24

Remy

The first time I saw Stella, she had been so small and timid, I had thought she was younger than her seven years. Her auburn hair had been so filthy it appeared brown and was practically matted to her head.

When my brother had found her, I think she had been semi-feral from trauma. But he'd taken care of her and made her feel safe, and she had colored pictures on the walls and made toys out of glass bottles.

And then, after a long arduous journey where we almost lost Stella to an obsessed zombie, we had ended up safe at the lakehouse, and she had truly come out of her shell. She had taken to the quiet, country life immediately, caring for Ripley, foraging and gardening, making a necklace from wildflowers, and learning to sew her own clothes.

Somehow, through it all, Stella was curious, kind, generous, intelligent, hardworking, and determined. And she was only fifteen. Her whole life was still ahead of her, and she had a baby on the way.

It wasn't right for her to be like this, in a strange room that smelled so strongly of antiseptic. Jovie's place was clearly intended to be cozy and comforting, but that was just a poor attempt to hide that a clinic was little more than a laboratory. The walls were sterile white because it was easier to clean off blood and shit, and the scent of tree oil and caustic lye was meant to mask it all. All of the lights were so bright, like spotlights blinding me and humming with electricity.

I tried not to think about those things, or the way my stomach rolled at the sight of anything medical. The syringes and vials, even the cannister of cotton balls or a roll of sterile gauze made me nauseated.

Then I felt Boden's hand, splayed across the small of my back. His voice was low and reassuring in my ear, "Stella's room is this way."

When we were still on the porch, Boden had warned me that she already had a precautionary chain around her ankle. I still wasn't prepared for the visceral reaction I'd have when I caught a glimpse of it through the open door to her room. The second I saw it, this blinding rage burned through me, and it was literally all I could do to keep from punching something or throwing up.

"Remy." Max's voice pulled me from that, and I blinked to clear my head.

When I saw the heartbreak written all over his face, I had never felt more lost or overwhelmed. Not even when I had to tell him that our parents were dead.

I had no idea what to do, as every single thought inside my head vanished. I couldn't move or speak or react at all when my brother rushed over and threw his arms around me.

"Max," Boden said with his voice full of the warmth and empathy I wished I could've conveyed, and he wrapped his long arms around me and Max, hugging us both.

"I'm so glad you're here, Remy," Max said, his voice muddled from crying. "I don't know what to do."

"We'll figure it out," I finally managed to say, because I had to say something, and I didn't want him to know that I had no idea what the fuck to do.

We finally parted, and I went over to Stella. She looked so tiny and frail in the bed, even with her round belly. Her hair was fanned out on the pillow around her, and she smiled weakly at me.

"Hi, Stella," I said, because I had to start somewhere. "How are you?"

"I'm okay, all things considered," she replied.

"What can I do to help you?" I asked.

"Just take care of Max and the baby."

"Of course I will. There's never been any doubt of that," I promised her. "The same way that I'll take care of you for as long as I can."

"Stella, please don't talk like that." Max sat down on the edge of her bed, taking her hand in his. "It's still early. We don't know what's going to happen yet."

"I have an IV and fluids," Jovie said, and she slid by me and around Max to treat Stella, since Ripley was laying on the floor on the other side of the bed. "We need to treat her preeclampsia."

The sight of the IV made the hair stand on my neck, and all the scars that were thatched across my torso ached, as if I could suddenly feel the icy steel of the scalpel slicing me open all over again.

"I need air," I said, and I rushed out of the room without waiting for anyone to respond.

I ran out to the front porch, leaning on the railing and gulping down air. My whole body was trembling, and I was freezing cold and covered in sweat. Tears stung my eyes, and I heard Boden's footsteps behind me.

"Go back inside. Stella needs you," I said without turning to look at him.

"You need me," Boden replied quietly.

"Not like she does, and you know it. She's dying, and I'm being overdramatic and selfish," I insisted between ragged breaths.

He put his hand on my back, gently rubbing it and grounding me here with him. "Take a deep breath. Feel the air on your face, and my hand on your back. You're free, and no one is going to ever experiment on you or your family again."

"You can't promise that," I disagreed.

"Yes, I can," he asserted calmly. "Don't argue, just keep breathing."

I tried, but a moment later I was throwing up over the railing while Boden held my ponytail back. When I finally managed to calm down, I wiped my mouth with the back of my arm, and I sat down on the bench on the porch.

"I think I'm better now," I said, but he sat down beside me anyway. "Or at least as better as I can be."

"It's no problem," he said, but I felt ashamed anyway. I hated when I couldn't control my body like that.

"Where is Serg?" I asked. "And the others that came in with us?"

"Serg is getting our new house set up," Boden said.

I raised my eyebrows. "We have a new house? Already? How does that work?"

"People come and go a lot around here, apparently, and the mayor likes to have new housing available for the refugees of the zombie apocalypse," Boden elaborated. "He gave us the keys to a house on Eliot Lane, and it is just a short walk away from where Samara and Roman will be staying. They're living together for now. I haven't had a chance to see anything yet, because I came straight here, and Serg went on ahead so we'd have somewhere comfortable to stay tonight."

"The five of us and Ripley will all be living together still?" I asked.

"Of course. Family stays together. "

"What about Lillian?"

"She's staying at an inn near downtown, because she wants electricity," he said. "Our house, and most of the houses here, don't have any."

"How do people pay for things around here? Is there money?"

"I think some folks are using gold or silver as currency, but mostly, it seems to be a combo of bartering, working off debts, and communal living."

"I guess that all sounds fair enough. I've definitely lived worse places," I said grimly. "We'll be fine here for a few months."

"Yeah, we will," he agreed. "Do you want to go back in with Stella and Max?"

"Not yet. She needs rest, and I…" I couldn't force myself back into the clinic, but I couldn't admit that. I faced up against zombies no problem, but a doctor's office had me shaking like a leaf.

"Okay," Boden said. "I'll just sit with you for a while."

And so we did. The days getting here had been exhausting enough, and this particular one had already been much, much too long, and it wasn't even nightfall yet.

Boden went in once to tell Max and Stella that we were just outside if they needed anything, but he came back to report that they were sleeping. Stella in her bed, and Max and Ripley on the floor beside her.

"Jovie is watching over them, making sure that Stella and the baby are stable, and she has other nurses and assistants to watch when Jovie is otherwise occupied," Boden informed me when he returned. "She thinks we should get some rest. Why don't we see if we can go find our new house and get a good night's sleep?"

"You should do that," I agreed. "But I'm going to stay out here. "

"On the porch? All night?" he asked.

"We're safe in the city walls, and it's only August," I reasoned. "I should be fine, and I need to be close to Max and Stella."

I thought he might argue with me and insist that I go somewhere safer to rest. Instead, he took off the flannel shirt he wore over his tee shirt and draped it over my shoulders.

"In case it gets cold tonight." He bent down and kissed my temple. "I'll be back in the morning."