2. In The Clouds

TWO

IN THE CLOUDS

A snowflake landed on the windshield as I parked in front of the McCormacs’ house. It stuck to the glass, showing off its starry beauty before it melted. Slowly, more and more fell to the ground, not like the blizzard they had predicted, but like a poem.

I sat there for a minute, watching the frozen stars disappear as soon as they landed on my car. My head rested on the seat, the backrest not offering much comfort. I still couldn’t get over the fact that I’d just missed my chance to reconnect with Jack the moment I’d decided to go for it.

It was ridiculous. I had even spent ten minutes searching the Internet, but nothing had come up. It was as if he never existed, and everything had just happened in my head.

I pulled my scarf over my mouth and climbed out of my car. Even though the town looked painted—with snow covering the houses, streets, and roofs—the cold air made it hard to enjoy the view. I rushed to my trunk, grabbed the groceries, and headed inside.

As soon as I closed the door behind me, the sound of paws scuffling on the hardwood floor made me look up. Maggie’s tail was wagging left and right as she welcomed me home. Well, it wasn’t really my home, but it would be for a few days, so I might as well treat it like it was.

She scampered around my feet, her head constantly eyeballing the paper bags I had placed on the floor. I patted her, but of course, as soon as I let go to untie my boots, she stuck her nose in the paper bags to make sure I bought the right things.

“Do we need to talk about this, young lady?” I said, steadying myself on the shoe cabinet to my right.

Maggie pulled her nose back out and barked, looking at me as if she had done nothing wrong, and that was the way it always went.

“If you behave, I might even let you in on the secret that there is something in there for you, too.”

Maggie barked again and ran into the kitchen.

I kicked off my shoes, placed them on the gray boot rack next to the door, and picked up the paper bags again.

Maggie reappeared in the open casing that connected the living room to the kitchen, wagging her head as if she couldn’t believe I had just offered her a treat and hadn’t fulfilled my promise within three seconds.

“Guess who I ran into again,” I said to her as if it was perfectly normal to talk to animals you barely know, as if they were your best friends. “Jack from college.”

Maggie tilted her head as if she were trying to figure out where she had heard that name before.

“Let me tell you, girl. He was so damn good-looking. It was unbelievable. I didn’t recognize him at first.” I put the bags on the table. “He looks like a real man now. Strong arms but the sweetest smile.”

Maggie replied with a sound that was either a joyful agreement or a yawn. I squatted down in front of her, took her head in both hands, and ran my fingers behind her ears. A broad grin appeared on her face as if that was exactly where I needed to go to make up for her having to wait for food.

“You wouldn’t happen to have his number, would you?”

She closed her eyes, surrendering to the bliss of my pats.

“I’m stupid to think about it, aren’t I? We don’t even know if he’s single or if he fancies guys. And I’m obviously so deprived of any human connection that I started talking to a dog.” I let go of her and stood up.

Maggie barked again, whirled toward the cabinets, and rammed her nose into the door under the sink.

“All right, you win.”

It was time to feed the dog and myself anyway, and hopefully, this would distract me from the missed opportunity.

The house was quiet. It had grown dark outside, and only the task lights under the cabinets cast shadows on the floor. I sat at the kitchen table, only a few crumbs left on the plate in front of me. The pre-made sandwich I’d gotten for dinner wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t praiseworthy either. I wasn’t a picky eater after a long day on the road, though.

“I have to start cooking again,” I told myself, but that didn’t stop me from dipping my middle finger in the crumbs and putting them in my mouth. “And stop talking to myself.”

All that pre-cooked food was going to make me sick one day. I loved cooking as a way to relax when I was in veterinary school, but after I graduated and started the residency program at that clinic in Raleigh, cooking felt like a chore. The relaxation it had once brought me was gone. When I went shopping earlier, I picked up some ingredients for easier recipes. Now, all I had to do was follow through.

My head sank to the table, and as it hit the wood, a deep sigh escaped my mouth. I sat there for a minute, listening to the void around me. It couldn’t go on like this.

A soft scratch on my leg made me look up. Maggie had a white chew toy in her mouth that looked like a bone. She lifted her paw again and brushed it against my leg. When our eyes met, she set the toy down on the floor in front of me and pushed it toward my foot with her nose.

“Is that for me?” I asked, leaning down to pick it up.

As soon as it was in my hands, she snapped forward to grab the other half, her eyes locked with mine. She pulled carefully as if to see if I was ready for a friendly tug of war. I tightened my grip on the plastic bone, and as she pulled harder, so did I. The toy squeaked. Maggie braced her legs against the floor and pulled with all her might until I slid off the chair. The bone slipped out of my hand, and Maggie took three steps back. As my knees hit the hard wooden floor, I couldn't help but laugh. Maggie put the toy back in my palm, waiting for me, and only pulled again when my fingers wrapped around it.

