Chapter Thirty-One

T rue to form, Jasper bore the introduction genially: Vanessa knew he would. He kissed the back of Charlotte’s hand, then waited for the children to be brought out—to meet an earl!—and squatted down to solemnly shake the little boys’ hands.

Charlotte was too much agog at the news of the engagement for any serious conversation, so after Jasper rode off to Paxton Downs to retrieve the coach, Vanessa ran back to the Gowes.’ She had a few things to set in motion and hadn’t much time.

“We’re leaving today, and I’ll be gone quite a while.” She put the key to the cottage into Charlotte’s hand. “Please don’t let the food I’ve left go to waste.”

“A gentleman, you said! You never said he was an earl! Lawks, Vanessa! Can I still call you Vanessa?”

“Yes, of course you can.” It made her feel a bit green to think people would now call her Lady Iversley.

“But how did you ever meet him? An earl ? And when?”

She should have prepared for the inevitable questions. Naturally, Charlotte was curious. So would Lydia be. And Mary and Myrtle. She couldn’t blurt out the truth—that she’d been the man’s mistress and had lied to them all this time. It would hurt more to have her Cartmel friends shun her than the whole of the ton.

“The Earl of Iversley is Captain Taverston’s brother. You know that I’ve kept in touch with Henry’s commanding officer.” Vanessa tamped down her disquiet. She would say as little as possible. “Iversley and I…” She shrugged. “We were introduced…”

“And fell in love. Oh, Vanessa. It’s so romantic. Can I tell everyone? I don’t know that I can keep it to myself!”

Vanessa laughed, embarrassed and relieved. “Yes, please, tell everyone. I have to go…meet the rest of his family. We’re leaving today, so I won’t have time—”

“Oh!” Charlotte’s expression changed from ecstatic to crestfallen. “So soon? You won’t forget us, will you? You’ll come to visit? Will he allow it?”

“Of course, I’ll visit! Iversley will too.” Charlotte had led her to what she had truly come to say. “Only…oh, I’ll have to find someone to watch the place while I’m not here and keep it up, you know, a caretaker. The garden and everything… A young couple would be best, but I can’t imagine who would come all the way to Cartmel.”

“Nan! Nan and Bitter!”

“Do you think they would? It wouldn’t be too much of an imposition?”

Charlotte hemmed. “They couldn’t pay much rent.”

“Oh, no. No rent, Charlotte. Rather, I’m certain the earl would insist on paying them.” Vanessa saw Charlotte’s eyes scrunch up and worried the offer might offend. “For looking after the place.”

Charlotte burst into laughter. “I see what you’re doing. But it does seem to be the best for everyone, doesn’t it? Even me. Having Nan right next door when the baby comes…except I don’t want you to go!”

“I’ll visit. I promise.” She hugged Charlotte again.

She would write to Bitter to confirm the details. And to the Comptons. She wasn’t deserting them; they mustn’t think that. As for what they would think about her marrying Captain Taverston’s brother? She’d let them draw their own conclusions.

*

Later, Vanessa gazed across the gently rocking coach at her soon-to-be husband. Jasper was sleeping, managing to look peaceful and graceful while folded onto the not-quite-long-enough bench. He’d propped his head on a pillow of clothing, after taking time to redon his drawers. They’d made love amidst leather-and-velvet comfort, and he more than made up for his earlier haste.

As much as she adored watching him sleep—the occasional fluttering of his eyelids, the twitch of his arm, the half-smile curled on his bow-lips—dusk was deepening into night and the fear of highwaymen was beginning to nag at her. His outriders would keep them safe, of course, but she’d feel better if Jasper were clothed.

She cleared her throat loudly. Jasper stirred, then opened his eyes.

“Thank God,” he said, smiling. “You’re here. I feared I’d dreamed it all. Vanessa…” He stretched his hand out to her. “Sit with me.”

“Put your clothes on first.”

He laughed and unrolled the pillowed clothing. He pulled on the most wrinkled trousers he had surely ever worn and an equally wrinkled shirt that he did not bother to button before lying back down. He curled sideways, making space for her, so she slipped over to his bench.

“I missed you so much,” she admitted, trailing her fingers over his chest. He was not a hairy man but did have a thicket of dark blond curls that were soft to the touch.

“Thank you for giving me another chance.”

Next, they were kissing. And shifting about. Jasper lifted her on top of him but made no effort to raise her skirts. After kissing a good long while, she settled her head against his chest with a deep sigh.

“There’s something I need to tell you. Something important that I never could bring myself to speak of.” She had to tell him. And if it made a difference—better to know now.

“Go on.” He sounded wary. His hand stilled on her back. “I’m listening.”

“I-I’m looking forward to children. With you.” This was not how she meant to start. He stayed quiet. “It’s just that…in my heart…there’s another child. Henry’s baby. Henry’s and mine.”

Jasper raised her by the shoulders to look into her face.

“I’m so sorry, Vanessa. What happened?”

“I could not carry…him or her, I don’t even know. I miscarried. On the retreat to Corunna.”

He groaned and repeated, “I’m sorry.”

“It was the hardship,” she said hastily, nervously. “Lydia said I could have others.”

“Vanessa, please, don’t fret now about others.”

“I know how important it is for you to have a son.”

“Do not put that burden on your heart. I have two brothers in line after me, both of whom are eminently capable of stepping into the role. And while Crispin may not oblige me with nephews, Reginald and Georgiana undoubtedly will.”

“Even so, I thought I should tell you.”

“Yes, but not, I hope, not because you thought it might change how I feel about marrying you. Or that I would blame you if God does not bless us with a family.”

