17. Ziggy

Chapter seventeen

Ziggy

W orking my evening shift at Tidal Grounds was usually one of the best parts of my day—comfortable, familiar, and soothing. Unfortunately, as I wiped the counter down and looked out over the customers, something in the air made me uncomfortable. I couldn't put my finger on it.

While I was in the process of creating a new latte art design—a swan—I noticed a flicker in the lights. It was enough to cause my swan's wing to come out wobbly. "Damn," I muttered to myself.

Al, a lobsterman by trade, called out to me. He was a regular who loved his coffee strong and black. "Everything okay over there, Ziggy?

I smiled and started to work on a new latte. "Yep, all is good. How's the catch been lately? Is the heat causing any trouble?"

Al shared a story about his day on the ocean, which helped me relax. Although it had been years since I joined Dad on a lobster boat, I'd heard enough tales to know how everything worked, inside and out. The overhead lights behaved for the next hour, and I soon forgot about the previous flicker.

Between 7 and 8 p.m., more of our regulars drifted in. Dottie Perkins took her usual seat at the counter, and I presented her with a mug of chamomile tea.

She grinned. "Such good service. If only they did so well at the diner."

A group of high school kids tried to fit eight around a four-top in the corner. A few had algebra textbooks, while the rest feasted on hot chocolate and cookies.

About fifteen minutes later, the lights dimmed again, lasting almost fifteen seconds. The radio behind me made a crackling noise before returning to its usual soft jazz broadcast.

Dottie glanced at me over the rim of her mug. "Goodness, I hope this doesn't mean we've got a storm on our way. My arthritis says it's possible. It's been acting up in this heat."

I did my best to offer a relaxed smile. "Most likely, it's nothing. There are little glitches that happen all the time. You should ask my friend, Eric. Tiny mistakes in coding can cause the weirdest phenomena, and computers run everything. How about I refill your tea?"

While I prepared Dottie's mug, nagging discomfort crept up on me. More than the lights were acting strange. The espresso machine was noisier than usual, and I couldn't place a faint buzz I heard.

One of the high school kids interrupted my speculation. "Hey, Ziggy! How about some more hot chocolate over here? And add in more cookies if there are any left."

The request was a welcome distraction. A few minutes later, I headed over with fresh mugs of hot chocolate. I glanced at the textbooks. "How's the study session?"

One of the girls sighed. "You remember Ms. Skilling, right? I think she wants to kill us all off. We're stuck with these equations none of us understand."

I chuckled. Math was never a strong subject for me. Fortunately, I had Eric to help out. "Hang in there," I suggested. "It gets easier, and if it doesn't, you'll never use it again once you graduate."

When I returned to the counter, the lights flickered again, followed by a static-y sound. The high school students gasped, "Oooh!"

Al looked up from his coffee. "Are you boys having some electrical troubles here? Do you want me to take a look at anything?"

I shrugged. "Don't know what it is, but I'd guess it's the heat putting a little strain on things."

I was doing my best to look on the bright side, but the troubles were more bothersome as the evening wore on. Static interrupted the radio periodically like we had a Nor'easter blowing in, and I saw the streetlights outside pulse strangely.

Silas emerged from the back deck with a furrowed brow. His voice was low and gravelly. "Are you noticing it in here, too? Seems like a thing across town."

The mug in my hand was spotless from my incessant polishing. "Yep, it's so odd. What do you think it is?"

Silas shrugged. "I suppose the grid might be under a lot of strain from those who have air conditioning in this heat, but I've got a better explanation."

I leaned across the counter with a raised eyebrow. "And that is?"

"I think the town's old bones are creaking. Maybe it's growing pains. We've got a few new developments out by the highway. They need power." He glanced out the front window. "This wouldn't be the first time Whistleport's old infrastructure wheezed like an old man. They had to upgrade water mains when I went online here at the shop."

The bell above the door chimed. It interrupted my conversation with Silas and gave our regulars something to look at other than the nearest light fixture. Eric had wandered in right on time. He was ready for his nightly caffeine fix.

I smiled, seeing his blond hair stuck out at random angles. His glasses rested slightly crooked on his nose.