This went on for twenty minutes. It didn’t take my mind off things—not the impending doom that awaited me at my new desk job when my time in Seastone was over and not the missed opportunity with Jack—but it made my chest feel a little lighter.

That was what I loved most about animals. They were often more sensitive to our feelings than my fellow humans. Before I went to college, I spent hours like this, not only at home with our dogs but also at the animal shelter where I volunteered. It made me want to be a veterinarian. If only I could have predicted the parts that weren’t fun and games.

Maggie and I ended up on the floor, both of us lying there, the chew toy still in my hand and her snout, but neither of us was pulling anymore.

“Are you tired, too?” I asked.

Maggie responded by letting go of the bone. It took her two tries before she got to her feet and stomped over to her bed by the fireplace. She took one last look at me before closing her eyes.

I got up as well and made my way through the dark living room. I looked through the glass of the front door. The snow was still falling, slowly but steadily. I made my way up the stairs and into my room. My duffel bag and backpack were still on the bed, untouched. To my left was a closet, and in the corner to the right was an old recliner. The bed looked comfortable and inviting, but what seemed even more enticing was a shower. So, after unpacking my stuff, I threw the now empty bag next to the armchair in the corner and my sweater, shirt, and pants on top of it.

They had told me to use the downstairs guest shower, and frankly, walking through the house in my underwear made me blush but also a little aroused. No one was around to care about it.

By the time I got to the bathroom, my dick was already pressing against my shorts. I wasn’t fully hard—but something was going on down there.

With the flick of a switch, I turned on the light above the sink. White ceramic tiles and oak cabinetry gave the bathroom a modern look that complemented the rest of the house. A walk-in shower to the left was big enough for two, and a curtained window looked out onto the backyard. I closed the door behind me, slipped out of my briefs, and made my way into the shower.

I turned on the water and stepped aside so the first jet wouldn't hit me. My butt brushed against the cold tiles, but as I held my left hand under the stream, the tiles suddenly felt warm.

After thirty seconds, the water reached a pleasant temperature, and I stepped under. The blissful stream flowing over me enveloped my body. I let my hands slide over my face, my hair, my shoulders, down to my crotch.

What was Jack doing right now?

Was he taking a shower, too?

If only I could take one with him.

My fingers wrapped around my dick. I hadn’t been on a date in ages, and seeing him had stirred up something I didn’t even know was still there.

The images of Jack smiling at me turned into the fantasy of him taking me to the back of the grocery store aisles, grabbing my head, and pulling me in for a kiss.

Within seconds, my dick became completely hard.

I wrapped my fingers around my shaft, pulling it back and forth. The water caressing me felt like I imagined Jack’s hands—warm and gentle, yet taking what they wanted. My right hand brushed over my chest, tugging at my left nipple.

The image of Jack’s mouth replacing them, his tongue swirling around my nipple, down my body, and to my crotch, surfaced.

I leaned forward, my head against the wall. I spread my legs wide as if Jack were here, ready to go down on me. My left hand was still working on my dick as my right hand slid over my butt cheeks, down my crack, and dipped into my hole.

What I would give for him to be here, to text him and ask if he would be interested in just hanging out, spending the night, getting drunk on each other, and doing the nastiest things. I wanted to be stupid and give myself to him, to forget everything and just feel him inside me. Over and over again.

My index finger swirled around my crease and dipped against it, but in my mind, it was Jack. I entered myself, enjoying the images I had, until my finger was completely inside me, pressing against the spot that made my legs twitch.

If I hadn’t been so careless with his business card, this could have become a reality. He offered it twice. The way he smiled at me, no heterosexual guy would look at me like that.

My middle finger joined my index finger as they moved in and out while my other hand stroked my cock to bring me to my first orgasm in days. I opened my mouth wide. Water ran down my cheeks and over my lips as I inhaled deeply. I was getting close.

Another image flashed before my eyes of Jack grabbing my hair, putting me on my knees, and stroking his dick in front of me, ready to mark me as his own with his cum. I held my breath for a moment, pushing my fingers in deeper, and when they hit my pleasure spot, my dick erupted.

A moan that I had tried to hold back escaped, silent, and drowned by the stream, but still the manifestation of all the things going through my mind.

What I had done felt unreal. I had imagined being fucked by Jack.

I knew it was wrong, but it felt so good . I gasped, still leaning against the tiles. Even though I pulled my fingers out, the feeling of them stayed with me a little longer. I held the grip around my cock as if it were Jack’s.

If only I could seize the opportunity and try to make it happen.

No matter how much I wished for it, with no way to reach him, it would just remain a fantasy. If I was to believe the news, a blizzard would hit the valley in two days anyway. Tomorrow was the last day before Christmas. I already had all the groceries I needed for the week, and since Maggie wasn’t interested in going out into the cold—and to be honest, I wasn’t that eager either—there was no chance we’d run into each other again.

So it didn’t matter.

At least, I had myself. I could use this fantasy as often as I wanted. It wasn’t forbidden, even if it felt that way.