Chapter 3

The first thing Ebenezer realized when his eyes blinked open was that he was staring at the kitchen ceiling. What was he doing on his back on the floor?

The second thing he noticed was the six-foot-two-inch creature standing over him. The creature looked semi-human, and quite handsome if it wasn’t for the eight tentacles swirling around him. They were iridescent, which made them pretty, but…tentacles!

Ebenezer was dreaming. That was it. Except it wasn’t. He was wide awake – he could feel the floor beneath him, and smell the tuna he’d left on the counter for lunch. Then he must’ve somehow slipped, fallen, cracked his skull, and was now having a hallucination or a flat-out delusion. That was the answer.

“I am Gorg,” the creature said in a deep voice that rumbled in Ebenezer’s bones and tickled at his balls. He pronounced it “gorge” as if it were short for gorgeous, which Ebenezer had to admit was appropriate, except for the tentacles. They were a bit much, even for a hallucination.

He closed his eyes and tried to wish them away, leaving only the half-naked, buff, iridescent guy in his kitchen. That he could work with. But, when he opened his eyes, the tentacles were still there.

“Who are you?” Ebenezer asked. “ What are you?”

The creature — because it couldn’t rightfully be called a man with all those sinuous tentacles attached to it, nor could it be called an octopus, not with that handsome face, broad chest, and shapely legs, not to mention the thick cock it was displaying — smiled widely. “Oh, I’m so glad you asked! As I said, I am Gorg,” he repeated. “From the planet Jizm in the Bloob Galaxy. Have you heard of it? It’s just past the JADES-GS-z14-0 galaxy. No? I suppose there’s no reason you should know it — your people haven’t mastered interplanetary travel yet, have they? I’m sure the octopi are working on it. Oh, I am so excited to meet an Earthling! You’re a human, yes? I can tell by your lack of tentacles.”

“O-octopi?” Out of everything the creature — Gorg — said, that was what Ebenezer’s mind latched on to.

“Yes, the masters of this galaxy. The great tentacled ones that live in your seas. I simply must meet one before I leave here.”

“So, you’re not an invasion force here to take over our planet?”

Gorg laughed. “No! Of course not. I’m a tourist. Tell me, do you have any products that might wash away the salt water from the ocean? There really should be signs warning of its sodium content.”

“Water. Um, sure.” Ebenezer wondered how long he would be having this particular delusion. Maybe he should pop a couple of Tylenol and call his shrink. But Gorg really did look thirsty, and what harm could it do to give one’s delusion a sip or two of water?

He got to his feet, feeling a bit sore but really, no worse for the wear, and went to the refrigerator. He opened it and took out a bottle of water. After twisting off the cap, he handed it to Gorg, careful not to brush against any of the slowly undulating tentacles.

Gorg examined the bottle, then tipped it to his lips. The moment he realized it was tasteless water was evident when he sucked it down so hard he collapsed the bottle. He handed the decimated bottle back to Ebenezer. “Thank you. I have learned it is appropriate to say those words when someone does you a kindness here.”

“You’re welcome.” Ebenezer considered Gorg, looking him over, even walking around him to see the back. Gorg was…gorgeous if one ignored the tentacles. Which, Ebenezer had to admit, had a certain beauty and charm of their own. All Gorg wore was a short sleeved t-shirt, with eight extra sleeves for his tentacles. “Perhaps I should’ve been a writer instead of an actor if I could dream up someone as perfect as you.”

Gorg’s pearlescent skin pinked. “How kind of you to say, except you haven’t dreamed me up. I’m real, of course. Just as you are.” A tentacle reached up and gently touched Ebenezer’s face, tracing the contour of his jaw. “What is your name?”

Ebenezer expected the tentacle to be cold and slimy, but it was the opposite. It was warm and soft, and he actually leaned into the touch. Hey, it was his delusion. Who was to say he couldn’t explore and have fun with it?

“Um, Ebenezer. They call me Ebbie. Why are you here? You say you’re a tourist…shouldn’t you be at Disneyland or someplace?”

“I don’t know about this land of Disney, but I am anxious to see your land. I have picked up many Earth programs from satellite transmissions. It’s the holidays, you see. I’m fascinated by them.”

Now, that was something he never would have expected a delusion of his to say. “I hate the holidays!”

Gorg looked as if he’d been smacked in the face by one of his own tentacles. “W-what? How could you? Without holidays Earth would be boring. Earth would be…Jizm!”

“Earth would be just fine without them. Stupid snowmen and Santa Clauses and trees. Who needs them?” Ebenezer huffed. “I played Santa in umpteenth films and what did I get from it? Replaced by a fucking fluffer.”

“I…I don’t know what any of that means.”

“It doesn’t matter. You won’t find any holiday stuff around here. You’d better be someone else’s delusion if holidays are what you’re looking for.”

