Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

DAVID

I can’t remember the last time I’d had so much fun.

After exploring the historical part of óbidos, we’d looked for a shop where we could get a few souvenirs because Joel wanted to buy his granddad a bottle of ginjinha.

We’d found this tiny shop that sold ginjinha exclusively from óbidos. The shop was manned by the grandson of the owner, a young guy named Carlos who was in his mid-twenties.

Carlos talked passionately about the sour cherry liqueur and gave us some to try in the traditionally small chocolate cups. Joel loved it and cheekily asked for a second serving. After many questions and five ginjinhas later, we left the little shop with three bottles and felt just a little warm inside from the alcohol.

Afterward, we’d found a nice restaurant where we had dinner and then decided to have a quiet night in. Or so I thought. In fact, after finding a deck of cards in a drawer, Joel decided we should play a game neither of us had played since we were kids called fishy.

It was a simple game where we had to request cards from our opponent until we had all four suits for each rank. In the end, the one with the most complete ranks won the game. The twist in our game was that each time we completed a rank, we had to take a swig of ginjinha, and in each game, the loser lost an item of clothing.

It didn’t take us long to get drunk on the strong liqueur. I can’t remember who won because, at some point, we gave up on the game and just got naked instead.

We were too drunk to have any kind of sex but not enough to suddenly find every single part of our bodies funny.

“You have a tiny heart,” Joel had said, pointing at my chest, his words a little slurry.

“No, I don’t,” I’d said in outrage.

“Yes, you do. Look.” He pointed at the tiny mole on my chest and looked closer, his nose nearly touching me and his breath tickling my chest hair.

“Oh! Now there’s two of them!” he exclaimed.

This carried on until we eventually made it to bed and fell asleep all tangled up in each other.

Of course, seven hours later, I couldn’t quite see why yesterday had been so much fun when my head was pounding and I felt like I could be sick at any moment.

“Stop moving so loud,” Joel groaned.

“Ugh, I’m not moving. You’re moving.”

“Shit. We drank too much last night. I haven’t had a hangover like this since I was in college.”

“Shh,” I whispered and put my arm around him to pull him closer to me. Even with my eyes closed, my mouth found his for a soft kiss.

Our host had left us with a carton of orange juice in the fridge, which we downed as soon as we were well enough to be vertical. Once we had a shower, we checked out of the accommodation and went in search of a café where we could have some breakfast.

It was midmorning by the time we arrived in Ericeira, a fisherman’s village on the coast. The area was known for its surfing waves and seafood, but first and foremost, we were interested in just lying on the beach soaking up the sun.

On our way, we’d stopped at a supermarket and bought some ice for the cooler, soda cans, and some food. Our moms had come to Ericeira in their late teens on a beach day out with some friends, and that’s what we were doing, enjoying a beach day before going back home.

I had mixed feelings about going home. Despite the hangover, I couldn’t remember when I had felt this happy, and I knew Joel was the sole reason for it. I would have carried on traveling with him, having fun, enjoying his company, and for once, acting my age, but reality was going to come crashing in soon, and I’d need to be prepared for it.

Still, right now I was far too happy to worry about real life. We were both lying on our beach towels side by side. We’d remembered to bring a beach umbrella, so our food would remain in the shade while we were in the sun, enjoying it before it became too hot.

Joel was lying on his stomach, his arms supporting his head, facing me. The curve of his body was so inviting, all I wanted to do was run my tongue over it from the back of his knees, then up his butt and back.

“Stop looking at me like I’m a meal,” he said, squinting from the sunlight with one eye open and the other closed.

“What can I say? You’d make a fine meal.”

I scooted over to his towel.

“Hey! Who said you’re allowed on my towel? This is private property—ouch!” he squeaked after I slapped his butt.

I lay on my side and rested my head on my elbow. Joel did the same, mirroring my position.

“You okay?” he asked, changing his tone from playful to one of concern.

“I am more than okay,” I admitted. “I’ve had a great time over the past few days, and I don’t want it to end.”

“Me either, but we don’t have to stop seeing each other when we go back, do we?” His voice rose from concern to panic.

I put a hand on his face and let my thumb trace his cheek, his jaw, his lips. “No, we don’t,” I whispered. He relaxed under my touch and smiled. I leaned over and kissed him. His lips were smooth and warm and so fucking delicious.

“Mmm... shall we go play in the water to cool down?” I asked.

“Give me a sec.”

“Why? Oh!” I smirked at his predicament and turned to sit up, facing the ocean.

Even though it was a weekday, there were still a lot of people on the beach. No doubt many were tourists from other countries coming to Portugal to enjoy the warm weather and sunshine.

I’d never been outside of Portugal. With losing my mom and then dedicating my time to the business, I’d never had the chance to go abroad.

I remembered a time when going abroad was all mom and I talked about. She encouraged me to practice my craft and apply for scholarships that would allow us to afford my studying in Paris or London. She’d worked so hard to save the money to help in case I didn’t get one.

In the early days after she died, I felt guilty that she worked so hard for me and didn’t even get to enjoy her life. After a while, my energy had shifted toward making the café a success.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t even notice Joel sitting up next to me until he had his arm around my waist and leaned his head on my shoulder. I turned my head and kissed him.

“You were somewhere else just now,” he said.

“Yeah, I was thinking about mom. How she’d worked so hard and didn’t have enough time to enjoy it all before she died.”

Joel was quiet for a bit and then he asked, “Do you ever wonder about your dad?”

That was an unexpected question, and I could only reply honestly.

“Yes.” I got up and held my hand to Joel to pull him up.

