Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

DAVID

The walk to my apartment was filled with contemplative silence, and I found myself wanting to reach out for Joel’s hand. Seeing him upset when he saw the journal was like lead in my heart, and I wished I’d been able to pull him into my arms and hold him until he wasn’t sad anymore.

I wasn’t sure why I had such an intense yearning to comfort Joel. He hadn’t been here for me when my mom died, he hadn’t kept contact all those years, and we were now adults with probably nothing in common other than a shared childhood.

For all intents and purposes, we would now just be acquaintances, so why did I feel like wrapping him tightly in my arms like a protective shield that wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him?

I was grateful my apartment wasn’t too far from the beach. The sun was baking hot, and I could feel the beads of sweat running down my back already just from the short walk.

Fortunately, my apartment was refreshingly cool due to the shutters being almost all the way down. Small pockets of light still streamed in, trying to penetrate the darkness, but it wasn’t enough to let the summer heat in. I pulled the shutters all the way up and opened the balcony doors in the living room. Light and warmth finally entered my space.

Suddenly I felt timid and slightly apprehensive. Joel hadn’t been to my home since we were kids. He was probably used to those New York loft-type apartments, all fancy and full of expensive stuff. Mine was simple, but it had my memories, and it was my sanctuary. The place where I could be myself without judgment, and I loved every square inch.

“Take a seat. You can pick the sofa or the chair. Make yourself at home.” I pointed to the sofa and the loveseat that I’d placed to face the balcony.

“This place feels different,” Joel said, looking around. “It’s the same but also different, and it’s not just because of the furniture. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I guess. It is mostly the same. I think it’s because it has more of my personal touch and the things I like rather than my mom’s stuff. Anyway, can I get you anything to drink? A beer? Water?” I asked as Joel sat on the big sofa. I felt a small pang of disappointment that he hadn’t chosen the love seat.

“No, thanks. Shall we get started?”

“Sure.” I sat next to Joel, pulled the coffee table closer to us, and placed the journal on top of it. We both leaned forward as though we were either about to uncover a hidden treasure or trigger an explosive device.

Joel made the first move by unwrapping the journal and opening it straight on to the second page where the first entry was written in swirly childlike handwriting. Silence descended between us once again as we both read.

7 February 1979 - School trip to the Planetarium, Lisbon

Dear Journal,

We had so much fun today. We went to the Planetarium in Lisbon. On the way there, we sat in the back seats of the school bus and spent all the time waving at the people behind us. Some even waved back! We also sang a lot of songs.

Our friends were doing it, too, but José Paulo felt sick and threw up in his lunch bag. It was gross, but fortunately, it didn’t go anywhere else. Our teacher, Mrs. Olivia, had to buy him lunch because his was ruined.

We learned a lot about the stars and the planets today. We decided that our favorite constellation is the Ursa Minor because it looks like a kite in the sky.

Under the text there was a drawing of the Ursa Minor constellation, which, as they stated, looked like a kite, complete with bows.

“So, Mr. Teacher, what do you think?

“I’d give them an A for effort and creativity and a C for accuracy. I’m positive the Ursa Minor doesn’t have pretty bows on the tail.” He laughed.

“It’s a bit strange seeing the world from their perspective as kids, isn’t it? After all, we only knew them as our moms,” I said.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m used to young children at work. They never cease to amaze me with their innocent wisdom. You present them with a problem, and they give you a solution. They aren’t tainted by the world yet, or at least a lot of them aren’t.”

I liked hearing Joel talk about his job. He became so passionate and animated as he spoke. I was pretty sure he wasn’t aware of how expressive he was, how he used his hands to communicate what his words alone couldn’t.

“Do you know what these stickers mean?” Joel asked. There were a few small stickers scattered around the page. Some had names under them.

“No idea. Maybe these are their friends’ names?”

Most of the afternoon was taken up with reading the journal and talking about our moms. It was clear that this had been a project both girls had enjoyed doing together, and I felt immensely privileged not only by being allowed to have an insight into their world but also in having Joel here with me sharing this experience.

An idea started forming in my head. I hadn’t realized I’d slowly leaned against Joel until our shoulders touched. I looked up to see his beautiful eyes trying to assess me. He was so close I could smell his cologne, fresh and woodsy, and it made the tiny hairs on my arms stand up.

I almost forgot to breathe when he looked down at my lips and then back to my eyes, and time seemed to stop for a moment. My heart was beating so fast I could swear it would leap out of my body any time now.

