Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

POE WALKED SIDE by side with Helene as they entered Irving Square Park, the garden spot of Brooklyn’s Bushwick neighborhood, with the old lampposts marking their route. The broad stone pathway led past happy couples and young families catching the last of the early autumn day. When Helene’s hand brushed his, Poe took it gently and squeezed. His heart was pounding. Helene squeezed back, staring straight ahead. Two kids on scooters shot past them, wheels humming against the pavement.

“In case you were worried,” said Helene, “the baby is yours. Couldn’t be anybody else’s.”

Poe felt a flash of anger. He jerked his hand away. “Why would you say that? Do you think I suspected you of sleeping around? Is that why you wouldn’t return my calls?”

“I needed a little time,” Helene said as she kept on walking. “Maybe I wanted to leave you a shred of doubt—in case you didn’t want any part of this. Anyway, it wasn’t intentional. I must have skipped a pill by mistake.”

Poe immediately felt guilty. He blurted out, “Ethinyl estradiol is only 99.7 percent effective,” he said. “So there’s a 0.3 percent chance that it would have happened anyway.”

Helene stopped and gave him a look. “That sounds like something Holmes would say.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t care about chemical formulas right now, Auguste. I want to know what you’re feeling . About this. About us . I want to know what’s really going on in your mind.”

Poe wrestled with what to say next. It was the same thing he’d been wrestling with for the past fifteen hours. He loved Helene. He was sure of that. She was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. But at the moment, that was about the only thing he was sure of.

“To tell you the truth,” he said, “what’s really going on in my mind is: I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a parent.”

Helene nodded. She let her hand slide off his arm. She looked up and stared into the distance across the park. “Right,” she said. “That makes two of us.”