Chapter 7

CHAPTER

SEVEN

Holly

His questions have me stopping in my tracks. I’m a bit dumbfounded that after the majority of my baggage was practically dumped at his feet that he still wants to see me! “Um, I need to double check my schedule, but honestly, during the week, if I don’t get something done, I just work on it after the girls go down for the night,” I reply. “I can give you my phone number, but mine is on the charger so I can’t get yours.”

“Give me your number, sweetheart,” he instructs, pulling out his phone. I quickly rattle off my cell number since it’s the only one I have. “I’ll shoot you a text so you have mine, then you can let me know, okay?”

“That sounds good, Rebel. Thanks.”

“What about my other question?” he asks, grinning down at me.

My face heats up, but I think it’s because of the feelings he evokes in me, not because I’m embarrassed. Devin’s the only male I’ve ever kissed in a romantic way, and eventually, he told me I wasn’t good enough, so he stopped kissing me years ago. I worry Rebel will feel the same way, but I won’t know until I put myself out there.

“Yes,” I whisper.

He pulls me into his arms and a sense of coming home engulfs me, making me feel safe and secure for the first time in a long time. I mean, since I moved back onto the farm, I’ve felt that way, but this is different. I can’t explain why exactly, but I’ll examine it closer at some point.

As his lips come closer to mine, I send up a silent prayer that I don’t mess this up. When our mouths meet, the electrical current that zips through me snatches my breath away, making me gasp. When he glides his tongue over my lower lip, I shiver but open for him, my tongue tentatively touching his.

I lose all track of time as he molds me to his body, which is hard and strong enough to withstand the test of time. We finally break apart, breathless, and I think he steals a part of my heart when he kisses my forehead before he whispers, “Wow, better than I thought, babe.”

Bobbing my head, I utter one word. “Yeah.”

Well, I won’t win any awards for my vocabulary that’s for dang sure, but he doesn’t appear to mind too much. He nods before leaning in and giving me a quick, close-mouthed kiss then he steps back.

“Lock up behind me, babe. I’ll text you later, okay?”

Still in a daze, I merely nod, which has him chuckling.

“Words, Holly, give me the words.”

“I’ll lock up and I’ll check my schedule so when you text, we can figure something out, Rebel.”

“Good.” He opens the door and steps through it, giving me a look that lets me know he expects me to do it now, not ten minutes from now. I giggle but move to the door and then close and lock it before I hear his boots hitting the steps. A few seconds later, I hear the sound of his engine engage which has my lady bits waking up. I mean, they already did that when he kissed me, but the sound of the motorcycle amped them up.

“Mama, did you ask Mr. Rebel if he can come for Thanksgiving yet?” Mina asks as I dish up some shepherd’s pie for both the girls.

Setting their plates in front of them, I then fix mine and sit down, then wait for her to say the blessing. While I’m a bit ambivalent these days about the whole faith thing because of Devin, I won’t put my misgivings on my girls. Besides, Grammy says I’m just having a crisis, that God was there the whole time, protecting me and my girls. She may be right, but I’m not quite ready to deal with my feelings where my faith is concerned because I prayed constantly, and he never changed.

Maybe that’s because he was never meant to be your forever, my subconscious states. Things hadn’t been right for a very long time, remember?

As we pick up our forks to dig in, I answer my daughter’s question. “Actually, Pappy came over and he asked him,” I reply. “So, he’s going to come to Thanksgiving at Grammy’s.”

“Yay!” both girls exclaim in unison.

“Mama, I like Mr. Rebel,” Mina says. “He was nice to me and Ruby.”

My heart breaks a bit because she’s remembering how her daddy would talk to them sometimes. Moreso when he was drunk or high, and my guilt over not leaving sooner has me blinking back tears. He never hit them, thank God, but he was often verbally cruel to them, which I have found out can be just as bad. Grammy insisted after Devin died that I go to therapy, and it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. My guilt hasn’t completely dissipated, but it’s getting there, and part of the reason is that I didn’t notice a lot because I was working all the time trying to keep the bills paid since he chose to use his paycheck for drugs, beer, and women.

When I found that little tidbit out, I refused to sleep with him again, especially after he beat the shit out of me a few weeks after Ruby was born. Once I healed up, I had a complete STD panel run on myself. Thankfully, his dalliances didn’t result in anything for me, but I was unwilling to take any chances.

“Yes, he was sweetie. I’m glad you two like him, because I do too,” I reply. “So, you’ll be okay if Mama and Mr. Rebel start dating?”

“Would that make him our daddy?” Mina questions hopefully.

“No,” I drawl out slowly. “Not unless we got married someday.” At her crushed expression, I reach over and pat her hand. “Mina, if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen, okay?”

She sulkily nods before taking a bite of her dinner. “I hope you do, Mama. Our daddy wasn’t very nice sometimes, but Mr. Rebel is always nice.”

From the mouths of babes. It’s obvious that she saw far more than I thought, which breaks my heart all over again.

“I’m sorry, babies,” I tell them both. “Mama didn’t know.”

Ruby touches my hand. “Mama, he said we couldn’t tell,” she whispers. “But since he’s gone to Heaven, I think we can now, right?”

God, help me, I plead. How do I make this right?

“Yes, sweetie, both of you can tell me anything you want to, okay?”

“Okay, Mama. Can Mr. Rebel come help us find a Christmas tree?”

“I don’t know, but we’ll ask him,” I reply.

Devin, I know it doesn’t make me much of a Christian right now, but I sure hope you’re paying for your sins over a lake of fire for all you did to my babies!