Gorg looked totally gob-smacked. “No, Ebbie, I cannot accept that. I saw all the snowmen and snowballs and Christmas trees and garland and tinsel and presents and…and…” Tears formed in his pretty, dark eyes. “Please, I’ve come so far, and my ship is ruined and I’m going to have to call my parents to come get me and—”

“You don’t understand! I’ve had nothing but trouble with the holidays since I was little! Nothing good ever came of them.” Ebenezer turned his back on his delusion. To his surprise, it didn’t go away.

“Do you know what I think? I think you’ve forgotten how lovely the holidays can be. When was the last time you celebrated them?” Gorg asked and sniffled. “I think you need to be reminded of how wonderful they can be. Even Bloober Day isn’t as bad as you say holidays are. It’s only boring, and I bet your holidays aren’t like that.”

“I have no idea what a Blooper Day is, but boring? You have no idea.”

“Bloo be r Day. Do you sit around farting at each other all day? That’s the extent of Bloober Day. That, and food and tales for the grandchildren.”

Ebenezer sighed. “Okay, you got me there. We never farted at each other. At least, not on purpose. Uncle Scottie sometimes let one rip, but I don’t think he meant it. Then again, Uncle Scottie was a piece of work.”

Gorg sighed softly. “You’ve just forgotten, Ebbie, I think. Come here. Let me help you remember. See that tree outside in your yard? It’s an evergreen, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is. So what?”

“Let’s go see it. It’s the kind people decorate for the holidays, isn’t it?”

“I don’t want to go down there—”

“I’ll carry you,” Gorg said and scooped Ebenezer up into his arms. Using his tentacles to hold on to the handrails, he descended the staircase to the sandy dune and around the side of the house where a single evergreen grew. He set Ebenezer down, then reached for a branch. “Here. Smell it. Does it smell like the holidays?”

Ebenezer was stunned. How the hell did a delusion just carry him outside and down the stairs to the tree? And why did he suddenly smell pine? He’d passed under this tree a million times and never smelled the scent of pine. “I-I…”

“You do, don’t you? I do, too. I can understand why people like this tree. It smells so good, so…homey. I like it. I know!” Gorg cried happily. “You just need a new memory to associate with it, so you’ll like it, too.”

He held Ebenezer’s back to his chest, his arm crossed over Ebenezer’s body. Dipping his head, he nibbled at Ebenezer’s throat. “Does that feel good? We like this on our planet. Or most of us do. Some of us favor no touching at all, and others prefer cuddling.”

“I…Oh, fuck it. I may actually enjoy having a delusion. Yes. I like it.” Ebenezer tipped his head to give Gorg better access.

Gorg’s hand smoothed over the bulge at Ebenezer’s crotch, fingers gently probing. “Is there a way in?” Gorg asked. “A way for me to feel you without this fabric in the way?”

Ebenezer unzipped his jeans, and pushed them down past his hips, freeing his cock, which was swiftly filling.

Gorg’s fingers wrapped around it as he continued to nip and tongue Ebenezer’s neck. He gently sucked Ebenezer’s earlobe into his mouth as his hand worked Ebenezer’s cock.

Ebenezer began to moan, to rub his ass against Gorg’s body, feeling a thick, hard cock push back.

Damn, when he has a delusion, he goes all the way! Hard fucking body, handsome, thick, dark hair, the deepest, darkest eyes Ebenezer had ever seen, and fingers that were working his cock like a maestro.

He came, tipping his head down to watch his come arc in spurts to the ground. His orgasm was swift, but sharp, exploding within him like a fireball.

He felt so limp and drained afterward that he sagged, grateful Gorg’s arms kept him upright. “Oh, fuck! That was…that was amazing.”

“Good! Now you have a good memory to associate with a Christmas tree.” Gorg chuckled happily. “Can you walk, or shall I carry you upstairs?”

“No, I can walk and why are you still here? I figured I dreamed you up because I needed to get off, but now that I have, shouldn’t you disappear?” Ebenezer frowned at Gorg. He pulled up his pants and tucked himself away.

Gorg grinned. “You are weird, but in a good way. I am not imaginary! I’m real.” He took Ebenezer’s hand and placed it on his face. “See? Flesh and blood. Mostly.”

Ebenezer shook his head. “It’s impossible. You’re impossible. Unless you’re in my head, you’re absolutely, positively inconceivable. There’s no such thing as aliens!”

Gorg shrugged. “And yet here I am. By the way, you’re the alien. And this is an alien planet. Just pointing that out to you.”

Ebenezer climbed the stairs, aware that Gorg was following him but hoping it was just his imagination. It would be so much easier if he were delusional. Then he could eat an edible, take some meds, or check into a spa for a rest, and then get on with his life.

But if this thing, this person, this alien was real…

Then he’d need to consider his options.

He could call the police and turn him in. That would probably be the right thing to do. The patriotic thing.

Or…

He could make the rounds of daytime television appearances and do the nighttime show circuit with Kimmel and Fallon. Maybe get his own HBO special or a reality show. That would be sweet. Good money and he wouldn’t need a fucking fluffer, either.

Maybe having his own honest-to-Christ alien might not be so bad after all.

Except for this holiday obsession it had. That had to go.