Joel’s cheeks were flushed, and I couldn’t resist looking at his lips too. They looked soft and so damn kissable. Fuck, I wanted a taste more than I ever wanted anything in my life. The air around us felt electrified, and I struggled to remember what it was I was doing a minute ago.

It was like we were like the two polar opposites of a magnet, intrinsically attracted to each other, and I knew it was only a matter of time until we could no longer resist the pull.

I cleared my throat to speak and stop myself from acting on my thoughts and quickly put a pillow over my lap to hide my arousal. Joel jumped back, putting some more space between us. He rubbed the back of his neck, tousling his hair as he did it.

“We should do this.” I pointed to the journal.

“Do what?”

“We should follow their journey, go to the places they went, see what they saw, and find out if it has changed.”

“What, like a road trip?” Joel’s grin gave away his thoughts on the matter.

“Yeah, we can grab some essentials and see where our moms take us. I haven’t had a holiday in a while, and it would also be a good opportunity to do some traditional foods research.”

The shift in mood in the room from sexual tension to excitement about the road trip was a welcome balm to my senses. We were planning an adventure, and I couldn’t think of anyone else who I’d rather do this with other than my oldest friend.

Joel grabbed a notepad and pen from the table.

“May I?”

“Sure. Do you want a drink?” I got up and walked toward the kitchen area.

“Oh, yes, please. Chilled water would be good. I was thinking we could start by making a list of things we will need,” Joel said. He started scribbling away and muttering to himself.

I set Joel’s bottle of water on the coffee table and took a refreshing swig from mine.

“I also have a two-person tent and a couple of sleeping bags. If we can’t get a hotel, I’m sure we’ll come across a campsite,” I said.

“Oh yeah, that’s a good idea.”

I was a planner by nature, and the more detail we added to our notepad, the more excited I became.

“Hold on,” I said, deflating already, “we don’t have a car. Your rental was canceled, and I don’t own one. I usually drive Aunt Teresa’s car if I need to go anywhere outside of town.”

“Oh, crap, I didn’t think of that.” He suddenly looked dejected.

“Why don’t you ask your granddad if he knows what happened to our moms’ car?”

“You’re a genius! After all, we both have matching keys.” He lifted his keys up between us with a big smile. “I’ll ask Granddad tomorrow. If he doesn’t know, we can look at a local car rental company.”

We spent more time making plans and a list of things we didn’t want to forget. Once we finished, Joel had the idea that we should record this trip in the same way our moms had documented theirs.

I went to my office to search for a few items on the list, particularly my camera since Joel thought we should add photos to our journal.

When I came back to the living room, I found Joel standing on the balcony looking toward his apartment. I hadn’t realized how dark it was outside already. We’d been reading, talking, and planning all afternoon. The light from the streetlamp outside my balcony made Joel’s figure look melancholy.

From the set on his shoulders, I could see he was tense and deep in thought, so I decided to approach with care.

“Joel.” I placed my hand softly on his shoulder.

Joel turned around to face me and leaned back against the iron balcony railing. I couldn’t read his mood, and it was making me anxious.

“What’s wrong?”

“There’s something I need to do before we go away,” Joel said.

I nodded, encouraging him to tell me what he needed. His eyes were shiny with unshed tears and so dark.

“Can I ask you something? A favor?” He stopped for a second before steeling himself. “You don’t have to, but, ugh, I don’t want to do it on my own.”

“Of course. Anything. What is it?” I couldn’t voice it out loud, but I would do anything he needed me to do if there were a chance it would erase that look on his face.

“The memorial service for my parents is this weekend at the Sanctuary of Cape Espichel. It’s where Mom and Dad were married.” He turned back to look at his apartment.

“I know. I’m going with my aunt. Your grandmother told us a couple of weeks ago and said she’d take us there and that your mom would like it too. Is that okay? Or was it something else you wanted to ask?”

“That service is more for my family here because they weren’t at the service I held in New York. That was only a small service for me, Max, and a few family members and some of Mom and Dad’s work friends.” He looked at me again, his expression telling me how important this request was for him.

I held his hands in mine, hoping it would reassure him.

He released a sigh and carried on. “I had planned to go to the Sanctuary before the service and scatter some of the ashes on my own. It will be the last chance I’ll have to be with them, except now I don’t think I can do it on my own. Will you... um... will you come with me, David? Please?” He looked uncertain “I mean, you don’t have to, but—”

“I will,” I cut him off. “Of course I’ll go with you. I’m honored you asked.”

Joel’s shoulders sagged with relief, and I took that moment to do what I’d wanted to do since this afternoon. I pulled him into my arms and held him tight. Nothing in my life had ever felt so right.