Seemingly oblivious to the scorching weather and wobbly electrical grid, he greeted us all. "Good to see everyone, evening crew." He settled onto a stool by the counter. "Slide me the usual potion, Zig. I've got a bug in the app that's kicking my ass. Likely a coding all-nighter ahead for me."

Working on the quad-shot espresso gave me something to do aside from worrying about atmospheric disturbances. "Careful with these 24-hour gigs. You're gonna burn out. Life has more to offer than a series of 1's and 0's."

Eric hissed, "Blasphemy!" and then he laughed. He was in a good mood but had dark shadows under his eyes. "It's all good. My work is fueled by caffeine and pure genius. This app could be my golden ticket. I can't let up now."

Silas sighed and shook his head. "This caffeine dispenser is heading homeward to turn in for the night. Can you lock up before you go home, Ziggy? I trust you'll keep the place intact until morning."

"Done. You head home and get some sleep, Silas."

When Silas left, the rest of the customers followed, leaving only Eric and me behind. Without the additional conversation, Tidal Grounds was very quiet. While I cleaned up, all I could hear was the occasional crackling sound from the lights and Eric tapping on his laptop keyboard.

It was a perfect opportunity. I decided to share my story and ease some of the guilt in my heart.

"Hey, can I interrupt for a bit? There's something I want to tell you."

He stopped typing mid-keystroke and looked up, tilting his head to the left. "What's up? You're so serious all of a sudden. Please don't tell me you're confessing to a murder."

I laughed softly. "No, it's nothing quite that dramatic, but like you suspected yesterday, I have been keeping a secret from you. I don't think it's just you, though. It's from everybody, and I can't keep it inside any longer."

Wrinkles appeared on his forehead. "Okay, you're sounding a little scary now. Tell me."

I took a deep breath and held on tight to the edge of the counter. My knuckles started to turn white. Finally, I blurted it out. "I'm gay, and I'm dating Kade."

The entire coffee shop was silent. I couldn't believe I'd said it, but I did, and it was time to see what Eric thought.

His eyes opened a little wider behind his glasses. At first, he opened his mouth, but no sounds came out. "Kade? As in UNH Kade Langston, the star forward? Isn't he the guy you've been trash-talking all summer long?"

I nodded, my mouth turning to cotton. "Yeah, him."

Eric looked down. "Wow." He glanced up at my face again. "That's unexpected—a surprise."

"Are you… I mean, are we okay?" My voice was soft and trembled. For a moment, I felt like I was back in junior high when my fast-growing legs and arms turned me into a geeky, spindly, hopeless mess, constantly looking for approval.

Eric reached out to grip my shoulder. "Of course, we're okay. Don't be stupid. You're my best friend, and nothing's gonna change that. But this… Kade… I need a minute to process. It's a lot to take in."

A sense of relief steadied me. "Yeah, it's also taken me a while to sort it out. I've wanted to tell you for weeks. I just didn't know how."

Eric chuckled. "You know, Ziggy. To be honest, your being gay isn't that big of a surprise. It's the Kade part that's tougher, but I guess this explains the extra practice sessions at the arena."

"Well, don't go too far down that road. It's not like we've turned the arena into a palace of sin."

We both laughed, and some of the tension faded until Eric looked serious again. He was quiet for a few seconds. "Well, if this is a night to share secrets…" His voice trailed off, and he fidgeted with his empty coffee mug.

"You've got something? What is it?"

Eric took a deep breath. "My life has been full of confusion lately. At least it feels that way." He ran shaky fingers through his hair. "Confusion about a lot of stuff… including my sexuality." He paused again. "I mean, I'm with Stef, and I like her a whole lot, but sometimes… I don't know. It's complicated."

I leaned in toward him, making him my entire focus. "Take your time. I'm listening. No judgments."

"Okay, so you know how crazy I've been about coding? It's been my thing—like hockey and poetry for you."

I nodded, but it was impossible to know where he was going.

"So, there's this guy in my online coding group. He goes by the username ByteMaster23, and he's so damn smart… a brilliant guy. If you think I'm good at this, double it."

"Got it," I whispered.

Eric continued. "We've been working together on a little side project, and I look forward to our chats more than anything else in my day. That's when we talk… about anything, not only the project."

