4. Holden

CHAPTER FOUR

HOLDEN

The moment I stepped into the bar, it hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. The air was thick with the scent of whiskey, old wood, and... him. I knew immediately. I didn't even need to see him to know. My mate.

Of course, he was human. Just my fucking luck.

The universe had a sick sense of humor, and apparently, I was the punchline. I could feel my bear pacing beneath the surface, practically vibrating with excitement. He wanted out. Wanted to claim him, to pull him close, rub his scent all over him until every other alpha in the room had no doubt who he belonged to.

But I couldn't. Not with him sitting there, completely unaware of the world he'd just walked into.

Noah was across from him, and I could hear him about to drop the bomb about what we really were. I guess the universe wasn't entirely against me because at least I'd walked in right before he spilled the beans.

I could see him from the corner of my eye. God, I didn't even have to look at him fully to feel that pull. The one that made my blood burn and my chest tighten like it was caught in a vice. My bear was roaring, clawing to get out, and I had to physically force myself to stay still.

It felt like my muscles were locked up, every single instinct in my body screaming to go to him.

But I didn't. I couldn't.

It took all my willpower to clamp down hard on the urge. My pulse was racing, and it felt like a battle to keep my bear in check for the first time in a very long time. Not now, not here. I forced my breath to even out. I had to get a grip, because if I didn't, I was going to lose it. I wasn't about to make a scene in the middle of the resort bar—not when there were humans sitting there, including my human. And he definitely had no idea what we were or what was going on.

Even with all that, my bear fought against me—he was desperate to break free. But I kept him in check—barely. It took everything in me to hold back, to not go over there, scoop him up, and kiss the fuck out of him. Damn it, I really wanted to.

But great goddess, I could see that scene in my head, playing on an endless loop. Just thinking about it made my stomach twist. That moment years ago, when everything went to hell. My best friend. Dead because of me.

And now? The idea of that happening to my mate—the thought of putting him in danger because he didn't know, or because he found out—made my stomach twist so hard I had to stop myself from being sick.

So I did what I had to do. I pretended I didn't feel like my whole world was shifting beneath my feet. I ignored the fact that every nerve in my body was screaming to go to him. I shoved all of it down, deep, and walked over to them as casually as I could—like I wasn't on the edge of losing my shit.

Noah glanced at me, a silent question in his eyes, from whatever he saw on my face. Of course, I didn't answer. I couldn't. My focus was entirely on not breaking—not letting my bear take over.

Not doing something completely reckless and stupid.

"Here are the employee forms," I said, handing them to him. It was a miracle my voice sounded steady at all, especially with what was happening inside me. For a second our eyes met, his a beautiful blue, bright and full of... something… confusion maybe. Like he couldn't explain what was happening.

I could swear he felt the pull too.

I wanted to say something else. I wanted to talk to him, hear his voice. I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted to learn every inch of him—from the top of his wavy blonde hair to those haunting, piercing blue eyes. I wanted to kiss every inch of his sun-kissed complexion. Trace that strong jawline, kiss those full lips.

But I couldn't. Not now. I couldn't let myself slip. If I did, I wouldn't be able to stop.

His scent—fuck, it was intoxicating. It smelled like a soft mix of sugar and citrus. I swallowed hard, forcing myself not to breathe too deeply, not to let it overwhelm me.

I was barely holding it together.

"I'll talk to you later," I added, and then I turned to Noah. "Can I speak with you in private?"

I didn't wait for a response. I needed to get out of there. Now. Before I did something stupid.

Noah followed me, and we left him sitting at the bar, and I prayed he was completely oblivious to the storm raging inside me. I didn't say a word until we got to my office. The first thing I did was walk over to the windows and throw them open so I could finally breathe. The cool mountain air hit me, and I dragged in several deep breaths, trying to calm my bear, trying to calm myself.

"You were going to tell him?" I asked, my voice sharper than I intended.

Noah crossed his arms. "Was just about to when you walked in."

I cursed under my breath. "Good thing I showed up when I did."

My pulse was still racing like I'd just run a mile. I shoved my hand through my hair, trying to calm my racing heart, but it wasn't helping. His scent seemed to be stuck in my nostrils, his beautiful face forever etched in my brain. Fuck. I could feel the tight grip of panic crawling up my spine. Every muscle in my body was on edge, and I was barely holding on by a thread. My bear was still roaring, clawing to get out, but I forced him down, biting back the urge to shift.

