7. Ziggy

Chapter seven

Ziggy

D inner at the Knickerbockers was always an energetic affair. My family enjoyed reconnecting over Mom's food after a long day. The heatwave relented enough to have the windows open again finally. A gentle breeze carried the salty scent of the ocean into the dining room. It was the beginning of a perfect summer evening.

Mom cooked a hearty New England clam chowder and served us bowls with tendrils of steam rising to bathe each of our faces. It was a welcome return to usual fare after days of cold sandwiches and popsicles.

I stirred crackers into my chowder but couldn't stop thinking about Kade's soulful brown eyes and his brave take on therapy. Dad's voice suddenly cut through the noise in my head.

"Ziggy, how's your summer hockey going? Are you keeping your edges sharp for UMaine in the fall?"

I nodded and swallowed a spoonful of my chowder. "Been working on a few new drill ideas. Rory wants us to have plenty of ideas when things ramp up with the junior leagues in a week."

Mom beamed. "That's wonderful. I'm so happy you're willing to help the youngsters. You're a perfect role model for the boys."

I felt a slight twinge of guilt, realizing I'd put more time into thinking about Kade than concentrating hard on hockey. Rory spotted my distraction. He told me Kade would join us in two more days and hoped I didn't embarrass Whistleport. That comment stung.

Dad tore a chunk off a crusty sourdough loaf. "Speaking of hockey, I heard that UNH hotshot is still in town. What's his name again?"

I did my best to answer in a flat voice. "Kade Langston."

Emma suddenly piped up. "Oh, he's definitely around. Hard to miss, and Ziggy can't stop talking about him."

I glared at her, but she merely smirked back at me. She always loved making her big brother squirm.

The comment caught Mom's interest. "Is that true? Have the two of you been spending time together? I think it's great to make friends with players from other teams. There's no reason to be at each other's throats."

"We're not really friends," I mumbled while I fished for a clam with my spoon. My comment was valid, but what were we?

Dad grunted. "Good, now son, remember, he's friendly now over the summer, but when hockey season starts up, he's the enemy all over again. Don't let your guard down too much now, and share secrets that can come back at you later."

"Knick!" Mom reached out for Dad's arm.

I bristled. "You make it sound like we're at war. It's not that way either."

Emma spoke up again. "No kidding. There's no fighting. I think Zig has mentioned Kade like a million times. You've got the hots for him, don't you?"

The dining room was suddenly silent, and my face flushed. Mom dropped her spoon in her bowl with a clink, and one of Dad's eyebrows rose high on his forehead.

"Emma! At dinner?" Mom always wanted conversation at the table to be polite, warm, and fuzzy.

I did my best to wrench back control over the situation. "Don't jump to conclusions, Sis. We've practiced together a few times. That's all."

Dad noisily cleared his throat. I thought of so many ways the comments could have made him uncomfortable. I'd never dated anyone and certainly never spoke about having the hots over clam chowder.

He managed a few words in a voice as calm as possible. "As long as you aren't giving away any team secrets. It's important to keep your loyalties in mind."

His words weighed heavy on me. I nodded to register my agreement in silence.

Mom did her best to change the subject. "Isn't it beautiful weather outside today? It's like a normal summer again. Maybe we can have a family picnic this weekend. I'd love to see the lighthouse up close again."

Her efforts were laudable, but Emma's comments had already shifted something inside me. Had she given a voice to the feelings I'd been too scared to name?

Later, while I helped clear the table, Mom touched my arm. "You know you can talk to your father and me about anything, right?" Her words were earnest, and her eyes radiated concern.

"I know, Mom. Thanks for that."

When I retreated to my bedroom, a breeze blew in off the ocean, quickly cooling the air inside the house. Despite the comfortable weather, I knew it would be difficult to sleep. The memory of Kade's laugh and the intensity of his gaze rolled around inside my head.

