Chapter Twenty-One

Iam startled awake by the sound of Vasily's hunger cries. I jolt upright in bed, my breasts ache from the need to feed him. " Vasya, odin moment, lyubimyy. Mama pridet.(Vasya, one moment, my love. Mama is coming.)" My abdominal muscles burn as I swing my legs over the side of the bed to stand up. The room is dark, except for the small sliver of light coming from Lenya's office.

As I steady myself on my feet, the door to the office creaks open. "Tsvetok (Flower), let me get him." Lenya rushes over to the bassinet. "I'll hand him to you. Get back in bed." Luckily it is dark in the room because I don't think he would have appreciated the eye roll that I promptly gave him.

"I want to sit in the chair. I can't lie down anymore."

With Vasya in his arms, Lenya helps me to the glider chair he has brought into our room. I wince as I sit on the cushion, still very sore and swollen from giving birth. Lenya carefully passes Vasily into my waiting arms, and I cradle him close to my chest. The soft glow of the nightlight that Lenya turned on illuminates his tiny face, his arctic eyes searching for mine. I sigh with relief as I finally settle in the comfortable glider chair.

As I nurse Vasily, a wave of exhaustion washes over me. The physical toll of childbirth is undeniable, and every movement reminds me of the soreness and swelling that lingers. But despite the discomfort, I am filled with a sense of love and purpose as I nourish my precious syn (son). I would do this many times over just to experience this.

Lenya remains by my side, his presence providing reassurance and support. While I nurse Vasya, he massages my feet and calves. I steal a glance at him, appreciating his willingness to help care for our child and me. His love for our little family is clear in every gesture he makes.

Together, we sit in the quiet darkness, the only sounds being Vasily's contented suckling and the occasional creak of the glider chair. Time seems to stand still as we bond with our newborn, cherishing these precious moments of connection and tenderness.

As I gaze down at Vasily, my heart swells with a mixture of joy and exhaustion. Despite the challenges, the present moment overwhelms me with love and gratitude.

"Lenya? Gde ty?(Lenya? Where are you?)" I ask groggily, my hand outstretched to his side of the bed; finding it cold. Panic sets in as my eyes fall on Vasya's empty bassinet. Where is moy muzh (my husband), where is moy syn (my son)? "O Bozhe. (Oh, God.)" I cry out.

Raisa runs into the room, having heard my panicked cry. "It's okay. Lenya has him out back in the sunshine. Everything is okay," she reassures me, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Overwhelmed with relief, tears streamed down my face. I can't explain why I am crying, but the emotions are overwhelming.

"I thought—" I pause, my breath catching in my throat, "that someone took them." The fear of losing my husband and son was unbearable. My sister wraps her arms around me, providing comfort and support. She strokes my hair gently, just like she used to when we were younger.

In this moment, I am so appreciative to have Raisa by my side. She has always been my rock, my pillar of strength. We endure life"s highs and lows, supporting one another through challenges.

As I gradually calm down, my racing heart steadies. Lenya's decision to take our son outside brings a sense of peace. I know he loves Vasya dearly and would never put him in harm's way. Grateful for Raisa's presence and reassurance, I wipe away my tears and take a deep breath.

Raisa helps me up, guiding me to the bathroom where she helps me change out of my clothes and into the shower. When I'm finished and dressed, she braids my hair for me. We leave the room and head to the kitchen. I look out the big window and see Lenya sitting in a chair, marveling at our syn (son) in his lap. My heart swells with love as I watch him kiss Vasya's tiny feet, stroke what little hair he has, and kiss his face.

Seeing Lenya with his syn (son) is mesmerizing, considering he doesn"t come across as a softie. But with our syn (son), Lenya's heart melts. He becomes gentle and completely devoted to Vasya. It's a side of him I cherish and it reassures me that our child is in excellent hands. While Lenya is a ruthless Pakhan, he is nothing but a devoted husband and now father.

As Raisa and I approach, Lenya looks up and smiles at us. His eyes light up with happiness and pride as he cradles Vasya in his arms. I can't help but smile back, feeling a warmth spread through my chest. Not long after we join Lenya outside, Dmitriy peeks out, asking for Raisa's help with breakfast. She leaves us and it is now just the three of us.

We sit together as a family under the warm rays of the sun. Vasya coos and grunts, his tiny hands reaching out towards us. Lenya and I exchange glances, silently acknowledging the miracle of our little boy.

"Isn't he just perfect?" I ask, holding Vasya's little hand in mine.

"Just like his Mama. How could he not be perfect, Lina? He came from you." Lenya glances up at me, taking in the look on my face. "You have given me a little piece of the kingdom of heaven." He leans over and presses his lips to mine. "Spasibo, moya prekrasnyy tsvetok. Spasibo. (Thank you, my beautiful flower. Thank you.)

