16

Remy

At the front of the boat, my hands were wrapped around the paint-chipped railings, and the pine trees along the shoreline were flying by. It seemed like we were going quite fast down the river, but then again, maybe I had forgotten what it was like to travel on a moving vehicle.

A few hours ago, I had gone down to the engine room to see how this all worked. Garrison tried to explain, but I had never been mechanically inclined. He, Boden, and Serg were taking turns shoveling coal, which seemed like dirty, hard work. I offered to lend a hand and do my fair share, but when they declined, I hadn't pushed.

After that, I roamed around the boat, looking for any errant zombies that might be on the loose, but it did appear that we had taken care of all of them in the lobby. I did find a family of rats who seemed quite happy living in a nest inside a mattress in an empty room, but I left them to their own devices. They were so small, I doubted Ripley would even bother with them.

By the time the sun was low in the evening sky, I found myself alone at the front of the boat.

"Hey," Max said behind me.

"How are you doing?" I asked him.

"I'm good. Stella had some seasickness, and she's napping now." He leaned against the railing next to me. "Wow. It really is beautiful out here."

I looked back and realized he was right. The amber sunlight lit up the tops of the lush trees, and the dark blue water flowed around us.

"Yeah, I suppose it is," I agreed.

"How long until we're at Emberwood?" he asked.

"Garrison thinks we'll make it to the end of the line by nightfall," I said, repeating what he'd told me.

"What is at the end of the line for us?" Max asked. "The waterfall?"

I nodded and reached into my back pocket, where I stored my carefully folded up map. We boarded the boat at Priest's Mill, and I traced my finger on the thick squiggly line that marked the river until it stopped at the waterfall labelled Grizzly Falls. Above that, nearly an inch away on the paper, was the place marked Emberwood.

"We'll camp out on the boat tonight near the waterfall, and then we'll head up past the falls and to the town. Maybe another day or two," I said.

"How are we getting up the waterfall?" Max asked.

"Lazlo said there's a trail next to it."

"And you trust him?"

I was taken aback. "Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know." He shrugged and turned sheepish. "You always told me that I should never trust strangers, and I don't know him. You don't even know him that well anymore, and he's a total stranger to me."

"Good to see you did absorb that lesson after all," I muttered. "But yes, I trust him, and I trust the map. I mean, it's gotten us this far."

He nodded but he stared off in the distance. "Yeah. I just worry this has been too easy. It's been a long walk, sure, and I know it's been difficult for Stella. But the zombies have been leaving us alone."

"Maybe there aren't as many anymore," I said, but my mind went back to the copper mine full of zombies, thousands of them all trapped inside. "Or at least most of them are out of commission."

I folded up my map and put it away, then I rested a comforting hand on my brother's shoulder. "You're under a lot of stress right now, and it's totally reasonable to be anxious and worried. But we're almost to the town. Stella and the baby are going to be okay."

"I know," he said and exhaled roughly. "But I should get back and check on her, in case she got sick again."

We went back inside, down the hall to our respective rooms. I opened the door to my room in time to see Boden walking out of the on-suite bathroom, shirtless with his jeans unbuttoned and hanging on his hips. His short hair was damp, and he raked his fingers through it.

"Did you just shower? Is there running water?" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah, it has gravity pumps and a filter, so we filled the tank up with river water," he explained. "We still need to boil it first before drinking it, but the catchment tank uses the sun to warm it. It is plenty good enough to get off all the dirt and grime from my shift in the engine room."

"You're done for the day?" I asked.

"Yeah, we're nearly to the waterfall."

"So that means I can grab a shower?"

"It's still a little cool, but it's refreshing," he said with a weak smile. There was something dark in his eyes, but probably he was just tired from a long day.

"Why don't you get some rest?" I suggested.

"That was my plan," he admitted and rubbed the back of his neck.

He had left several candles burning in the bathroom, illuminating it in a warm glow. The little bottles of soap and shampoo remaining from the boat's last voyage were congealed and gross, but being able to rinse off the filth and sweat was enough. It was more tepid than warm, but it was plenty refreshing.