I read poetry, played games on my phone, and even pulled out some old TV episodes on my laptop. Instead of lulling me into a slumber, I found myself even wider awake, wondering whether Kade would share more of my interests beyond poetry.

Hours later, lying on my bed in the darkness of my childhood room, worries about my future crept in like fog from the harbor. The Zigster's life had always followed a relatively straightforward forked path: hockey on one side and poetry on the other, with little room for detours.

I'd never seriously considered a romantic relationship with anyone, let alone a guy. But Kade… he'd started to rattle everything I knew. He was challenging, infuriating, and intriguing. He caused me to question multiple things I'd always taken for granted.

Finally, with no sign of sleep anywhere in my near future, I decided I needed clarity. I knew one place where I could find that, and I thought there was one person who might be able to help me. I grabbed my phone, pulled out Kade's number, and typed:

"Hey, you up for a late-night skate?"

My heart pounded while I waited for a response. Maybe he was already sleeping and wouldn't hear his phone chime. Only seconds later, my screen lit up, and I nearly dropped my phone.

"Now? It's past midnight."

"I've got a key to the arena. Could use some company."

An excruciating pause followed. What if he said no? What if my assumptions about some kind of connection were all figments of my imagination? Just as I was sure he'd decided it was a ridiculous idea, his response appeared:

"Alright. See you in 15."

I quietly slipped out of the house with my hockey bag slung over my shoulder. Avoiding the three notoriously creaky steps, I crept down the stairs. It was an odd and unusual walk to the arena. After midnight, Whistleport was a different place.

Most of the town slept around me. The only sounds I heard were the distant waves on the shore and an occasional hooting owl. The cool air combined with a bright, nearly full moon made it all feel almost magical.

Kade waited for me at the arena doors. His breath was just visible in the cool night air. I couldn't ignore the sudden flutter in my stomach.

He pushed his bag further up on his shoulder. "Couldn't sleep either?"

I shrugged as I fumbled for my keys. "I guess I've got a little much on my mind." It was true, and to me, it sounded like an understatement.

The arena was eerily quiet. It had a security system, and I punched in the code. Rory gave me access while working with the juniors in case he couldn't be around and I needed to arrive early.

We laced up our skates and pulled on our gear in the locker room. When Kade stood and headed for the rink, I followed at his shoulder. Our blades scraped as we glided onto the ice. For the first minutes, we merely skated lazy laps, glancing occasionally at each other.

Finally, Kade skated to a stop at center ice and spoke. "So, what's keeping Ziggy Knickerbocker up at night? You can't blame it on the heatwave anymore."

I chuckled. "Do you really want to know?"

"I told you my big dark secret. It seems only fair that you share now."

Skating to a stop a few feet away from him, I laid it out as briefly as I could. "I can't figure you out, Kade. You told me about the divorce, but I know there's more. You occasionally have the cocky rich kid swagger, and then you start quoting Seamus Heaney. What makes you tick?"

Kade laughed. "Yeah, well, I guess I'm a man of many mysteries." He wasn't hiding anything. He appeared vulnerable as he spoke like he wanted me to investigate those unresolved questions.

I skated a little closer. "So, there are more reasons for being in Whistleport?"

He was quiet momentarily, and then he said more, his voice barely above a whisper. "Well, I've always been the golden boy—star athlete, good grades, Mr. Congeniality. Lately, though… somehow, I'm losing track of who I am. When I think about all of that, it's like looking at a photo album. I'm an actor in a movie about my own life. Does that make any sense? Amelia insists it does, but I'm still not sure."

His raw honesty startled me. "And you thought Whistleport could answer all of that for you?"

"I thought getting away from everything might help. I was the one who looked for a therapist a reasonable distance from home. When I saw Amelia's listing and all the positive reviews, I checked out the town and read about the arena. I didn't know you lived here. What about you, Zig? Is it easy to tread water in your hometown?"

I winced. "Ouch. You aim for the jugular."