Right now, all the worries and fears of earlier dissipate. We are complete, united, and filled with an overwhelming love for each other. As I lean my head against Lenya's shoulder, I fall more in love with him.

"Moya lyubov'(My love)," Lenya calls from his office. Raisa has Vasya with her and Ilya in the front room, while I try to rest.

"Da (Yes)," I shout back, "You need me?" I get up from the bed and make my way over to the office doors.

I peer in and find Lenya putting some books back on the shelf. I can't help the smile that creeps across my face as I go back to the moment we had here. Where he fucked me against these very bookshelves. I look him up and down, biting my lip at the memory.

"Gospodi, pomiluy(Lord have mercy) Lina, don't look at me like that. I am barely hanging on here." Lenya gives me a strained look as he pushes the last book back into place. I see exhaustion in his eyes, responsibilities weighing on him. I understand his struggle, but I can't help but feel a pang of desire as I recall the passion we shared in this very room.

I walk closer to him, my gaze still filled with longing. "I know you're stressed, Lenya," I whisper, my voice filled with a mix of compassion and desire. "But you'll find him. I know you will. And soon you can have me again. Trust me, I hate this too."

He sighs heavily, his shoulders slumping slightly. "Lina, you do not know how badly I want to bury myself inside you right now," he replies, his voice filled with regret.

I reach out and gently place my hand on his arm, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips. "I know moy lyubov (my love)," I whisper, my tone filled with understanding. "Soon."

He looks at me, his eyes searching mine for a moment before a flicker of longing passes through them. "You're right," he admits, his voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability. "I'm going to go shower and let the water wash away some of the stress. Care to join me?"

A small smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I feel a surge of anticipation. I step closer, our bodies almost touching, and I can sense the desire building between us once again. The world"s weight vanishes, leaving only him and me finding solace in our love.

But as much as I want to surrender to our desires, a part of me also knows that the doctor said we have to wait a few weeks, so I am healed. With both reluctance and understanding, I take a step back.

"Not tonight, Lyubov (love)," I whisper, my voice filled with love and longing. "I miss our showers together, but it's for the best."

He nods, his gaze lingering on me for a moment longer before he walks past me, his fingers trail across my arm, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his touch. I retreat to the front room, where Raisa, Vasya, and Ilya await.

As Dmitriy and Raisa argue about what to watch on television, I find myself sitting with Vasya, missing my husband. Lenya and Ilya had urgent matters to attend to at the warehouse, demanding their immediate attention. Fortunately, Vasya is a dream and I can easily manage on my own, even so soon after giving birth. Eventually, Dmitriy and Raisa agree on watching a racing movie. Taking advantage of the moment, I quickly pick up my son and head to our room to give him a bath before putting him to bed.

The lukewarm water surrounds us as I sit in the tub with Vasya. Gently washing him, I take in his features. He looks so much like Lenya, except for his eyes. Holding him in my arms, a blessing I never expected to experience. I am a mother. Not only to this little boy, but to the young man in the front room with my sister.

I continue to wash Vasya, memories of the past flood my mind. The struggles and hardships I endured that made me believe I wasn't worthy, the sacrifices I have made to protect those I love.

Vasya has given my life purpose that I can"t help but marvel at. As I dry him off and dress him in his pajamas, I can't help but think about Lenya. I miss him dearly, but I know he is out there, working hard to protect us.

With care, I place Vasya in his bassinet, watching as his eyes grow heavy with sleep. I tuck him in and kiss his forehead, whispering a silent prayer for his safety and happiness. He is my little miracle, a physical reminder of the love Lenya and I share.

Leaving Vasya's in the room, I walk back to the front room, where Dmitriy and Raisa are deep in the racing movie. Their laughter and banter fill the air, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere. I can't help but feel grateful to have them here with me.

Next to my sister on the couch, I understand that being a mother is more than just blood. It's about the love, care, and guidance we give to those who need it most. I am blessed to have two children in my life, each bringing their own unique light and joy. However, I have been a mother for a significantly longer period of time.

Grateful for every moment, cherishing my role as mother to Vasya and Dmitriy. As the movie ends, I look around at the sight before me. Dmitriy is asleep on the floor near the television. Raisa is asleep on the couch, and I sit here awake with my book. Patiently awaiting the return of moy lev.

I make my way to bed alone, wondering what could keep Lenya and Ilya down at the warehouse for hours now. But I know better than to go snooping around. I climb into our bed and let sleep take me, knowing soon Vasya will require my attention.