We walked toward the water, and I put an arm around his waist, making the most of our small height difference.

“When I was ten, I think, I asked her about my dad. She told me that he was a very nice man.”

“That’s it?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s all she said at the time. A few years later, I decided to ask for more information. I’d been watching these shows on TV about DNA and genealogy, and I was curious about where I came from. I was happy with my mom and wouldn’t change our life for the world, but I was curious, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that. So what happened? Did you ask?”

“No. I never got the chance. The day I was going to ask, she came home, sat me down, and told me she had cancer. Suddenly, I didn’t care about anything else. All I wanted was to help my mom get better.”

“But she never did.” It was a statement rather than a question.

“No.”

We walked along the beach for a while with our feet occasionally catching the waves.

“What about now?” Joel asked.

“I don’t know. I’d like to know who he is, where he is, and if he’s alive. But I don’t know where to start looking.”

Thinking about my mom was always both good and sad in equal measure. I liked talking about her because it kept her memory alive, but it also made me miss her.

Thinking about my dad was different. Sometimes you’re afraid of going down a particular road because you’re unsure of what you may find there. You can be excited at the prospect of finding nice buildings, some shops, interesting people, but you may also find it to be derelict, filled with trash and bad people. The thing is, you don’t know unless you take the turn and find out. And that’s where I was, in a constant battle of wills between going down that road and staying put.

“How about we get back to our spot? I could do with a cold drink,” Joel said.

“Best idea you’ve had all day,” I said, smiling at him.

“Oh, it isn’t. It’s just the best one I said out loud.”

We spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach. We weren’t in a rush to go back home early since I still had a few days off work, so we decided to have dinner at a local restaurant that was well known for its fresh seafood and great service.

On our way to the restaurant, my phone rang. I hadn’t had any calls all week, and I’d almost forgotten that I had the phone with me. I looked at the screen and saw it was Isaac.

“Olá, Isaac, how’s it going?” I held the phone with one hand and reached out for Joel’s hand with the other.

“You tell me. I don’t see you for a few weeks, and next thing I know, you can’t take your eyes off your mystery guest in your video. Who is he?”

“Um, just a friend,” I said, looking at Joel who was looking back at me with reticence in his eyes.

“It didn’t look like just a friend. Have you watched your video back? I don’t think anyone is going to be following the recipe when they can watch the sexual tension unfurl on-screen instead.” He laughed, and I could imagine he’d be elbowing me if he was here.

“That’s not—”

“Oh my God, David, is that Joel with you in the video?”

I’d told Isaac about Joel a few years ago. We’d gone out to a club in Lisbon where he now lives, and he was determined to get me to hook up with one of two guys that were hitting on us. I ended up drunk on Isaac’s sofa telling him why I couldn’t hook up with any guys. I went as far as saying I didn’t think I was gay at all because I didn’t like any guys other than Joel.

Of course, he’d laughed at my statement, but I’d felt his support for the feelings I was carrying for a person I hadn’t seen in years.

“Yes,” I acknowledged. “That’s him.”

When I said that, Joel’s eyes narrowed as though he knew we were talking about him.

“Look, was there a reason for your call? I’m about to catch dinner, so I have to go,” I said, trying to end the conversation.

“Okay, Mr. Avoidance. We’ll talk about it another time. I just wanted to check that you were still up for that custard tart making class with the kids in a couple of days. They’re really looking forward to it.”

“Oh yeah, absolutely, it’s in my planner. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. It’s been a while since I was at the center, and I miss those kids. I’ll see you in two days, yeah?”

“Awesome. See you then. Bye.”

I ended the call and walked into the restaurant with Joel. He was quiet as we were shown to our table by the waiter. The restaurant wasn’t very big. There were a few saltwater tanks with lobsters and crabs waiting to be chosen by customers for their meals. Most tables were filled with local people, which I loved to see since it meant the food was of good quality.

“What do you feel like eating?” I asked, but Joel kept his face down, looking at the menu, so I persisted. “Joel, is everything okay?”

“I’m not very hungry. I’ll just have a snack.”

“What are you talking about? You said you were starving only a little while ago.” I was struggling to think of what had happened to change his mood. Did I do anything wrong?

The waiter interrupted us asking if we wanted any drinks. I ordered a soda since I was driving, and Joel ordered bottled water.

When the waiter left to get our drinks, I couldn’t wait any longer. I hated this tension, so I left my side of the table and moved my chair so I was sitting next to him. I grabbed his hand under the table and gave it a squeeze.

“Sweetheart, are you okay? Did I do anything to upset you?

“No, I’m just a little jealous,” he said, keeping his gaze down.

“What are you jealous of?”

“The phone call reminded me that the outside world was bound to intrude on our time together and you won’t be just mine anymore.”

His eyes were shiny and so earnest that I just wanted to hold him close and kiss it all away. I chose to ignore his last statement because I was going to address it later. In bed. Naked.

“Isaac was just confirming an arrangement we had for me to go to the center and teach the kids to make custard tarts. Would you like to come and help me?”

His smile was suddenly wide and bright. “Yes, can I? I’d love to meet Isaac and see the work he does for the kids.”

“I’m not sure it’s a good thing to get you and Isaac in the same location. You know too much about my past, and he knows too much about my present,” I teased.

“I’m hoping there are things about your present only I know.” He elbowed me, and I chuckled.

Even though we had shifted back into our happy mood, I didn’t move my chair. Throughout dinner, I kept my hand on Joel’s thigh in a show of affection and possession.

I didn’t care what time we got back to my apartment or what time we would finally fall asleep. Tonight, I was going to show Joel how much I was truly his.