"Only when I think the victim can handle it." He offered me a shy grin and gently pushed against my shoulder.

I started to skate again, and Kade followed me. We slowly did laps around the rink, discussing the weight of expectations and our fears about letting people down. With each new revelation, the remaining walls between us crumbled.

As we neared center ice again, he grabbed my hand. The sudden gesture sent a jolt through my body. I nearly lost my balance.

"Whoa, Ziggy." He held on tight and steadied me. "I thought you Maine boys were supposed to be graceful on a pair of skates."

I rolled my eyes at the comment but didn't let go. My pulse pounded in my ears, and I whispered, "Shut up."

When we reached center ice, we stopped and turned to face each other. I reached out to take Kade's free hand in mine. There was heat in each of his palms and slight trembling in his fingers. He was as nervous as me.

For several seconds, we stood face-to-face, watching the clouds of our breath mingle in the air. His gaze drifted to my lips and then back up to my eyes.

"Ziggy…" Kade's voice was rough and husky. He swallowed hard, and I fixed my eyes on his Adam's apple. "Can I… I mean, can we? Would it be okay if…"

I whispered, "Yes."

That was all he needed. Kade slowly leaned in, giving me every opportunity to pull back and flee, but I didn't want to. I met him halfway and placed one hand on his shoulder.

The kiss was tentative at first, a soft and gentle connection that sent a wave of electricity through my body. Kade's lips were soft and fit perfectly against mine. As our kiss deepened, warmth spread from my lips to the rest of my skin.

Time slowed down, and the world around us faded into nothingness. Only the two of us remained, suspended in a moment of pure connection.

Kade reached around me, and his hand slowly drifted up from my lower back to finally cradle the nape of my neck, pulling me even closer. I didn't want him ever to let go.

At that moment, all my everyday doubts and insecurities disappeared. With Kade's lips on mine, I was seen, understood, and desired in a way I'd never experienced.

As we finally broke apart, our breaths still mingled in the chilly air, and I opened my eyes to meet Kade's gaze. We both blinked and smiled.

No words passed between us, so we decided to speak again in the only language that fit the moment. He wrapped me up in a tight hug and kissed me again.

This time, the kiss deepened. He parted his lips, and I slipped my tongue inside like I'd seen but never done. He tasted faintly of peppermint.

Kade cupped my face with his free hand and brushed my cheekbone with his thumb. The gentleness of his touch made me shiver. I reached around to the back of his neck and tangled my fingers into the soft hair there.

We swayed slightly from side to side, finding our rhythm like we did when we skated side by side. Kade's tongue pulled back and traced my bottom lip. I responded with a soft sigh.

Finally, we had to pull apart and pant for oxygen. He reached out for us to hold hands again, and I happily complied.

Neither of us spoke. We stood there, staring at each other, waiting for our breathing to slow. I was a little dizzy, but it was okay. I was 20 years old and finally had my first real kiss. It was more amazing than I would have ever expected.

A small laugh bubbled up inside me. "Well," I whispered, "that's one way to settle a rivalry."

Kade grinned, and it lit up his entire face. "Think we can call it a tie?"

I pretended to consider the possibility. "I don't know. Maybe we need a rematch at some point. Winner gets to kiss the loser."

Kade laughed, and he pulled me in for another kiss. We stood there at center ice, totally lost in each other. I knew my world would never be the same again.

We skated off the ice, hand-in-hand, and I suddenly realized that my mind felt entirely at ease for the first time since I'd returned home for the summer. The new, fragile whatever-it-was between Kade and me quieted all the other noise in my life.

I heard Emma's smug voice ringing through my head. "Told you so, bro." For once, I didn't mind that she'd turned out to be right.

There was still one question that I had to ask. "So, this means you're into guys? I didn't know."

Kade blushed beet red and laughed an uncomfortable laugh. "I guess so, but I DON'T know for absolute certain. You?"

"Same."