Chapter 8

“What is going on that you keep saying we’ll have to talk? Talk about what?” Ebenezer asked. They’d just returned to his place, and the car ride home had been quite uncomfortable. Mostly, because he tried to keep a conversation going, but Gorg remained silent, given only to a nod or shrug. “Are you leaving? Is that it? You’re going home and don’t know how to tell me?”

Ebenezer hoped that wasn’t the case. He didn’t want Gorg to leave, but he could understand how Gorg wouldn’t want to live his life literally undercover, always having to wear some sort of oversized coat. “Look, there has to be a way you can stay here… Someplace super cold where everyone wears bulky coats all the time. Then I could wear one too, and we’d fit right in, and nobody would notice you.”

“That’s not it. I don’t want to leave you. I can’t leave you, not now.” Gorg sighed. “Especially not now.”

“Why? What’s going on now?”

“Maybe you’d better sit down, Ebbie,” Gorg said. He pulled out a kitchen chair and urged Ebenezer into it. “Remember last night?”

“Oh, boy, do I! I can’t wait to do it again. Is that what this is about? You think I don’t want to have sex again?”

“No, that’s not it. Please, listen and let me finish. It’s important.”

Ebenezer frowned but nodded. “Okay. Shoot.”

“Remember the time when my penis swelled inside you? Yes?”

Ebenezer nodded and couldn’t resist a smile. It’d been his favorite part.

“That’s what our people call knotting. It only happens during Renewal, and…”

“And what?”

“And it only happens between life mates.”

“Life mates? What does that mean? Like, we’re married or something?” Ebenezer’s smile slipped sideways. “Dude, we just met!”

“If that is what they call lifetime mates in your world. I know we have only just met, but we have mated and joined life forces. We are now connected. If you close your eyes, you will be able to feel me, even if I am far away, and me, likewise. I can send you a thought telepathically, you can do the same. And I do not wish to have sex with anyone else now. I cannot. My body would reject them.”

Ebenezer felt the blood rush from his head. “You mean, we’re stuck with each other?”

Gorg’s beautiful eyes filled with tears. “That hurt me. I thought you wanted me.”

“I do! I just…this is all a little bit sudden. You mean I can’t have sex with anyone else, ever ?”

“If you were a Jizmite, the answer would be clear. But you are not. You are human. There is a chance you can have sex with others of your species if you so desire. But Ebbie, it would break my heart. That is why I was so happy to hear you say you did not wish to perform in adult films anymore.”

“Gorg, I don’t know what to say. I’m not prepared for any of this. I thought we were just having a good time last night, not committing to a lifelong relationship.”

Gorg staggered a little and leaned against the kitchen counter. “I…I understand. There is something else you should know. It is the reason I cannot leave you or this planet, at least not yet. The knotting serves another purpose. It is our way of impregnating our mates. You are pregnant, Ebenezer. You’re carrying my child.”

Ebenezer burst into laughter. “Oh, man! You had me going there for a while! Life mates, and all that. Pregnant? That’s just hysterical!”

Gorg didn’t smile or laugh. His expression remained grim. “It is true. As we speak, your body is changing to accommodate the new life.”

“Listen, I hate to break it to you, but I’m a boy, Gorg. Only girls get pregnant on this planet.”

“I am not from this planet. Males frequently give birth on Jizm. The knotting provides the necessary means for the body to change to accommodate the new life. When the time comes for birthing, a pocket will appear on your abdomen, and I will be able to assist in the birth.”

Ebenezer jumped up from the chair. “Are you being serious right now? You mean I’m supposed to believe I’m going to have a baby like a fucking kangaroo?”

“I do not know what that is.”

“It’s a marsupial, and they keep their babies in pouches!” He gestured toward his stomach.

“Do not be ridiculous. Our child will not be kept in a pouch. The pocket is only for birthing; it disappears soon after the afterbirth is delivered.” Gorg trembled, and his eyes refilled with tears. “If it is what you want, I will take our child back to Jizm alone. You can go on with your life here as it was.”

“Except we don’t know if I can have sex with anyone else ever again!” Ebenezer cried out. “Oh, God, what kind of shitshow circus did I land in here?”

“I am sorry. Please do not be upset. It is not good for the baby.”

“Stop saying that! Baby? I can’t have a baby! I’m not built that way!” Ebenezer wailed.

“You will be. Even now, your body is changing inside. You craved blueberry pancakes this morning. That is a sign.”

That stopped Ebenezer in his tracks. He had wanted blueberry pancakes, wanted the sugary goodness so much he’d been tempted to lick his plate clean and drink the syrup from the pitcher.

That wasn’t like him. He never ate blueberry pancakes for breakfast, or any pancakes for that matter. The carbs were a no-no on his diet. He had to keep trim for the movies he starred in. Nobody wanted to watch a guy have sex with a pudgy Santa. Or maybe they did, but that wasn’t on-brand for him.

He sat down again and covered his face with his hands. “I’m sorry, but I can’t believe any of this.”

“You need to believe it. In three tri-seasons, you will go into labor and give birth to our baby.”

“This is insane! Look, as much as I like you, maybe…maybe you should go. Call your parents, like you said you needed to get a ride back to your planet.”

“I cannot, will not leave you here to have my child alone!” Gorg seemed aghast at the thought.

“You’re wrong. Come on, admit that you could be wrong. On our planet people have false alarms all the time. I’m a man. I cannot have a baby!”

“With knotting there is no false alarms, and I have already explained the physiological changes the knotting brings. You will be having a baby. My baby.”