I watched as he swallowed hard and then told more of his story. "At first, I thought it was just kind of a bromance kind of connection—kind of like me and you. It was two guys connecting through stuff we found interesting. Then, I started having dreams with him in them. It wasn't anything explicit like a porn flick. It was being close to him and holding each other."

I nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"The thing is, I'm still into Stef. Nothing has changed about wanting to be with her, but I can't get ByteMaster out of my head. Not only that but now, when I look at other guys, I feel attracted in ways I never did before. I got flustered the other day in Portland when a cute barista smiled at me."

A loud laugh erupted from Eric. It was shaky, and he planted his hands hard on the counter. "Damn, do I sound as much like a cliché as I think I do? I'm that ridiculous bi guy who can't make up his mind."

I reached out to rest my hand on his forearm. "No, you don't. This is your story, and it's unique. Taking it all in and moving forward to figure yourself out takes guts. I know."

Eric smiled weakly. "Thanks, Zig. It's just… what am I gonna do with all of this? What if I love Stef? I might. But then, what if that means I miss out on an entirely different part of me… a critical part? Or what if I'm really gay, and I haven't figured all of that out yet? Or maybe it's all just a phase.

I nodded, completely understanding the spiral of questions and self-doubt. "There's nothing wrong with being confused. None of it's completely black and white. Hell, I spent years grabbing onto any tiny signs that might indicate I was really straight. It's not like I wanted to be gay—at least not at first."

Eric's voice was low and soft when he asked his next question. "How did you know? I mean, how did you know you were gay for sure?"

I reflected back on my coming out process. "I don't think it was one specific a-ha moment. It was more like I gradually accepted what I'd known for a long, long time. Now, this summer, meeting Kade… it confirmed what I'd hidden from the world."

"Okay, yeah, I see that." A small smile slowly lit up Eric's face. "I think I might be bisexual, and I can deal with that… at least on the inside. For the rest of it, I'm scared. What if people think I'm just greedy or can't decide? What if Stef hates me when she finds out?"

"Anyone who matters won't hate you." I paused. "Stef… it's obvious she cares about you. It might be a shock at first, and I can't guarantee she will decide to stay together, but I think she'll understand."

Eric exhaled. "Damn, Ziggy, thank you, man. Thanks for listening and… going first. When you were brave enough to finally come out to me, I decided it would be selfish not to tell you about my summer."

As we talked, the lights flickered again. The espresso machine let out a loud pop, and we both jumped.

"Is it just me, or is the electricity acting like there's a storm somewhere?" Eric glanced around the shop.

"It's been acting up all night. Silas said he thinks the heatwave might be putting strain on the grid. I'm trying not to be superstitious and think there's something big on the way, and this is just the beginning."

Eric shook his head. "Too many horror and sci-fi movies, Zig. I might have to repossess your Netflix subscription."

We chatted more about the heavyweights we both felt. Eric had the pressures of his app development, and I knew I had to figure out how to tell my hockey teammates about my new revelations.

When midnight struck, we decided it was time to go home. I locked up Tidal Grounds, and we stepped out into the unusually warm night. The streetlights pulsed as they cast their glow over the empty streets.

Eric wrapped me up in an intense hug. "Thanks for listening and for trusting me enough to open up. I'm damn happy that you found a guy that turns your crank even if he is a UNH jock."

I laughed. "And thanks for being there. Anybody who catches you is lucky to have you. We'll keep each other in the loop on our progress, yeah?"

"Of course, Team Zigric forever, right?"

"Right," I smiled. "Be safe driving home. Try to get a little sleep, and don't code the entire night."

I pulled out my phone when Eric's car disappeared around the corner. I needed to hear Kade's voice.

He answered on the second ring, but his voice was sleepy. "Ziggy, hey. Is everything okay?"

"All is great, and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I told Eric. I let him know about us."

"Yeah?" Kade's voice suddenly perked up. "Share. How'd it go?"

"Better than I ever would have hoped. Listen, I know this is a lot to ask, and it's late, but is there any chance you could meet me?"

"You don't have to ask twice. The harbor in fifteen?"

"Perfect."

By the time the call ended, the weather had changed, and a cool breeze was blowing in off the ocean.