Noah raised an eyebrow. "Why's that?"

I clenched my jaw, every muscle in my body still tense. "Because he's mine, Noah. He's my mate."

Noah stared at me for a moment, and I could see him processing what I'd just said. Then he shook his head slowly. "You're serious?"

"Dead serious." My voice was rough, barely holding it together. "And he's human."

Noah let out a low whistle. "Well, shit." Then his face transformed, a smile taking over. "Actually, I can see how you two would be perfect for each other. Mylo is amazing."

Mylo. Even his name was perfect.

"Let me guess—you're stuck on the human part," Noah said.

"Yeah," I muttered, running a hand through my hair, tugging at the roots just to ground myself.

My bear was still pacing beneath my skin, every second out of that bar making it harder to stay away. It was like a leash, pulling tighter and tighter, threatening to snap. I wanted to turn around, go back in there, and just... be with him. But I couldn't. I knew better. I knew what happened when humans got tangled up in our world—in my world.

It was dangerous. And I wouldn't put him through that.

"Are you gonna tell him?" Noah asked, his voice quieter now.

I shook my head. "Not yet. He doesn't need to know."

"And when will you tell him?" Noah pushed, not letting it drop.

I met his gaze, feeling that same old stubbornness rear its head. "I don't know, Noah. But I'll figure it out. Just... not now."

Because now? All I could think about was the mess this would turn into. Mylo was my mate. The one person meant for me. But how the hell was I supposed to protect him when I was probably the person he needed protecting from?

As much as I wanted to claim him, as much as my bear demanded it, I knew I had to be smart. And right now, all I could do was take it one step at a time. One painfully slow step.

Noah nodded, not pushing further. He knew better than anyone how I dealt with this kind of thing. I wasn't impulsive like West or carefree like Bishop. I couldn't afford to be.

I straightened, trying to shake the tension from my shoulders. "Just make sure he's taken care of," I said. "And don't tell him anything yet. I'll handle it when the time's right."

Noah watched me for a second, and then, with a nod, he agreed. "Alright. But don't wait too long. Mates don't like to be left in the dark."

I knew that. Hell, I felt that. But I wasn't about to rush this—not when there was so much at stake.

"I'll figure it out," I ground out, my voice harsher than I intended. "Please just give me time. I have to be the one to tell him... Mylo about shifters."

Saying his name out loud— fuck, it felt so good. Mylo!

Noah, ever calm, leaned against the desk, crossing his arms over his chest like we were discussing the weather. "I wasn't planning on telling him about you, Holden. That's your secret to keep. But telling him about me? About my family? That's my business. Not yours."

His casual tone pissed me off. Didn't he understand what was at stake? How couldn't he see just how dangerous this was? My jaw clenched, and before I could stop myself, I had him pinned against the wall, my hand gripping the front of his shirt, muscles taut.

"He's my mate," I growled, my voice low and dangerous. "And I don't want him to know."

Noah's eyes flickered, a sharp gold flashing through them—the telltale sign that he was very close to shifting. But he kept his cool, his voice steady, even though I could feel the power radiating off him. But my bear was stronger than his wolf, and we both knew it.

"I know what you went through, Holden. I know about James." His voice softened just a fraction, but it didn't dull the intensity in his eyes. "But you'd better take your damn hands off me before I rip out your throat."

Fuck! Noah is family—what are you thinking?

Even with that reminder, I hesitated, my grip tightening for just a second longer before I finally let go, stepping back. I couldn't let this spiral out of control. Not here. Not now.

Noah adjusted his shirt, keeping his eyes locked on mine. "You don't need to worry. I won't tell him your secret. But you can't keep this from him forever, Holden. He's your mate. He's going to figure it out sooner or later. And you're not going to like it when he realizes you've been keeping him in the dark."

"I'm doing this to protect him," I shot back, my voice tight.

"Protect him from what?" Noah asked, his tone exasperated but still calm. "Yourself?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't. I didn't want to admit that maybe that was exactly what I was trying to do.

Noah shook his head, standing straight again. "I'll get him settled in. But this is a temporary fix." He snorted. "It's not even a fix, Holden. You know you can't run from this, right?"