“No. No, I didn’t think that.” She hadn’t really doubted him. Still, she’d wanted to hear the words. Needed to hear them.

He lowered her down and stroked her back.

“Will you tell me more? If it isn’t too private, too painful?”

“I hadn’t realized I was carrying. Not at first.” The words spilled out. “We were all so tired and hungry all the time, I didn’t even know the sickness I felt was from being with child. Lydia saw it first. I didn’t want to believe it. I was so frightened.”

“Were there women to help you?”

“There were. Babies came, Jasper, despite all our efforts. There were even a few children we took turns carting along. But most died. Oh, Jasper, they were such pitiable little creatures. I couldn’t bear to think of bringing a child into that. And yet, I loved that baby so, so much.”

Her voice broke. She could still remember how it felt, the baby’s quickening, the life beginning inside her.

Jasper held her tighter.

“And then, after months of stagnation and the most intense cold you can imagine, the war accelerated again. Only this time, we heard Napoleon was coming to Spain to take charge himself. Everyone was afraid.” She huffed a little. “If we’d had General Wellington to lead us, we’d have fared better.”

“Crispin says the same.”

“I can’t pretend to have followed the minds of the generals the way Crispin does. All I knew was that we were suddenly fleeing, desperate to find refuge, desperate to get out of Spain. The wives broke into smaller groups. We could not run en masse . Lydia and I were with five others, still miles from the rendezvous at Corunna.” Vanessa squeezed her eyes tight, trying to blot the scene from her vision, trying to hold back her tears. “The baby started coming. I couldn’t…”

She wept a long while, with Jasper holding her, smoothing her hair, whispering in a soothing tone. When she had no more tears to cry, she drew a ragged breath and finished.

“Lydia stayed with me. I told her to go on, but she wouldn’t. The baby was dead before it was born. I bled a great deal, and I was so tired. Dying would have been easier than…than standing and walking.”

“But you did.”

“Lydia made me. She buried my baby, then hauled me to my feet and forced me to march. She said it was better to die trying than to give up.”

“Thank God for Lydia.”

“And for Crispin. Lydia got me to Corunna, but she couldn’t have helped me get out of it. They couldn’t even evacuate all of the wounded. And with Henry gone, I had no standing at all.”

“It’s unfathomable.” Jasper shifted her onto the bench and sat up. He rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m sorry. Now I can’t help thinking about Crispin. No wonder he’s become so embittered.”

“Embittered? Crispin? But he’s so kind.”

“Kind? Crispin ?” Jasper looked—not skeptical, rather just unconvinced.

Crispin had always treated her kindly; yet hadn’t he confessed to resentment and mean-spiritedness? What side of himself did he show to his brother?

Jasper wrapped an arm around her.

“Does he know? About your baby?” There was a faint note of hurt in his voice.

“No. Crispin didn’t know.” Once again, she said, “We were not close then.” Then she sniffed and said, “Well, but he’s Crispin. Who knows what he knows?”

“Did Henry? I understand he couldn’t stay with you. That isn’t what I’m implying. I just…I can’t imagine how tortured he must have felt.”

“He knew. And he was tortured. He was a terrible mix of devastated and absurdly happy. When we parted, oh—” Her voice cracked again, remembering how Henry had broken, sobbing, cursing, utterly terrified for her and their child. “I’m sorry, Jasper.” She pressed her fist against her heart. “I can’t—”

He kissed her on the temple. “Shh. Don’t apologize. I’m not entitled to your memories of Henry.”

The coach had been slowing. Now it merely crept along, then turned sharply. They could hear branches and foliage scraping the outside.

“Ah. I think we’ve arrived.” Jasper let go of her and began buttoning his shirt. “I don’t mean to be abrupt, but Crispin would find it far too amusing to discover me like this.”

*

Olivia was waiting in the drive despite the lateness of the hour. Jasper hopped down from the coach. Before he could hand Vanessa out, Olivia set down her lantern and leaped into his arms. With the door standing open, Vanessa saw it all, though evidently Olivia could not see her in the darkened coach.

“Where is she? What did she say?”

“Is Crispin inside?”

“No, he’s gone,” Olivia said, displaying an enormously aggrieved pout. “And good riddance. He didn’t eat anything in the morning and then he was ill-tempered all day.” She sniffed. “You know how he is. Then a letter came, and he disappeared upstairs for hours . And then Mrs. Badge burned the rice we were supposed to have, so supper was late. She made dumplings that weren’t too terrible, but Crispin wouldn’t touch them. I told him he was being rude, and he snapped at me. He was very mean.”

She looked more wounded than angry. Then she pawed at Jasper.

“What did Vanessa say!”

“He’s gone? Stomped off in a temper over burned rice?” Jasper laughed.

“No, of course not. But he was about to stomp off to the lake after supper and a man came and they argued awhile outside, then Crispin came back in and grabbed his valise and left with him.”

“With whom?”

“Crispin didn’t say. He just said goodbye. And said to tell you goodbye and good luck.” She rolled her eyes. “He treats me like a child sometimes.”

“Yes, well, he does me too.”

Vanessa climbed out of the coach on her own.

“I am here. I said yes.”

“Vanessa!” Olivia pushed Jasper aside to greet her. “I wrote to Alice, she’s Georgiana’s cousin, she wants boots too. And we’re going to be sisters! I can’t wait to tell Georgiana. When is the wedding? Will it be in London? I hope not, because Mother and I are still in mourning. We do go to church in Iversley…”

“In Iversley,” Jasper said, drawing closer. He signaled to a footman to bring Vanessa’s trunk. “As soon as possible. If Crispin isn’t here, we may as well return to Chaumbers in easy stages. We’ll ask Reg and Georgiana to meet us there.”