Ebenezer jumped up again, shaking his head, and began to pace the length of the kitchen. “I’ll go to a doctor and prove it to you! Even though any doctor I go to will think I’m fucking insane!”

Gorg stood in front of Ebenezer, blocking his path. “Listen to me, Ebbie. You are having my baby. If your doctor takes a scan of your abdomen, and there is a baby inside, what do you think will happen to you? To our child?” He wiggled his tentacles, waving them in front of Ebenezer’s face.

Ebenezer felt weak and grabbed onto Gorg so he wouldn’t fall to the ground. “Tentacles? I’m carrying a baby with tentacles?”

“Truthfully, there’s no telling how our genetics will mix, but the probability of our child having at least a couple of tentacles is high.”

Ebenezer groaned and sat down again. “They’d think the baby was some sort of freak. Then, if they did further testing, they’d find out it was part extraterrestrial. They’d lock us both up in a lab somewhere.” He shook his head again. “No, no, no! I refuse to believe any of it!”

“You need to believe, Ebbie. You’ll be feeling movement soon. It’s a miracle, not a curse. You’ll see.”

“I cannot believe what you’re telling me. How can I? It’s impossible!”

“Any more impossible than an alien landing in your backyard and knotting you during sex?”

Ebenezer didn’t have a response for that, other than his original thought that Gorg was a delusion, but too much had happened between then and now for him to still put faith in that explanation. Too many people had seen him, including Allan. And look what he’d done for Pete! No, Gorg was real, and what he was telling Ebenezer, as crazy as it sounded, might just be real, too.

“What happens next?” Ebenezer asked in a small voice.

“If we were on my planet, we would have a celebration of life,” Gorg said. He smiled in a dreamy way and sighed. “Everyone would come and bring gifts for the newborn-to-be, there would be food and laughter, and our entire family would dance the Great Pregnancy Dance together.”

“The Great Pregnancy Dance?”

“Yes. Would you like me to describe it to you? It involves us joining hands, stamping our feet in time to the chanting of our parental units, and dancing naked around the Sacred Penis Statue.”

Ebenezer moaned. “Sacred Penis Statue?”

“Oh, yes. Every home has one.”

“Of course they do. Why wouldn’t they?”

“Next to Bloober Day, it’s the closest thing we have to a holiday.”

“Great. Another reason to hate the holidays.”

“How could you say that? Our child is growing inside you as we speak, and you talk of hate?” Gorg’s expression was stony.

Ebenezer had never seen him so angry, not even when Allan yelled at Ebenezer. “I…I just…”

“You really are the most selfish person in the universe!”

“No, I’m not! Please, you have to understand — I just need to adjust to all of this. I mean, Gorg, I really like you. I think there’s room here for something deeper between us, but it’s not something that’s going to happen overnight. I need time. Can’t you give me that?”

Gorg sighed again, deep and heavy. “I suppose that is reasonable since you didn’t know about any of this before it happened. But please know I didn’t know we would knot, either. It comes as much of a surprise to me as it does to you.”

“Then, we’ll take it step by step, day by day, okay?”

“Yes. Can we get a Christmas tree?”

Ebenezer blinked. “What?” Where did that come from?”

“On our planet it is traditional for the Papa — that’s me — to make trinkets for the baby during the pregnancy, and for the PawPaw — that’s you — to hang them somewhere in the house. I thought that it would be nice for us to hang them on a tree.”

“Even knowing how I feel about the holidays?”

“I’m not asking you to dress up in that red suit and shout ‘ho, ho, hoes’ like you did in your movies,” Gorg said. “I just want a tree.”

“Wait a minute. How did you know I shouted ‘ho, ho, hoes,’ in my movies? It’s my trademark line!”

“Because you shout it in every movie. I watched some of your movie discs on the player in the living room. You would strip out of the red suit and yell ‘ho, ho, hoes,’ and then you’d—”

“I get it!” Ebenezer was flabbergasted. “And how did you learn to use a DVD player?”

“Seriously? Ebbie, I can operate a spaceship that flew across the universe from a different galaxy. I think I can manage a few Earth electronics.” Gorg lifted his nose up in the air and sniffed.

Ebenezer grinned despite the situation he’d found himself in. “I guess that makes sense. So…what did you think? Pretty hot, huh?”

“I do not like watching you have sex with another man,” Gorg said. “The only one I want you to have sex with is me.” He took a step toward Ebenezer.

“Um, Gorg, as much fun as last night was, I think I need some time to process everything before we give it a go again, okay?”

Gorg slumped but nodded. “Agreed.”

“So, what should I expect next? Providing any of this is true, of course. I suppose I’ll have cravings. Like the blueberry pancakes this morning. Maybe some egg salad and peanut butter. What’s next?”

Gorg wrinkled his nose. “Ew. Well, you might experience—”

Ebenezer suddenly felt his stomach turn. He jumped up and made a mad dash for the bathroom.

Gorg followed him and stood in the doorway watching as Ebenezer upchucked last week’s dinner. “They say you might feel a little nauseated.”

Ebbie threw him a hateful glare in between bouts of vomiting. “I think I hate you.”

“No, you don’t. That’s the hormones talking,” Gorg said in a rather chipper voice. “You’ll feel better soon. The Sickness usually only lasts for the first tri-season.”

He ducked just in time to miss being bonked on the head by a toilet brush.

“They say you may get easily irritated, too,” Gorg said, trying to be helpful.

This time he didn’t duck fast enough and got hit in the head with a bar of soap.