I grunted but didn't speak, because I knew he was right.

With that, he left the office, shutting the door quietly behind him. I was left standing there, my fists clenched, my bear raging inside me. I wanted to punch something, break something—anything to release the pressure building up inside my chest. But I couldn't. I had to keep it together.

"Breathe in and out," I repeated over and over until my heart rate slowed.

It wasn't just Noah's words that were eating at me. It was the fact that he knew. He knew about James. He knew about that day—about the one thing I tried to bury so deep that no one could ever drag it to the surface. But somehow, Noah knew.

I left the office, the walls feeling like they were closing in on me, and I headed straight for the one person who would have the answers: Hope.

Her cabin was tucked away in the more secluded part of the resort grounds, far enough from the bustle of guests but close enough to everything else that she could be there if she was needed. I pushed through the front door without knocking, my frustration boiling over as I walked in.

Hope was sitting on the couch, reading a book, her feet propped up on the coffee table. She didn't even flinch when I barged in. She just sighed, setting the book down and giving me that look. The one that said she'd been expecting me.

"What did you tell Noah?" I demanded, not bothering with pleasantries.

Hope raised a brow, leaning back on the couch, completely unfazed by my tone. "What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Noah knows about James."

She didn't flinch, she didn't even look guilty. Instead, she shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. "Of course he knows. He's my mate, Holden. I tell him everything."

I stared at her, my pulse hammering in my ears. "You had no right?—"

"He's my mate," she said firmly, cutting me off. "When you find your mate, you'll understand that there are no secrets. Not between us."

My blood went cold at her words, the weight of them settling in my chest. I clenched my jaw, my throat tight as I forced the next words out. "I found my mate."

That got her attention. Hope's eyes widened slightly, and she uncrossed her arms, leaning forward, her voice softer now. "You... found your mate? Why aren't you happy about it? That's great news, Holden." She studied my face. "It is great news, isn't it?"

I ran a hand through my hair, tugging at the strands in frustration. "He's human, Hope."

She frowned, watching me closely. "And?"

Why is everyone acting like it's no big deal?

"And... I can't let him know what we are. I won't. It's too dangerous."

Her frown deepened, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Because of James?"

I didn't answer, but she knew. Of course, she knew.

"Holden," she said softly, her voice gentler now. "Just because James reacted badly doesn't mean Mylo will. Not all humans are the same."

"You don't know that," I snapped, pacing across the room, the tension in my muscles coiled so tight I thought I might snap. "I won't risk it. I won't risk him."

Hope sighed, standing up and walking over to me, her hand resting lightly on my arm. "Holden, you can't keep him in the dark forever. He's your mate. He deserves to know the truth. Keeping him at a distance won't protect him. It'll only hurt him more. And you," she added softly.

I shook my head, pulling away from her. "I'm doing this to keep him safe. He'll be better off not knowing."

She didn't argue, just looked at me with that same knowing expression she always had. The one that said she saw right through me, even when I didn't want her to. And I could swear there was now pity mixed in, too.

"You're making this harder than it has to be," she said quietly.

"Maybe," I muttered, turning away from her. "But I'm not going to lose him. Not like I lost James."

She didn't respond, and I didn't give her the chance. I left her cabin before she could say anything else—before she could make me feel like I was making a mistake. Because maybe I was. Maybe I was overreacting. But I couldn't shake that image of James from my head—the way he'd looked at me with fear in his eyes. The way he'd run.

And the way I hadn't been able to stop him.

I wasn't going to make the same mistake with Mylo. I wasn't going to let him get hurt, even if it meant keeping him in the dark for now. Even if it meant keeping him at arm's length.

I'd already lost too much. I wasn't about to lose him, too.

That was the thing about being a shifter, about having a mate. You didn't get to choose who it was. You didn't get to say, Nah, I'll take a pass on this one. The bond was there, whether I liked it or not, and I could feel it now, getting stronger with every second that passed, pulling me toward Mylo like gravity.

But I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to let him into this world, into my world.

Because once I did, there was no going back. And if something happened to him—if I let him in and he ended up like James… I wouldn't survive that.

So, for now, all I could do was keep my distance, hold my breath, and pray that when the time was right to tell him the truth, it wouldn't destroy everything.

Would it ever be right? I really didn't know.

My bear chimed in to share his opinion. You're making a mistake.