A plush robe was hanging on the back of the door, and I shook it out before slipping it on. Honestly, it was probably cleaner than most of the clothing in my bag.

When I came out of the bathroom, Boden was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back with his arms propping him up. The fading sunlight came in through the wide gap in the curtains, and in that light, I could see that he looked more than tired.

"You went with the robe," he commented when he saw me. "But you've always been more of a risk taker than me."

"I never really thought of myself as a risk taker," I said and started toward him. "Are you okay?"

"Why didn't you tell me that your father's name was Charles?" he asked.

I stopped in my tracks, confused. "What?"

"My name is Charlie, and his is Charles. You'd think it would've come up sometime in the past eight years." He was looking up at me, sullen and angry.

"Nobody calls you Charlie. I think of you as Boden," I argued. "It never occurred to me, I guess. I know your family's names. Your parents were Jimmy and Samantha, and your sisters were Kate, Emma, and Libby."

"You know about them because I told you." He said that like it was an accusation.

"Well, if you were so concerned about my parents' names, you should've just asked me," I snapped back at him.

"I could've asked, and you would've deflected or gotten annoyed or just plain walked away from the conversation, like you do any time I try to really talk about the past," he argued. "God forbid I even mention life before you met me."

"Because before that, everything was awful!" I reminded him harshly. "We didn't have any peace or happiness until the lakehouse. Why would I want to remember any of that?"

"Because I want to know you!" Boden yelled.

"You think you don't know me?" I shook my head. "That's absurd. Just because I don't like talking about the past –"

"It's not just that. You still hold me at arm's length." His jaw tensed as he stared up at me. "You were so offended when Polly thought we were married."

"I was not offended," I insisted. "I was caught off guard. But is that what all this is about? You want to be married?"

"Yes, I do! I love you, and I'm sharing my life and my bed with you. Why wouldn't I want to be married to you?"

"Because marriage is for religion, tax breaks, and having kids. None of those things apply to us."

"Why about love?" he asked me in dismay. "Why can't we get married for love?"

Before I could answer, someone knocked at the door. It could be important, so I gave Boden an apologetic look as I went to answer it.

Lillian was at the door, and she smiled at my wet hair and musty robe. "I see you've had a chance to enjoy the amenities."

"Yeah. Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Everything's great. We're nearing the waterfall, so we'll be anchoring for the night. Some of us were thinking about doing supper together in the dining hall. Would you want to join us?" Lillian asked.

"Uh, that's a real nice thought, but I think I'd just like to rest for the night." I glanced back over my shoulder. "Boden, do you want to go down for dinner?"

"Nah, I'm good," he replied flatly.

Across the hall diagonally from our room, the door opened, and Castor stepped out. When he saw me and Lillian in my doorway, he smiled and waved.

"Are you coming down for a family dinner?" he asked.

"No, I was just telling Lillian that Boden and I are pretty tired, so we're staying in."

"Oh, yeah, I get that," Castor said. "My sister's staying back because she's seasick. Samara is already downstairs getting things set up, so it should be a real nice time if you end up changing your mind or feeling better."

"Thanks," I said. "Stella's been dealing with morning sickness and now seasickness, so she has some herbal remedies if Polly is struggling."

"I'll let her know," Castor said.

"Have a good night, and we'll see you in the morning," Lillian said, and as they walked away, I closed the door behind them.

I went back over to Boden, standing in front of him, when I finally said, "I'm sorry. I love you, and I don't want to hurt you."

"I know," he admitted quietly.

"But I… I don't know how else to be." I gave a helpless shrug. "Everything that came before, it nearly broke me. And now I'm just trying so hard to survive and keep everyone alive, and most of the time, that is literally all I am thinking about."

"But that's not all on you, Remy. We keep each other alive." He sat up and took my hand in his.

At that moment, the boat suddenly lurched to a stop, and I tumbled on top of Boden, both of us falling back onto the bed .

"We must've anchored," I said.

"We must've." He put his hand on my cheek, so I would look at him. "You are still the most beautiful badass I have ever met," he murmured, and his lips were nearly brushing mine as he spoke. I kissed him deeply and hoped that he would understand how much I truly loved him.