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Chapter 19

After I drop Ryder off, I head home. It's not like a home, really. The big driveway leading up to the mansion, the stone pillars on either side of the door, the fountain out the front and when I push inside, the cold hard marble floors, the gaudy decorations, the big gold frames with paintings of dead relatives… they're all such a rich cliché.

I head up the right-hand staircase that leads to my rooms. The left leads to my parents'. We have separate sides of the house, so even when they're home, I never see them other than for meals, and even then, the table is so big we can't even have a conversation. I shove into my lounge area and head through into my bedroom. I look out of my window over the pool, and I can see Father in there.

I shake my head. There's a blonde with fake tits lying naked on one of the loungers beside the pool, and he's buried with his face between her legs. I pick up the remote and shut the curtains.

Mother is at the spa this weekend, so there will be naked girls coming and going. I stay in my room for the rest of the weekend. The staff bring me food, and I have drinks in the fridge, so I just hide, watch TV and wonder what Ryder is doing. Is he alone, too? What type of house does he live in? Do his mum and dad get on, or do they have blondes with fake tits roaming around the house when the others are not there?

I fall asleep surrounded by my snacks with a full belly but an empty heart. I've never felt so alone as I do now; all I can think about is him.

I've had to shadow my father at the office all week, and it's been boring as hell. I'm not allowed to do anything but observe. I move around the offices quietly behind him with my clipboard and pen to make it look like I'm interested, but I couldn't really give a shit. I don't want to be my father.

I hate everything he represents; my life is all set out for me. I'm just hoping I can make it onto the team. I can support myself and tell him to shove his family business, his expectations and his arranged marriage but until then, I keep my head down. I follow him around. I nod, say ‘yes, sir' where necessary and stay out of the way. It's only a few weeks till the announcement from the team. They will normally take between two and six candidates who go away and do team-building. They know we can ride. They just need to see if we can be part of the team.

I already have my place, and my father purchased it for me with a considerable donation to the team fund, but they assured me that the final place would not be bought. I have to earn that on my own, so I pray to whoever looks over me that I don't mess this up, that I can make it on my own, and that I can find a place within the team that's more like a family, and that I will finally have that rather than a mother that's numb from all the years of neglect from my father and the numerous prescription drugs she takes. Prozac is one of the main ones.

Father sticks his dick in anything with a pulse as long as it's around my age. I shudder at the thought. The staff are changed annually, so I never get comfortable with any of them. And I've never had friends, just people who wanted something from me. Namely money or a leg up. I think back to how close Ryder and Jay are and how I thought they were together. They really have each other's backs, and I'm so jealous. I just want someone to like me for me once in my life.