthew tighter. "But as much as I want a family of my own, I can't put them through that. You saw how it's been the last week." He sighed. "If I were to say what I want most, I'd say that I'd like all of you to move out to California. We could have a house of our own that overlooks the Hollywood Hills. The kids could go to the beach and have the best schools." For a second, his lips curled upward and his eyes danced with happiness. "That would be so nice."

"But what would I do?" Matthew asked. "Be the housekeeper? Your live-in booty call?" He had no place in that kind of world. "How much would you be away?"

"See, that's the hard part. I'd have long days at the studio, and you'd be home taking care of the kids. Then there are the times I'd be on location, and you could travel with me, but the kids couldn't be on the set. There would be nothing for them to do, and it wouldn't be fair to them. But if I could have anything I wanted, it would be you. I want you to know that."

"I think I understand," Matthew said. "You've made things pretty clear. In your world I'm the babysitter and houseboy sort of rolled into one."

Lucas groaned. "No. That's not what I mean. I'm trying to… I don't know, see how things would have to be. What I do takes a hell of a lot of time. Why do you think so many marriages in Hollywood break up? One partner can't take the separation… and can you imagine two people in the business? They spend most of the year on opposite ends of the world and never see each other. That's the last thing I want for you—for us."

Matthew blinked. "But you want there to be an us?" His heart leapt a little.

Lucas rolled his eyes. "Didn't I just say that? I do want there to be an us, you and me together. But I keep trying to see how you could be happy."

Matthew pulled back, his gaze heated and intense. "Isn't that something that I should be able to decide? Or isn't there room for us in your life? You want there to be an us, but you aren't willing to make room? How fair is that? You say you work hard and that you're busy all the time and travel a lot. Okay, I can live with that. But do you have to work so much? You're doing back-to-back movies and managed to pigeonhole a trip home to go to your father's funeral, and yet you have to be back in less than two weeks because you're scheduled to be on set again. Then you tell me that you have projects so backed up that a change in the schedule for one messes with the others. How can you have so little time? You say you want a family, but what would they have to do, call to make an appointment in order to get some time in your life?" He stared at Lucas.

"I think things got way off track here."

Matthew shook his head. "No, they got to the heart of the subject. If you want something badly enough, then you make room for it. It becomes a priority, and other things take a back seat. What it sounds like to me is that you want a family, but you want them to fit into your schedule that's already going a mile a minute." Matthew stood, his head aching.

"And you have all the answers?" Lucas asked, his gaze going to the floor.

Matthew shook his head. "I have very few of them, but that's something I know. The kids are important, so I make time. I work, yes, and then come home to them and spend all the energy I have on them because they're more important than me." He swallowed hard. "I guess what I really want, if I could have anything, is someone who puts me before themself… so I can put them before myself." Matthew turned and headed for the stairs. "I'm going up to bed."

MATTHEW DIDN'Tknow what think as he cleaned up and climbed into bed. He had really thought that Lucas cared for him. And he probably did. After all, he said he cared, and Matthew knew Lucas didn't lie or say things he didn't mean. But actions said a lot more than words, and Lucas not being willing to make room in his life….

Matthew groaned into his pillow. What the hell was he doing? They weren't making plans, and this was no ever-after situation. They had reconnected a week ago, and already Matthew was letting his mind race ahead. They had been talking wishes and dreams, and Matthew got carried away as usual.

He rolled over and figured he owed Lucas an apology. The guy must think Matthew had gone around the bend.

Footsteps on the stairs and then in the hall drew closer, and he closed his eyes. The bedroom door opened, and Matthew immediately knew it was Lucas. Maybe it was his scent or the fact that his pulse raced just because he was closer.

"Are you awake?" Lucas asked.

Matthew thought about ghosting him but rolled over. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry," he said gently.

"Me too. I got carried away, and…." He sighed and reached for the light.

Lucas stilled his hand. He pulled it back and slipped it under the covers, listening to the rain. He started slightly as Lucas slipped into bed with him, warm skin next to his.

"You only said what you did because it was how you feel." Lucas tugged Matthew to him. "You can always be honest with me. We don't have to agree on everything, and sometimes you'll be right and sometimes I will, but I always listen to you." He gently stroked Matthew's back. "We always heard each other."

Lucas was right. In high school Lucas saw him, the real him, and Matthew appreciated Lucas for the person he was. "I know that." He held him. "Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be when you go?" His heart was getting a taste of what he'd always wanted. Matthew had watched Lucas leave once before, though, and he was going to have to do it again.

"It's the same for me. Why in the hell do you think I work so much?" Lucas asked. "I have to do something." He kissed him, and Matthew groaned as Lucas pressed him against the mattress. "I've missed you since the day I left, and when I go back, I'll miss you again… only more. Before, you were a distant memory, something happy that I measured others against. Now you'll be sharp and full… something so close and yet so far away." He swallowed. "I don't know what to do."

"Maybe things will work out," Matthew told him, not really believing what he said, but hoping nonetheless.